Dating with HIV

[puppyluv]

Hello,
I am about to come up on my 1 year since being diagnosed. It’s gotten much easier since then to deal with this diagnosis, but I am now beginning to think about dating new people. I have been undetectable since 4 weeks into treatment and never experienced any blips or anything and never missed a dose of my medication. I am a straight 25 year old woman whose partner was unfaithful and that’s how I ended up in this situation. But I want to put myself out there, so does anyone have tips on how to navigate dating? When do I tell my new partner? How do I tell them without them freaking out? No one understands this disease as we all know, so it is really scary for me to think about telling anyone. Do I have to tell them if I’m Undetectable and we wear a condom? How do I know when to take the condom off? I’m sorry I’m just so overwhelmed. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks

[Jim Allen]

When do I tell my new partner? How do I tell them without them freaking out?

In my own humble experience, I share my HIV status early on when dating. This means it's out of the way and I don't waste my time on someone who isn't able to cope with the fact I have a manageable medical condition. Keeping my status to myself just means the risk of drama, getting sued or a baseball bat to the head down the line when they would find out my HIV status.

Now by telling people upfront, I've never had any really bad reactions, I've had a few polite "No thank you's" over the years and that's okay.

How I tell people I'm dating is face to face, I start by telling them I have a manageable condition controlled by meds meaning I am healthy, then I tell them it's HIV and what being undetectable means.

Now that works for me and you will need to find your own way of sharing your HIV status if that is what you want to do that works for you. Whatever way you tell someone keep in mind and be prepared that people will have questions.

Do I have to tell them if I’m Undetectable and we wear a condom?

I would share my HIV status but that is my own decision, in regards to being mandated to do so, well it depends on where you are in the world. Looking at the USA for a moment there are a few states that require you to share your HIV status before sexual contact.

https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/policies/law/states/exposure.html
https://www.verywellhealth.com/hiv-criminal-laws-by-state-48705
https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=75086.0

How do I know when to take the condom off?

Well if you have maintained a VL below 200 copies for 6+ months and keep taking your meds it means you can't pass on HIV sexually.  https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=71848.0

However, there are plenty of other STI's, using condoms would reduce your risks of acquiring them.

Jim

[PozChilean]

My advice: after you've had a connection with them, but before you have sex for the first time.
I wish you all the best!