Starting on PReP ...

[heretofor]

Greetings. My first post in this wonderful online forum. Alot of great information, and of course great stories and inspiration to say the very least.

So, I have a story to tell. And it's not a joke, nor a tall tale. It is real, and a few real questions I have of you all from this story.

I live in the U.S. (Texas), I'm 54 years young, single, male, HIV negative, and rarely sexually active. My partner died of pancreatic cancer in 2013, and I've been single ever since.

in October 2017, another man (whom I'll call "R") and I started dating from one of the online web sites. He was 49 years young, kind, handsome, HIV negative and "my type". He told me of his wild and very questionable history in the past with very very open relationships with lots of weird circumstances and lots of alcohol. My mouth went agape and my eyebrows furrowed at each wild story he would share with me.  I will save you the seemy details.

I fell for him though because I was lonely and he paid attention to me. And we had great times every weekend for about 5 months. We really got along, and I met all his friends and they liked me alot, etc. I was told. He met my friends, and surprisingly, my friends did not say the same. But,"R" and I continued to see each other every weekend. My life had changed with "R" in it, and I was so glad he was part of it.

Anyways eventually, "R" and I talked one day about going on PReP. I had thought about it for awhile, and I wanted to start at least thinking about having condomless (unprotected) sex with "R". (I am a 'top'). I knew my sexual history and I told "R" that he was the only person I had sex with in 2017 (it is true). I went to the clinic in the gayborhood, and got counseled, and took the quick HIV test, and was told what PReP does and does not do. I gave the information and business card to "R" so he could do the same.

About two weeks later, the both of us went to dinner with a group of his friends and as usual, had a great time. Afterwards, we went to the bar close by and ordered drinks. I casually asked "R" what he thought of PReP and what did he think of the appointment? A few days earlier he had also told me he contracted syphilis (!) at age 18 on his first sexual encounter ever where he grew up in Germany. And that he had to hide it from his parents.

My world sort of ended and shattered right there when he replied, "Well, I think once I start taking PReP, I'm going to become a big whore."

My heart stopped, my mouth dropped to the floor, and my brain ceased to function, and I froze there in the bar. I could not move for about 5 minutes. He kept on saying, "Yeah I'm going become a big whore once I start taking PReP."  I could not in my entire life ever comprehend someone doing this, someone that I care for. Just casually toss me aside because they thought by taking PReP that that gives them licence or some kind of magical powers to become a whore?

We had an argument at the bar about 30 minutes later, and to my complete surprise, he told me he's staying at the bar to hang out with his friends, and that I should go home. I did go home, and I cried long and hard that night, and it hurt. It hurt because someone who I had trusted and was beginning to fall in love with, and we both revealed so much about ourselves to each other, .... starts claiming that he wants to be a big whore once he starts taking PReP.  My brain still explodes when I think of this and that he casually was "killing me softly with his song", ala the Roberta Flack song.

The next day, we talk on the telephone, where he is drinking (again), and again tells me that for the first time in his life, since 1987, PReP will give him complete sexual freedom, he won't have to worry any more or have any anxiety about catching HIV. I could not at all believe what I was hearing or experiencing. He told me I could remain a friend or a friend with benefits. Needless to say, I declined, and I broke up with him (or I guess we both broke up). I read him the riot act so to speak, and I really let him have it.

It still brings me to my head exploding to think that there are people who believe that taking PReP gives them license to become more promiscuous or more of a "whore" than they've been. And that PReP will make them invincible to HIV and other STIs. My head shakes in between my hands, unable to comprehend the maddness, and stupidity of it all.

So here's the question: Is this a common thing among people, that they believe PReP makes them invincible? That they feel freer and stronger and they won't convert to HIV? And that gives them license to be a slut/whore/very promiscuous? I honestly had never heard of this behaviour before. I am still shocked that someone so old could say this and want to become a whore (in their own words.). Yes I know, I don't have anything to do with this person any more.

Thanks for listening.

[Jim Allen]

Was there any point to all of this?

Its the same rubbish we heard about condoms going on sale and being legalized, I mean it simply replace the "PrEP" in your story with the word "Condom" and i've heard it all before. Its the similar rubbish my mother had to deal with when the pill came out.

Some people have more sex than you, there is no right or wrong what people choose to do with their bodies and sexual appetites and some people might feel more liberated by PrEP, Condoms and/or the Pill, each to their own.

Sorry to hear the relationship did not work out but if a blue pill a day was able to kill the relationship than it was not as strong as you thought.

This is a prevention forum, so lets keep any further questions and answers focused on you and your own HIV prevention.

Thank you

Jim