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Author Topic: BF with ankylosing spondylitis  (Read 3248 times)

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Offline Airboy

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
BF with ankylosing spondylitis
« on: September 04, 2017, 04:38:17 pm »
Hello everyone! newbie here, my name is Ivan and hope to find great people to talk to about our daily odyssey with HIV and such  ;)
OK so I'm going to start with the usual, i have been diagnosed with HIV since Feb 2015, started treatment right after, first with atripla, got awful side effects and then switched meds and everything is under control now. My CD4 are above 800 and my VL has been
 undetectable for the past 2 years. I've been on Prozac and clonazepam for 3 months now as prescribed by my psychiatrist to deal with some depression and anxiety problems. So far it all has helped me to keep going and try to have a normal life. I recently met a guy, we started dating and had chemistry right away. We felt a deep connection and shared some personal health info about each other. He's been diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis since he was 17, and has undergone surgery to have his hip joint replaced. He's also taking daily meds to reduce inflammation and pain. I did however keep my HIV info undisclosed because i didn't want him to dump me or feel scared. It has happened to me before when I meet guys and HIV has been the reason for them to put me aside and look for someone ¨healthy¨  :-\  I know in some countries you could end up in jail if you don't disclose this info but AFAIK here in Mexico is not the case. Anyways,  I don't know if its true but I've heard that a person with ankylosing spondylitis has his immune system compromised too. If this turns to be true, then my question is, would his condition get any worse if we were to have sex? be it with condom or without (keep in mind I'm taking my meds religiously so technically the risk of him getting infected is almost nonexistent) I did tell him about my depression and anxiety meds and he took it great, didn't mind at all.

Thanks in advance to everyone for your insight! have a great Monday!  ;)
T-Virus est. since Apr 2015.
VL= Undetectable since Jan 2016.
CD4= 900+ (May 2019)
Truvada + Prezcobix (Since June 2019)
Truvada + Reyataz + Norvir (From 2015 till 2019)

Offline Tonny2

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  • Posts: 2,925
Re: BF with ankylosing spondylitis
« Reply #1 on: September 04, 2017, 05:40:06 pm »


          ojo        Hola compatriota, bienvenido....I am not a doctor, but I think your friend has an autoimmune disorder, which I'm sure he might be taking some medications to suppress his immune system, I might be wrong...But what I want to comment is about your relationship with this person. Do you want a hook up or a relationship?, if you want a relationship, I guess you need to get to know this guy first, you said that there is chemistry, that's good, but, I think, he deserves to know about your status, that's why you two need to know each other more about eadch other, talk about hiv, and what he thinks about it, you don't have to tell him right away about your status, just put yourself in his shoes, how would you feel if he were the hiv positive and didn't tell you about it, and you were to have a long relationship, at some point he will know about it, then what?...I think you have to be honest if you like this guy for a relationship, otherwise, have sex with him using a condom, you don't want to get other STIs...Yes, in the USA, there are laws, some states, that mot disclosing your status may cause you serious problemm, but ther are togher laws than tha, the connscience, of course, if you are a good and decent man...I'm sorry about the rejection you have gone through before, but if you want to meet someone and introduce yourself to every guy you like by saying "Hi, my name is John Doe and I'm hiv positive", I guess this is not the right way to meet people, if you are looking for a relationship, get to know the person first, if you are into hook ups, just protect yourself using condoms, you don't need another virus or bacteria, and at the same time, your conscience will be apeace...Just a thought,,,again, welcome and congratulations for your numbers, what medications are you on, if you don't mind me asking?, and, did you have depression before your diagnosis?...abrazos y suerte    ojo

Offline Airboy

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: BF with ankylosing spondylitis
« Reply #2 on: September 05, 2017, 03:07:11 pm »

          ojo        Hola compatriota, bienvenido....I am not a doctor, but I think your friend has an autoimmune disorder, which I'm sure he might be taking some medications to suppress his immune system, I might be wrong...But what I want to comment is about your relationship with this person. Do you want a hook up or a relationship?, if you want a relationship, I guess you need to get to know this guy first, you said that there is chemistry, that's good, but, I think, he deserves to know about your status, that's why you two need to know each other more about eadch other, talk about hiv, and what he thinks about it, you don't have to tell him right away about your status, just put yourself in his shoes, how would you feel if he were the hiv positive and didn't tell you about it, and you were to have a long relationship, at some point he will know about it, then what?...I think you have to be honest if you like this guy for a relationship, otherwise, have sex with him using a condom, you don't want to get other STIs...Yes, in the USA, there are laws, some states, that mot disclosing your status may cause you serious problemm, but ther are togher laws than tha, the connscience, of course, if you are a good and decent man...I'm sorry about the rejection you have gone through before, but if you want to meet someone and introduce yourself to every guy you like by saying "Hi, my name is John Doe and I'm hiv positive", I guess this is not the right way to meet people, if you are looking for a relationship, get to know the person first, if you are into hook ups, just protect yourself using condoms, you don't need another virus or bacteria, and at the same time, your conscience will be apeace...Just a thought,,,again, welcome and congratulations for your numbers, what medications are you on, if you don't mind me asking?, and, did you have depression before your diagnosis?...abrazos y suerte    ojo

Hola Tonny2! muchas gracias!! =) thanks for taking the time to go through my question, appreciate it!! i have never really been the one night stand kind of guy, i mean, i have done it before, im no angel hehe but im always aiming at meeting someone to get a connection with and build a future together! and to be honest, it has been years since the last time i met someone that made me feel butterflies in my stomach like this guy did, so i think its a good thing...im still considering if i should tell him or not, because actually my doctor did point out that its a personal thing and i should go by in life just like a regular person does, as long as im taking my meds as directed and taking care of myself, then im not obliged to disclose it, because the reality is, here in mexico as well as in other places, people arent really aware of how HIV works, they are barely informed but they are really good at judging people...if I werent on meds and my VL was high, then of course it would be ethical for me to tell people, because thats how i am. As far as for the depression and anxiety goes, i think i did have them before the diagnosis, but they werent affecting my personal life much, but as soon as i became infected, i went down hill, i had to quit my job, leave my friends, my car, everything that i had worked hard for had to be left behind because i was living in a muslim country so i was so afraid of getting jailed. So i had to start all over again back home where i am now, depression and anxiety increased at a point that I was actually thinking of killing myself...i lost most of my friends, i got a job to keep my mind busy but i just could not perform well, it felt more like a burden so i quit, and the thought of having to take meds every single day for the rest of my life was so overwhelming. I mean, i have always used condoms in every sexual encounter but that time, that single night were alcohol played a huge rol, i played the russian roulette,  i mean, my friends were doing it all the time and nothing happened to them, so why should it happen to me right? hehe anyways, im in a much better place now, taking prozac and clonazepam have been literally a life saver, together with psychotherapy have helped me like you have no idea. The HIV meds i take are 3 (Truvada, Reyataz and Norvir) 3 pills every 24 hrs...barely ever had any side effects, the only thing that kinda bugs me is that clonazepam together with one of the ARV turn my skin a bit yellowish, but the doctor said its nothing to worry about, my liver is performing well =) how about you?
T-Virus est. since Apr 2015.
VL= Undetectable since Jan 2016.
CD4= 900+ (May 2019)
Truvada + Prezcobix (Since June 2019)
Truvada + Reyataz + Norvir (From 2015 till 2019)

Offline kentfrat1783

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  • Posts: 421
  • Instagram: kentfrat1783
Re: BF with ankylosing spondylitis
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2017, 07:10:59 pm »
Hi Ivan,

My only question I have is you mentioned in your initial post that you talked about some health issues, but you left off the fact you are HIV positive.  Is that right?

I am sure your bf was scared to tell you that he had ankylosing spondylitis and thought you might leave him after learning that.  Don't you think you should give him the benefit of the doubt and be honest with him as well?

The reason I say that is if you do stay together and lets say a year down the line he learns about your Dx and you didn't tell him now, he will wonder what else have you lied about.  Even by not telling him, he could see it by lying by omission. 

Now I'm not saying you should tell him the first month you are together but if it's going to the next level then you should let him know.  Just because there is no law that says you have to tell him, doesn't mean that you shouldn't tell him.  Being honest will do wonders for your relationship. 

I may be way off (as this is stuff is also very new to me) but being honest before the next level seems appropriate to me.

Kenneth
Date - CD4 - Percent - VL
08/23/23 - 366 - 26%
06/20/23 - 349 - 21% - UD
04/15/23 - 229 - 19% - <20
11/14/22 - 486 - 24% - 73
10/12/22 - 316 - 19% - <20
06/20/22 - 292 - 21% - <20
01/25/22 - 321 - 22% - <20
09/22/21 - 278 - 19% - <20
02/02/21 - 225 - 19% - <20
06/08/20 - 257 - 20% - <20
03/17/20 - 285 - 19% - 101 (2.00)
12/17/19 - 290 - 20% - <20
09/17/19 - 218 - 16%
06/18/19 - 173 - 16% - <20
03/13/19 - 170 - 16% - <20
January 2019 - Started Triumeq
12/05/08 - 174 - 18% - <20
08/28/18 - 166 - 15% - <20
05/08/18 - 106 - 11% - <20
03/05/18 -   90 - 10% - <20
12/11/17 -   60 -   8%
09/07/17 -   42 -   6% - 54 (1.70)
May 2017 - Started Atripla
05/11/17 -    2 -    1% - 169,969 (5.23)
OI's: PCP
Dx`d May 11, 2017
Location: US

Offline Airboy

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: BF with ankylosing spondylitis
« Reply #4 on: September 06, 2017, 12:35:58 am »
Hi Ivan,

My only question I have is you mentioned in your initial post that you talked about some health issues, but you left off the fact you are HIV positive.  Is that right?

I am sure your bf was scared to tell you that he had ankylosing spondylitis and thought you might leave him after learning that.  Don't you think you should give him the benefit of the doubt and be honest with him as well?

The reason I say that is if you do stay together and lets say a year down the line he learns about your Dx and you didn't tell him now, he will wonder what else have you lied about.  Even by not telling him, he could see it by lying by omission. 

Now I'm not saying you should tell him the first month you are together but if it's going to the next level then you should let him know.  Just because there is no law that says you have to tell him, doesn't mean that you shouldn't tell him.  Being honest will do wonders for your relationship. 

I may be way off (as this is stuff is also very new to me) but being honest before the next level seems appropriate to me.

Kenneth

Hi kenneth!

Thanks for your input! I reeeeeally appreciate other's point of view, you know? I've been giving it a thought the whole day and I think im going to tell him tomorrow. The sooner the better, I guess if this is meant to be, is going to work out regardless, if not, well it would be another lesson learned hehe besides you're right, he opened up to me since the beginning and i think it would be fair for him to know and in reality, HIV is not as bad as it sounds...I don't know if we can call ourselves lucky but at least its not longer a death sentence and can be easily treated with a couple of pills a day. I hope everything works out for the best! i'll let you know the outcome ;)  Have a peaceful night!

Ivan
T-Virus est. since Apr 2015.
VL= Undetectable since Jan 2016.
CD4= 900+ (May 2019)
Truvada + Prezcobix (Since June 2019)
Truvada + Reyataz + Norvir (From 2015 till 2019)

Offline kentfrat1783

  • Member
  • Posts: 421
  • Instagram: kentfrat1783
Re: BF with ankylosing spondylitis
« Reply #5 on: September 06, 2017, 07:11:46 am »
Ivan,

Hope all goes well.  It won't be an easy conversation but being honest is the best.

I still have my quarterly blood work coming up this month so I'm nervous.  First set since being Dx and just hope my CD4 numbers are going up and my VL is going down. 

Wishing you the best on your journey,
Kenneth
Date - CD4 - Percent - VL
08/23/23 - 366 - 26%
06/20/23 - 349 - 21% - UD
04/15/23 - 229 - 19% - <20
11/14/22 - 486 - 24% - 73
10/12/22 - 316 - 19% - <20
06/20/22 - 292 - 21% - <20
01/25/22 - 321 - 22% - <20
09/22/21 - 278 - 19% - <20
02/02/21 - 225 - 19% - <20
06/08/20 - 257 - 20% - <20
03/17/20 - 285 - 19% - 101 (2.00)
12/17/19 - 290 - 20% - <20
09/17/19 - 218 - 16%
06/18/19 - 173 - 16% - <20
03/13/19 - 170 - 16% - <20
January 2019 - Started Triumeq
12/05/08 - 174 - 18% - <20
08/28/18 - 166 - 15% - <20
05/08/18 - 106 - 11% - <20
03/05/18 -   90 - 10% - <20
12/11/17 -   60 -   8%
09/07/17 -   42 -   6% - 54 (1.70)
May 2017 - Started Atripla
05/11/17 -    2 -    1% - 169,969 (5.23)
OI's: PCP
Dx`d May 11, 2017
Location: US

Offline Tonny2

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,925
Re: BF with ankylosing spondylitis
« Reply #6 on: September 06, 2017, 08:35:19 pm »


        ojo          Hola AIRBOY....I'm glad you have decided to be honest with this potencial bf, if you don't feel ready to disclose, take your time and get to know the guy, meanwhile, no sex, no even with a condom, if you want to start a relationship...I think your doctor is right when he said to you that nobody has to know about your status, uou can keep living a normal life, but when it comes to a relationship, I guess that advice changes, if you get involve in a relationship, a think your partner has to even know if you have stinky feets, or if you snore, let along if you have a virus in you.

I'm aorry about what you have gone trhough, living where you were living, your depression, you were taking atripla, it's not recommended for people like you, anyway, I'm glad you have a different treatment, btw, Reyataz cause you to look yellowish, it will go away eith time, if not, talk to your doctor, there might be another option (what part of Mexico you live?)...You ask about me, my my story is an almost 23 years old story, you can read some of my posts, as a matter of fact, I will post my latest blood work results from yesrterday later on...you can comminicate via PMs, with anyone you wish to do so, although you have to post at least three times in other to get this option.

Ok, Please keep us posted, and remember, if you are not ready to disclose, don't do it yet, get to know the butterfly guy and your heart will tell you when is the right time to tell him, if he rejects you, he wasn't meant to you, life goes on, and you will fine the right one, you will see...best of luck...abrazos amigo...ah, may I ask, how old you are?

Offline Airboy

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: BF with ankylosing spondylitis
« Reply #7 on: September 12, 2017, 01:54:36 am »
Ivan,

Hope all goes well.  It won't be an easy conversation but being honest is the best.

I still have my quarterly blood work coming up this month so I'm nervous.  First set since being Dx and just hope my CD4 numbers are going up and my VL is going down. 

Wishing you the best on your journey,
Kenneth

Hi Kenneth!

I hope you're doing great!! Well you will see that the results will come back great for you! it may take some time to get your CD4s up and your VL down, but be patient and consistent, remember it's an everyday effort, eating healthy, excersize and mostly keep yourself happy, because being depressed won't take you anywhere and will bring down your CD4s, trust me on that! should you need anyone to talk to about this, I'm all eyes (or ears if you'd like to talk sometime over skype or such) i know having this condition isn't easy, but hey, you are definitely not alone ok?

Take care buddy!!


        ojo          Hola AIRBOY....I'm glad you have decided to be honest with this potencial bf, if you don't feel ready to disclose, take your time and get to know the guy, meanwhile, no sex, no even with a condom, if you want to start a relationship...I think your doctor is right when he said to you that nobody has to know about your status, uou can keep living a normal life, but when it comes to a relationship, I guess that advice changes, if you get involve in a relationship, a think your partner has to even know if you have stinky feets, or if you snore, let along if you have a virus in you.

I'm aorry about what you have gone trhough, living where you were living, your depression, you were taking atripla, it's not recommended for people like you, anyway, I'm glad you have a different treatment, btw, Reyataz cause you to look yellowish, it will go away eith time, if not, talk to your doctor, there might be another option (what part of Mexico you live?)...You ask about me, my my story is an almost 23 years old story, you can read some of my posts, as a matter of fact, I will post my latest blood work results from yesrterday later on...you can comminicate via PMs, with anyone you wish to do so, although you have to post at least three times in other to get this option.

Ok, Please keep us posted, and remember, if you are not ready to disclose, don't do it yet, get to know the butterfly guy and your heart will tell you when is the right time to tell him, if he rejects you, he wasn't meant to you, life goes on, and you will fine the right one, you will see...best of luck...abrazos amigo...ah, may I ask, how old you are?

Hola tonny!! how have you been?! Sorry it took me some time to get back to you two, actually Id like to thank you both guys because you have encouraged me to do the right thing and well, to keep things short, I already had the talk with the "butterfly" guy haha and Im honestly quite impressed with the way he handled it. I gave him a handmade bracelet I did for him, sprayed it with my favorite perfume and well I basically started out by saying that I was scared to loose him after what I was about to tell him, but that I was willing to take the risk and if he were to stop seeing me, at least he'd remember all the good times we had together everytime he'd look and the bracelet. I told him that we both share one more thing in common, that we both have "something" attacking our immune system, though mine is a virus. Told him I have beem HIV+ for more than 2 years and that he never was, is nor ever will be in risk of getting infected by me because im taking care of myself and him as well, I brought with me my latest lab results showing my CD4 count and my VL. I was so nervous at that time! I even asked my mom to light up a candle back home hehe He did say he wasn't as informed as he should about HIV and that he does feel a bit scared, but he's got the willingness to learn more about it and pointed out that it's not going to be a factor for him to dump me. Things have been going on smoothly and feelings for each other kept on growing. I guess if it's meant to be, it will find a way.

Thanks for your compassion tonny, I do miss my old lifestyle, but im getting the hang of it, starting over isn't that bad, I can build my life even better! besides, why would I leave the closet to get into another one in a muslim country? didn't make sense. I wanna commit to one guy, have a stable relationship, build a future together, leave a legacy, you know? stuff I would have never been able to do in the middle east. As fas as for the reyataz, yeah, my doc said the yellowish will eventually go away, and as a matter of a fact did offer me to switch meds but didn't wanna experience new side effects, so i'd rather stick to my current treatment. I would be interersting to get to know your 23 yr old story for sure!! Always open to meet new people from all over the place!

btw im 28 yrs :P nice to meet you guys! have a wonderful Tuesday!
T-Virus est. since Apr 2015.
VL= Undetectable since Jan 2016.
CD4= 900+ (May 2019)
Truvada + Prezcobix (Since June 2019)
Truvada + Reyataz + Norvir (From 2015 till 2019)

Offline Tonny2

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,925
Re: BF with ankylosing spondylitis
« Reply #8 on: September 14, 2017, 04:49:42 pm »


        ojo        Hello airboy...good for you, now, I think, you hhave to show him this forum s0 he can learn more about hiv, you can also, take him with you to your ID doctor appoinments, so he can ask the doctor questions about how to have a safer sex life...Hugs, ah!, do you know what other medications your doctor was offering you?, I would like to know what options you guys have in Mexico...hugs and proud of you!!!       

 


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