Return home saga

[aztecan]

Some may wonder why, when I left for the airport at 1:30 p.m. EDT Tuesday, I didn't arrive home until noon Wednesday.

The saga begins.

First, there were three trips to get all the necessary paperwork to get a tax refund from the government of Canada. It wasn't too bad, really, but it would have been better had I know I needed a boarding pass before I applied for it.
But, $93 is $93.

Then, on to customs. Not much of a problem really. But the customs agent did ask what I was bringing home from Canada that cost the nearly $400 I had included on the customs form.

The explanation went pretty well: two leather vests, a beret from Quebec, then things got a bit sticky: "erotic accoutrements," I said.

The woman looked at me, then said, "What kind of accoutrements."

"Nipple clamps."

"Thank you, NEXT!"

Then came the 2-1/2 hour wait for my flight - in what is called the "sterilized area." I don't think I like the sound of it. I know I didn't enjoy the wait - in a non-smoking terminal.

I started having a very serious nicotine deprivation attack. There was only one thing for it - a massage.

They offer very nice chair massages at the Trudeau International Airport. The masseurs name was Ben. He was about 35, blond, well built and had hands that sculpted my muscles with a firm assuredness. Well, let's just say I was putty in his hands.

Half an hour later, I left the massage area $30 poorer but much, much happier.

When I finally was able to board my flight, I discovered it wasn't one of those usual jets. You know, like a 737, 727 or some such. This one was called an interlink, I think.

It held about 50 people, had four seats per row, two on each side, and I barely could stand erect in the aisle. (By the way, I couldn't stand erect in the lavatory. By the time I emerged, I looked like a thin Quasimodo.)

So, we waited. Then the plane left the gate, taxied a short distance and stopped. I couldn't tell what was going on. I was surrounded by a group of eight French Candians who only have two vocal volumes - loud and earsplitting.

Finally, after about 35 minutes of just sitting there, the captain speaks over the P.A. system saying we are heading back to the gate because of some "security problem."

Back at the gate, the door opens and in walks a burly security officer. I could see he was speaking to someone, but could not see who. This goes on for about 20 minutes.

Then, the security officer goes into the cockpit. A short while later, he emerges and again speaks to someone I cannot see. Then he proceeds to pull a woman from her seat.

She is kicking and screaming "But I didn't do anything wrong." About this time, another burly security officer enters the plane. He grabs the woman and, between the two of them, they carry her from the plane.

Then, we sit there, door open, for another five minutes or so.

It was at this time the captain said, because of the delay, the plane would have to be refueled. Another 20 minutes or so goes by. Then, the door closes, the plane begins to move and finally take off at about 7 p.m. The flight was supposed to leave at 5:30 p.m.

It has now been about 4.5 hours since my last cigarette. But, as it turns out, there is more fun ahead.

The poor stewardess was serving drinks. I ordered a ginger ale. I was just about to ask what the hubbub was about when the stewardess, apparently a bit shaken by the whole ordeal, drops my glass of ginger ale.

The ice-and-liquid mixture cascades down the seat-back table and onto my lap. 

The stewardess then runs to the front of the plan, grabs some paper towels, runs back and begins patting my "lap area," much to the delight of my French Canadian neighbors, who start chattering and laughng.

I began to laugh and said to her, "Hey, I've been a lot colder and much, much stickier."

She didn't laugh. But, I did and so did the troupe of French Canadians. At least it wasn't hot coffee.

We touched down in Minneapolis an hour late, but since I had had a two-hour layover there, it didn't really make any difference. I managed to inhale four cigarettes in about 15 minutes (those Canadian ciggies are STRONG!) and get to the next gate, boarded and had an uneventful, but sticky, flight into Albuquerque.

So why was I so late getting back to Aztec? Simple, I overslept. I must have been more worn out than I supposed.

I can defintely say my trip home wasn't boring. I still wonder why they removed the woman and what she might have done to deserve such treatment. I hope all turned out well.

Anyway, that's my saga.

HUGS,

Mark

[jkinatl2]

You got a MASSAGE? Holy cow, I couldn't even find a sandwich.

I am so out of the loop!

I am sorry you had delays and withdrawals ... but its great that you made it home ok. There is no bed quite like your own, is there?

Meeting you was a highlight of my experience, Mark.

[AlanBama]

Mark,

What a TIME you had getting home!  You poor guy.   Yes, I saw that blonde massage guy at the airport....believe me, I was very tempted.   By the time I got home, my shoulders and neck were in one tremendous knot, and I had an hour drive ahead of me in pouring rain.   I'm glad you got the massage, and I hope it made you feel better!

I enjoyed being around you so much Mark....it is easy to see WHY you are a long term survivor.  What a great attitude you have!   Everyone should take lessons from you.   (looked cute in that speedo too!)

Hugs,

Alan

[aztecan]

Yep, it was quite a flight.

Jonathan, I truly enjoyed meeting you. You make a room sparkle when you enter it, no small accomplishment considering our group!

Alan, I'm sorry about the drive in the rain and the pain in your neck. That was one reason I opted for the massage. I knew if I just wandered the airport I would get grouchy. Also, since you couldn't buy a bottled water, juice or soda (homeland security strikes again) I knew just sipping on an iced tea wouldn't have done the trick.

Did you ever manage to make it to "that bar" with "those dancers"? I hope you did. Meeting you also was a delight. Such a warm, caring man. How you're still single, I don't know.

HUGS,

Mark

[Razorbill]

What a story!  I've done a lot of traveling this year and my flights have been very boring.  I'm glad your epic journey ended well and you are safe home.  It was nice to have met you - you're a real sweetheart.  Next trip Ii wish you a more uneventful and drier flight.