So worried.. please help

[worriedgirl1111]

Hello,

Thank you for taking the time to answer my question. I am a heterosexual female, who had protected intercourse in July with a man who I have known for many years. We have an "on again, off again" relationship.I also know he has had many partners. In the past, we have not always been diligent about using condoms (I am on the pill), but given the risks and his unknown status (I don't know for sure if he is negative for STD's and HIV, although he says he is), we use them now. He tested inconclusive for Herpes from a blood test, so I am not 100% sure if he has it or not. In fact, last time we were together he brought up using condoms. That is actually one of the things that is making me nervous, as he didn't used to do this. Anyway, after we had intercourse and after he ejaculated, he withdrew and the condom slipped off. It was hanging out of my vagina (sorry to be graphic) and he grabbed it right away. There was no evidence that it broke or ripped and I don't believe any semen leaked out onto my vagina (although there was some on the bed).

I called him weeks later to ask him if there was anything to worry about and he said, "No" and that he remembered that I wanted to use condoms, which is why he brought them up. He also said he wanted us to be "safe". I agree and was relieved. But, then I became anxious again and decided to get an HIV test at 61 days post the event. It was the Oraquick Rapid Test and it was negative. The nurse told me that I should be fine and that result is at least 94% accurate. She told me I could come back after 3months, but I didn't need to because she felt my risk was very low. I felt so relieved, but then started reading on the internet about the "window period" and got anxious and confused again. Can I feel confident in this negative result? I am just anxious that I will be one of the 6% or something.. I can't shake the feeling that if he has lied to be about so many other things, why not this? I regret being with him this last time and want to move on, but am so scared that if he infected me, I won't be able to. Please advise. Thank you so much.

[Ann]

Worried,

You didn't have a risk and you don't have hiv.

The fact that the condom was hanging out of you means that it slipped off when he withdrew, and that is not a risk for either of you.

The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks, with the average time to seroconversion being only 22 days.

A six week (or more) negative must be confirmed at the three month point - where there has actually been a risk. You have NOT had a risk.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED FURTHER TESTING AT THIS TIME, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann

[worriedgirl1111]

Hi Ann,

Thank you so much for your quick reply. I really appreciate it. I am feeling more calm after your reply. I guess my big concern was that some semen leaked out either just after intercourse or when he pulled out. That is why I went for the Rapid Test.

I recognize that I am very anxious about this, but I have learned that this man is not trustworthy, which is why I am doing all of the "what ifs".

I will try and be at peace with my results.

Thank you again for being here for all of us. I have read so many of your posts and you are so kind and supportive to all of us who are losing sleep and very worried.

[worriedgirl1111]

Despite Ann's kind reassurance, I am still a bit worried over here. Just running the possibility that semen came out before or during withdrawal over and over in my head. Ugh. Anyone else able to help calm my nerves? I am debating whether to test at 12 weeks (I'm at 10 now). I just want to be done with this... would love to hear other's thoughts, because the nurse I talked to did say I was at risk given potential semen leakage. There is just so much conflicting information...my heart goes out to everyone going through the weeks and months post a potential exposure.

Thanks again.

[Ann]

Girl,

The condom was hanging OUTSIDE of you. That means that even if semen did leak onto you it was OUTSIDE your body, not inside.

Hiv is a fragile, difficult to transmit virus that is primarily transmitted INSIDE the human body, such as in unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse where the virus never leaves the confines of the two bodies.

Once outside the body, small changes in temperature, and pH and moisture levels all quickly damage the virus and render it unable to infect. Even frottage is not a risk for this reason. (Frottage is where genitals are rubbed together or on a part of the body without anal or vaginal penetration.)

Getting semen on the outside of your vagina can be a risk for pregnancy - because sperm swim - but it isn't a risk for hiv. Hiv cannot swim and the correct types of cells that hiv can latch onto and infect aren't found on a woman's outer genitals.

If you cannot bring yourself to believe what I'm saying, then go test at twelve weeks, but don't be surprised by your negative result.

Ann