Author Topic: OK...now I'm freaked out (Read 5272 times)

JPinLA · « **on:** February 08, 2007, 05:50:48 pm »

OK..so I posted earlier in December after I found out I was positive in November. My initial counts were CD4 326 VL 5000 (ish). Anyway, I just got new numbers and my CD4 is 299 and VL 6000 (ish). My Dr. wants to start talking meds once the genotyping is complete.

I am so scared. It's been pretty smooth sailing through the denial canal the last few months so this is a harsh dose of reality. I am going to start the meds definitely as my Dr. recommends but I am way freaked out. I so much more nervous about the daily-in-your-faceness of taking meds than the side effects.

I needed to vent this out. I just found out so my mind is whirling. I guess i'm looking for some good advice, positive energy, compassion and maybe even commiseration.

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply!

JP

Ihavehope · « **Reply #1 on:** February 08, 2007, 05:57:18 pm »

U are not alone my friend but don't stress out about the meds think of them as a bitchy self-conscience friend who you wish you got rid of but you know you can't live without because you love her.

Life · « **Reply #2 on:** February 08, 2007, 06:08:39 pm »

JP, "Aint nothin but a thing" - of course that thing is "your life" honey.. Don't make it bigger than it really is. Your body has put up a good fight, now its time to kick some virus ass... After awhile, its just like taking your vit-a-min's. Don't read into side effects until you experience them if you do at all, everyone is a bit different... This is just another step, take it....

PS, Side effects such as IhaveHope's avatar, IS NOT ONE OF THE BETTER EFFECTS..

Love,

Blixer · « **Reply #3 on:** February 08, 2007, 06:17:40 pm »

JP,
I was faced with a similar decision just about a year ago. Diagnosis, followed by a meds decision within 3 months. I read a lot of information, scared myself into a panic, and then decided the doctor was right. I wanted to get a handle on this virus before it got a handle on me. I didn't like the idea of meds so soon. I hadn't even adjusted to the diagnosis yet. But on to meds it was and I can look back over the past 10 months now and I feel it was the right thing to do for me. The meds weren't that bad. I'm going on with my life normally. I'm actually back to working way too much. I feel good and about the only reminders of HIV I have now are the quarterly blood workups and the morning pills.

Don't get freaked out over it. Many of us have been where you are and we are doing great today.

Razorbill · « **Reply #4 on:** February 08, 2007, 06:26:39 pm »

i have a little pill minder by my bed - I take my pills when I wake up. There are lots of concrete things to fret over. Abstractions like "pills in your face daily" aren't worth it.

Ihavehope · « **Reply #5 on:** February 08, 2007, 06:28:59 pm »

Since I been diagnosed (2 months ago) I been practicing with vitamain supplements.

I take:

1 multi-vitamain
1 Selenium
1. Gluthoine

And i really just made it a daily routine. So hopefully when I start my meds I would already be use to it.

newt · « **Reply #6 on:** February 08, 2007, 06:48:52 pm »

Taking meds is mostly boring, the hardest thing is remembering the damn things when so many other things can get your attention.

I do know the anxiety of facing the first lots of tabs, but it is a mostly non-story.

Some people have a shit time, and post here about side effects, allergies, resistance etc, but most people ain;t posting on this. It's a bit of an anti-climax really, after the drama of getting to grips with a life-threatening illness.

The benefits, though, of treatment are not. For me anyhow, instant more energy etc.

This is a bit of a talking up (or talking down the downside), cos, yes I am concerned about long-term impact on my body organs etc. But there is a large amount of truth in what i say: meds is a non-story if you get it right first time these days. It'll be kinda easier than you think, with luck.

- matt

DanielMark · « **Reply #7 on:** February 09, 2007, 06:45:22 am »

Hi JP,

This is all relatively new for you so some amount of anxiety is going to happen. I don't give advice, but I would suggest you try to keep things in perspective, and in order. First, if you don't want to get sicker, you are going to need the meds to accomplish that.

Second, you cannot predict how your system will or will not tolerate those, so forget trying to. Deal with those things when and if you need to.

Third, life can still be good, but you have to stay alive to find out. Anyone now on medication can relate to your worries and fears, so you never need to feel alone or that these life changes are insurmountable. They’re not.

Daniel

mrtallguy · « **Reply #8 on:** February 09, 2007, 06:59:23 am »

Hey JP.....
Echoing Daniel's remarks and reminding you that IF you run into problems you already have one of the BEST resources at your fingertips....this forum!! As you know this "panel of experts" can give more feedback than you will KNOW what to do with! So you are well equipped my friend! Let us know how things progress....

Be Well...
Craig

skeebo1969 · « **Reply #9 on:** February 09, 2007, 07:43:21 am »

I totally understand your feelings on taking meds as I was the same way only 4 months ago. I feel so much better now physically and I hope you will have the same results. Don't read into others problems with the meds because this probably will not apply to you.

Keep sharing your fears about it though because I did the same and it helped with the anxiety of it all.

Thomas

northernguy · « **Reply #10 on:** February 09, 2007, 10:03:26 am »

Hand in there JP. Look at it this way, in some ways the waiting is just as hard. I know I find it so, wondering what each set of labs will bring...is this the time to start meds etc. At least now you'll get that anxiety over with.

JPinLA · « **Reply #11 on:** February 09, 2007, 10:13:56 am »

Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement. It's still so new and I am adjusting better daily. I am definitely going to start the meds as directed by my Dr. and I know that taking them is absolutely essential for my health.

It's not the actual taking the meds that is the issue, really, it's the fact that it makes all this so real to me when, for the last few months, I was living in what I would call kind of denial about having HIV.

I appreciate this site and all of you and it is more than comforting to have this venue.

Love to all and I will keep everyone posted!

JP

DanielMark · « **Reply #12 on:** February 09, 2007, 10:19:30 am »

JP,

The good news in all of this is you don't have to digest everything at once, or today even.

Be kind and patient with yourself. Nearly twenty years ago I felt the same way, so I understand the anxiety.

Things will work out. Just give it time.

Daniel

marco23 · « **Reply #13 on:** February 09, 2007, 11:14:46 am »

Hi JP (cute bunny ears),

I understand how you feel. Those emotions are perfectly normal. I think there are several of us here who felt that way when we had to start on meds. Reality hit. It's ok...you'll be fine. We're here for ya!

BIG HUG!

AustinWesley · « **Reply #14 on:** February 09, 2007, 11:51:17 am »

Hey JP,

I'm right there with ya. I've got an apt. w/ my own doc today to start the same discussion.

I'm gona quote what one of my own friends emailed me:

"Just keep in mind that the FDA requires that they list every side effect, even if only one in 1, 000 experience it. I've been on meds for over 9 months now & have no side effects what so ever!"

I hadn't thought of it like that before, and it was a relief to hear his own fairly recent account. I like the advice others have given you to approach this as thinking you are kicking some virus ass.

Hang in there cause you aren't alone. I'm right there with ya and lots of others too. Vent away, and then take the bull by the horns and kick the shit out of it.

BIG HUGS!

Wesley

Boo Radley · « **Reply #15 on:** February 09, 2007, 12:18:36 pm »

JP,

You're going though a natural process as an HIV infected person so don't feel too freaked out. Starting meds is one of the most definite ways of having to acknowledge you are poz. Even if one looks forward to the relative ease and efficacy of HAART today it's quite daunting to face chemotherapy for life.

I avoided starting meds until my CD4 count got too low but, knock on wood, I'm going to be fine. You will probably find the drug regimen pretty easy to follow (and it is very important to follow a regimen as strictly as possible) and from what we hear from a lot of folks on newer therapies the side effects are minor and short-lived. I aborted HAART after 4 weeks in 1998 because of the side effects but when I began for good in late 2004 I really had nothing to complain about. Of course there is no guarantee but HIV treatment isn't what it was even 10 years ago, much less 20, when many suffered so much from side effects the question "why am I doing this" was not uncommon.

Please post on the forums as much as you want and about anything you want. There are very few topics which aren't discussed among the diverse and interesting folks on the forums. Some of the posts are downright shocking in nature (I will resist the temptation to point out one pornographic thread that is so long it may soon crash the AIDSmeds servers when it occupies every byte of RAM and disk space) but in a free society people are free to discuss whatever they want... no matter how crude or revolting. Flatulence posts pop up with regularity.

Take care and try not to stress about starting meds. Think of it as a rite of passage.

Boo

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #16 on:** February 09, 2007, 12:34:36 pm »

Hey J P,

I was sitting in my friends living room looking at the Queen Mary on a beautiful summer afternoon. In one pile, there was six Norvir which had to be taken 3 times each day. My friend asked why those pills made me depressed. Norvir made me sick and had to be taken with "a full glass of water." That was 10 years and several combos ago. My current meds Sustiva and Trizivir do not always make me sick but for some reason, I no longer like a glass of water. I got my results from my labs last week. I think they were T Cells- 365, VL undetectable and have maintained since 1998. Once you get over having to take them, always take them. Have the best day
Michael

egello · « **Reply #17 on:** February 09, 2007, 01:29:40 pm »

hey honey, don't worry too much,,, i have been going through the same thing recently,,, read some of my posts, filled with fear, anxiety, overcoming and different ups and downs.

poet · « **Reply #18 on:** February 10, 2007, 04:25:45 pm »

Hey JP. We're here, as you know Most of us don't bite without being asked to do so. Don't sit on what is going on inside your head: keep posting, keep us posted. Yes, it's weird how many of us can go from finding out that we are positive right back to where we were until something like numbers gets our attention again Best, Win

red_Dragon888 · « **Reply #19 on:** February 10, 2007, 04:45:46 pm »

There should be a space entitled, "Taking meds for the first time." Do not fear, for fear is the enemy. The first night when I took my meds, I'd freaked. The next morning, I felt like hell. The second day I felt more normal. Now, after three weeks, I am one hundred percent by midday and my body feels great. The early part of the morning, well, just alittle tired but coffee helps. Good luck.

Jeff64 · « **Reply #20 on:** February 10, 2007, 10:00:25 pm »

Hi,
My ID doc wont put me on meds until my VL is <200 or if my Vl starts shooting up at the same time...and my Vl is way higher than yours.

You might want to get a second opinion before starting meds.

Jeff

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Author Topic: OK...now I'm freaked out (Read 5272 times)