I tested positive four days ago but did not tell anyone.
I flew home from Qatar to Liverpool as I was ill to be with family and ended up in hospital.
When I got my result, in a hospital bed I was alone, thankfully so only I know. I discharged myself and told my family it was a viral infection.
I feel anger, disbelief, and a sense of impending doom.
Really bad.
I am now "Resting up" in a family house for a few weeks before heading to Qatar. I can't enter Qatar again...
My family is happy I am out of the hospital, they bought my story...
Going to lose my job, and place of residence and there is no way I can keep this secret forever, something i am so desperate to do, as there is no workarounds...
This is my current position, fml.
I have a meeting to start treatment in a few days, again secretly, and need to work out how to not go back to Qatar (I rent a house there with all my possessions).
I have to deal with all of this, never mind the actual health implications of having HIV, which Doctors will obviously say is the most important thing.
Still hoping (delusional) that when I go to get my meds they tell me a false positive.
Writing this helps, which shows talking is the way forward, but I want to be as discreet as possible forever, which I suspect will result in loneliness and isolation.
I went from high flyer to low rider.
Thanks for reading, it's going to be an ultimately chaotic few months, and probably years / life, and I have not even thought about the health implications, dating, social stigma etc. The above is a watered down description of the situation I am in.
Can't sleep, it is proper doom, and gloom. BTW I am straight, which makes it even more traumatic.
Jim Allen:
Hiya,
I'm sorry to hear that you have been ill and were in hospital, but why did you discharge yourself?
HIV might be an underlying health condition to whatever is making you sick or be unrelated but regardless did they treat it before you left and are you feeling better?
--- Quote ---I have a meeting to start treatment in a few days --- End quote ---
Sorry to hear about the HIV diagnosis. I'm glad to hear that you will access HIV treatment soon. What was your viral load and CD4 count?
--- Quote ---Still hoping (delusional) that when I go to get my meds they tell me a false positive. --- End quote ---
I can understand that. I presume that this wasn't just a lab antibodies HIV result and that after the initial testing, they did confirmation testing?
--- Quote ---I feel anger, disbelief, and a sense of impending doom. --- End quote ---
Yeah, well an HIV diagnosis can be hard to digest, it's going to take time, and I think a lot of people go through a bit of a grieving process.
--- Quote ---need to work out how to not go back to Qatar (I rent a house there with all my possessions). --- End quote ---
Unfortunately, I don't know if you can stay there, they certainly have restrictions as far as I know. https://www.hivtravel.org/Default.aspx?PageId=143
I presume it's for a job that you are out there?
--- Quote ---When I got my result, in a hospital bed I was alone, thankfully so only I know. --- End quote ---
They would not have shared the results whilst family/friends are visiting you. I am aware that the NHS is a shitshow but its not that bad ... yet
idontknowhowbuthereitis:
Thanks for the reply Jim, needed somewhere to express what I am going through.
Every day is going to be incredibly challenging, lost my job, my country of residency, my social life in Qatar, everything.
I am going to have to build over in a new country and not feel the most sociable, for obvious reasons.
I just hope when I get the medicine they allow me to travel pretty soon.
Jim Allen:
Understand it's rough at the moment and a lot to digest.
I've lived in three different countries, and starting new can be tough even at the best of times. However, ultimately there will be other jobs and places to live.
--- Quote ---I just hope when I get the medicine they allow me to travel pretty soon. --- End quote ---
Have they advised against travel at the moment?
Again, I'm sorry to hear about the HIV diagnosis. I'm glad to hear that you will access HIV treatment soon.
What was your viral load and CD4 count?
idontknowhowbuthereitis:
I believe I receive my viral load and CD4 count on Wednesday, hoping they will be good as this seems to be caught very early on (tested negative last month and the month before that).
I guess outcome of this test determines and how initial treatment goes determines when I can travel, hoping its asap.
For me, the biggest gut punch is having to leave Qatar and never being able to return, this has life changing implications for me and my career / friends I wont be able to see.
Worst part is, I am sitting in family home pretending to rest and that I have no problems in the World. Unfortunately no alternative, if I disclose to family they will be so upset, I need to be UD before I announce (if I do, which I suspect I will be forced).