HIV thirty years ago

[em]

life is what happens when you are making other plans

short story to define who I am HIV and all

the eighties for me

I had been in the military and thought killing people was not the right career choice for me.At least not killing people and getting put down on while doing it?   ( polite way of saying what i was thinking )( trying my best not to let anger color this blurb )  They did not seem to want me there and I did not want to be there. So I left, not  really that would be desertion AWOL. I think my whole attitude about aggression and being forceful was not part of the way I was wired? being angry and forceful all the time  no thanks  anyway passive aggressive tendencies did  not do well in the military. did not want to spend my life with uncle Sam anyway. Need less to say I got out of the military stayed a while with mom she through me out. Homeless shelter I went. A homeless Vet before it was cool like now ??  At this particular Homeless  shelter were people lying around all day skinny and sweating and sickly. Everyone on the street thought they were derelict drug addicts and alcoholic undesirables their ruin was their fault . I was never more ashamed to be a human seeing this tragedy unfold. The people on the street out side not even aware that it was there?  There were lots of them  and they were dying from AIDS. In the spring the police would come and clear everyone out and close the shelter. Where everyone went was not their problem they just could not stay there it was a winter shelter not year round?

Me I got a break collage through the GI bill a free ride honorable discharge if I could get accepted to a collage I could go. The collage I went too admissions policy if your check clears you are in ??  there were other passive aggressive x military at that collage.

I got a blood test for HIV it was positive I recalled the homeless shelter and wanted to kill myself before going back there but graduated from collage first after all it was payed for and I do not like to waste??

fast for ward a while and AIDS in Africa is all that collage talked about and how bad they had it ?? I just kept thinking about the homeless shelter across town.

 yes I went to school with in walking distance from were I lived the homeless shelter was about five miles from my my place and the collage was five miles from there after all I believe in not being waste full. traveling far for no good reason is just not what I do .

sorry I digress from that tangent just thought some personal info might be worth mentioning if anyone reads this ?

AIDS in Africa while our own back yard was not on any ones mind. I went back to that school after getting pro tease inhibitors and not sweating all the time gained some weight and the collage had told me I was tress passing and I looked like a vagrant they would call the police ??

so much for higher learning and life long connections and friends in collage cause I went to a small apartment to wait to  die . and then I lived and am doing so now ? twenty five years later. still hiding not participating like gym class in public school If you passed me on the street you would look at me see my shifty eyes and heavy set build wearing heavily worn clothing, Hey I am not wealthy Then you would  check your wallet and valuables or purse as the case may be clutching it close.. we have to play the hand we are dealt just wish my was not so dreary. If wishes were fishes no one would hunger

I am still alive and some what healthy HIV and all

thank you for reading this if you got this far.

EM ( enlisted man ) why did I enlist cause I needed a job ?