Author Topic: Worried sick from risk (Read 14921 times)

worriedjim · « **on:** September 12, 2008, 12:46:17 pm »

I made a mistake a month ago and got involved with a woman who, unknown to me, was addicted to crack cocaine. She is somewhat functional as in she takes care of her son, etc, but she has been surrounded by people who are very high risk. I had recently found out she had cervical cancer and found its association with HIV online---though when I confronted her and her mother about this---they both stated this happened over a few years ago---before her last HIV test (which was 2 years ago) and her 5 year old son was born. She was recently involved with an individual who has been sent to prison for beating her. She was ok to speak with me about her status until recently she has become reluctant and has continued to tell me I have issues and mental problems and that shes not HIV pos. But, she also refuses to go get tested with me---her excuse is that she and I are no longer involved and she doesnt have to prove anything to me---she is very defensive and its frustrating. I have been losing sleep and my job is at stake----I keep going to the testing center for my HIV test but walk away---because this image plays in my head of them telling me I am POZ. I slept with her 3-4 times----I have read that its harder to get from a woman but not impossible---in my case I feel like I am in trouble---a hotline told me that its not that serious to even test over---I want to get back with my ex---I want kids----a family and i feel like i just ruined that all.

worriedjim · « **Reply #1 on:** September 12, 2008, 12:48:07 pm »

granted that I have not felt ill or had anything resembling ARS. Its also frustrating that ARS is dismissed as though it doesnt even matter--when it clearly happens to a lot of people.

RapidRod · « **Reply #2 on:** September 12, 2008, 01:04:10 pm »

If you put yourself at risk from having unprotected sex then test at the appropriate time. You don't need to harass her over it.

worriedjim · « **Reply #3 on:** September 12, 2008, 01:06:43 pm »

what are the chances I was infected?

RapidRod · « **Reply #4 on:** September 12, 2008, 01:15:31 pm »

What was your risk?

worriedjim · « **Reply #5 on:** September 12, 2008, 01:16:18 pm »

unprotected vaginal---i am cirmcumsized no ulcers or cuts--

RapidRod · « **Reply #6 on:** September 12, 2008, 01:19:30 pm »

HIV is harder to transmit from female to male. You can test at 6 weeks but will need to test at 3 months post exposure to obtain your conclusive test results. Next time use a condom and you won't have these worries.

Andy Velez · « **Reply #7 on:** September 12, 2008, 01:20:19 pm »

A partner's report of their status is irrelevant as far as you are concerned. You are the one who is responsible for your health.

You had unprotected intercourse. That is a risk for HIV. However, the good news is that HIV is a fragile virus and not easy to transmit. It is significantly harder to accomplish from female to male and your being circumcised lowers your risk even further. But lower risk is not the same as no risk, so you do need to get tested at 13 weeks after the most recent unprotected incident. And you need to learn from this experience. You can have all the partners you like regardless of their status. Just do it the safer way and alway without exception use a condom each time.

Hopefully you will scoot through safely this time. Good luck with your test.

worriedjim · « **Reply #8 on:** September 12, 2008, 01:20:29 pm »

My concern is that i feel like there wont be a next time.

worriedjim · « **Reply #9 on:** September 12, 2008, 01:22:39 pm »

Quote from: Andy Velez on September 12, 2008, 01:20:19 pm

A partner's report of their status is irrelevant as far as you are concerned. You are the one who is responsible for your health.

You had unprotected intercourse. That is a risk for HIV. However, the good news is that HIV is a fragile virus and not easy to transmit. It is significantly harder to accomplish from female to male and your being circumcised lowers your risk even further. But lower risk is not the same as no risk, so you do need to get tested at 13 weeks after the most recent unprotected incident. And you need to learn from this experience. You can have all the partners you like regardless of their status. Just do it the safer way and alway without exception use a condom each time.

Hopefully you will scoot through safely this time. Good luck with your test.

the issue is that i cant seem to work up the nerve to test---i mean god i get delighted at the idea of walking out with neg papers in my hand---but the thought of it not being neg---kills me---i mean i havent slept in 48 hours and i am at work now drained---my boss must think i am on drugs from my slurred speach---I guess what i am also looking for is if she sounds like someone who knows shes poz and in denial or someone who is confident shes ok===and just fed up with me....she told me that if she felt she was at risk she would take care of it right away because her son cant lose her etc--

Now andy you use the word "significantly"----which is a big difference from cross your fingers...

worriedjim · « **Reply #10 on:** September 12, 2008, 01:27:18 pm »

I wish one of you guys lived in Chicago---I would pay you to go with me to test---!

Andy Velez · « **Reply #11 on:** September 12, 2008, 04:00:29 pm »

Well, I suspect you know that you're going to get tested. The only question is how long are you going to torture yourself about it before you do it. You don't have to feel brave or confident. You can go there with your knees shaking as believe me many have done before you.

I can tell you that in the more than 7 years we've had this Forum, it's been less than two handfuls of people who have tested positive. Everyone else has been scared just like you and sure they're going to test positive -- and then they test negative.

So pull your socks up and get those feet walking in to get this taken care of. We'll be here waiting to hear your result.

Cheers,

Ann · « **Reply #12 on:** September 12, 2008, 04:05:10 pm »

Jim,

Look mate, if you are positive, which I doubt, then it's better to know sooner rather than later.

Go and get tested. Any sexually active adult should be testing yearly as a matter of routine anyway.

BTW, my money is on that she's just fed up with you. Your sexual health is your own responsibility, not hers or anyone else's. Start taking care of YOU and make sure you use condoms.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

BTW, how much would you pay for me to accompany you to a testing center? Just curious, I live on an island in the middle of the Irish Sea and unless you're willing to pay airfare...

Go test and get it over with. And use condoms.

And just so you know, the people who have tested positive here have NOT been the insertive partner (you). They've all been someone who has had hiv infected semen ejaculated into their anus or vagina.

Ann

worriedjim · « **Reply #13 on:** September 12, 2008, 05:51:58 pm »

Thanks ann I feel better---but everyone on here thats been infected had to have had an insertive partner infect them---for example---your significant other obviously got infected by a woman---not by semen---and I am sure that goes for plenty of people that got infected by top only tops---Im just nervous---

RapidRod · « **Reply #14 on:** September 12, 2008, 06:42:46 pm »

Try reading the lesson section. The linik can be found in the "Welcome" thread.

worriedjim · « **Reply #15 on:** September 12, 2008, 06:52:05 pm »

I was going to do the rapid test but the lessons discouraged me from doing so---I dont know what to do now.

RapidRod · « **Reply #16 on:** September 12, 2008, 07:23:55 pm »

It says ORAL only. Doesn't say anything about the Rapid Blood tests.

Joezay77 · « **Reply #17 on:** September 12, 2008, 09:06:07 pm »

yeah---as worried as I am I dont think I need the added stress of a false positie---i went to get one just now but they only do oral.

RapidRod · « **Reply #18 on:** September 13, 2008, 03:38:16 am »

Joezay77, DO NOT POST IN ANY OTHER THREAD OTHER THAN YOUR OWN.

Andy Velez · « **Reply #19 on:** September 13, 2008, 09:03:11 am »

Worried, you don't know what to do now? As in you don't know a doctor's office, a public health office, a nearby hospital, an AIDS Service organization, etc.? ...All of which can direct you to where you can get proper testing done.

Stop with the frabber jabber and get yourself tested.

We'll be waiting to hear from you about your result.

worriedjim · « **Reply #20 on:** September 15, 2008, 08:42:28 am »

Okay! I went to the center on halsted here in chicago---they specialize in HIV testing and other services for LGBT youth. I explained to the counselor (who was also a biologist) my risk. She gave me an oraquick advance blood test. We went through a lot of information about my exposure and I found that though testing was needed, I may have been waaaaay over exaggerating. I tested NEGATIVE. My risk started with the same person 6 weeks ago and ended, after we had sex 4 times, a month ago. The counselor said in her experience, she has rarely seen people not test poz at 4 weeks. She said in some cases its sooner. She also said that the CDC guidelines state 3 months, but that in my case and with my risk 4-6 weeks was good. She said I can come back in a month if I want, but she doesnt see it as a pressing issue and its my decision. Thanks for your help---Im comfortable with 6 weeks. She gave me a lot of information on how to be safer and what makes sex even more risky. THANKS. Is there anyway I could volunteer my time on here? I have learned sooo much and I am eager to share.

PS I was just browsing and realized that their is such a BIG stigma in the state regarding HIV. My tester was from spain and she also works for the HOTLINE here in Chicago and the rate of phone calls with paranoia are much higher than anything shes ever seen. I feel for you guys and I can understand why you all get pissed off and frustrated when people write--I had protected sex what was my risk! Ah good ole fashion fear campaigning

Andy Velez · « **Reply #21 on:** September 15, 2008, 10:57:59 am »

Hi Jim,

Good news about your negative. The average time to seroconversion is 22 days. And all but the very smallest number who are going to seroconvert will do so within 4-6 weeks after a genuine risk.

Thanks for the offer to help. We can't take you up on that but you might contact any ASO organization in the Chicago area or the person you spoke with and ask for suggestions about where to volunteer. Working to address the ignorance prejudice about HIV would be a great thing for you to do.

Cheers,

worriedjim · « **Reply #22 on:** September 15, 2008, 11:07:39 am »

I have already contacted her---you know I really learned so much from her yesterday and I have a totally different outlook on HIV and transmission. I mean she even gave me ways of being safer---if 100% safety i.e condoms werent around--I wont get into that because of the worrywells---but I can say that I have been enlightened---Thanks for the feedback on the 4-6 weeks seroconversion.....Take care

worriedjim · « **Reply #23 on:** September 17, 2008, 01:04:36 pm »

Ann and Andy,

I recently had a few issues with Rapid regarding testing dates--I know the guidelines for testing _BY LAW_is 3 months-----mass states 6 weeks and NYC state health website states 4 weeks all people will test poz and many even sooner----Their was a reason CDC dropped it to 3 months and yet the whole country was convinced that 6 months was the day HIV would decide to show up---THE GMHC and the Director of the HOWARD brown center here in Chicago--stated that 4 weeks is unlikely to change. For a vaginal exposure----the Doctors on medhelp--which are HIV ID specialist state the same-----

RapidRod · « **Reply #24 on:** September 17, 2008, 01:22:15 pm »

There are no tested approved in the U.S to give a conclusive negative test earlier than three months post exposure. Read the lessons on testing found in the "Welcome" thread.

For the vast majority of those who will test positive, antibodies to HIV will develop within 4-6 weeks after exposure. Some will take a little longer to develop antibodies. To make certain that you receive a reliable test result, it's necessary to wait at least three months (13 weeks) after your last possible exposure to the virus before being tested.

That is what was said to you here and on MedHelp.

worriedjim · « **Reply #25 on:** September 17, 2008, 01:29:02 pm »

The state of MASS doesnt use anything different than the rest of the country and the BIG STATE OF NEW YORK wouldnt put millions at risk by stating that All people will test POZ 4 to 6 weeks after infection. Also When your site was stating 3 months and the CDC was stating 6 months---the CDC would say the same you just said---infact when I called them today they said 97% at 3 months and you should repeat the test at 6 months. You are very firm on 13 weeks--and you never state what you just stated on here. I am sure if any felt my test was useless--he would have said retest---well he didnt---the Doctors on Medhelp are HIV specialist not just counselors---they are the same people you go to to check your Blood work and go over your health---so why do you disregard them----disregard my HIV counselor who stated that in her 10 years of testing 4 weeks and sometimes even sooner happens way more than the 4 weeks neg and then 13 weeks poz---You dont state the facts you just state the law. I am going to move to Mass and then Ill post from there and see what you say then.

RapidRod · « **Reply #26 on:** September 17, 2008, 01:33:48 pm »

Take it elsewhere. You were given the facts and our replies are not going to change. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand if one takes a test at 6 weeks and it's positive and confirmed to be positive that they wouldn't need to test further for their status.

worriedjim · « **Reply #27 on:** September 17, 2008, 01:37:42 pm »

I dont want your reply and I asked Ann and Andy---I have seen them be much more compassionate----your post usually are composed of passive aggressive comments and one liners----educating people on HIV takes compassion and patience not just one liners. State the facts to people---dont say 4 week test is garbage---tell them 95% will test poz by this point---13 weeks is icing on the cake---you create anxiety---4 weeks is 95% a person is more likely to go back for their 13 week test--

RapidRod · « **Reply #28 on:** September 17, 2008, 01:48:53 pm »

You've never heard anyone on this forum say if you test at four weeks a negative is conclusive. Don't begin to try to say that, that is what Andy said like you stated on MedHelp. He told you a conclusive test is 13 weeks post exposure.

worriedjim · « **Reply #29 on:** September 17, 2008, 01:56:26 pm »

I never used the word conclusive----he said congrats and confirmed what my counselor told me that 4-6 weeks all but a small few will be Poz. The doctors on medhelp---did in fact tell me to move on--conclusive. dont put words in my mouth. If the CDC started saying 4 weeks---then tomorrow youd start saying 4 weeks---MASS states 6 weeks conclusive----yet you would tell citizens of that state 13 weeks? Not to trust their state?

worriedjim · « **Reply #30 on:** September 17, 2008, 02:02:45 pm »

by H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D., Apr 15, 2008 11:47PM
The window period isn't 6 months, ever. Generally 6-8 weeks is plenty of time for blood tests to turn positive, rarely 3 months, never longer. Your negative result at 4 months is proof positive you weren't infected. You don't need any further testing.

Best wishes-- HHH, MD

This was retrieved today from medhelp.com at 1:01 pm--source has been cited

Is he a liar? Tell me he is a liar? He is an HIV specialist is he not?

RapidRod · « **Reply #31 on:** September 17, 2008, 02:05:36 pm »

You've been reported.

worriedjim · « **Reply #32 on:** September 17, 2008, 02:07:06 pm »

You dont like being challenged. This was my post to the doctor the day after I tested Again properly cited from medhelp.com---so its not my own words. You have no argument for this and yet your an expert? Reporting me doesnt take away from the fact you have nothing to say regarding this---if they are wrong report them---call the cdc--Have their license to practice taken away for putting millions at risk for HIV

by Jaydee2021, Sep 15, 2008 06:29PM
To: Dr
Can I feel comfotable with this? She said she has been doing this for a decade--rarely over 4 weeks does someone not show poz.A friend of mine sort of scared me todat into thinking it wasnt enough time. This is my last question.
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by Edward W Hook, MD, Sep 15, 2008 09:52PM
Feel comfortable and stop worrying. It is time for you to move on. EWH
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Tim Horn · « **Reply #33 on:** September 17, 2008, 02:22:21 pm »

Worriedjim:

The next time you post anything in these Forums from MedHelp, you'll be getting a time out.

Seriously.

Tim Horn

worriedjim · « **Reply #34 on:** September 17, 2008, 02:25:46 pm »

Tim is it possible to speak with you VIA pm? as a customer and someone with a concern I would like to speak with you----I posted from medhelp--I was under the impression that with proper citing I could do so---

Tim Horn · « **Reply #35 on:** September 17, 2008, 02:30:14 pm »

No, Jim, its not possible.

All I will say is this: if you are confident with the information you have received from MedHelp -- which, by the way, should NEVER be taken as "advice" over that of your own health care provider's (and that goes for this site too) -- I suggest you go with whatever is has been said to you by that website's staff.

This is not a place of debate. If you are unhappy with the information you've received here, you are free to go elsewhere.

Tim Horn

worriedjim · « **Reply #36 on:** September 17, 2008, 02:34:37 pm »

Can I consider my HIV tester---who is over at the CENTER ON HALSTED in CHicago--our equal to the GMHC---as a healthcare provider---she said 4 weeks is good---and for my exposure--insertive vaginal--she doubts that will change...

Ann · « **Reply #37 on:** September 17, 2008, 02:36:33 pm »

Jim,

That's it. I'm giving you that time out you've been warned about. Do not attempt to create a new account to get around your time out because if you do, you will be permanently banned.

Ann

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Author Topic: Worried sick from risk (Read 14921 times)