Symptom anxiety after an assault

[Neverendingworry]

Hi

Please be kind as I am not coping the best right now, but equally Dr Google is driving me insane and all the health professionals I've seen remain tight lipped so not feeling great.

My situation
On the 12th of Aug I was subject to a sexual assault. Not sure if date rape drugs were used as I was too horrified, embarrassed and mortified to even speak about it to anyone. I believe I  was penetrated orally vaginally and anally .I'm not here to talk about the logistics and apologise profusely for any triggers to others.
After 4 days I plucked up the courage to seek support. Sadly I was out of the window for PrEP! Had a hep b booster and baseline tests for everything, all negative.

Where I am worried is that about 2 days after the assault I developed a really bad throat, I've been so run down and stressed and anxious it's been unbearable. The assault was quite aggressive and I had damage to my lip so trying to be pragmatic and thinking that the soreness may well have been trauma? Anyway had some minor lymph node swelling, an nasty case of vaginal thrush (again maybe trauma) and a week later a bit hot and bothered, this may have been a response to the hep b vaccine? I'm trying to remain positive but how do people cope with the anxiety?  I can't even process the trauma of the assault as I am so absolutely fixated on my possible hiv infection risk. I have a partner, and I have kept him at arms length as I would never ever forgive myself for placing him at risk. Fair to say that I am very highly strung out right now, fatigue and general aches and pains are par for the course.

I just wanted I suppose to find out a little about the reality of symptom onset time scales. Google says anything from 48 hours to 4 weeks to never. I suppose I've convinced myself I have been infected and I'm not dealing well with managing the anxiety of that and the implications for me. I am speaking with a counselling service but I feel so alone in this as I have not told anyone who knows me personally I just feel so silly and guilty and deeply ashamed. It's been 12 days another 16 to go before I can be retested! Then there is the horrendous wait for the results!!

Thanks for listening and again apologies if I have in anyway upset or triggered anyone! I know it's an emotive subject   

[Jim Allen]

Hiya,

I am genuinely sorry to hear about the assault. It is good that you have access to counselling services, and I urge you to continue engaging with them.

Regarding HIV, the issues mentioned have nothing to do with HIV from the assault. To confirm your HIV status, test six weeks after the assault with a blood-draw (lab) HIV antibody test. The result at this time will rarely change, and retesting at three months generally isn't needed.

Take care. Best, Jim.

[Neverendingworry]

Thank you Jim. The clinic told me I can test again at 4 weeks post assault?  I think they use 4th gen testing as a standard in these situations? I suppose my anxiety around feeling unwell is making me feel unwell as I am utterly stressed to the maximum (understandably!). I would love to Bury my head in the sand and pretend none of it is happening and living inside my head is not a great place to be. I'm greatful for the opportunity to read other people's experiences as Google will tell you anything you want to hear! "Are sore boobs a symptom of hiv " Google will tell you "sore boobs are a common symptom!" I have to stop torturing myself 

[Jim Allen]

Hiya,

Four weeks will give a reliable indicator in the 90-95% range that needs retesting. However, at six weeks, it's near conclusive. (98-99%+)

"Are sore boobs a symptom of hiv " Google will tell you "sore boobs are a common symptom!" I have to stop torturing myself 

Look, I had a sore head a few weeks ago, and Google's result was cancer; afterwards, I stubbed my toe, Creutzfeldt-Jakob, according to search results.

Relatively speaking, HIV is nothing; it's straightforward to manage, pill a day and done. You have a journey ahead of you that is significantly more challenging. Keep engaging in counselling services and prehaps when you are ready build a support network and connect with others.

In the meantime, try not to Google, and test when due.

[Neverendingworry]

Thank you! And I agree Google is a dangerous place. In truth the virus and living with it isn't really my biggest fear, I'm pretty clued up and know that normal life resumes. My biggest fear is hurting those I love and especially my partner as I know he would be broken if he knew what had happened to me! And I don't deal well with other people's emotions. He's not a selfish person far from but I need to deal with this in my own head and time. Thanks for being so helpful, I'll do the 4 weeks (at least I'll have a pretty good idea with those statistics!) And again in 6 weeks

[Jim Allen]

You're welcome. I am sorry that there isn't much I can do for you in this setting.

My biggest fear is hurting those I love and especially my partner as I know he would be broken if he knew what had happened to me! And I don't deal well with other people's emotions. He's not a selfish person far from but I need to deal with this in my own head and time.

Understandable, and many never tell others about their experience.

I do think loved ones would cope much better than is imagined with the news, but it's not something you need to share. Prehaps someday you will, or maybe it will be decades from now or never, whatever you decide that's fine, as ultimately it's about you, what you feel is right and nobody else.

Getting back to HIV, let's say you did acquire HIV, at least with treatment you can't sexually pass it on to your partner. https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=71864.0

Anyhow, no need to stress about that until you need to cross that bridge. Odds are you did not acquire HIV, just test to confirm and take care and I wish you all the best.

[Neverendingworry]

Thank you for your kindness! Hopefully I'll update in due course with some good news 

[Jim Allen]

You're welcome, hugs.

[Neverendingworry]

 Thought i would update. Quietly trying to deal with the trauma and to navigate my way through the countless sexual health screens. I had my baseline bloods done 5 days post incident and was offered a Hep B booster (or full programme depending on my immunity status). I have had a full course and a booster in my life time (before the recent booster) as I work in a high risk environment. A few days later i had a call to say that I didn't need any more boosters as my baseline showed an antibody level of 100? Not sure of the units as I am literally just surviving right now.
4 weeks post assault I send a finger prick blood sample for HIV screen (have to do another at 6 weeks and 12 weeks). I had a call on Friday to say that I had a "reactive" result, I almost passed out on the spot as I didn't realise that the bloods screened for hepatitis too just thought i was being told i had reactive HIV status. So basically I was confirmed as having good immunity, had another booster and have since tested positive for hep b. My head is an absolute mess! I had to go for venous bloods this morning to confirm the diagnosis. The nurse wasn't able to say much besides that from the base line bloods I am "immune " and that the test I took only gives "non reactive" or "reactive" results so can't tell me if it's an acute or chronic infection if at all. They are saying it is likely a false positive but I am struggling so badly to handle this situation. The next few days will be torture and I can't even start with the guilt feelings. I have isolated myself from everyone for days for fear of making people ill.

I just wanted to vent I suppose and maybe speak to people who have better knowledge than me. Google is making me feel worse to be fair and I am still coming to terms with the assault.

Sorry if this has been triggering for people

[Jim Allen]

Hiya.

So you got a heb-b reactive result on a screening test? It could just be a transiently positive due to the recent vaccination. The screening tests are not a diagnosis for good reason. 

Try not to focus on this, get the follow-up lab results and stay off Google. Best, Jim.

[Neverendingworry]

Thank you Jim! My poor head is working over time. The vaccine was about 23 days before the finger prick blood test. I genuinely wasn't expecting anything to come from the Hep B screen given I was told I had good immunity! It has been added stress for sure, even the poor nurse was crying with me this morning! I've had all weekend to brood over it, and a few days more pending. Thanks for the response I genuinely appreciate your time.

[Jim Allen]

You're welcome