POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: tryingforhope on October 27, 2006, 04:57:18 pm
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So I am having a really hard time with the sickies this pregnancy so I talked with my dad and my fiance who both agreed that after my prenatal appt next Monday, I should go visit my parents until Thanksgiving. My dad the RN I am not worried about. It is the rest of the family. My mom freaked out on me on the phone today because I told her Sam was in the bathroom with me while I was losing my breakfast. "You know it is in your bodily fluids". I tried to tell her that it was not as far as I was educated.
So here is the fear. Since my filing for divorce and moving, my mom and I have been on very shaking grounds. (she even reported me to the state regarding my care for my infant son, which the state found false) Now I am feel as though I am walking into the lions den but I really need the help between how sick I am and my two year old. My dad keeps telling me that he will not let any negativity in because he knows that is not beneficial to me but really how far can he go with that.
To make matters worse, my father is also the minister of the big church in town. Somehow word got out(probably one of my loving two sisters) with me five hours away that I have HIV. So I am going to a two with a big HIV painted on my forehead. Oh add WHORE to that since the uneducated about this disease feel that way. While I am on the whore subject. When I told my mom that I was positive her response was "you play you pay". Gee thanks.
The icing on the cake is when I talked to my grandmother this week and told her I was pregnant. Her first question was do I know who the father is.
SERIOUSLY!!!!
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It's appalling how ignorant people can be. Take owneship of those negative words and make them meaningless - you know how you feel about other people's short-comings which are in no way a reflection on your own enlightenment. I hope your safety is not in question during your visit.
I have nothing but good thoughts for you as the holiday looms large.
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Trying,
We haven't had the joy of chatting just yet, but obviously you are one hell-of-a-woman.
Please do me a favor. Reach down into your fine self and grab some of that very special and very strong "woman power" that you females of this species seem to carry in your bosom. Take the fact of HIV and own it, become it's master, and don't let anyone; especially your family, disuade you or make you feel less than a whole person. Please remind them that they too have viruses living and reproducing in their bodies, and for you, it is just a tad bit more urgent. Needless to say, there will not be peace sooner than later, when I read your post. I realize fully what a challenge this is going to be for you, but please make sure to remind your mother, grandmother, and sisters that God/ess above has your back and you will not secumb to this virus any time soon.
Can't say too much more, as I really don't know the whole story, but for someone who was a "Preacher's Kid", I too am well aware that peace with the family starts with us, and to that end, you have certainly made the "good start" with DAD. Good on you!!!
You might also remind your female family members that if they have not been totally celebate, or protected, for the last 10 to 12 years, they just might do themselves some good to get tested. See how that settles in with the holiday.
Peace and Love, and I'll be thinking of you and the war.
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Now Tim that made me smile at the thought of telling my sisters and mom to get tested. Better yet how about my still in the closet brother. It is funny how people still think that if you have HIV you were the whore of the town. Interestingly enough the person that most likely infected me is a well respected dr. in their town. HMMM wonder how they would feel about him delivering their children now since they are so closed minded.
As for my safety...I can handle my own any day. I would be more concerned that I don't choke one of them before this is over. After all I am sure that they will be bleaching everything after I touch it. Even though my father has sat each of them down and explained how this virus spreads.
The best though was the talk with my sister how about who should get my children. Let me think....
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Trying,
I can definitely relate to the 2 sisters, I have 2 sisters just like that. Before I could open my mouth good they were telling everybody. Because of this, we don't speak and more than likely never will, which is fine in my book. I told them the same thing, that they need to get checked, especially my one sister who has a crackhead for a bf, and she has caught him with other women..But they're so worried about me. Sometimes I feel like they are just waiting for me to drop dead...I feel like screaming, SORRY BITCHES BUT NOT TODAY!!! Wouldn't it be a bitch if I was here longer than them? It can happen.....
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Trying,
"you play you pay" is as bad as my mother's "God is punishing you."
You have my complete sympathy and best wishes for the strength to overcome such an attitude.
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Hello Tryingforhope,
It disturbs me to hear that your immediate family has such a "negative" outlook when they demand a "positive" outlook in their home. One thing I would like to remind you of; We are all a part of that same great source who created this universe that planet Earth resides in. We may "vary" according to our Human Flesh. However, we are all part of that one universal body.
I would suggest that you make it your BEST effort not to "add" fuel to the "fire" so to speak. Instead make it your BEST effort to achieve Acceptance, Understanding, and Crystal Clear Communication with the ones you love. What has happened cannot be changed. It is now a part of the past. As it is often quoted: "It is water under the bridge".
Make it a point that you DO need them to be a part of your support system. In order for them to be a part of it, they need to access the keys of life that I have mentioned to you above.
I am sending you my BEST wishes that everything will work itself out for you in your situation.
Make the BEST of each Day!
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Wow trying... The silver lining in all this is your Dad. At least he's with you and there for you. Hopefully your sisters and mom will come around after you're home for a bit. If not, love them anyway -- it'll make 'em NUTS ;D