Possible HIV risk?

[Mark12345]

Hi all,

Hopefully someone who has a better understanding of HIV transmission can help me with my fears. I had a hook up with a girl I met on a dating app recently and I'm worried about the possibility of having caught HIV. Apologies in advance if I sound a little paranoid.

During their encounter she gave me oral and I fingered her before we had sex with a condom. The condom did not break. My worries relate to having two recent cuts in my genital area. One was a small tear near the tip of my penis which had bled around four days before but was almost completely healed. The other was a red spot an inch or so above the base of my penis which had also bled a few days before but by this time was covered by a scab. As a side note, this red spot had appeared on the site of a recent scar from open hernia surgery (three months prior). It had been around a few months before bursting. Not sure if it's connected to the wound healing (something I need to ask my surgeon about) and so could perhaps be a bigger risk of contracting something like HIV if it is somehow deep. But as I mentioned it was covered by a scab.

The reason I'm worried is I put the condom on shortly after fingering this girl, while my hand was still a little damp with vaginal fluid. I'm worried about these fluids coming into contact with either the cut on my penis or the scabbed over spot during intercourse. Or again when taking off the condom.

How big of a risk is vaginal fluid once outside the body? For some reason I can't help feeling this is a significant risk? I'm mainly worried as in her own words she has slept with quite a few people over the last few months, and I have no idea how safe she usually acts. Thanks in advance!

[Jim Allen]

I'm mainly worried as in her own words she has slept with quite a few people over the last few months

Irrelevant. She could have fucked the entire village without a condom and be HIV negative or only had sex once and be living with HIV. 

Instead, your only concern should be worrying or questioning if your actions were an HIV risk or not, leaning something and that's it.

I have no idea how safe she usually acts

'

Neither do I and thankfully it's irrelevant.

[Mark12345]

Hi Jim,

I am a little confused by your responsive. Apologies if those details were either dumb or offensive on my part. I didn't mean them to be either. I am trying to learn more about transmission which is why I wrote this post?

[Jim Allen]

How many people she had sex with is irrelevant. That you posted it means you think it's important, but it is not as it simply doesn't change how HIV is or isn't transmitted. It's also not an indicator of her HIV status...

What matters is your actions and whether those actions were an HIV risk or not.
Understand?


Also, what are quite a few and to compare how many people have you slept with so far?

[Jim Allen]

Anyhow...

I read your post three times with great care.

The reason I'm worried is I put the condom on shortly after fingering this girl, while my hand was still a little damp with vaginal fluid. I'm worried about these fluids coming into contact with either the cut on my penis or the scabbed over spot during intercourse. Or again when taking off the condom.

Touching your penis after fingering her isn't an HIV risk to you and the condition of your penis is irrelevant.

she gave me oral and I fingered her before we had sex with a condom.

Let's start with receiving a blowjob, well after 40+ years of this pandemic in terms of BJs, there hasn't been a single documented case of HIV transmission to an insertive partner (the person being "sucked"), and you will not be the worlds first.

The same and a lot more can be said about fingering, not an HIV risk to you!

As for the intercourse itself, HIV can't be transmitted through an intact latex or polyurethane condom, and unless a condom obviously fails during intercourse, there is no reason to be stressing or testing for HIV outside the standard yearly HIV screening.

How many people she might have slept with be it safer sex or not is totally irrelevant and her business.

Move on with your life.

Here's what you need to know to avoid HIV infection:
Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, every time, no exceptions. Consider talking to your healthcare provider about PrEP in the future as an additional layer of HIV protection

Keep in mind that some sexual practices described as ‘safe’ in terms of HIV transmission might still pose a risk for transmission of other STI's, so please do get tested regularly and at least yearly for all STI's including but not limited to HIV and test more frequently if unprotected intercourse occurs

Also, note that it is possible to have an STI and show no signs or symptoms and, the only way of knowing is by testing.

Kind regards

Jim

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[Mark12345]

Thank you Jim. I do understand, and perhaps I naively assumed that exposure to more partners would increase your risk of exposure of HIV, as this is what I was taught in school. I did not add this detail in to in anyway attempt to shame someone else or their behaviour. Again, I meant no offence and nor was I trying to make myself look stupid. I came to this forum for genuine advice. And yes I guess this is because I am quite inexperienced by comparison.

Thank you for your replies.

[Jim Allen]

I came to this forum for genuine advice

You're welcome.

And yes I guess this is because I am quite inexperienced by comparison.

I'm mainly worried as in her own words she has slept with quite a few people over the last few months, and I have no idea how safe she usually acts.

End of the day, to some people you must seem like some sex deviant ... It's really doesn't matter.

I naively assumed that exposure to more partners would increase your risk of exposure of HIV, as this is what I was taught in school

Well, that makes me even more glad to have reeducated you.

So she could have slept with 1 guy or 1000 guys before you, and not be living with HIV or acquired it on her first experience, as it only takes once. It's HIV, not Windows 95 that required 13 floppy disks to be inserted. Anyhow you could be number 1001 but it doesn't change your HIV risk when sleeping with her, your actions and choices do.

I do wish you well and try to relax and move on with your life.