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Author Topic: Being cheated and got HIV from my first boyfriend.  (Read 2803 times)

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Offline juliofromid

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Being cheated and got HIV from my first boyfriend.
« on: April 16, 2022, 06:17:22 am »
Hi,

I'm Julio from Indonesia.

On September 2020, I traveled to another city to see an online friend that eventually become my boyfriend. It was also the first time I was in a committed relationship. We managed to live together for 1 year and few months, until one day he cheated on me.

I went back to my hometown, and in December 2021, I got sick. It was flu-like symptom, with endless fatigue. I thought it was covid, but after testing it twice, the results were all negative. Thanks to my doctor, he suggested me to do a blood checkup, and from that test, I learned that I'm HIV positive.

Ever since then, my life has never been the same. Let alone the fact that I have to suffer from this virus, the heartbreak from being cheated itself was really unbearable. I spent nights crying over this and until today, not even my family knows that this is happening to me.

Just this month, I opened up myself for relationships, and I met a guy who share mutual feeling with me. He loved me, and it helped me recover from all the heartbreak and sadness from the past. For once, I thought that I finally can love and deserve to be loved again, but just after I told him I have HIV with me, he's stepping back. I have discussed how the virus is manageable and it's still possible to have a happy relationship with this, but he chose to end the relationship anyway, and cancel all the plans. He was too scared.

I don't blame him though. He is still young and I don't want to risk himself anyway because he is just too precious. However, still, it is very sad for me to realize that likely nobody would ever love someone who is broken and incomplete like me. By the time I'm writing this, I've been crying all day all night, hoping that one day I can be happy again.

As I'm seeking for help, today I learned that there are such forums and communities like this website, and I'm very thankful for this. I really hope I can stay connected with you guys here and build meaningful friendship together. I don't mind sharing my WhatsApp number or social media so we can connect. In fact, I could really use some friends because not even my family knows what I'm going through.

Thank you, guys. Much love, Julio.
Julio

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Being cheated and got HIV from my first boyfriend.
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2022, 06:42:06 am »
Hi Julio,

Sorry to hear of your diagnosis. How are you doing treatment wise, and what are your recent lab results?

Quote
I met a guy who share mutual feeling with me. He loved me, and it helped me recover from all the heartbreak and sadness from the past. For once, I thought that I finally can love and deserve to be loved again, but just after I told him I have HIV with me, he's stepping back. I have discussed how the virus is manageable and it's still possible to have a happy relationship with this, but he chose to end the relationship anyway, and cancel all the plans. He was too scared.

Plenty of more fish in the sea, as they say.

In my own humble experience, this is the reason I share my HIV status early on when dating. It means it's out of the way, and I don't waste my time on someone who cannot cope with the fact I have a manageable medical condition.

Some people cannot cope with someone having a manageable condition, be it HIV or other conditions.

Now, I've had a few polite "No thank you's" over the years, and that's okay.

Quote
I don't blame him though. He is still young and I don't want to risk himself

Why would he be at risk?

My first question is: Are you treating HIV, and what are your lab results?

If you are taking ART and continue as prescribed and have achieved a viral load below 200 copies for at least six months, you can't sexually pass on HIV.  https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=71848.0

Are you aware of this? Was he aware of this?


Quote
I don't mind sharing my WhatsApp number or social media so we can connect.

I would not recommend that, or at least don't at first. At least get to know people first and use the private messaging options on the forum. Sharing details has ended in tears more than a few times.

Quote
I really hope I can stay connected with you guys here and build meaningful friendship together.

I have acquired a good few friendships through the forums over the years.

Anyhow, sorry to hear about the diagnosis but welcome to the forum and keep in mind you are no longer alone  ;)

Best, Jim.


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Read more about Testing here:
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Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
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You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline juliofromid

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  • Being kind, over being right.
Re: Being cheated and got HIV from my first boyfriend.
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2022, 06:56:09 am »
Quote
How are you doing treatment wise, and what are your recent lab results?

I've started consuming TLD right as soon as I learned that I'm positive. It's my 5th months, and so far, I don't feel any side-effect.

I can only do the viral load test on November because I have to wait for the government program. I can surely take the test outside the program, but then I'll have to pay and it's really expensive here.

Quote
If you are taking ART and continue as prescribed and have achieved a viral load below 200 copies for at least six months, you can't sexually pass on HIV.  https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=71848.0

Are you aware of this? Was he aware of this?

Yes, I am aware of this and I tried to educate him as well. However, the stigma in Indonesia is really strong (even sometimes I would still unconsciously think within the stigma), so even if he knew that he won't be at risk, he's still too scared.

Quote
Anyhow, sorry to hear about the diagnosis but welcome to the forum and keep in mind you are no longer alone

Thanks a lot, Jim. It means a lot to me.
Julio

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Being cheated and got HIV from my first boyfriend.
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2022, 10:00:24 am »
Quote
Yes, I am aware of this

Okay, well, glad to hear that you are aware of it and have been able to start treatment.

Shame that he was scared, but as I said, some people don't deal well with manageable conditions, and I think it's better to find out sooner before investing too much time or feelings into them.

HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline Tguid13

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  • Posts: 22
Re: Being cheated and got HIV from my first boyfriend.
« Reply #4 on: April 19, 2022, 12:32:15 pm »
Hey there, I was also cheated on by my long-term boyfriend and acquired HIV. Feel free to message me for support!

Offline juliofromid

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  • Being kind, over being right.
Re: Being cheated and got HIV from my first boyfriend.
« Reply #5 on: April 19, 2022, 04:22:46 pm »
Hey there, I was also cheated on by my long-term boyfriend and acquired HIV. Feel free to message me for support!

I'm so sorry to hear that. Hope we both are feeling better as time goes by. Let's talk if you want to. I'm here for you!

Anyway, how do I send private message in this forum? ???
Julio

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Being cheated and got HIV from my first boyfriend.
« Reply #6 on: April 19, 2022, 04:33:20 pm »
Anyway, how do I send private message in this forum? ???

Once you have posted at least five times on the forum, sending and receiving private messages is automatically activated unless otherwise restricted.

The five post minium is there for several reasons, not to mention so that I can weed out the fakers etc.
« Last Edit: April 19, 2022, 04:38:23 pm by Jim Allen »
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline juliofromid

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
  • Being kind, over being right.
Re: Being cheated and got HIV from my first boyfriend.
« Reply #7 on: April 19, 2022, 04:36:34 pm »
Ahh, I see. Thank you for clarifying, Jim!
Julio

 


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