POZ Community Forums

HIV Prevention and Testing => Do I Have HIV? => Topic started by: anotherman on October 03, 2006, 04:48:34 am

Title: I am horribly scared
Post by: anotherman on October 03, 2006, 04:48:34 am
Hello,

I'm a married man, and I have a beautiful baby. Few months ago I had a relationship with someone, I think that last time we had sex was last June, I then was having significant troubles with my wife, bu later, things went better between me and my wife, and I admitted having a relationship with someone. I started fearing I might have contracted HIV, although I've talked aboutthat issue with the woman I slept with, and she was certain about that she doesn't have it, she is a client of mine, and I'm her lawyer. Anyways, I had an anti-bodies test after 2.5 months of the first time we slept together, and it was negative, but later, I had diarrhea, some times alternated with constipation, and feeling of fatigue, and low grade fever. The doctor required stool, urine, and complete blood analysis, they were all fine except for the stool analysis which showed a microbe called "Giardia Lamblia", but the doctor said that Giradia always causes watery stool, with no constipation, so he suggested I'm having Salmonella. He took another sample of my blood, and confirmed that I'm having Salmonella. By then, almost 3.5 months have passed since the FIRST time I had sex with her, last time was at the end of June, so I took another HIV test, and again the result was negative. I took the medicines the doctor prescribed, and within 3 days the stool started to be normal again, and the diarrhea stopped, but after I finished the medicine, I felt fatigue yesterday, so I measured my temperature and it was 1 degree higher than normal, so I went again to the doctor who suggested a microbe reactivation, I took medicines again, but today morning I found that the diarrhea is back! I'm in an extreme fear of HIV, and I get horrible nightmares, I dream of the analysis reports changing words from "negative" to "positive". My wife has forgiven me for the cheating, and she is standing beside me in my sickness, and even comforting me about the fear of HIV, telling me always that the analysis were proven negative, and this adds more load on me, I feel extreme guilt in my heart, how could I cheat on this angel, even if we had big problems then? I look at my beautiful new born baby face and think if I'd lose him, if I caused him big harm, I get nightmares when asleep, and black thoughts when awake. I started to lose concentration in my work, and I'm literally horrified! There are 2 main reasons for the horror I feel; that I'm not sure that the adequate time has already passed to take the anti-bodies test, and that the diarrhea has came back to me this morning, with this fatigue, although I took a complete medication course for Salmonella already, I started to doubt the credibility of the doctor, the analysis, and every thing. I have to mention that I did the analysis in 2 different labs, and that both were negative, but again, I'm not surethat the adequate time has passed. Help me please, tell me if I may be having HIV? I'm "too" worried, and I read your forum many times since I started having these fears, and I know that you people are angels, real angels, so please give me the right information.
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: anotherman on October 03, 2006, 04:52:05 am
Oh and please, I need only moderators to reply to my post, no normal users PLEASE. Thanks.
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: RapidRod on October 03, 2006, 05:08:33 am
You had an HIV test at 2.5 months, then again at 3.5 months and negative. GUESS WHAT? Your negative. Your symptoms have nothing to do with HIV. You didn't say what type of sex you had, wheather it was vaginal, anal or just a blowjob, but it really doesn't matter at this point, you're negative. What shocks me is that you are a lawyer you said, you know the laws, but yet, you don't know anything about HIV or sexually transmitted diseases. Taking the bar, was a lot harder for you, then it would be to educate yourself on HIV. You slipped by this time, I hope you've learned something. That's really kind of funny. Isn't that what you tell your clients?
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: anotherman on October 03, 2006, 05:14:26 am
Thanks for your reply, it was vaginal sex, and I've learned A LOT! More than any one can imagine, it was a nightmare experience, but again, the test was 3.5 months after the first time we had sex, not the last time, I hope it doesn't make big difference. I'm trying to get this fear out of my head, but thanks for your reply and for your help anyways.

What really horrifies me, is that I'm having this low grade fever, diarrhea, vomiting after eating "sometimes", fatigue, and muscle aches. Again, diarrhea has gone for few days, and it used to alternate with constipation. I don't know, I am just confused, and I can't get rid of the scary thoughts, or the nightmares.
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: RapidRod on October 03, 2006, 06:44:25 am
Then it is time for you to seek counseling. You know the issue is NOT HIV. So I would be looking elsewhere if the symptoms continue.
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: Ann on October 03, 2006, 07:38:52 am
Another,

As hiv infection isn't guaranteed from one exposure, you need to test three months after the LAST time you had unprotected intercourse.

However, hiv is a fragile, difficult to transmit virus and more so from a woman to a man and I expect you to continue testing negative. However, to be sure, you need to test three months after the LAST possible exposure.

Your doctor has already diagnosed you with two very common intestinal bugs - and when I say common, I mean you do NOT have to be hiv positive to get them and you don't have to be hiv positive to have trouble getting rid of them. They also do not have to be transmitted sexually. Maybe you should be researching these two bugs instead of hiv.

Ann
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: anotherman on October 03, 2006, 08:21:56 am
Thanks a lot Ann, I was waiting for your post.
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: anotherman on October 04, 2006, 04:10:09 am
Hello Ann,

After reading your post, I realized that 3 months have passed already since last time I had an intercourse with her, so I took the Elisa test yesterday, and the result was negative, shall I consider this result conclusive? Taking into consideration that it was only 3 months not 3.5
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: RapidRod on October 04, 2006, 04:25:15 am
Three months past the last exposure, your test is conclusive. You're NEGATIVE...
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: anotherman on October 04, 2006, 04:35:15 am
Thanks RapidRod, thank you all. You guys are angels, and I hope I can contribute by any means to campaign against HIV. I live in a third world country, and I guess that many people have an extreme lack of information when it comes to HIV.
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: anotherman on October 04, 2006, 06:17:50 am
I know how silly I may sound, and you probably will consider me insae or psychotic for asking this again, but it's the last time to talk about it; last time I had intercourse with her was during the last 2 weeks of June, and yesterday I had a RAPID ELISA TEST, which resulted as negative, now shall I consider it conclusive? Especially that I'm not sure if the test has included HIV 2 or not!!

To clarify my 2 concerns; 1- It was a RAPID ELISA TEST, 2- It was after 3 months, which means that it was after 12 weeks not 13
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: RapidRod on October 04, 2006, 08:15:02 am
You don't need an HIV2 test, your test would have tested for it too. You are conclusively negative.
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: Andy Velez on October 04, 2006, 08:18:22 am
Yes, you can consider the negative Rapid result to be conclusive. You are HIV negative. Period. End of story.

I am going to caution you about something else. Right now you may think you will never have sex outside your marriage again. BUT, if you do you need to know that you must use a condom anytime you have intercourse outside of a securely monogamous relationship in which both partners have tested negative together. I'm not suggesting you will or should stray again, but if you do a condom is a must everytime, no matter what you think you know about the person you are with.

Fortunately this time you have reliably tested negative.

If any of your symptoms persist you should discuss them with your doctor. This is not an HIV situation.

Cheers,
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: anotherman on October 04, 2006, 08:28:45 am
Andy Velez, RapidRod,

Thanks FROM MY HEART. I grasped all what you said Andy, and thanks again. You may not being fully aware of how great you are people, but you really are.
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: Andy Velez on October 04, 2006, 11:04:31 am
I'm glad you have found the exchanges here to be helpful. Now, get on with your life!
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: anotherman on October 06, 2006, 08:52:33 am
Sorry guys, but the symptoms I have are still there; diarrhea, muscle aches, rarely vomiting, some times I get costipation followed by a diarrhea, mild fever, and constant fatigue. I'm horrified that this is the acute infection period, and that that was why the test has rsulted negative, I even started to question the credibility of the test, especially that the city I live in is not very advanced in medicine, but I thought that ELISA test can be done easily. I was talking to my doctor yesterday, he asked for a stool sample, especially that the diarrhea seems not to respond to the anti-biotic! I'm horrified, I cannot work, I have terrible nightmare everyday that I'm now afraid to sleep. I've tested negative after 3 months of the possible exposure, which was a vaginal intercourse, lasted for 2 weeks, and I had sex with her even when she was on her period! Now I am scared that the negative result was either because the acute infection symptoms were not gone yet, or because the test was not that reliable, I'll visit a shring that's for sure, just when I get back to my original city where I can find perfect doctors and labs, but in the mean while, I can't live normally, black thoughts and nightmares are literally destroying me. Could my worries about this being an acute infection, and that that was why the test has resulted negative, true? Sorry guys, I just live in a third world country where talking about HIV is a taboo, and I can't find anyone else to talk to except you.
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: RapidRod on October 06, 2006, 09:27:27 am
Your negative test is conclusive. Any other test your doctor is preforming is unrelated to HIV.
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: Ann on October 06, 2006, 09:31:01 am
Another,

Your symptoms have nothing to do with hiv. You have tested reliably negative at the correct time. Keep working with your doctor to discover the reason behind your bowel trouble. There are many other bugs out there - stop looking at something that has already been ruled out.

You are hiv negative, period, end of story.

Ann
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: anotherman on October 08, 2006, 08:40:41 am
Okay, I have tested again yesterday! 13 weeks after the potential exposure, and I've tested at another lab this time, but still in the same small unreliable city, anyways, it was negative again. After I went back home, I started to take my breath again, and to prepare myself to be a normal person again, but while I was in the wash room, I've noticed a rash on my chest and few on my back and arms, first time in my life to get a rash!! Then I noticed a white bump on my waist!

My question is: Since some doctors request 6 months test, is there any chance that the anti-bodies are still in progress, and this is why I'm still having the symptoms 13 weeks after the exposure? Or is it a viral infection? Or is it a microbe? I'm too scared of HIV, like I never thought I would be, and again, I couldn't sleep except for 1.5 hours, and even then, I had the usual scary nightmares, just nightmares. My wife has started to collapse, and cry most of the time, because of my situation, and because of that she has started to have fears as well, especially because of the symptoms and signs, which keep appearing one after one! I look at my kid's face every day, and just cry silently, feeling the most painful pain a human on earth could feel. Yesterday when I discovered this rash I was surprised to find my hands ice cold, and minutes before finding it I've made normal stool, but this morning, I started vomiting, then I had a lot of diarrhea, diarrhea like crazy! I called the woman I sent the woman I had the affair with an sms, asked her if she has anything I should know, and explained my symptoms, taking into consideration that she's a nurse. I found her calling me back internationally from her country. She emphasized that she has no HIV and emphasized that in her country only a very few quantity has it, she was surprised that I don't trust her, but you all know, this is nothing about trust, I passed the fear stage into the obssession one! I question the credibility of these labs, I question my case for being an exceptional one, because these are almost all the symptoms I read about!!!! This is amazing and too scary, tests said "negative" but what the hell is hapening to my body? I lost a lot of weight, fatigue, white tongue, weak rash, diarrhea.

I take 1500 mgms of anti-biotic / day if that would help you in anything.

I'm so sorry Andy, Ann, and Rodney. I know that I sound like a complete jerk, whom I'd never care to answer any more after all he was told, but I'm in a VERY BAD psychological situation people, and I'm really in need for your information, could symptoms be still till this time? That it might show the anti-bodies after it resolves? Although I've tested negative yesterday after 13 weeks? I'm sorry again, I just don't know what would I do if you people were not there, while I live in a country like this, where it's a taboo even to think about this!!! I'l visit a virology professor soon anyways, but I have to go to my city to find one, while in this touristic small city all clinics are not very reliable.

Does ELISA test need a certain degree of professionalism to be done accurately, or is any lab able to do it accurately since they're offering this service?
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: Ann on October 09, 2006, 04:47:58 am
another,

You are reliably hiv negative.

Why are you taking such a high dose of antibiotics everyday? Do you realise they could be the cause of your symptoms? (and before you ask, no, they would NOT interfere with your hiv test)

You need to talk to your doctor about what is going on. It has nothing to do with hiv - you have reliably tested hiv negative. You do not have hiv and do not need further hiv testing over this incident.

Ann
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: anotherman on October 13, 2006, 01:53:15 pm
Dear Ann,

The doctor has prescribed me yesterday a medicine, stating that it's more than enough to kill this bacteria, so I took it, and I had a normal stool in the morning, then again loose stool, and I have vomitted after eating 2 hours ago. I'm still in fear, seems like black thoughts never wanna leave, and my wife seems like she's fed up, so she said that she's taking a vacation to be with her family, taking the kid with her, so I'm left all alone in this city without any friends, and without any trusted one to talk to either. So these are my 2 main concerns:

1) Could acute HIV symptoms last for 1 month or slightly more?

2) What is the possibility that I might be still in the seroconversion, and that antibodies didn't start operating yet, so that they might show in the 6 months test? And this might be why I'm still having all these symptoms? Especially the white tongue, and the mouth internal ulcers? I know that such cases are too rare, but could this be the situation?

Addition: I never mentioned before that the woman I've slept with has mentioned once that she had MONO before, so I've tested for EBV before the three month, and the first result showed that I have EBV already, then my doctor has sent the readings to a virology professor who told him "He is immuned against EBV", but since that viral load test showed that I had a virus, taking into consideration "which you know already" that EBV test isn't specific for EBV, couldn't this be an indication for an HIV virus? But since the 3 months, then the 13 weeks test, showed that I have no antibodies, could this mean that the virus is there, but anti-bodies didn't start yet?
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: RapidRod on October 13, 2006, 01:58:58 pm
It's sad that people don't take their negative results and move on. You've seen what you are doing I hope? She has only went to visit family this time. Knock it off, or it will be a divorce court if you keep it up. You are negative so move on with your life.
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: anotherman on October 13, 2006, 02:06:42 pm
I believe you're right Rodney, but you know what? Sometimes ignorance is better than inclomplete knowledge, just because people keep saying stuff, and I keep reading, reading, and reading, this adds more and more fear to me. If I knew all about it like you, I wouldn't be suffering like now, and if I didn't know anything at all, just took the test and it said "negative", I still would be satisfied, but to know something and miss a thing is the real tragedy. Thanks again Rodney, I wish you allllllllllllllllllll the best, and I mean it.
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: anotherman on October 13, 2006, 02:07:26 pm
I'll try to be more rational!
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: Welcome on October 13, 2006, 02:46:13 pm
Another Man

Believe what Ann and Rodney are saying, it is true I know it happened to me and i went through the same denial to cut the story short I want you to know that the sooner you get yourself out of that stage the better because it will affect you family, work and close others in the end. I know that it is not easy for you, you feel guilty and anxious every minute at the moment. I wish you concentrate on your family, other positive things in your life, forget about the cheating and HIV. I know you can make it and all the best
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: Ann on October 13, 2006, 03:51:12 pm
another,

Your thirteen week negative result means you are hiv negative, period, end of story. Whatever is going on with you  has nothing to do with hiv. Stop reading about hiv - all you're doing is filling your head with misunderstandings and scaring yourself for no good reason. You are hiv negative.

As I said to you before, antibiotics can cause every last symptom you have reported here. They are a drug, like any other, and can cause side-effects. Talk to you doctor about this.

You are hiv negative and there is nothing more we can do for you here.

Ann
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: anotherman on November 09, 2006, 10:23:18 am
Hello All,

I'm here just to inform you that my symptoms are starting to go away. I have been to my original city and back. No doctors "3 professors" were able to diagnose my symptoms, and it really teased me that one of them said that it was nothing but a psychological issue!

Anyways, Before I travel back to the city where I work, I had another ELISA ag/ab test, which came back negative, 14 or 15 weeks after the potential exposure, and I visited an STD professor, one of the real good ones, who told me I should drop it out of my mind, and that it is impossible to be seroconverting for 4 months, while the woman I had sex with, had a test in her country "upon my request", which she said has came back negative too.

I also met a lot of ignorant lab workers, who said that the right test for HIV is PCR!!!!! and that antibodies never show before 1 year of an exposure!!! It was a tragedy that it was me who was rectifying their info, then my doctor "STI Doctor", when I told him about this, was shocked and surprised of their ignorance.

I'm here now for the mere purpose of thanking people whom I don't REALLY know what I could do without! I mean Ann, RapidRod, and Andy Velez. I want to say that I didn't stop thinking of the three of you one day, actually it was many times during the day. The three of you, instead of your own health issues, you're always here, always improving people lives, either by showing them the risks, or by encouraging new positively diagnosed, or by describing meds. Furthermore, you're very patient with repetitive questions, which imply that you DO understand the psychological status of people who post, and how they're truly horrified. Eventually, you do all this for free.

No words are enough to thank you, but I have figured out some way to contribute to your eforts, I'm translating the "Transmission and Testing" lessons into my language, and I'll agree with a famous library here to distribute it on patrons in the World Aids Day. I took a lot of time since then ro read and read more, and I really wish to help, because when you helped me when I was too scared, this was pricelessly valuable, and really no words can describe. Guide me please if there is any more local role I can play to make people more aware about the virus, and help to stop it from being spread more.

With love.
Title: Re: I am horribly scared
Post by: RapidRod on November 09, 2006, 11:42:11 am
anotherman, you just thanked us. I'm glad we could be of some help. Remember if you go shopping around make sure you have condoms and waterbase lube in your pocket. Stay safe and be careful.