Trying to guess my infection roughly

[yowsaa]

hey all,

Why i'm trying to guessitmate this is cause i seperated from my first wife in '95 and never disclosed to her when i found out years later (see bottom). I was told it was prob a year or two before i found out. That would take me back to '98 .

Two things that make me question this are how high my cd4's are now and also remember my spouse had a recurring problem of yeast infections. (mean anything... dunno).

I guess in the big scheme of things it is unimportant. Just gnaws at me sometimes. Last i heard she has remarried.

Any opinions/guesses ??
thanks

[Life]

Probably could spend your "lifetime" trying to figure that one out...  Tic Tock, Tic Tock....

[yowsaa]

I am gnawing of self imposed guilt for not disclosing when maybe i should have. ID doc at the time gave me the 1-2 year window so i decided against that.

Too many drunken, unprotected one night stands to even guess. Yep, won't happen to me. WRONG.

[IzPoz]

When I was first diagnosed, I was told to go back 5 years and to advise those I was with during that time frame to get tested.

It's up to you, unless you know for a fact that you were negative when you married, and you remained faithful to her until you separated.

[HIVworker]

You asked me for my best guess, but honestly I don't have one. I don't know enough about declining CD4 cells to be able to guess how long you are infected. I know some, but not enough for this.

Honestly, from what I have read it is very variable and I don't want to guess because you might attribute some weight to that in a manner that I can not predict. It might make you feel better, it might make you feel worse. For that reason I won't guess on this for you.

Try not to let it work on you if you can. Would it affect your feelings if you knew? I'm just curious.

Rich

[yowsaa]

Put my ex through more grief than any one person should have to endure. To be honest I never really thought of this question very much until I joined this forum and read alot, always just assumed this happened well after the split.

Affect my feelings ? Yes. But nothing I can do about it now, except pray for forgiveness if such is the case. I always try to do the right thing now but looking back at this event my cowardice of disclosing was greater than potentially saving another human being. Shameful.

This is not something that consumes my daily life but I read today that cd4's decline an average of 50-100/yr. Given my high numbers now would suggest infection around '90-'93 to my untrained guess.

For the woman who mention about some cheating jerk ex who left them with this , this jerk most sincerely apologises. God bless you all.

p.s. IzPoz, Was I faithful ? No.

[Eldon]

Hello Yowsaa,

Yes, it is unfortunate of the circumstances that you face in your life. I am going to "Keep it Real" with you.

Try your BEST not to focus on how it happened. It is a hard reality but it cannot be changed.

Try your BEST not to experience these feelings of guilt, frustration, and anger, as it will tear you apart with your internal anxiety.

Work on a solution to get this off of your chest. If you can locate your "X", by all means DO SO as this will lift a tremendous weight off of your shoulder.


Make the BEST of each Day!

[Cliff]

Tell her.  You know that's the right thing to do.  None of us are able to confirm that you weren't infected with HIV in 1995 and neither can you (or your doctor). 

She deserves the truth.

[bobik]

Hi Yowsaa,

I know of quite some people who's cd4's remained 300 for years without treatment. Matter of how aggressive the virus is. So you won't find that answer, I am afraid.

Coen

[Alain]

.

[Ann]

Hi Yowsaa,

I also think you have a responsibility to make sure your ex is made aware that she needs to test. There is no way to know for certain when you were infected and it is totally possible that you were hiv positive when you were still together.

You don't necessarily have to tell her yourself. You can contact your local health authority and inform them of her whereabouts and that she needs to test due to her contact with you. It might be better for her if it comes from you (so she's not guessing who this anonymous contact is), but how you approach it is up to you.

But the bottom line here is that she needs to know. If she has been infected, she might not find out otherwise until she lands in hospital with PCP. It happens all the time that a person outside the alleged "risk groups" aren't tested for hiv when they're having otherwise unexplained medical problems.

Good luck. I know this isn't going to be an easy thing to do, but it's the RIGHT thing to do.

Ann