Who The Fuck Is This Bucko, & Why Does He Have So Many Posts?

[Bucko]

I guess I kinda gotta re-introduce myself to the genpop here at AM. My handle’s Bucko but I usually sign my posts with my given name: Brent. I found AM pretty much by accident in 2005 after having Googled “HIV+ unprotected sex” based on a fleeting, ultimately dead-end relationship that, at the time, caused me some undue concern, at least as regards re/superinfection. My initial avatar was something I’d drawn years previously, which showed Theda Bara holding up her hair à la A Fool There Was, her break-out hit of the mid-teens of the 20th century. My current one was taken while at work.

I am perhaps best known around here for my verbose posts and my self-indulgence in over-disclosing (I don’t recognize the concept of TMI). My second claim to fame is having initiated a blog with Matty_the_Damned and a long-forgotten member I choose to remember as Ronita (eventually to include many others). It remains in my signature and is, quite maybe, my ultimate accomplishment, long-derelict and vacant as it may be. Even the briefest of perusals will highlight its insidiously provocative nature (and intent).

My relationship with AM (and, by proxy S+S) remains supremely ambivalent, due to multiple instances of what I felt was hypermoderation (the banning of M_t_D and Moffie simply being the most obvious and egregious of examples). There will be those who remember me (with a mixture of feelings, granted) and those who found me coarse, vulgar and generally over-the-top. There are others who remember me as a loving a good-hearted soul; there are even some who’ll remember me as something of a prodigal who posted profusely and subsequently left in a huff. Some may even remember me as the fool who let another member too deeply into his heart and home. Yeah: that’s me, quite literally warts and all.

I was infected in 1984, during an unexpected and distinctly unpleasant encounter with someone who wouldn’t believe that I’m a non-versatile top and chose to over-power me, as he was so very much larger and stronger than I was. Nevertheless, I have always accepted my culpability for my own infection and have never (really) allowed self-pity to intrude into my life. But that hardly means that my self-destructive impulses have not been very busy in the interim. I've left quite a trail in my wake.

It just means that I’m highly pragmatic about actually living with HIV. I am hardly an AIDS minimizer, and am outspoken regarding the whole Diabetes-related paradigm: it’s bullshit and will continue to decry it as such. Just because we live ‘til we die does not mean that we live optimally; anyone living with HIV is already vastly diminished, in my experience and opinion. That doesn’t mean that we don’t deserve a chance, but our options are necessarily greatly limited by our condition. Saying otherwise is a fool’s errand.

So welcome me back or don’t. I’ll post to my heart’s content regardless. The bitch Is back, bitches.

/corrected a few typos/

[Growler]

So the warning label reads.....Highly volatile, Contents Unstable and likely to explode without provocation!

Sounds like me on a good day, except I usually get the job of wiping up my own shit afterwards 

Good to meet you mate

Growler

[komnaes]

And you dare mention that blog Bucko, which you haven't updated since 2009?!

You know I have to start going back to "nifty" for dirty stories since for, er, "self help" reading materials.. 

I have missed you buddy,

Shaun

[GSOgymrat]

Welcome back, Bucko. The forums have changed over the past couple of years, except for Am I Infected which never ever seems to change.

[skeebo1969]

  Welcome back Brent..  I do hope this stay is longer that your last.

  T

[thunter34]

Buckles!


 

[Ann]

There are others who remember me as a loving a good-hearted soul

That's how I always think of you - that and as a long lost Manxman. A Viking. Good to see you posting again.

[Assurbanipal]

Welcome back.

Assurbanipal

[buginme2]

Yo.

The GenPop

[BT65]

Good to have you back, Brent.

[Since2005]

Hi Bucko, Thanks for re-introducing. Where did you come from? Where have you been? Are you foot fetish? ( sorry did not mean to be blunt.. not sure why did I even ask that. The answer won’t bother me or surprise me.. just thought I would ask..)  Reading your thread I became nostalgic. Well we know who Mtd is ( and wish he gets well soon). I wonder who Ronita is? What is she doing now? All these forum members would I be seeing them next year? I was reading some really really old threads and I was surprised to see lots of are not here anymore. That kinda made me sad. May be who I talk to everyday now, I may not be talking to them in few years. You also reminded me my friends back home whom I don’t keep in touch with anymore. May be I am lonely and I need to make more friends. May be I feel you guys are my friends and new family. In lots of ways you reminded me a lots of things tonight, One of those is some is never lost, some just come back!

Sorry did not want to get all nostalgic on you! Glad you are back. Or should I say nice to meet you.

[Bucko]

So the warning label reads.....Highly volatile, Contents Unstable and likely to explode without provocation!

Sounds like me on a good day, except I usually get the job of wiping up my own shit afterwards 

Good to meet you mate

Growler

Good to meet you too, Growlie. I only wipe shit off those whom I love or myself, so for the time being you're on your own.

And you dare mention that blog Bucko, which you haven't updated since 2009?!

You know I have to start going back to "nifty" for dirty stories since for, er, "self help" reading materials.. 

I have missed you buddy,

Shaun

The final chapter of the Mancunt Chronicles is half-done, Shawna. Once finished, it'll all be posted to a dedicated site (with corrections and some editing) in chronological order. In the meantime, you've never commented about Party Girl, have you?

Welcome back, Bucko. The forums have changed over the past couple of years, except for Am I Infected which never ever seems to change.

I've noticed, Ford.

I think it'll be some time before I begin contributing to AII again.

  Welcome back Brent..  I do hope this stay is longer that your last.

  T

Thanks, T: me too, actually 

Buckles!


 

Youth Pastor Timtation! Loves ya...

That's how I always think of you - that and as a long lost Manxman. A Viking. Good to see you posting again.

Thanks, Ann: considering some of my past rhetoric (most of which I have come to regret), I accept the gracious olive branch. I still need to figure out when to be an oaf and when to exercise humility. You showed me today how to (maybe) still do both with my usual flair.

Welcome back.

Assurbanipal

Oh I've lurked...

Yo.

The GenPop

Thanks, Bugs. I love a man who knows his place 

Good to have you back, Brent.

You were always a special friend, BT: thanks for the response 

Hi Bucko, Thanks for re-introducing. Where did you come from? Where have you been? Are you foot fetish? ( sorry did not mean to be blunt.. not sure why did I even ask that. The answer won’t bother me or surprise me.. just thought I would ask..)  Reading your thread I became nostalgic. Well we know who Mtd is ( and wish he gets well soon). I wonder who Ronita is? What is she doing now? All these forum members would I be seeing them next year? I was reading some really really old threads and I was surprised to see lots of are not here anymore. That kinda made me sad. May be who I talk to everyday now, I may not be talking to them in few years. You also reminded me my friends back home whom I don’t keep in touch with anymore. May be I am lonely and I need to make more friends. May be I feel you guys are my friends and new family. In lots of ways you reminded me a lots of things tonight, One of those is some is never lost, some just come back!

Sorry did not want to get all nostalgic on you! Glad you are back. Or should I say nice to meet you.

Hey S'05-

So many questions!

I grew up in the greater Boston area where I lived mostly until 1999: I moved in town the day after my last day of high school (in 1978) to begin the first of either six or seven flawed relationships (depending on how you count). I spent most of 1988 in Manhattan, and lived in Paris from 1990-92. My French remains one of my chief accomplishments and speak it with no discernible American accent: most native-speakers presume that I'm Swiss.

Of all my previous relationships, only two are still alive (that I know of); there's a cortege of corpses I drag behind me every day. It's frequently not pretty, but overall it's a minor self-indulgence I partake in when feeling especially self-destructive.

Ronnita has tumbled like the tumbleweed she truly is. No one's heard from the poor soul in years, and I'm not certain that's a bad thing, overall. I choose to not gossip about my (former) friends, so I'll not speculate further.

There are many reasons why one leaves a message board. I had my reasons, which at the time felt valid, and I'm sure others have had theirs as well. Again, it's pretty poor form to speculate on other people's motives in light of any real facts. I will say that this is a far different place than the one I stumbled on in 2005, with all the mixed blessings such a statement implies.

I am not a foot fetishist at all, really. I just have this crazy job which involves working in a Leather/Fetish bar here in SoFla where I've been the resident bootblack for the last three years. I shine shoes and boots and give the best foot massage in SoFla (that's my script and I'm sticking with it). To me, feet are hands you walk on: nothing more nor nothing less. If you understand code, you'll appreciate the fact that I'm flagging red-left far more than whatever I'm otherwise doing with my hands 

I'm not drawn here by nostalgia. Rather I believe that I can truly contribute again to a community I once felt was my home. I have friends here whom I've missed during my self-imposed exile, and M_t_D's thread about a possibly life-threatening condition (aside from HIV) spurred me to action.

[spacebarsux]

Welcome back Bucko.

I enjoyed reading some of your old posts and look forward to getting to know you,  now that your resolve to assist and be part of this online community has been resurrected. 

[Bucko]

Oh please: rely on me to be the same cunt I've always been. Older age has neither softened me nor socialized me any more than when I was a kid struggling on Boston's dirty streets 30+ years ago. I'm an old salt who takes and gives in kind. But thanks for the compliment, SBS: every little bit helps.

[Jody]

Hey Brent, good to see you back here.  It's been 5 years that I was in Ft. L and remember having a fun time when I visited.  Remember the King Tut exhibit, that was cool.  And a few nice dinners out and those cool bars at the mall...Good times.  Be well.

Jody

[Bucko]

Thanks, Jody 

You're one of the very few members here whom I've actually met IRL. The Tut show was great, Casablanca was wonderful and, of course, you also got to interact with that grifter whom I wasted six months of my life on.

Ah well...(mostly) good times 

[anniebc]

Oh please: rely on me to be the same cunt I've always been. Older age has neither softened me nor socialized me any more than when I was a kid struggling on Boston's dirty streets 30+ years ago. I'm an old salt who takes and gives in kind. But thanks for the compliment, SBS: every little bit helps.

What can I say but "Thank God for that"..

Missed having you around.

Aroha
Jan

[weasel]

                    Howdy 

             Glad you are still  posting   

                                                               Weasel

[Buckmark]

Oh please: rely on me to be the same cunt I've always been.

I wouldn't want you any other way.      I'm glad to see you here again.

[Basquo]

Nice to hear from you. We need a little spice aound here, and you're just the one to bring it! I've missed you as well.

[newt]

Helloo Bucko glad you's back around

- matt

[Bucko]

What can I say but "Thank God for that"..

Missed having you around.

Aroha
Jan

Thank you, Jan. It's weirdly hard for me to post here. It's just something I'm gonna have to work out, I guess. Kissies.

                    Howdy  

             Glad you are still  posting  

                                                               Weasel

Heya, Weasel; consider yourself kissed back.

I wouldn't want you any other way.     I'm glad to see you here again.

Thanks, Buck. I had been lurking quite a bit lately and figured to try again. Damn! I'm sure kissing a lot of folks in this post   

Nice to hear from you. We need a little spice aound here, and you're just the one to bring it! I've missed you as well.

You can count on me for that, B. But you knew that already  

Helloo Bucko glad you's back around

- matt

You don't know this, Matt, but you were one of my first internet crushes back when I first joined AM  , so I'd be remiss if I didn't give you a peck, too  

[klassykitty]

Aren't most of us on here coarse, vulgar and generally over-the-top?  If you give good foot massages you are more then welcome to come to my house. 

Michelle 

[Joe K]

Brent,

Welcome back.  I'm happy to hear all is going well with you.  You've been missed.

Joe

[Bucko]

Aren't most of us on here coarse, vulgar and generally over-the-top?  If you give good foot massages you are more then welcome to come to my house. 

Michelle 

Well, there are plenty of good girls, lots of bad ones and a smattering of the truly depraved, which is a title someone once honored me with 

My foot massages, though challenging, are ultimately very rewarding. And despite histrionic claims to the contrary, I've yet to actually break a foot  or ankle 

Brent,

Welcome back.  I'm happy to hear all is going well with you.  You've been missed.

Joe

Same here, Joe. Hope all's stable and comfortable with you and the hubby.

[denb45]

My foot massages, though challenging, are ultimately very rewarding. And despite histrionic claims to the contrary, I've yet to actually break a foot  or ankle 

 Love  foot massages my otherhalf use to be able to do them, but his arthritis has gotten so bad he can no longer do them    and like a lotta of you LTS here I don't have that much padding on my feet, I can't even walk barefooted anymore , too painful

[AlanBama]

Brent !  I am so glad you're back sweetie.   It's like "old home" week....

Still traveling along in my journey with HIV....as I say, some are riding in sleek BMW's, and some other ones of us (like me) are rattling along in our 1972 Chrysler Cordoba....but on the journey we are, nonetheless.

HUGS to you, dear man. 

Alan

[Bucko]

 Love  foot massages my otherhalf use to be able to do them, but his arthritis has gotten so bad he can no longer do them    and like a lotta of you LTS here I don't have that much padding on my feet, I can't even walk barefooted anymore , too painful

My boss is like that: the soles of his feet are devoid of any real cushioning. Lucky for him, his job schedule is adjusted so that, as the happy hour bartender, he can perch and lean instead of constantly moving on his feet. It's more laid back than most night shifts.

I calibrate my massage to suit each individual customer, and tell them that I'm gonna start at 60 (on a scale of up to 100) and go up or down from there. But I'm really only good for about four or five intense, 85+ massages per night. I have plenty of local regulars, but most of my serious earnings come from out-of-towners, tourists and snowbirds.

Brent !  I am so glad you're back sweetie.   It's like "old home" week....

Still traveling along in my journey with HIV....as I say, some are riding in sleek BMW's, and some other ones of us (like me) are rattling along in our 1972 Chrysler Cordoba....but on the journey we are, nonetheless.

HUGS to you, dear man. 

Alan

Hugs back, Alan: I can smell the lovely Rich Corinthian Leather from here 

[denb45]

Well I suppose I can go down to my local ASO and get a few massage vouchers for the local massage-school, I'd gladly grace them with a very nice tip, ANYTHING is better than nothing @ all  

[Bucko]

Well I suppose I can go down to my local ASO and get a few massage vouchers for the local massage-school, I'd gladly grace them with a very nice tip, ANYTHING is better than nothing @ all  

See if you can get someone with experience in reflexology and/or Reiki. Even if it's essentially a placebo effect, I have seen my efforts in these areas recognized as therapeutic, even among those who've never heard of either discipline. On some level, I believe that there's a transference going on.   

[denb45]

Reiki  I've heard of that one, those lotions & oils just don't really do it for me, I like the hands on approach, (deep muscle massage) most don't even know how to do this, the harder it's done the better it feels  to me, thanks for the info tho Bucko  

[Bucko]

Reiki  I've heard of that one, those lotions & oils just don't really do it for me, I like the hands on approach, (deep muscle massage) most don't even know how to do this, the harder it's done the better it feels  to me, thanks for the info tho Bucko  

Oh, trust me: the place I work is *hardly* some New-Agey relaxation den. It's hot, loud and smokey. I use this stuff for the foot massages because it stays wet for the right amount of time and washes off completely. It also smells very neutral and, let's face it: getting your feet massaged with lube is at least kinda hot.

[Theyer]

Hello Bucko,introducing myself and welcoming you , having foot massage was/is the very best part off the Hospital day. A local UK cancer Charity The Macmillan Trust have a group off excellent practitioners volunteering there skills.

In addition to FM one off them works in a famous rehab so its fun to push for gossip.

theyer

[Bucko]

I love the gossip, Theyer. Thanks for the welcome (back).