Hard to be LTS almost 30 years with no partner:

[jm1953]

Haven't been on for awhile.  Good to see familiar names.

Never did I think I would not be partnered at age 63.  But, my last relationship of 10 years ended miserably.  Thought this was the one to really settle down and take care of each other.  I was much further along with the virus than him who was practically a newbie.  Long story short, he couldn't deal with seeing or living with someone in the advanced stage of the virus.

Whatever the case, I have dated since, but no connection.  Now I am too sick and tired to even pursue a relationship.  Nor do I know I want one.  Just wish things would have worked out differently.

I asked my HIV doctor how the rest of his long term patients are doing 25 years POZ and up.  He said the majority are partnered which makes a huge difference in
a patients attitude knowing there is someone there for them that understands and will help them through it.

I've gone into a major depression which does not help things.  But my doctor is not surprised.  Fortunately I have a small network of friends and physicians who have helped feel the void.

For those of you partnered, I envy you.  Going through this alone and living with a double stigma having depression and an LTS is Hell. 

I wanted to ask the forum if there are other single Long Term Survivors like myself, and how you are dealing with it.  Maybe we can help each other.

Hugs to all.

[BT65]

Hi JM,
I haven't been in a relationship for quite a few years and I'm doing fine. But I've gotten to the point where I'm comfortable enough with myself to not need a romantic relationship. 

I don't pursue relationships...I don't want to have to feel like I'm accountable like for other people's time, making sure someone is happy, etc.   I've had several health issues but I have good friends, a lot of which are on these forums.  And even though we live in different areas of the country they have helped as much as they can.  I also have a roommate who has been my best friend for over 20 years.  When I broke my leg, then had to have a rod put in, she was very helpful. 

I also lived alone when I broke my hip and had to have a plate put in. That's when a couple of the people on the forums helped me. Plus I had others from the forums checking on my well being which was nice.
 
I guess that's how I've gotten through the more recent years. The relationships I've had weren't necessarily healthy other than a couple.  I don't have a good picker so it's probably to my best interest to stay single.  Good luck. Being alone isn't so bad.

Betty

[jm1953]

Thanks Betty for your reply.  I too really don't have the desire to enter into a relationship, as I am ok with being alone, and kind of enjoy it for the same reasons you pointed out.  My therapist suggested a roommate situation might help.  However the only person I would feel comfortable being a roommate with are my two best friends, one in Palm Springs, and the other in Philadelphia.  Both would involve a big move and my energy isn't the greatest.  But he has a point I think.

I am a writer, and as most writers know, the best writing comes from minimum distraction.  I have done some of my best writing since I became single.  And this is something I will continue to pursue. 

So, in a way,  I think we are on the same page.  And knowing someone who can relate means a lot, and I feel less alone in this predicament.

Thanks Betty, appreciate your responding to my post.

Sending you my best wishes,

KB

[OneTampa]

Responded in a similar thread:

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=61782.0

"...My first long term partner of 15 years passed on over 25 years ago.

Have had several approaches since but have not felt the same love and attachment.

Am glad I have lived 31 years longer to see my son grow up and not too many years away from becoming eligible for his AARP membership card. 

Still have family and a few remaining long time friends.

And thank God, I like living with myself.  ..."

[psJimm]

Dear JM1953,
Please give yourself more time to grieve for your losses... there is no limitation on how long it takes...

One day, one fine day, you're going to encounter your future mate and all this unpleasantness, all the memories of the life you have been living without a soul partner, will evaporate, instantly.  You KNOW it's true as you've heard about it happening to many couples, as have I, in my 68 years.

Please repeat the following, each night, for as long as it takes, as you wait for sleep to come...

"Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you,  but if you turn your attention to other things, it comes and sits softly on your shoulder."

May you soon share contentment and joy with your soulmate...

[jm1953]

Dear JM1953,
Please give yourself more time to grieve for your losses... there is no limitation on how long it takes...

One day, one fine day, you're going to encounter your future mate and all this unpleasantness, all the memories of the life you have been living without a soul partner, will evaporate, instantly.  You KNOW it's true as you've heard about it happening to many couples, as have I, in my 68 years.

Please repeat the following, each night, for as long as it takes, as you wait for sleep to come...

"Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you,  but if you turn your attention to other things, it comes and sits softly on your shoulder."

May you soon share contentment and joy with your soulmate...

Thanks for you encouragement.  I have a long distant relationship which is kind of driving me crazy.   I can't count it as a real relationship, more as a best friend sort of thing.  I'm not actively looking for another partner as I have not had the best luck with the ones I have had.  But I am not ruling the possibility out.

I appreciate your response!  Take good care.