Boyfriend Positive

[gric11]

My now boyfriend and I met in November and he disclosed his status to me in March. We always used protection no matter what and I got tested immediately after he told me and I tested Negative. Since then, I've been totally supportive and I never thought I would be in a situation where I'm knowingly dating someone that is HIV positive. So my question is, is anybody in a relationship where their partner is negative? How do he or she feels and how long you've been together?

[Jeff G]

Hi Gric . I have moved your thread into the proper forum so that it can be seen by others who are going through the same thing .

[jkinatl2]

My now boyfriend and I met in November and he disclosed his status to me in March. We always used protection no matter what and I got tested immediately after he told me and I tested Negative. Since then, I've been totally supportive and I never thought I would be in a situation where I'm knowingly dating someone that is HIV positive. So my question is, is anybody in a relationship where their partner is negative? How do he or she feels and how long you've been together?

Howdy and welcome to the forums!

I think it's terrific that you've found someone, and that he has found you. Wear a condom for penetrative anal/vaginal sex and you will avoid HIV

I have been in three serodiscordant (also called "magnetic") relationships, and have dated a bunch of HIV negative guys. Two of the relationships lasted five years each, and I am about to celebrate my second anniversary with my current guy. Some hIV positive folks sero-sort, but I never have, really. And of course none of my guys ever tested positive while we were together. The relationships (before this current one) ended more or less organically for reasons that had nothing to do with HIV.

Because I am an HIV/AIDS educator, it's really important for my partner to be up to speed on A) transmission, and B) My unique illness. If a potential partner doesn't understand what is and is not safer sex, then it simply won't work out. It can really tear down a person's self esteem to be treated like a diseased pariah in the bedroom, and that's something that's hard to fake and harder not to notice. I have, in retrospect, been very lucky.

UNderstanding my disease is also really important. I have had too many potential situations fizzle out when the other person looked at me like some fragile flower, waiting to topple over and die. Not that I haven't been sick, really sick - and then I was grateful to have a partner (who is not a dear friend) willing and able to do a little heavy lifting and sleep in those godawful uncomfortable chairs next to a hospital bed for a bit. But now, I am doing pretty well. I have energy level issues from time to time. but my boyfriend knows me well enough to know when I am playing the "AIDS Card" to get out of something, and calls me on it.

For my part, I take my meds with as close to 100% accuracy as I can, and my viral load reflects that. This provides him with not only a healthy boyfriend who can actually do fun stuff, but also a boyfriend who is essentially uninfectious. This is in part due to our sexual practices (which I am itching to go into great and graphic detail here but wont.)

Having a partner who is very smart (I'm a science nerd and he's a tech nerd, so there's overlap) has really been an exciting thing for me. When we first met, he didn't know much beyond the routine HIV prevention stuff. When he took the initiative to read the studies I showed him, put my illness in it's proper perspective, and even send me relevant articles, I knew I had someone special.

There are folks on this forum who have been in serodiscordant relationships for a decade or more. Hope you and I can someday say the same