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Author Topic: Experience I want to share with anyone younger living with it.  (Read 9045 times)

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Offline FeralTerminator

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Experience I want to share with anyone younger living with it.
« on: February 01, 2024, 08:47:48 am »
So this happened around 16 years ago and it taught me a valuable lesson.

People Screw Up... even your parents screw up trying to do the "right" thing.

At the time I was still new to my HIV, I had it for around 2 years at this point but was super scared of it and was trying to ignore it as a problem at the time.

Of course I had told my mom, step dad, grandma and my sisters. My parents were divorced at the time and my mom was living with her new Husband 1800 miles away in Florida in a retirement community. She was younger than her husband and still did work as a nurse for other people at the trailer park.

At some point, I'm not sure exactly when my mom's assistant was talking to her about her nephew having just contracted HIV himself and she was in a panic. My mom trying to be the sweetheart she is calmed her down by explaining her son (me) has it and I am doing ok. Now I don't know the whole story and its been a long time so I'm going by what I remember so forgive me.

A few weeks/months go by and I ask them if I can move in for a little bit to get back on my feet, I was struggling where I was living in Michigan and needed some help, they of course said yes. I was in talks with the park manager and they were looking for help with maintenance and lawn care so I was offered the job which I was going to take when I arrived.

When I arrived I was informed that her coworker/assistant had told her job of my status and the company had gone on a campaign to get me kicked out of the park by telling people I was not to be trusted, I was a criminal, I was infectious, that I was a gay pervert.

Needless to say this did not work out well for me, I was banned from the job, shunned by MANY residents who were elderly and feared HIV, I was banned from the pools because they were scared of cross contamination. The fact that I told them the laws on discrimination is the only reason why they could not kick me out of the park.

As an older man who takes no crap from people or companies I would have gone back and told my younger self to fight back against that treatment, that what that company did was MASSIVELY illegal and wrong and I would have won that case EASILY.

They actively tried to ruin my reputation out of fear and the should have known better. They were a medical assistance company and they did this crap to some kid they never met.

My lesson to everyone around me who has it.... its none of their business. They don't need to know. Your friends, family, coworkers don't need to know. It just puts an unnecessary wrench in the mix. Your partner? Yes. Mom and Dad.... they dont need to know, its just going to make them worry.

Offline numbersguy82

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Re: Experience I want to share with anyone younger living with it.
« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2024, 12:41:26 pm »
Wow that is really insane to read about. Iím glad that youíve turned all of that negativity around, and can now share and be an inspiration for others.

My only input would be that sure most people in our lives donít need to know, but if keeping it a secret compromises your mental health then it may be better to disclose. I know for me, the weight of keeping the secret and the pressure to not have others find out ended up hurting me in the long run.

Thanks for sharing this with us!
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Offline FeralTerminator

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Re: Experience I want to share with anyone younger living with it.
« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2024, 01:45:38 pm »
Wow that is really insane to read about. Iím glad that youíve turned all of that negativity around, and can now share and be an inspiration for others.

My only input would be that sure most people in our lives donít need to know, but if keeping it a secret compromises your mental health then it may be better to disclose. I know for me, the weight of keeping the secret and the pressure to not have others find out ended up hurting me in the long run.

Thanks for sharing this with us!

I dont mean in keeping it a secret, just that I wont go out of my way to tell anyone I have HIV.

Offline Tonny2

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Re: Experience I want to share with anyone younger living with it.
« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2024, 03:39:13 pm »


                   Ojo.           This closing or not disclosing, thatís the question!Ö in 29 years of living with HIV/aids, just my family knows about my condition. I know that my best friends may suspect, but we have never talked about it. I havenít told anyone because I donít want nobody to treat me like if I were Crystal and now because Iím ashamed of myself. I think that there are some health issues that are a lot of people keep to themselves for example, Iím not telling everybody that I have hemorrhoids or something like that, lol. But I guess, it depends on the personÖ we have  proof that sometimes it is not good to share. I wouldíve status as the OPís storyÖ thanks for sharing and Iím not sure if youíre a new member or a lunchtime Survivorís Memb


Ps. sorry for the typos.

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Experience I want to share with anyone younger living with it.
« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2024, 05:07:54 pm »
@FeralTerminator

Thanks for sharing.

The issue with sharing one's HIV status is once you do anything you share, it's outside of your control how other people may react or what they might do with that information.

I have my own horror stories, including a job loss after my HIV status was shared against my wishes. Anyhow, wanting privacy is normal, particularly when it's about personal medical conditions, not everyone needs to know.

Of course, sharing for many people is because they need/want emotional support from friends and family, and sometimes, it's a lack of choice, particularly for those not privileged enough to access health care or medication.  I think people have to ask themselves, do I want to share, what am I hoping to gain from sharing, and do I need to share my HIV status with this person?

Anyhow, take it easy and thanks for sharing.
« Last Edit: February 01, 2024, 05:10:15 pm by Jim Allen »
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Offline leatherman

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Re: Experience I want to share with anyone younger living with it.
« Reply #5 on: February 01, 2024, 08:24:33 pm »
lunchtime Survivorís Memb

Ps. sorry for the typos.
never apologize about typos that are that great!!! Lunch Time Survivors!   ;) :D
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Offline Tonny2

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Re: Experience I want to share with anyone younger living with it.
« Reply #6 on: February 01, 2024, 09:11:54 pm »



         ojo.              LOLÖ quť feo la caguť

 


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