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Author Topic: Can't believe I'm here  (Read 8903 times)

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Offline hilarya93

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Can't believe I'm here
« on: June 25, 2021, 05:06:05 am »
I'm sure, like the rest of you, I can't believe I'm in this group. I got my diagnosis 1 week ago. I was seein a dude for the last 4 months and he never told me he was HIV positive. I found out he wasn't monogamous like I was, so since we hadn't been using a condom, I went and got tested for everything. Welp, HIV was positive. I donate plasma all the time and as of March 7th, I was negative and as of June 10th, I was positive. He said he told me, but I was drunk and said I didn't care! WHAT?!?! Ain't no way in hell!!!!! EVEN IF THAT WAS THE CASE, why didn't u tell me the next day when I was sober? Or the next 4 f'in months???? If you cared SO MUCH about me, why didn't you insist on wearing a condom? I've started the process of pressing charges (which I know some people don't agree with, and to each his own) because we had sex A LOT over the last 4 months and he admitted to me 2 days ago that he's had it for 8 years! I'm so angry! A little hurt cuz I was just starting to let my guard down (which is hard for me) and a little bit of fear. Am I ever gonna find a man that will want to be with me? I'm freakin 43, I don't wanna live the rest of my life sexless..... 😭
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Offline hilarya93

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Re: Can't believe I'm here
« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2021, 05:24:24 am »
I was just diagnosed 7 days ago, and I know for sure I did not have it March 7th, so I contracted it fairly recently. My viral load is 99,900 and my CD4, THANK GOD, is 700. The doctor wants to wait until he gets my genotype results before he starts me on meds, but I will stay on meds and NEVER miss a pill for the rest of my life! I'm waiting for grand babies (or at least grand goats if my kids don't have babies...lol) My biggest battle right now, besides hating the mf'er that gave it to me when he knew he had it, is having to quit drinking as an alcoholic and having to deal with this reality sober....😭😭😭
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Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Can't believe I'm here
« Reply #2 on: June 25, 2021, 06:50:50 am »
Hiya,

Sorry to hear about your diagnosis and I wish you all the best on your journey getting sober.

Quote
Am I ever gonna find a man that will want to be with me? I'm freakin 43, I don't wanna live the rest of my life sexless.

Sure, it's possible. Your HIV status doesn't mean you can't have a sex life or can't date & meet people. Never stopped me from dating & having sex.

Jim
« Last Edit: June 25, 2021, 08:22:28 am by Jim Allen »
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Offline RMalongo

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Re: Can't believe I'm here
« Reply #3 on: June 25, 2021, 09:59:56 am »
I understand your pain but anger won’t change anything anymore…

You were diagnosed very quickly so this is good! You need to move on and think about positive things in your life (I learned that I want zero stress in my life since 3 weeks ever again…)

You take your « vitamin » pill every day until hopefully a cure is found …

We are all in the same boat… I advise you to see a psychologist to let go all this anger and fear in you!
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