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Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: ivorydude on December 11, 2020, 01:45:54 am

Title: 6 years passed, getting ready for dating
Post by: ivorydude on December 11, 2020, 01:45:54 am
Hi all,

I was diagnosed positive October 2014
Now already undetectable for 5 years in a row.... =)))))))

I'm 37 years old, living in Jakarta - Indonesia

Quite healthy, i think with so far no major side effect, aside from slight occasional diarrhea.

I'm thinking of getting into relationship again, but still afraid to disclose.
I'm currently close with a guy.
We had sex couple of times, safety of course.

But yet I did not disclose my status.

I'm thinking for serious relationship, meanwhile this whole time just ons n fwb.

Any suggestions?
Title: Re: 6 years passed, getting ready for dating
Post by: Kangaroo on December 15, 2020, 07:08:43 am
Hey.

I'll share my case.

I was afraid to disclose my status to many guys I had affairs, so I never did, as well as because I never thought I had to disclose since I am UD.

Then a guy I had an affair with for a time asked me for dating (long term relationship), at that moment I told him that if he really wants it I had one thing to disclose, and I said that after me saying it he should have time to think about and if he still wants to date me after disclosing he could ask me again.

I prepared myself to address to any reaction from him, from an instant dating proposal, and comprehensive feeling, to an aggressive or passive-aggressive attitude.

No matter the occasion, be sure you are OK with your situation, I mean: no matter the reaction, you are confident that you are making the right thing.
Never let anyone's reaction to unsettling your mind.
Title: Re: 6 years passed, getting ready for dating
Post by: Jim Allen on December 15, 2020, 11:41:29 pm
Hiya,

HIV status of not dating and relationships can be challenging, just wanted to wish you luck with this chapter.

Quote
I'm thinking of getting into relationship again, but still afraid to disclose.

What makes you afraid? Is it rejection?

HIV has not made much difference to me, as for sharing my status I think when I share the delivery makes a difference, took me a few attempts to find what works for me.

Being more comfortable and confident about my HIV status really helped.

When I share my HIV status I do it face to face, starting with I have a manageable medical condition that is not a concern but wanted to share it, blah blah blah so I start at the beginning and work towards the taking meds and, being undetectable. 

Just remember you can't control peoples reaction, just the message you deliver.

I've heard some people like to probe how someone feels about the topic of HIV ahead of time in conversation to see their reaction "He, did you see in the news blah blah blah on HIV, I found it interesting"

I'm sure there are plenty of other ways.

Quote
We had sex couple of times, safety of course.

You have HIV suppressed (UD), so no risk passing on HIV of course*. As for sex, even if you practice safer sex (safer, not safe) just remember to still routinely test for STI's.

Best, Jim

* https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=71864.0