One week until test results...

[Mordecai]

OK. This is a long story, so bear with me. British guy, early 30s.

I'm currently a week away for receiving my results for a comprehensive STI screen. I've not experienced any symptoms, but my wife of three years and I have been together for a total of over five years, and neither of us have been tested in that time (save for a chlamydia test five years ago, which was clear). I had last had a full test in 2006, and passed with flying colours.

I finally bit the bullet and decided to get another full test last week. I'm worried about NOTHING except HIV, what with that being a lifelong ailment and all. My reasons for worrying are as follows : before meeting my wife, I had two unprotected sexual encounters, the latter of which also involved unprotected anal. I am still in contact with these two ladies (both of whom are from low-risk groups), and on friendly terms, thanks to the magic of the internet : both of them have subsequently been in long-term relationships and while I have no knowledge of their testing status, I would like to think that if they HAD been tested and uncovered anything nasty, they would let me know.

However, just over two years ago, I was stupid enough to have a brief affair (again, she was from a low-risk segment of society), which involved a single instance of unprotected sex (not to completion, if you get my meaning). Thankfully my marriage survived this intact, and I cherish every moment with my wife and am eternally grateful for my undeserved second chance. The girl I had the affair with had apparently tested clean shortly before. I can neither confirm nor deny this, as I made a promise to never make contact with her again (and at any rate, she seems to have vanished from the internet altogether). However, what I did noticed before she vanished from the land of internet were some rather cryptic social status updates attributed to her. One read "*her name* is infectious..." and another read "Look what you've done." My lingering guilt has made me assume these were directed at me from afar (she'd done that with statuses before, being a tad loopy and such), and my only thought is that I've either acquired HIV therefrom, or passed it on to her from one of my previous encounters... and therefore, of absolute importance, put my wife in danger. Now, having done some internet sleuthing, the rough timeframe of the "is infectious" update coincided with an outbreak of a respiratory illness in her region, affecting her age group, and "Look what you've done" is the title of a song written from the point of view of someone post-bad-relationship... but I've nonetheless convinced myself that I have, due to my carelessness and idiocy, acquired HIV and potentially doomed my wife also.

I am going out of my mind with worry, crying every day, having to pound back sleeping pills to get any sleep, and constantly viewing transmission statistics and feverishly trying every search term I can to try and find out what may have happened. Essentially, I'm convinced that I am now a statistic. I really don't know how I am going to make it through the next week until I get my results. My wife knows of my worries and says that she will stay with me no matter what I may or may not have given her. I am a lucky man, but terrified nonetheless.

[jkinatl2]

Three quick points.

1 - People are not low or high risk. The notion of the "high risk group" is a terrific way to make straight guys think that nice girls are disease free. This is a myth, a lie, and a terrible stigma against those who are HIV positive. Stop that thinking. Sexual ACTS are high and low risk, however. And you have had high risk sexual activity. Plain and simple.

2. Clean. Again with the terminology. I literally stepped out of the shower ten minutes ago. To say that someone without HIV is "clean" is to say that someone with HIV is "dirty." That's not only mean, it's wrong. Stop it.

3. You are going to have to hold it together for a week. Personally, I think that this sounds like residual guilt working it's way out of your system. Let it be cathartic, but after you receive your test results, let it be gone. Either way. Because you have been ultimately honest, and you are trying to take the best possible course of action for both you and your partner. Odds are that you will test negative, but you have engaged in high risk activity and an STI panel, including of course an HIV test, is the responsible thing to do.

I sincerely hope this all turns out well for you.

[Mordecai]

Many thanks for the prompt reply, and I apologise for my use of loaded terminology. No offence was intended and I will be more thoughtful of any potential impact words can have in future posts.

[Mordecai]

Well, six days to go.

One thing I ought to mention is that my wife regularly donates blood : here in the UK, of course, all blood donated is tested and if anything is found in the blood, the donor is notified as a matter of urgency. As of early this year when she last gave blood, she has not received any notification. While this doesn't necessarily have any bearing on my status, it heartens me to know that I may not necessarily have passed anything I may be carrying onto her.

As a side note, having browsed these forums in detail, this site is a fantastic resource.

[Andy Velez]

In a nutshell, the odds are way in your favor that you are going to test negative.

You had a single unprotected incident. HIV is significantly harder to transmit from female to male than the other way around.

Get through the waiting and collect what I expect will be a negative result. And in the meantime make a real effort to ease up on the drama and to focus on other things in your life. It will make the waiting time pass more easily than you may imagine is possible. You do not win extra points for guilt and drama. Really.

[Mordecai]

Thank you, Andy. 

This and other forums are proving ever-increasingly beneficial in helping me maintain a more realistic outlook on things. All I really need to do now is rein in my constant statistical Google-fu (I mean really, how many times I can look at the same stats and speculations?) and just wait things out.

Many thanks again.

[Andy Velez]

You're welcome.

You would also do yourself a very big favor and stop indulging in surfing the net. All it does is feed your worst fears and all to no good purpose. Really.

[Mordecai]

I am HIV negative. Many thanks to all associated with this site for the wonderful job done, both directly and indirectly, of helping me rein in my flair for drama and worry.