Introduction - Finally telling my story!

[ConcreteRose]

Hello everyone. I have finally decided to Introduce myself after lurking in the corner stalking these forums for the past few weeks. 

        I was diagnosed 4 years ago during my pregnancy. Actually I received a phone call from my now husbands ex after posting on FB how excited I was about expecting our first child . Being a bitter little lady she called me to only say " You may be excited now , but after those lab results come back you won't be so happy then bitch! Tell your man karma is a boomerang and he may have left me but I left him with a gift he will never get rid of." Needless to say she was positive too.   Devastated I made my appointment and waited for my labs to come back. A few days later while at work I get a phone call from the doctors office the nurse asks for me and says , " ma'am we will not be able to take you as a patient because your lab work came back and you are HIV + . I am going to give you the number to a lady her name is (blank) call her at the clinic and she will be able to help you find a doctor who will treat you."  Crying and shaking now I take down the number and storm out of my office. I call my boyfriend at the time and tell him what had just happened he is in shock as well. The worst day of my life!!!! He gets tested and yup positive!!! After a 24 hour period of anger and nonstop crying and debating on just ending it all I called this lady! She was so sweet and understanding she even met me at McDonald's to coach me to her office because I was too ashamed to walk into the clinic. She was my rock I couldn't tell anybody! I come from a pretty affluent family and the shame was just to much for me to bear. I learned all I could about the virus and made up my mind to be strong. 
I was so angry at my partner, I couldn't believe he didn't know! How could he do this to me! I am not supposed to have this! I am a good girl ! I am a straight A student ! I am not a hoe ! I dont sleep around! Why why why?? I decided to take responsibility and acknowledge the fact that I had sex without protection period point blank!
Sooo after getting over myself I just decided to live life. We are Still together , married now with 3 negative children and doing very well for ourselves. 

       It does get to me at times like when I have to go pick up my prescription and I'm looking at the people at the pharmacy to see if they are looking at me because they know! I am always waiting to see them whisper amongst themselves. Yes it has happened! If i am listening the radio or watching tv if i commercial comes on I change it immediately ! I try to ignore it honestly . I go to the doctor every 3 months , which is an anxiety filled couple of hours and take my medicine and thats the extent of dealing aside from our pillow talk about appts, lab work and medication . From time to time it gets into my head and I have definitely struggled with depression. Neither of us have to disclosed to anyone and I am not Interested in doing so. I feel like I will be judged and I don't have time to explain anything to anyone. I know that there will be questions on why I would still be with him. We have struggled in our relationship and I know this has a lot to do with it but we are our support system and now I can say our relationship is better than ever! Well that's my story. The first time I have ever told it to anyone other than a medical professional!

[oksikoko]

Hi, ConcreteRose!

Thanks for telling your story. That's a lot of stuff going on. So glad to hear your family is doing well.

About this:
"It does get to me at times like when I have to go pick up my prescription and I'm looking at the people at the pharmacy to see if they are looking at me because they know! I am always waiting to see them whisper amongst themselves."

I don't know where you live or if you'll get the reference, but channel some Julia Sugarbaker. Simplistic, I know, but she's so much fun.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=cNeh3FeU9-M#t=119s

Anyway, welcome!

[PiscesLove]

Hello Concrete, I'm so glad you told your story because I always hear of people having children poz but never actually saw/read a story from someone. Only if you know how much inspiration & hope u give me. 4 yrs after giving my daughter up for adoption i get this horrible news and i have since wondered would i ever have that chance again. I hate your husband did that and I commend you for staying strong.

[ConcreteRose]

Thank you Oksikoko! That was great I can feel my inner Julia Sugarbaker somewhere down in there!!


PiscesLove, yes there is hope I had 3 children while positive, which included a set of multiples! During Labor they pumped me with AZT and they had to take it for about 6 weeks if I remember correctly after birth and they are happy healty kids now! It took alot for us to continue to grow our family considering our situation however our doctors were so supportive and we made the decision to try again. And hit the jackpot with a 2 for 1 special!!! I wish you all the best in your attempts to have children I am convinced they are the reason I am still here today!
As for my husband he did not know he was infected, he found out after I tested positive so while I know that he was the one who transmitted the virus to me I know he did not do it intentionally. We both should have been more careful and took all precautions before we decided to have unprotected sex. I have come to terms with my part in it!

[karry]

Hi Concretelove,
I should say welcome to the forums, lol, despite your lurking around for a while.

What a story! Thanks for sharing. Congratulations on the babies! That gives me so much hope because I am also one of those wanting to have a baby and my partner and I are pos.
I am glad to read that you forgave your husband and understood he did not infect you knowingly.

I have been pos 6 yrs now (got diagnosed on feb 14 2007)...and that trip to the dr's office every three months is still an anxiouse one. These days its better because my partner finally moved to my town and we do everything to schedule our visits at same time (we have the same dr).

Once more, welcome to the forums.
Karry