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Author Topic: Anxiety of getting others infected  (Read 1287 times)

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Offline megaleviathan

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  • Posts: 8
Anxiety of getting others infected
« on: June 04, 2017, 02:26:09 AM »
Hello, For the past month I have been struggling with the worry that I can get people around me infected. I am familiar with the modes of transmission of the condition and that HIV is a weak virus that cannot survive that long outside the body, yet despite this, I was my hands five times when I go to the bathroom, use 70 percent alcohol, have separate utensils. I havent had sex in 3 year because of the fear of harming someone.
I suffered from insomnia because I accidentally launched a drop of water into someones eye while drinking, and during that time I had a mouth sore so im not sure if it had blood or not. I spent the whole night til morning reading about transmission is unlikely and even texted my doctor about it but he did not reply. I hope i didnt transmit my condition to him through spit or possible spit with blood and water. My viral load is 43 then latest is 38 copies,
I realized that im rambling, im sorry. I live in ac country where mental health support is not really a priority and most cases of mental breakdowns are refered to priest and religious counselling.
I feel sad, because despite whatever I read, i still need reassurance.
Do you know any resources I can visit or read about what I am feeling, a book, a chat support, anything? I tired of searching on the internet only to find people who dont have the disease tell me its all in my head and to get a prescription for anxiety. In my country, psych meds are almost a taboo.
Thank you for reading, and I appreciate any input a lot.

Offline harleymc

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  • Posts: 898
Re: Anxiety of getting others infected
« Reply #1 on: June 08, 2017, 04:58:20 AM »
Hi I am sorry to read that you are having such massive problems with anxiety.

I am a great fan of face to face therapy for anxiety but realise that not all people can access it.Here are two web based sites that I have found useful when I was dealing with anxiety and the depression that flowed from the anxiety.

They are both run by the Australian National University, they are not commercial sites trying to sell you anything.


I found the ecouch was a bit better at anxiety and the moodgym a bit better for depression.  They both take some effort to work through and they are not a quick fix, but have a try.

I wish you all the best

Offline megaleviathan

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  • Posts: 8
Re: Anxiety of getting others infected
« Reply #2 on: August 26, 2017, 09:59:48 AM »
Thank you!

Offline kentfrat1783

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  • Posts: 58
Re: Anxiety of getting others infected
« Reply #3 on: September 13, 2017, 07:30:25 PM »

I am now to all of this as well so I'm not sure if I can be that helpful but here I go.

Anxiety - I have it and know the feeling.  I was Dx after finding out I had PCP and my mind somewhat shut down after that but still anxious about others getting infected and what other will think of me.  I too wash my hands a lot and use hand sanitizer like crazy.  My CD4 found was also basically non-existent so that doesn't help me either.  Just make sure not to wash your hands too much.  I've done that too and they get raw and sore.

Reading - Nothing is wrong with reading but make sure to only go to reputable sites.  This site is a great resource but from my education days ".com's" are not the best sites, usually.  I started with the cdc.gov and went from there.  Now I'm not saying that you should never go to a .com but some only tell you half of the picture or just fabricate data.  Also it seems like all I do now is research so if I come to a page that is way out of the range of normal info I'm reading then I know it's a junk site.  Just use your gut. 

Therapy - For some this is good and others not so much.  I'm not sure what country you are in but as you have stated it you only have the church to go too (and I'm assuming you don't like that option).  Do you have any friends you can trust with knowing and just allowing you to talk.  Again, this may not be an option but sometimes friends are a good resource.  Have you ever just tried to write down what you are feeling?  I've done that in the past and helped.  Just getting it out of your mind onto paper is great.

Just know we are here and ask questions. 

09/07/2017 - CD4 42 (6%)     VL  54        (1.70)
05/11/2017 - CD4 2   (1%)     VL 169,969 (5.23)
Dx`d May 11, 2017
Location: USA

Offline megaleviathan

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Re: Anxiety of getting others infected
« Reply #4 on: September 14, 2017, 05:15:54 AM »
Thank you so much for you kind words.
I live in a country where mental health is under rug swept. No joke, the advice that you'll hear range from Sleep on it, Let's just drink and go to church.
I feel lost most of the time and a big disappointment. I am a nurse and I let this happened to me. I now fear going outside. I now fear meeting people. I want to talk to others but Im afraid going to them would be a big burden. No ones prepared with handling this kind of news. I do have good days when I am so busy I dont have time to feel. But whenever i am idle, the thoughts consume me. Then I work myself until I feel numb and tired. Ill try writing down my thoughts. I have no objections to spiritual interventions like praying and counselling but from my experience they just end up as a conversation on why being gay is not desirable.  I will get better


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