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Author Topic: I'm bring SPARKLE back ...  (Read 3848 times)

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Offline wow1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 208
I'm bring SPARKLE back ...
« on: November 16, 2009, 11:57:22 am »
Before I was diagnosed with HIV I used to sparkle .... I"m not talking about flaming like many gay men do (nothing wrong with it, just talking about something else) ... I'm talking about how I constantly shined - how when I walked into a room everyone turned to look at me - how I felt like I radiated energy and happiness

The day I was diagnosed, the sparkle immediately went away ... I've spent the last 18 months trying to get it back, wondering when I was going to be like I was ... Last week, I finally had an answer

I'm never going to be like I was before. The life I had before HIV is gone. The future I could have had without HIV is not going to happen. I realized last week that I've been in mourning for my lost life.

I also realized that my life isn't over. I'm still alive. I still have options. I can't be who I was, but I can be a whole new, different and wonderful person. I spent most of the weekend laughing, having a good time and making love to my partner. It was the best weekend I've had in a year. Yes, my life is changed. But it's not over.

When I found out about my status I accepted that I had HIV quickly and easily. But accepting that a person has the disease and accepting what it means in your life are two different things. Now, I'm figuring out what it means. It's odd that a person can know they have a disease and still be in denial. Reviewing the last 18 months it's pretty clear to me that I've been in denial on many levels. Now, hopefully, the denial is going, going, going ... and I can get on with living.

I finally feel confident that I will sparkle again :-) Hope this helps someone out there.

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Offline WildcatCC

  • Member
  • Posts: 91
Re: I'm bring SPARKLE back ...
« Reply #1 on: November 16, 2009, 12:31:08 pm »
That's awesome that you are rounding the corner. Good to hear about your positive attitude. Maybe change your SN to Sparkle1969?  :o
Logged
Apr  08 - Diagnosed
Apr  08  cd4 8, vl 150k
Meds: Prezista/Norvir/Truvada
June 08 cd4 250, vl 1600
Aug  08 cd4 275, vl 450
Meds: Atripla
Nov  08  cd4  386, vl 255
Jan   09  cd4  415, vl 2100 (spike?)
Feb   09  cd4 460, vl 212
May   09  cd4 515, vl 1200
Aug   09  cd4 717, vl 1535 % 23
Sept  09  cd4 535  vl 1710 % 18
Oct   09  genotype shows mutation. Discussing w/ ID Doc
Nov  09   cd4 480  vl 650   % 19
Dec  09 genotype slight mutation to Epivir and Retrovir
Jan 10   cd4 508 vl 250 (21%)  low vitamin d - on supplement 2000 iu/day
Mar 15 Change to Isentress and Truvada
May 5 cd4 498 vl 1485
June 16 cd4 550 vl undect!!!! (finally dammit)

Offline Jeff G

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 17,064
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: I'm bring SPARKLE back ...
« Reply #2 on: November 16, 2009, 12:37:44 pm »
Way to go WOW . Glad to hear it !!!
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Offline wow1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 208
Re: I'm bringing SPARKLE back ...
« Reply #3 on: November 16, 2009, 02:44:58 pm »
I love the idea ... How do I change the name?

I hope that others who aren't just snapping out of it and going on with their lives but are struggling to come to terms with HIV will find something in this posting to help them ...
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Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,122
  • HIV+ since 1993. Relentlessly gay.
Re: I'm bring SPARKLE back ...
« Reply #4 on: November 16, 2009, 05:30:07 pm »
Great to hear you are finding happiness, self-acceptance and a new shine. :)
Logged

Offline leatherman

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 8,616
  • Google and HIV meds are Your Friends
Re: I'm bring SPARKLE back ...
« Reply #5 on: November 16, 2009, 06:16:53 pm »
Quote from: wow1969 on November 16, 2009, 11:57:22 am
having a good time and making love to my partner
sex is very life-affirming and guaranteed to put shine and sparkle back into anyone's life ;D

good to hear you're getting over the "hump". ;)
Logged
leatherman (aka Michael)

We were standing all alone
You were leaning in to speak to me
Acting like a mover shaker
Dancing to Madonna then you kissed me
And I think about it all the time
- Darren Hayes, "Chained to You"

Offline Nestor

  • Member
  • Posts: 430
  • What we love, we shall grow to resemble.
Re: I'm bring SPARKLE back ...
« Reply #6 on: November 16, 2009, 07:22:55 pm »

This was eloquent and inspiring!  Thank you for sharing this with us.
Logged
Summer 2004--became HIV+
Dec. 2005--found out

Date          CD4    %       VL
Jan. '06    725    25      9,097
Nov. '06    671    34     52,202
Apr. '07    553    30      24,270
Sept. '07  685    27       4,849
Jan. '08    825    29       4,749
Mar. '08    751    30     16,026
Aug. '08    653    30       3,108
Oct. '08     819    28     10,046
Jan '09      547    31     13,000
May '09     645   25        6,478
Aug. '09    688   30      19,571
Nov. '09     641    27       9,598
Feb. '10     638    27       4,480
May '10      687      9    799,000 (CMV)
July '10      600     21      31,000
Nov '10      682     24     15,000
June '11     563    23     210,000 (blasto)
July  '11      530    22      39,000
Aug '11      677     22      21,000
Sept. '12    747     15      14,000

Offline WillyWump

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,367
  • EPIC FIERCENESS!
Re: I'm bring SPARKLE back ...
« Reply #7 on: November 16, 2009, 07:32:27 pm »
Good for you! This is so good to hear! I can see you sparkle from here :)

-Will
Logged
POZ since '08

Last Labs-
11-6-14 CD4- 871, UD
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline wow1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 208
Re: I'm bring SPARKLE back ...
« Reply #8 on: November 18, 2009, 07:51:37 am »
thank you to everyone for the warm wishes ... i'm feeling alot better now - even went running yesterday - haven't done that in months ... the saying that today is the first day of the rest of your life is true ... to quote from the movie Titanic "To making it count"
Logged

Offline max123

  • Member
  • Posts: 377
  • Carpe Diem
Re: I'm bring SPARKLE back ...
« Reply #9 on: November 18, 2009, 07:57:23 am »
hi wow.

keep it up, man. life is a gift...  :)

max
Logged
1/86 - 6/08 (annually): neg elisa
7/09: pos elisa/pos wb
8/09: cd4 560, cd4% 35, vl 13,050
12/09: cd4 568, cd4% 33, vl 2,690
4/10: cd4 557, cd4% 29.3, vl 6,440
7/10: cd4 562, cd4% 29.6, vl 3,780
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