20 years ago....

[AlanBama]

My Dad died 20 years ago today.   Christmases have never been the same for us.   Grief is a strange thing; the pain is always there, it just becomes more familiar over time.   We still miss him as much this year as we did in 1986.

To all those lucky enough to still have parents living, give them a special hug this Christmas and tell them how much you appreciate them.

Hugs,
Alan

In Loving Memory JTL  03/07/18 - 12/18/86

[Queen Tokelove]

Funny you mention this Alan, both my parents have been gone for some years now and it always carries some pain, especially on holidays and birthdays. At the moment, I am trying to help my best friend deal with her grief. Her father died a year ago from cancer..

[Andy Velez]

Hey Bama,

It seems to me we just learn to live with this. It kind of melds into life. And at the same time, sometimes I can still find it painful to say, "When she died...."

There are also some people long gone whose cards are still in my rolodex and always will be. I'm just not going to tear their cards up and toss them. They're staying and someone after me can do what they will.

Wishing you well as you remember your dad today.

[thunter34]

Alan,

I'm going to do precisely that this holiday season:  give them both a special hug.  Also sending one cyberly to you.

I know exactly what Andy means about the Rolodex.  I've got cards and pieces of paper that I still carry around that have contact info for people long gone.  Also have some numbers plugged into my phone that just won't be erased.  They just won't.

~tim

[pozguy75]

Hey Alan...

This will be the first time my parents have seen me after my disclosure to them...because I live clear across the country I did it over the phone. So, this year I have decided to extend my stay longer with them, and there will be hugs and tears I am certain!

Thank you Alan, for reminding me once again, that our loved ones should not be taken for granted!!

I love you buddy!
Jeromy
(Who is slightly nervous about going home for Christmas...it's been 10 years!)

[heartforyou]

Hi Alan,

Thank you for reminding us.
I still have my both my parents. They are 82 and in good health.

I have told them many times how much I love them in my life.
Even wrote them a 7 page letter about what they meant to me.
It will hurt when they go, but I have told them everything important and so every day is an extra one.

Just  feel the energy of your dad. Energies can never been destroyed.
Knowing you your dad will ever be proud of you and happy you survived the holocaust.

I do wish you strength in your grief. I know you have had your share in the past.

I love you Alan.

herman

[marco23]

Hi Alan,

Being an only child, I love my mom dearly, she's only 56 years young.  I couldn't imagine my life without her.  My condolences on your loss. No matter how many years have passed, losing a family member will always seem like yesterday but always remember your love and memories will always keep your father alive.

Merry Christmas!

[bear60]

Wishing you the best this Christmas. Take care of yourself Alan.

[Tucsonwoody]

Yup, I sure agree with Alan - take advantage of having your parents around and tell and show them how much you care for them.  For the last few years of their lives my parents lived with me at my invitation.  Even though we had always been close, we grew closer and really enjoyed each others company.

My Mom passed away about 5 years ago and my Dad about 3 years ago and even today I sometimes forget they are not around.  Just the other day I was reading something in the paper and I said to myself for a second - I'll have to mention this to Mom and Dad.  And more then once, since I used to set the table, I have grabbed silverware for the three of us.  I'm not sure how many other people behave this way (and don't really care, damn it!) but I kept some of their clothes and my Mom's perfume and once in awhile I will pull out that bottle and take a sniff and feel her to be even closer to me then usual.

One of the things my Mom most regretted when we learned that she didn't have long to live was not being able to see my niece get married.  I told her she would too and would have the best view of anyone!  Well my niece got engaged last month...and she is wearing as her own my Mom's wedding ring which I know put a big smile on my Mom and Dad's face.

Anyway - didn't mean to ramble on - hope everyone who can will enjoy the closeness of their family and friends all year round and thanks Alan.

Kevin

[heartforyou]

I'm not sure how many other people behave this way (and don't really care, damn it!) but I kept some of their clothes and my Mom's perfume and once in awhile I will pull out that bottle and take a sniff and feel her to be even closer to me then usual.

I do... about my lover that died of a heart attack at the tender age of 32.
I still have the ( now dried and almost pulverised) flowers he gave me the day before he died. And I never cleaned the glass he put his lips on, hours before he left the earth. And a piece of the bags of nuts he had the night prior to his passing.

Kevin, I think it is beautiful, both as a tribute and energetically, to do what you do. Energies stay around forever. So, whenever you want to feel your mom or dad, smell the perfume, sit in their seat and touch their clothes.
Your tribute touched me.

Hermie

[Eldon]

Will do Alan.


Happy Holidays!

[Ann]

Alan,

My dad died 35 years ago when I was nine. I have a cigar box of his I call my "Dad Box". Inside are a few little reminders of his life; a birthday card he gave me, his Air Force issue New Testament he carried with him as a tail-gunner in WWII, one of his hankies, the card from the funeral home, some photos and a few other things. I take it out now and then and have a little cry.

I've always regretted not being able to talk to him adult to adult.

Ann

[Christine]

Big hug to you Alan, and to everyone who lost a loved one.

Christine