Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?

[Buckmark]

viral apartheid is alive and wellout there, and I hope that you are prepared for its sting.

David,

Excellent point, and eloquently phrased.  The more I read Jamie's posts, the more I realize he just doesn't yet understand or hasn't yet experienced all the consequences of being HIV+.  

Regards,

Henry

[mjmel]

Eventually the HIV virus forces us to do so. Some people are forced to stay at home for one reason or another (you haven't encountered those reasons yet) because of illnesses or limited income forces them to lead lives that they'd not choose, if they had a choice.
See: Have you ended up in the hospital due to your HIV/AIDS condition? in Living With HIV. That should give you a clue.

Mike

[MOONLIGHT1114]

I'm chalking this thread up to you being YOUNG & treatment naive.

Amen!

You were supposed to be Rose.  

I guess this makes Timtation "Dorothy?"

[Ann]

The ONLY way this thread and topic are going to stay open for discussion is if people STOP the personal attacks. It is quite possible to talk about a subject without attacking, and if you don't know how to do that, don't bother posting.

For those of you who haven't noticed, JamieD has been given a seven day time out. He isn't here to answer you or defend himself, so just leave personal references to him out of your post.

I don't want to see any further nastiness in this thread. Is scoring a few points against someone who can't answer worth a time out? You decide.

Ann

[Buckmark]

I am honored to have made the cut & to be in such esteemed company.

Indeed, I am humbled to be in such good company.  I must buy a drink for both you and David_NC next month in SF!

Now, I am going to let this thread go...

Cheers,

Henry

[sweetasmeli]

I'm doubt very much that many people with HIV "choose to make it a lifestyle" per se, although I do believe there are those who choose/prefer to wallow in their ailments/misfortune. Saying that, I can see how this thread title would piss off members here who have not done and are not doing either.

I know Ann said to leave personal references to Jamie out of our posts while he's on his time out, but I'm not actually sure how that can work exactly, when Jamie is the one who started the thread and his questions/comments are what I want to respond to. I realise he won't be responding for a week but I'm quite certain he will be still lurking, and I can wait. So...

For you nitpickers, I am not talking about people who are in serious pain, or dealing with persistent opportunistic infections.

I'm curious. What people are you talking about then?

I don't know. For me it must be different. I just want to take my medication, get my CD4 and Viral Load test done every few months and thats it. I am perfectly capable of resuming the life I had before hand. I don't want to be a professional patient. AIDS is a disease, not a lifestyle.

For someone who is "perfectly capable of resuming the life [he] had before hand" and who doesn't "want to be a professional patient", 197 posts across several HIV/AIDS forums is certainly a lot to chalk up over the period of just over a month. Not criticizing, merely observing.

Presuming I'm not one of the ones (yet) to have made it to Jamie's black list (which I actually find in very poor taste for someone to post in their signature), I'm hoping that he will take the next 7 days to peruse and digest some of the comments/reactions here, as well as reflecting on just how insulting the use of the phrase 'professional patient' is on a website aimed at people living with HIV/AIDS.

After re-reading what I have written here I realise that I haven't really answered the thread title question. But I think that may be because I don't think the original poster was actually really asking a question or looking for an answer to it. I think this was more about putting his thoughts/feelings out there in reaction to stuff going on in other threads, with very little regard to whose toes he may be stomping on.

Melia

[thunter34]

I never get any lasting recognition, dammit!  They yanked his "Ignored List" from his profile.


But I was #2 on it!




Oh, dear....I sound like ACinKC all of the sudden.

[Lis]

check back in 21 years sunshine... Your young, and you need to live your live.. Go for it!!!

sadly my life was cut short at age 20...  I'm 41 now... you live your life.. I will live mine..


good health to you

lisbeth

[DanielMark]

What lifestyle?

I've never understood that term, not for living a “Gay lifestyle” and certainly not for this.

The whole idea is absolutely absurd to me.

Daniel

[mjmel]

...............
Oh, dear....I sound like ACinKC all of the sudden.
..............

kinda cute like him too.
 

Mike

[LatinAlexander]

To answer the question: I am young as well. But my diagnosis, has really kicked me. I did not choose "this" as a lifestyle. 13 months since diagnosed. Started meds 30 days later.  I had a brilliant career, got an offer for one of the Fortune 500 companies in USA, and then in China. The perfect move. Just to find out that I couldn't accept it. Why? Because I HAVE HIV.

And not only that: I had side effects with my meds. After 5 months of them. pain. pure pain. My arms, my legs. Walking was a tough thing to do, waking up felt like someone was hammering my legs. Had to go to the doctor n the ER, at 11:00 pm . Scared, I had to call a friend to come and help me, and not leave me alone. I had no clue waht was going on with my body.  Using a phone? No way: The muscle pain was out of control, I would feel exhausted. Tried every single pain killer (inluding opium derivates). Interrupted treatment, and the fear of the virus replicating. We never really figured out what casues it (It still hurts). No test (I tried more than 10 different tests) reveales anything abnormal. And it was not my mind. It is real.

And no talking about triglycerids, cholesterol, nuasea, stomach pain, a little extra diarrea, changin your diet , and I will not talk about sex life, or intimacy, or meeting people, or anything.

I offerapologies to the others. Not all of us young and newbies want to fall in denial. Some of us need your advise.

Alex (Who sees the meds PR as a lie, and feels angry when sees that someone ignores those who have tolerated pain and death to get us to where we are.). 

 

[milker]

Choose to make it a lifestyle?

No. I'm coping with HIV being part of my life, but it's definitely NOT a lifestyle. Not much has changed, really. I see a doctor every three months, I take supplements I've never taken before, and I have rejection from being hiv+ like I did from being old or ugly or whatever. HIV so far has been another road block to finding a partner. But basically my life has not changed. I don't post anonymous bareback fucking ads anymore, though.

Milker.

[BT65]

I think this thread is dead-hey that rhymed! (I can be clever in the morning I guess).

[rick21007]

Hey Gang----just finished reading through everyone's posts in response to Jamie.  He seemed to have gotten a lot of folks by the short hairs.  I admittedly can be pretty dense, but I was not offended by a 21 year old newly diagnosed guy who is apparently still grappling with how to handle the diagnosis.  I know that he addressed his comments to "you guys out there" but I took it to mean he was really talking about himself.  True, this was not the most maturely written post I've ever read but I can tell you that at least for myself @ 21 I was way  immature having been pretty much sidetracked from the normal progression of adolescent emotional development by my inept and misguided struggles with my own sexuality.

Jamie, me lad---I was diagnosed 9 months ago.  The first few months I was pretty obsessed about the diagnosis.  (And I did battle with a nasty OCI for about 6 weeks.)  What I have been working on since is not an "hiv lifestyle." whatever _that_ is, but a healthy lifestyle  to give myself the best shot at continuing a full, productive life worth living.  I kind of look at my numbers every three months as the pay-off for doing the daily work to stay healthy.  (Just had a new draw done yesterday and waiting for the results next week--this is just the 3rd draw since i was diagnosed in December) Touch wood, am not on meds _yet_.

[englishgirl]

sorry to pee on everyone's parade who has made hiv part of their 'lifestyle' but it appears that we are already on the verge of being soooo last season:
from The Guardian newspaper today (see http://www.guardian.co.uk/medicine/story/0,,2154765,00.html for full article)
"A new killer disease on a par with HIV/Aids or ebola is likely to emerge in the next few years and threaten the lives of millions of people worldwide, the World Health Organisation (WHO) said today.
Potentially deadly new diseases are being identified at an "unprecedented rate", with global epidemics spreading more rapidly than ever, the United Nations agency warned in its annual world health report."

seriously tho i feel that i have made hiv part of my life in that i try to understand as much as i can about it, and enjoy reading and participating in support groups and these forums as a way to do that.  i dont feel that by doing this i am making it a 'lifestyle' any more than someone with cancer could be accused of making that a 'lifestyle' by acknowledging that cancer is a part of their life and a formidable foe.

obviously we are a diverse group and have diverse viewpoints and coping mechanisms, but i think that what we are trying to say to you jamie is that there is a difference between understanding the reality of your situation and making hiv a 'lifestyle'.  i for one am offended by the inference (and i apologise if i have misunderstood your point) that to be a member of forums such as these, to make the most of interaction with other positive people, and to not live in denial is a 'lifestyle'. again i refer back to the cancer parallel drawn above.

there is so much more to my life than hiv, but it is a permanent and undeniable part of my life. even if i am not laid up at death's door from aids, it is still one of the biggest influencers on my life, my life expectancy (and i dont just mean years lived), my relationships, my mental health, my future plans - when it affects my energy levels, when it affects what country i can visit/live in, when it means i am rejected by a potential partner, when i meet some amazing people because of these forums, when i am inspired by the stories and struggles of others. hopefully you get the picture. hiv is part of my identity now. part, not all.  i gain a huge amount from knowing i am not alone in this, just like i gain a huge amount in other ways from my friends who i have different things in common with.

hiv, like many others have already stated, is a disease not a lifestyle - to ignore it would be to underestimate the damage that it can wreak, and will wreak (unless something else gets me first). the best way to live a full and happy life i believe, with or without hiv or any other disease or affliction, is by the best understanding and appreciation of all life's challenges and opportunities.

apologies for ending up going on for ages (betty obviously im into resurrection today lol)

jamie i hope when you return from your time out you will have calmed down and benefit as much as i have from these forums

love to all
xxx

[aupointillimite]

I have a question.

What constitutes making something a lifestyle?

[buca45]

LOL I have a similar question, what constitutes an agenda?

[koksi]

Being gay simply wasn't cutting edge enough for me, so I had to up my game.

This made me laugh out loud.  Thanks. 

[AlanBama]

haven't you heard e.g.:   AIDS is OVER.

AIDS was so 90's.

 

[LatinAlexander]

From EnglishGirl's post

"
"Drug resistance is also evident in diarrhoeal diseases, hospital-acquired infections, malaria, meningitis, respiratory tract infections, and sexually transmitted infections, and is emerging in HIV," the report said.
"

Hello? Good-Morning America! It has been one of the issues in HIV forever....... Anyhow, this would be one of the first times in my life, I would feel ok for being "last season"  (There is always Cavalli to make you feel better LOL )

Alex

[Miss Philicia]

I found this thread to be pretty damn offensive myself.  What an arrogant thing to say from someone barely into diagnosis- who didn't even know what ADAP was until an hour ago.  

No wonder so many of the LTS members are over it.

qft

I also made note of the "lifestyle" label in the same way that that the Moral Majority likes to use that word about gay people.

Then again, I've clicked on a lot of offensive threads in the past 4 hours since my little vacation.

[pozattitude]

excuse my language, but...

What the FUCK  is an HIV lifestyle?

[GSOgymrat]

excuse my language, but...

What the FUCK  is an HIV lifestyle?

I think it involves going to the toilet a lot.

[Miss Philicia]

I inject my lifestyle twice daily, and frankly it sucks royally.

btw:  do we get free t-shirts?

[bryonut]

I think it involves going to the toilet a lot.

I thought it meant one coordinated their day attire with their am meds and their evening wear with their pm meds.

Oh wait, that's HIV style, not lifestyle. My bad.

bry
who has far to many articles of clothing in sustiva yellow and truvada blue

[Miss Philicia]

Someone needs to make a podcast for this thread.

[anniebc]

Why do so many people with HIV choose to make it a lifestyle?

Lifestyle=A particular attitude or habit.

Like a lot of us here I have good days and bad days, but I decided early in my diagnosis to go with a positive attitude towards HIV, and hopefully deal with whatever it throws at me the best way I can..I have also tried to change some bad habits and replace them with good ones..doesn't always work but I try.

So to answer your question....did I "choose a lifestyle" that suited me...damn straight I did.

Jan

[Lis]

Jan... you said what I was thinking.    after 21 years of this crap... It would be like leaving how without my shoes.. I respect your youth.. but please dont make my life into drama.. Its not..

I love my life, husband , kids and yes this thing that made me slow down and love... its AIDS......

[JR Gabbard]

I think it involves going to the toilet a lot.

...and not in a good way.  Or am I alone on this one?

Sorry, y'all, but this thread is completely frivolous.  Jamie, in 15 years, if you are still alive, please get back to us on your opinion of the AIDS lifestyle.  You may find that it has changed.

JR

[buca45]

Not at all a lifestyle choice for me, just a minor inconvenience on my way to even greater fabulosity.....
and a nice way to promote that 'AIDS agenda' for the moral majority. I for one was totally done promoting that tired, so ten years ago infatuation with our gay agenda.

[+Man]

I just tested positive in June and the rejection of the information was almost an out of body experience.  It was like a physical "NO!"  I remember when I first began to accept being gay and thought about the "lifestyle."  It turned out, I just had other friends that were gay for support.  I wanted to know more about it so that I could take control and feel secure.  I can't find the "lifestyle" in that, and I can't find it in people supporting each other and taking control of this disease either.  In both cases, it actually helped me a lot.

[DCGUY2007]

I can kind of understand what Jamie meant to say but I think sometimes in post it doesn't always come out the way it would if we were talking.

I sometimes find myself constantly whining when I have so much to be thankful for. I have been to support groups in the past and some of the people were healthy but they would never see any good that happened to them. They would come back week after week complaining when people next to them that were having a lot more problems hardly complained at all. Of course I am not talking about everyone. The disease effects everyone differently. For me I think Jamies comments were a reminder that "I" don't have to always focus on negative things that happen. It is difficult but I keep trying to remind myself what good has happened each day. Hiv does effect my life in every way. So does being black and gay. If I were to constantly focus on all the negative things that happen to me because of one or all of these things I would never get out of bed. So I kind of see his point. It just didn't come out the way he probably meant it 

[DingoBoi]

I prefer to think of it as my deathSTYLE™

Lifestyles is so Robin Leech cheesy.

Lot's of grumpy people in this thread.  I didn't find anything directly offensive in the question.  I understood the point. 

There is a gay lifestyle.  Stereotypical 'gay' behavior.

I also think there is a hiv 'lifestyle' so to speak.  It's not the right word, but I lack a better one. 

Someone gay coming out often jumps into the 'gay' lifestyle.   Not just being gay, but doing the 'gay' thing.  The clubs, the clothes, the mens, the swish™ when required.  People do adopt a gay lifestyle rather than just being gay.  I cringe to use the phrase normal gay versus lifestyle gay, but there is a difference to me. 

I also see where there is an HIV lifestyle and I think he intended it as meaning that after diagnosis, people jump into the hiv world and it becomes a much bigger part of their lives.  Now while it is indeed a huge part of many people's.    The wording on this is hard but a few examples might include myself, jumping into the hiv world, blogging, being a forum addict rather than living a real life (again i cringe at that phrase) outside the forums.   (before I get jumped, yes, I realize some of people do use these forums as a primary social outlet as a necessity and not a choice)

My health is not hugely impacted like many on these forums by hiv...yet.   Would I categorize myself as living the 'hiv lifestyle'.  Yeah.

Have I spent too many hours here really just doing nothing?  yeah.   

Do I have HIV or am I HIVchic?   How much is hiv part of me or am I part of HIV now?

More questions than answers but I do think there is an hiv lifestyle (unrelated to physical health).

Course, that's just me.  Just smile and nod

[Miss Philicia]

That post seems so at odds with your objections in another thread about the use of the word "flamer" but now we're labeling people "swishers" here?  I'm a bit confused. 

(never mind that the rest of your nonsensical rambling is all degrees of totally fucked up beyond belief)

[DingoBoi]

  I'm a bit confused. 

(never mind that the rest of your nonsensical rambling is all degrees of totally fucked up beyond belief)

I very much doubt you are confused.  You know exactly what you are doing and why you are doing it.  Please stay on topic at least here in this thread. 

kthanxbye

[bear60]

QUOTE YOU : There is a gay lifestyle.  Stereotypical 'gay' behavior. Dingoboi
.................................
OK...this means what.....we have an HIV lifestyle and a Gay lifestyle and they are somehow connected or equal?
Excuse me hun...I take my gay lifestle a lot more serious than my HIV lifestyle.

[Miss Philicia]

what a non-reply

[Dachshund]

There never was a point to this thread in the first place. It was another attempt by JanieD that day to try and flame the forums and what ultimately led to his first time out. There was no point, and to try and manufacture one is ridiculous.

[thunter34]

I thought it meant one coordinated their day attire with their am meds and their evening wear with their pm meds.

Oh wait, that's HIV style, not lifestyle. My bad.

bry
who has far to many articles of clothing in sustiva yellow and truvada blue

Thank goodness for the new formulation of Kaletra.  The old Kaletra orange just didn't go with ANYTHING.

Still don't know what I'm going to do about my Combivir white collection after Labor Day.

[thunter34]

That post seems so at odds with your objections in another thread about the use of the word "flamer" but now we're labeling people "swishers" here?  I'm a bit confused. 

qft

There never was a point to this thread in the first place. It was another attempt by JanieD that day to try and flame the forums and what ultimately led to his first time out. There was no point, and to try and manufacture one is ridiculous.

also qft

[Miss Philicia]

There never was a point to this thread in the first place. It was another attempt by JanieD that day to try and flame the forums and what ultimately led to his first time out. There was no point, and to try and manufacture one is ridiculous.

Yet I was labeled the troll.  Oh the rich, rich irony...

[Miss Philicia]

qft

Please stay on topic

[RapidRod]

Is there a true gay lifestyle or is it something of ones on taste and personal actions? Here in rednickville you wouldn't be able to tell the gays from the straights by their actions, living conditions or wardrobe. As for HIVlife style? I don't believe there is a such thing.

[Miss Philicia]

The term "gay lifestyle" is inherently self-loathing as it's the same language used by the Moral Majority to prevent homosexuality as being seen as something you are born with.

I'd be very careful, as a gay person, playing into such language.

[aupointillimite]

I'd be very careful, as a gay person, playing into such language.

Absofuckinglutely.

The terminology of this whole debate is framed by the people who hate queers.

We should ask for a smidge more from ourselves, I think.