POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: jerry on June 28, 2006, 01:01:04 pm
-
Ever since we switched over to the new forums this place has changed. I know that the old forums were fun at times, but now the new forums have taken over and it seems like our AIDSMEDS Family has left the building and someone is taken over.
I can remember a time when we all could talk to one another on here and enjoy life as we see it. Now there are so many wantobes its not even fun to come on here anymore. One says this and the other says that and you really don't know who come's on here with the amount of registered members we have now to all the guest that are on here just lurking.
I just want to know what happened to all the old forum members that use to come on here and have never returned. Could it be that they ran into someone on here that showed his/her ass and made them mad and they said they were never coming back. It is just a shame we all can not get along here on the forums. So many of you on here are stuck on old beliefs and tend to only talk to the ones you like on here and the others that come on here just want someone to talk too them. Can we all just get along and be a happy aidsmeds family again or do we all have to stub up and never speak to one another ever again.
I can see what it all boils down to is if your not popular on here no one will give a damn to even talk too you or respond to your pms or your threads. Maybe I am wrong but it would be nice to get to know more of you than to logon and no one ever speaks to you again.
-
Hey Jerry!
Long time no see your handle but then I remember jccj. I think many of the oldies have changed their handles so that might be a bit confusing. But things do seem different here than the old but I'm ok with that. Change is always for the better; it just might take some time to see the benefits.
Welcome back! Glad to see ya around!
Cheers,
Alan
(aka, and still, "doyourowndamndishes")
-
I also wonder what's happened to a lot of the old users. There is still a small core of old users, but sometimes I read old posts just for the hell of it and often wonder what happened to the users in that post. I wish people would but their old user names and AidsMeds join date in the "Personal Text" section of their profiles. It'd make it a lot easier to keep up with folks!
David
-
OH boy here we go again. another the forums have changed thread. Get over it.
-
I think it has just become overwhelming, who's got the time; and even with the old form, the stupid blogs took some of the regular people away from the forum to post lengthy crap no body reads, LOL. I've also noticed, everyone is soooo nice and politically correct in their responses now like they are afraid of speaking their minds, or they don't really care anyway. Yes "the family" had a great time before even if "every family has it's ups and downs", Kathrine Hepburn, Lion in Winter.
-
Hi Jerry:
I guess I'm left trying to make heads or tails of your message. The first part of your message seems to indicate that you are dissatisfied with the growth of the Forums and that the Forums are (apparently) no longer the "close-knit" gathering of individuals they once were. The second part of your message, however, seems to be speaking to cliquish behavior that has been cited as a concern by many Forums members, particularly before the acquisition of AIDSmeds.com by Smart + Strong. These complaints are somewhat at odds with each other, so I'd like to hear a bit more from you regarding this.
As for the significant growth in Forums membership since the S+S acquisition of AIDSmeds.com, we've actually been seeing this as a positive thing, given that the mission of the Forums has always been to appear welcoming and open, both to the occassional (or even one-time) visitor or to individuals who wish to stick around, build relationships, and become a regular fixture. Granted, the "old" Forums were very welcoming and open, but so are the new Forums. The only difference, really, is that we're seeing a big influx of new members looking to capitalize on the exact same thing -- the support, the camaraderie, the education -- that have brought people, such as yourself, into the Forums in the first place. I really wished you had considered this before calling these new members "wantobes."
And here's what really confuses me. You write:
"It is just a shame we all can not get along here on the forums. So many of you on here are stuck on old beliefs and tend to only talk to the ones you like on here and the others that come on here just want someone to talk too them. Can we all just get along and be a happy aidsmeds family again or do we all have to stub up and never speak to one another ever again."
You write this after saying that there are so many "wantobes" in recent times and that "its not even fun to come on here anymore." You'll have to excuse my being blunt, but it appears that it is you who is "stuck on old beliefs and tend to only talk to the ones your like on here." Among all the new members that have entered the Forums in recent months, we've actually seen an increasing number of regular members who are trying (and succeeding) to establish relationships in the Forums. While there may be some people who reflect what you say -- as there always has been -- I'm not seeing the newest regular members simply "come on here [and] just want someone to talk to them."
As for the popularity thing, I would think that an influx of new members would help diffuse the cliquish atmosphere that some members have spoken of in the past.
I guess I find myself very confused regarding your concerns... and, more importantly, if there's something that Peter, Andy, Ann, and I should be doing differently to keep the Forums beneficial for everyone.
Tim Horn
-
I think the family is still here, there are only a couple of people that I can think of who haven't made the switch to the new forum and they were MIA even before we moved, so it's unlikely they are gone because something happened here.
There are more people posting but that's a good thing. This isn't suppose to be a well-guarded secret. We are here, (primarily), to help those living with HIV, so the fact that we are able to reach more people is a good thing.
Things can never stay the same. Everything in life changes and you just have to accept it and move forward.
There really haven't been that many fights or blows-outs here, so I'm not sure why the Rodney King, let's all get along, speech was necessary. We are getting along!
-
I can see what it all boils down to is if your not popular on here no one will give a damn to even talk too you or respond to your pms or your threads. Maybe I am wrong but it would be nice to get to know more of you
Jerry, when I had less than 5 posts on the old site, people were *very* responsive to all my questions, even the non-HIV threads that I started. ......So it wasn't possible for me to have been 'popular' with less than 5 posts, but people cared enough to acknowledge me and help me where they could........ besides this isn't high school.
Your post is ambiguous. clarification would be great.
-
It is quite true that change is really the only constant in life...Personally while the old forums had a certain charm, we can't be selfish and just keep it for a select smaller community that bonded more readily perhaps than it takes for people to do nowadays...I feel bad that I don't get to read the blogs as much as I would like...All those good people take the time to write some interesting and educational things but for personal reasons, mostly being busy and forgetting when I'm not, I can't personally do the fine folks the justice they deserve with an acknowledging reply. These people take the time to write from their hearts and I'm sure would like the kind of feedback they deserve, so hopefully I can personally find some time to dedicate to catching up down the road.
Anyway I guess the point is- What can any of us do to continually make this a better place to come to- for support, information, some humor and a little love...Living with HIV or fear of it is not all that we are, but it is such an important element in our lives...New posters have a certain enthusiasm that not everyone can perpetually maintain at all times, it's important to remember that whoever is online at the time give each individual the kindness and respect they deserve. Just because they came later doesn't change their situation in life and their needs.
Jody :)
-
Dear Jerry,
As much as I want to support you, I'd much rather shake some sense into you. This is not your first post where you bemoan the state of the forums, with ambiguous statements and I see no purpose to posts such as these.
Yes there are more people, but that also means new ideas and fresh blood. I can't help wonder, why the hell you are so unhappy and hellbent on making everyone around you feel the same. From my view, this is the same forum, with essentially the same people, addressing the same issues.
Maybe if you contributed more to the forums, you would feel more included. But for whatever reason you don't and I don't appreciate you besmirching these forums, because you can find a cadre to join so you can moan on how awful life is.
It's about time you started acting like a man and that begins by working to affect change. You don't like the forum? Then lay out your reasons and engage us in a real debate, not just making innuendos through ambiguous statements. Threads like yours serve to set a tone in the threads and not a pleasant one at that. And then you wonder why certain of your posts die, unanswered.
Jerry, we'll agree that life can suck, it's not fair and bad things happen to good people. But we also realize that you can do more with a glass that is half full, rather than half empty. Jerry, you drain me, I read your negative energy in your posts and I see you continue to try and draw others in the undesirable (your words, not mine) world in which you live.
Why work so hard to define what is missing, rather than illustrating all that is right here? Please, we all know that life can suck, without you reminding us of that fact. Keep at this and you will wind up as one of those bitter old queens. You need to start see life for what it offers and no what you think it lacks.
-
Seems the same to me...change is inevitable and those that cannot accept change will not ever make it.
I like all the newness of the forums! Loads of new people, loads of new ideas and feelings!
Save the drama for the stage, dahling...
Jeff :o :o :o
-
To avoid confusion, my old username on the old forum was HIVworker.
R
-
i think the forums are running very smoothly this first month, with the smmall exception of two minor attacks on me. (hey i'm popular with the trolls... and an easy target.)
Now, I certainly haven't read every thread, so there may be more, but I think they are really going well. If you read some of the new people threads, all I see is such thanks for us being here. To me, that says alot. That is the goal and purpose of this website, being a support forum. When I read the thanks and heartfelt appreciation for what people here do for new people, even if i haven't responded, that truly makes this site valuable. Sure some of the old 'closeness' is gone that we felt in the old forums, but our job, our mission, is to educate and support.
I come here daily for the support of this forums and I don't express my thanks often enough for this site being here. (even if i can be cranky at times)
most of my responses in the living with forum are now directed at new people i've noticed. I much prefer offtopic for me though. But I do seek the knowledge and support of people here who know more than I do, like recently when i changed meds. I can't respond to things I don't know about but many people can.... and I like the fact that now I can see how many people have read the thread, even if there isn't many responses. Some posts are very difficult to answer.
-
Jerry,
Just ignore the negativity and nastiness.... that you think you see!
Thomas
-
Oh Jerry, change can be fun. So go with the flow, make friends, better yet make waves, just watch out for the mods. They can be a little twitchy.
BB
Aka pakarata, who was so close to the toaster oven and now so far.
-
I’m not going to say anything other than; “I’d really like to bite Tim Horn on the+++++++++++++++
Dam, I don’t know what just came over me. But after 24 years of being celibate TIM WINK! ;) Wink! ;) Wink! ;)
Terry
-
Ever since we switched over to the new forums this place has changed.
Hi Jerry,
I'm fairly new posting on these forums. I only joined and introduced myself a few weeks before the new setup got going. I guess I didn't really have time to notice and cliques that existed. That said, isn't the concept here that anyone can sign up and share their experiences of living with HIV?
I guess I don’t understand exactly what your frustration is.
Apart from a few melodramatic postings, I don't see much to complain about. I like the fact that there is a good mix of people here, from all over the globe. Sure we're not all in sync with ideas and tastes, but that's the variety aspect that keeps life interesting.
Daniel
-
"We Are What We Create"
"Negative dreams result in a negative life"
"We Only Get Back What We Put Out"
"If we want to fill our lives with good positive people,
we must then be that person we are desiring"
Now for some not my own, but learned from the African Continent in my youth.
"If you ask God/dess for a harvest; you must say amen with a Hoe in your hand"
"He who receives a gift, does not measure"
"A white dog does not bite another white dog"
"He who is unable to dance says that the yard is too stony"
"A man who continually laments is not heeded"
OK enough. The first small group are my own, and the ones from Africa are from the country of my youth; Kenya.
I hope this helps, Jerry.
In Love
-
Unlike Terry, I will say something ON HERE! Well, I come ON HERE once or twice a week and feel comfortable ON HERE. And when I'm ON HERE, well, I'm just ON HERE!
Truth is, I've been pretty busy lately to come ON HERE and post...ON HERE! Finally, I'd like to say that I'm glad to be ON HERE and whatever is the number of people ON HERE it is just fine with me...ON HERE!
Val :)
___
___
-
Bump!
And the Bump is Because this is a support forum.
Also, I would like Jerry to respond to the above comments that people have taken the time and interest in.
Terry
-
I think you are unlikely to get a follow-up response from the original poster of this topic. The only constant in life IS change. I am one of the new "wantobes" although "I assume you mean wannabes, and I think you get what you give for the most part in life. You talk about disliking cliques yet you attempt to initiate one by seperating the "old" from the "new". I have felt welcomed by every single person I have met on here since signing up recently, and have had HIV for over 6 years, even AIDS at one point, nothing "wantobe" about that, jerk.
-
Hey Everyone
I don't think Jerry intended to offend or upset. (Yes I know the pattern is obvious.) He's mentioned several times, how he struggles to clearly express himself, put his thoughts and feelings into words in a post, or even to fully grasp what some of those feelings are.
My sense is that the reason he started this thread has more to do with his lonliness and isolation. Certainly a topic we can all understand at times. He was trying to reach out and find some sort of comfort and support I suspect.
It probably would have been better for him to simply talk about those feelings openly and honestly.
I don't know what the answer is for Jerry. Many of us have certainly invested a lot of time and emotion in trying to give him advice. None of which seems to have altered the ongoing problem. I just hope that somehow, some way he can find a way to begin to move forward.
Let's give him some room and a chance to regather.
RAB
-
Terry, celibate for twenty-four years???!!!
If that's for real, I think you might be entitled to bite anything on anyone or anything that's standing still.
Just sayin'....
-
I agree with Rocky, I don't Jerry was trying to offend. I think he was just expressing his concerns and I cannot for the life of me see anything terribly outrageous in his original post. Again I find myself in agreement with Rocky when he says that the original post in this thread probably had more to do Jerry's sense of loneliness and isolation.
Let's not get too precious about his comments. It's just the internet.
MtD
-
Well, as a very new wannabe who has been spending MUCH of my time (since joining a couple days ago) reading old threads - and WOW are some of them LONG and "interesting" ;D - I can see/feel the support of this family.
It is almost as if I'm getting to know the personalities of each within this family - new and/or old.
I look forward to being a part of this (my) new family. :-*
-
I'm sorry, but I'm not buying the lonliness thing. Every few weeks, Jerry starts a thread bemoaning how awful this or that is and after dropping it like a bombshell, we don't hear another word. So if he's so lonely, why doesn't he respond to his own threads? I have other opinions about this, but everyone seems so hell bent on always making excuses for him, why bother?
-
canibe a wanabee? ;D
-
canibe a wanabee?
I don't think there's any 'can' about it, Eric. ;) :D :-*
MtD
-
Jerry,
You have been on these forums for quite a while. Are you going to respond to what everyone is saying here? I know you may be communicating with friends you have here, maybe you made things more clear for them, I don't know. You come on here and make these claims and then have no rebuttal to comments made in your post. That confuses me Jerry ???
I know your living situation is not the best in your mind, but if you think about it there are people a lot worse off than you ( I need to heed this myself). I know you are lonely and I think, no matter how frustrated you are, this is a way of getting some attention.
Jerry I know you have probably read this post over and over again.. You may even regret posting it, but don't, this is the way you were feeling that day. If you felt that way then share it, just don't leave the whole thing hanging. If it was a bad day then say so... If it's the way you really feel then say so... Just leaving it open like this really makes it seem like we are typing for your pleasure.
We do care about you Jerry.
Let us at least know where your head's at.
Thomas
-
Im sorry for not responded sooner. I have just had alot on my mind lately in the past few month's. I lost a dear friend two weeks ago he shot himself in the head he also was a true neighbor knowed him for 20 years he died at 75.
Also I should have clarified what I was meaning when I posted this. This thread was for two other friends that I had meet in Nashville last year Lis, and Jackie Blue. It has been sometime since I had talked or seen any of there threads online lately. Hope they are doing ok just miss them very much.
Again I'm sorry for not responding sooner to my thread.
-
Jerry,
I'm sorry to hear about your friend. You know babe, if you want to share particular views with just a few members maybe a PM would have been better. The new software lets us send PM's to multiple members at a time, up to ten I think.
Love ya,
MtD
-
Jerry,
So sorry for the loss of your friend.
Hugs
Teresa
-
Jerry.
First from above in my post; "We Only Get Back What We Put Out". I want to thank you so much for coming back to help us understand. Thanks.
Now, I have information that Lis is OK. She is of course, struggling, so your thoughts are always appreciated. Now Jerry, this is what family truly is, all caring deeply about the whole, and for that reason, we must always be mindful that what we read here is somtimes given under a great amount of pain, stress, physical challenges and well, you must know what I mean. Try to remember when someone is not here, they might be having the time of their lives celebrating something special or ......... they might be fighting for their very lives and sanity. We must all remember that at all times.
I am sorry for your loss of a good friend and neighbor, that is never easy. Just remember; at 75, he has lived a full life, and sometimes at that age, the future doesn't look very promising. Wish his spirit well.
In Gratitude, and sadness.
-
Jerry... I couldn't make sense of anything you originally said in your beginning thread. I do understand loneliness and isolation. Don't understand the Wannabee remark at all. I did read your post about your friend and about Lis and Jackie Blue... Sorry about your friend's demise and I miss Jackie too. She could be very funny and encouraging at times. I have enjoyed meeting all the new arrivals and remember all to well when I was a newbie. Despite the changes and all the new folks who have joined our little party.........Its still the best place in town!
-
Hey Jerry,
I for one found nothing in your post to quibble with (unlike some others in this thread). Nor was your second post even needed. “Forget them” that just want to argue and tell you how wrong you are. They simply don’t want to here what you have to say IMVHfkngO of course.
I personally find it distasteful that you were side-swiped by a few who could not hear your tone, but just chose to be bitter and condescending, much like my own tenor about them. Who knows, maybe they just needed to quip for the hell of it.
I disappeared for a while because of many reasons, and like Tim suggests some of those reasons can actually be very good. Try to roll with it babe, and cull what you can, leaving the others to quibble about fruits and nuts, and other non-sense.
No worries Jerry,
jon
-
I think that many people here put too much emphasis on this site (once upon a time myself included). While I understand your feelings somewhat Jerry, I think that We all need to keep things in perspective. We all agree that change is inevitable, and in the perfect world, the changes in our lives for the better would mean less involvement here, and more involvement in our own existence. There is only so much pleasure that you can gain in reading a post.
Jerry, I have stated more than once that you need to find something else to balance yourself. Perhaps you need a road trip to find it.
-
KC,
Very well put.... I need to heed that myself..
Jerry hope you are feeling better!
Thomas HTT
-
Terry, celibate for twenty-four years???!!!
Andy,
Why do you think I have the reputation around here of being pissed off all the time. :-\ You’d be to if you hadn't %#@ed anyone in 24 years. >:( >:( >:( It was my choice to give up relationships when I heard about this bug that gay’s were dying from in L.A. Wish I had heard the news a few weeks earlier.
Terry
PS. No regrets! :'(