Getting tired of sex?

[Texan38]

Hmmm, that's what I'm asking myself. I have to admit, I've always been a horny little devil....but lately when I have one night stands, I feel even more lonely.  I haven't been in a relationship for years and to be honest, I don't think I know how to be in one. I've been single and having one night stands for so long I feel that is all I know what to do. I enjoy the touch and kiss of a stanger but after I'm with someone, I just want to leave and don't want to continue anything further but then when I drive home....I just feel so lonely. What the heck is going on with me?

[Florida69]

There is so much more to intamacy than sex, that is probably why you feel lonely. Sex is an act, like the act of having sex or working.  Sometimes sex is just sex, there is no cuddling, holding, kissing, carressing.  Loving and being loved is an emotion.  I have been in a relationship for a while with a negative guy, however we do not have sex as much as we used to.  When we first started dating we got busy daily.  In fact, now that I think about it, I don't even think I remember the last time we had sex.  I am sure things will change, but we enjoy each others company, discussing politics, or just watching television together.  Of course the holding each other and talking about our hopes and dreams is always a real buster.  I don't have any advice, other than maybe instead of having sex, you try just dating for a minute and see how that goes.  Sex is a part of any relationship, but when all you have is sex where is the relationship?  I hope that makes sense.  Good luck, D 

[AlanBama]

Texan,

I experienced the same thing quite often, as a younger man.   I understand what you are feeling.  In all my years of "counseling", psychologists and others I have had sessions with told me it was a form of acting out, due to low self esteem, and a way of seeking approval / affection from others.

The best advice I can give you is to love yourself first.  You are worthy, and deserve to be happy.  We only have one life and one body; think about that, and give yourself the respect that you are due.

hugs,
Alan

[BT65]

I like sex without strings.  But that's just me.

[Buckmark]

Sounds to me like you are looking for more than just sex, but intimacy and love.  Sex can be one expression of intimacy and love, but by no means the only one.  It is a plethora of sharing and connection on many levels.  If intimacy is what you are after, then having sex with someone you don't know or have any emotional connection to will just emphasize and intensify your feelings of loneliness. 

So ask yourself what it is you want, and why you are having sex.  There's no right or wrong answer.  But if your answer is that you are looking for intimacy, sex alone isn't likely to get you there -- connecting with someone on an emotional, intellectual *and* physical level is usually a better way to go.  Are making these kinds of connections easy?  No, but sex generally is easy to find. 

If you are in a rush to leave after having sex with someone, and don't want to see them further, then you are precluding making any deeper connections.  You may want to examine what you are thinking and feeling at the point after sex where you "want to leave and don't want to continue anything further."  You could also re-think whether you want to wait to have sex with someone until after you know them better, to see if you have connections on other levels than physical.

I realize that sex sometimes can be just sex, pleasurable and no strings attached.  But oftentimes, and for many people, it is just part of a bigger picture.  I certainly fall into the latter category.

Hugs,

Henry

[Queen Tokelove]

It seems like those before me has offered some good advice. Not really much I can add but maybe in the form of humor. Before my last fling which I thought I just wanted sex, I hadn't been with anyone in 3 years. After having a fuck buddy for awhile, the sex was good but the person turned me off with their baggage. Maybe you are wishing for more but afraid to make the commitment or has gotten use to just walking away after you're done.

Now it has been 4 months since I had sex and has been craving it. I know I want more but when I see what some of my friends are going through in their relationships, I kind of appreciate being single.

[redhotmuslbear]

Tex,
Humans are complex beings with a variety of individual experiences.  Most of us want to be known deeply on many levels by one or more persons with whom we share a special bond.  We also want to be touched and held, to be comforted and made to feel secure, to experience the rush of neurotransmitters that comes with orgasm and to feel valued by the people who help us achieve that rush.  Absent a commitment to abstinence or sociopathic tendencies, we all find ourselves in the mental space which you describe at some point.

I believe that Alan got the basic point for you dead-on:  love yourself first.  Don't beat yourself up for seeking out NSA sex, and don't get anxious about finding "the one [or two or three..]" either.  All things have their time.

Where you may find some value in research and study is in Tantric Buddhism.  Most people have the misperception of Tantra as being all about "freaky sex" and 24-hour boners.  Instead, Tantra teaches one to be fully present in sex (not making mental lists or looking forward to the next guy), to value orgasm and the journey to it as part of one's personal journey to Enlightment, and to treat the path to orgasm as an experience to be be savored, not rushed.  I found Tantra useful in becoming both a better lover in all dimensions to my partners and a better lover to myself.  Sure, I can fuck for hours and drive men wild, but I can also be content going days without sex and simply appreciate the freedom that I have to not be bound in the hunt for sex or any downside that may come in its afterglow.

Namaste,
David

[chm02]

Sure, I can fuck for hours and drive men wild

-and where do you live, again?

 

 

[scud44]

I like sex without strings.  But that's just me.

What about some ropes then?

I can never remember who ties up who in sex!!

Regards
Scuddles

[mjmel]

Maybe you are getting tired of one-night stands. Could be just that simple.
Maybe after you've fulfilled the drive of sex the longing for being intimate shadows you
because you want to be close to another human being.
i see nothing strange about this.
 
Mike

[ARMANDO]

we all want to feel the touch of another person,the stroke of his hand ,the kiss of his lips the passion and tenderness of his heart but how do we get past the feeling that WE ARE DAMAGED GOODS?!!!i have to admit that i have resorted to casual sex because it's just so much easier,no drama,no strings attached and simply NO QUESTIONS ASKED!!!THE LAST SEXUAL ENCOUNTER I HAD ACTUALLY FEEL ASLEEP IN MY BED AFTER VSEX AND I HAD TO DRAG HIM OUT TO GET HIM TO LEAVE.i felt horrible and he ended up apologizing  to me the next day!!!HAVE I BECOME THIS HORRIBLE MONSTER THAT I CANNOT STAND TO BE WITH ANOTHER MAN FOR MORE THAN 30 MINUTES? has this disease made me a cold hearted bastard  whore that i cannot even begin to consider that there could be a relationship out there that would take me even though I AM DAMAMGED GOODS?!!

[Peter6836]

I am still in that mode of no sex at all. I feel so damaged that I do not think that being with someone else is an option. It is a horrible thing to deny ones self any physical contact. I would love to have a relationship with another person. I spent years hiding in a heterosexual marriage. Now that I am out of that I find myself with this disease and in another fenced in area.
It seems awfully difficult to develop a relationship with another person, let alone a gay, HIV positive person. I do not know what the answer is. I keep working on myself hoping that I can develop into the person that someone else will want to have a relationship with.

[J.R.E.]

David's Blog :


http://blogs.poz.com/david/archives/2008/04/it_isnt_crazy_g.html


Ray

[LatinAlexander]

Oh Texan:

Unfortunately, I know first hand how you feel. Maybe we just have to wait. I do not have the answer either, but I sympathize with your feelings

Alex

[Texan38]

That's why I love this place....different points of view and great advise! I want to thank everyone for your comments, it's actually made me think about what I really want........MORE SEX!!    Dating? weeelll, I seriously don't think I can do that.  Getting to know someone, making conversation...uuummm....it's kinda hard to talk thru a glory hole and it's soo impolite to talk with your mouth full!  But seriously, I'm finding out that I'm am truly afraid of wanting to get to know someone personally because I might actually like him....and licking, um, liking someone makes me very nervous. Maybe it's about time I let my guard down and finally let someone get to know me and visaversa.

[rick21007]

Maybe your prince  has yet to come along who will turn your world upside down and with whom you're  gonna be willing to do it  (whatever "it" is) without a net because you know you want intimacy with this person.  These guys dont grow on trees you know.   Well I know I'm a romantic.

Rick

[BT65]

it's actually made me think about what I really want........MORE SEX!! 

Here here.

[sharkdiver]

I AM getting tired of sex by myself.........
but that's a different story