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Main Forums => Pre-HAART Long-Term Survivors => Topic started by: Dwayn20 on March 16, 2009, 04:48:29 pm

Title: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on March 16, 2009, 04:48:29 pm
Thank god I am taking medicine for the shingles.Because this morning I was able to findly reach an touch my older brother VIA computer I thought I was dreaming so I answered an ten minutes later I get a call an it,s my brother we talked then he drop the bomb shell my younger brother which I knew was HIV+ had died of AIDS.Now I wish was just a awful dream!Don,t get me wrong their were other deaths but my younger brother was my link to my mom,s side of the family.I was diagnosed an infected ten years before him that go,s to prove the point that if it,s not your time it,s not your time.Don,t get me wrong I not ready to go any where!This Go,s Out To My Younger Brother!!!
P.S. Some of you will Know this Song I,m Only writing the first two Verses!!!

If you need a friend,
don,t look to a stanger,
You know in the end,
I,ll always be there

And when you,re in doubt,
and when you,re in danger
Take a look all around,
and I,ll be there.          I will try to not let this to make me worst.Dwayn20 (Scooter)
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Miss Philicia on March 16, 2009, 05:01:28 pm
Dwayn, I'm so very sorry to hear of the loss of your younger brother to this dreadful disease.  The next few months I'm sure will be very difficult for you, but you know you have everyone's ear on these forums for support.

David
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: dixieman on March 16, 2009, 05:49:20 pm
I'm sorry for your families loss... John
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: bear60 on March 16, 2009, 06:10:53 pm
I'm sorry to hear of your loss.  I hope you will find peace.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Texan38 on March 16, 2009, 06:19:34 pm
Dwayn,

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. My sincerest condolences.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on March 16, 2009, 06:41:21 pm
Thanks to everyone I really appreciate your support.Dwayn20 AKA (Scooter)
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: sharkdiver on March 16, 2009, 07:41:40 pm
My condolences to you and your family. I am so sorry to here this
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: J.R.E. on March 16, 2009, 08:00:52 pm
Dwayn,

Sorry to hear about your brother. My thoughts go out to you and your family.


Ray
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: BT65 on March 16, 2009, 09:36:20 pm
I'm sincerely sorry about you losing your brother.  Please accept my condolences.
  Luv,
Betty
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: aztecan on March 17, 2009, 12:21:01 am
Scooter,

I am so sorry to hear of you and your family's loss.

HUGS,

Mark

Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on March 17, 2009, 12:36:41 am
Thank You.Today I feel like my heart is is broken.But I think it will hit me when I find out when he
died.Dwayn20 AKA (Scooter)
P.S. I Will Survive!!!
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: AndyArrow on March 17, 2009, 05:22:46 am
Scooter,

My heart goes out to you and your family.  I wish I could more besides offer my condolences and if you need to talk with someone feel free to send me PM.

Hugs,
AA
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on March 17, 2009, 05:31:47 am
Thanks Dwayn20 (Scooter)
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: AlanBama on March 17, 2009, 12:07:17 pm
So sorry about the loss of your brother, Dwayne...

May he rest in peace.


Alan   :'(
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on March 17, 2009, 12:11:49 pm
Thanks Alan Dwayn20 AKA(Scooter)
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: rondrond on March 17, 2009, 12:21:06 pm
Sorry for your loss.

Ron~
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on March 17, 2009, 12:57:15 pm
Thanks You Dwayn20 (Scooter)
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: pozniceguy on March 17, 2009, 04:28:30 pm
Dwayn  20     I am so sorry to hear about your brother...losing a  close relative is always painful I just lost my younger sister to breast cancer a few months ago..First the shock of them being younger than you then the realization that you have no control over who, or when will be next...My deepest condolences .... feel fee to PM or just dump any thoughts in a PM to me...

Nick
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on March 17, 2009, 05:40:27 pm
Dear Nick thats the problem I know he died of AIDS but still don,t know when he died. I think thats when it will hit me.Thanks for all your support.Dwayn20(Scooter)
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on March 24, 2009, 10:51:44 am
Thank god I am taking medicine for the shingles.Because this morning I was able to findly reach an touch my older brother VIA computer I thought I was dreaming so I answered an ten minutes later I get a call an it,s my brother we talked then he drop the bomb shell my younger brother which I knew was HIV+ had died of AIDS.Now I wish was just a awful dream!Don,t get me wrong their were other deaths but my younger brother was my link to my mom,s side of the family.I was diagnosed an infected ten years before him that go,s to prove the point that if it,s not your time it,s not your time.Don,t get me wrong I not ready to go any where!This Go,s Out To My Younger Brother!!!
P.S. Some of you will Know this Song I,m Only writing the first two Verses!!!

If you need a friend,
don,t look to a stanger,
You know in the end,
I,ll always be there

And when you,re in doubt,
and when you,re in danger
Take a look all around,
and I,ll be there.         


I Will Not Let This Make Me Worst It,s A Battle I Will Win With All The Help That I Have Recieved.Thanks All.
Dwayn20(Scooter)



=================================================================================================================================                                                                  03-24-2009
Update I talked to my older brother this morning an finally was able to ask him when my younger brother died he said about six years ago Jan 12 he was not sure what he died from but he said that Donny was speaking funny the day before an the doctors did not tell him what he had.Surprisingly I am better than when I first wrote the original post.Thanks to all for the support I have received.Dwayn20(Scooter)[/b
=================================================================================================================================
                                                                03-25-2009
I now believe there was very little I could have done even if I had been there.So now I have to pick myself up an take care of my health an my older brother knows about my situation he has known before we knew about my younger brother. This is the facts what don,t kill you only makes you stronger even though it shore as hell don,t feel that way at the time.Time will heal.I feel that you make three steps forward an something come along go back five steps.I guess such is life.Well mine anyway? Anyone else???
Dwayn20(Scooter)
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Andy Velez on March 24, 2009, 01:37:40 pm
Condolences on your loss. I hope the memories of better times shared with him will help you to get through this sad time.

Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on March 26, 2009, 01:53:04 am
03-26-2009 Its hard when you take you Ambien around 8.30 at night an by 11.30 you wide awake an the weather has gotten bad an now have to do a breathing treatment if its not one problem its something else.I think I am thinking to much about my brother an it looks like no amount of medicine will help.Time I guest is the only healer.

Dwayne 20(Scooter)

Quote from: Dwayn20 link=topic=26240.msg327970#msg 327970 date=1237906304
Thank god I am taking medicine for the shingles.Because this morning I was able to findlay reach an touch my older brother VIA computer I thought I was dreaming so I answered an ten minutes later I get a call an it,s my brother we talked then he drop the bomb shell my younger brother which I knew was HIV+ had died of AIDS.Now I wish was just a awful dream!Don,t get me wrong their were other deaths but my younger brother was my link to my mom,s side of the family.I was diagnosed an infected ten years before him that go,s to prove the point that if it,s not your time it,s not your time.Don,t get me wrong I not ready to go any where!This Go,s Out To My Younger Brother!!!
P.S. Some of you will Know this Song I,m Only writing the first two Verses!!!

If you need a friend,
don,t look to a stranger,
You know in the end,
I,ll always be there

And when you,re in doubt,
and when you,re in danger
Take a look all around,
and I,ll be there.         


I Will Not Let This Make Me Worst It,s A Battle I Will Win With All The Help That I Have Received.Thanks All.
Dwayne 20(Scooter)



=================================================================================================================================                                                                  03-24-2009
Update I talked to my older brother this morning an finally was able to ask him when my younger brother died he said about six years ago Jan 12 he was not sure what he died from but he said that Donny was speaking funny the day before an the doctors did not tell him what he had.Surprisingly I am better than when I first wrote the original post.Thanks to all for the support I have received.Dwayn20(Scooter)[/b
=================================================================================================================================
                                                                03-25-2009
I now believe there was very little I could have done even if I had been there.So now I have to pick myself up an take care of my health an my older brother knows about my situation he has known before we knew about my younger brother. This is the facts what don,t kill you only makes you stronger even though it shore as hell don,t feel that way at the time.Time will heal.I feel that you make three steps forward an something come along go back five steps.I guess such is life.Well mine anyway? Anyone else???
Dwayne 20(Scooter)

[/quote
============================================================================================================================
                                                                     03-27-2009
I sometimes wonder if the meds I take are causing my brain to run a mile a second one day I feel fine an the next minute it feel like every thing is coming crashing back down on me. Apparently something must be out of whack.I am going to talk to the psychologists nurse practitioner Wed.Maybe with all that has happened the past couple of weeks the meds need to be tweaked.
Dwayn20(Scooter)
P.S. Spell check is on the Fritz
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: positivmat on March 26, 2009, 07:06:03 am
Dwayne
I am so sorry to hear about your brother. I have been estranged from my brother before and he has had some rough times. I think the hurt from losing a sibling is like no other hurt, especially when the sibling was having troubles. I offer my condolences and will think of you.
Matt
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on March 26, 2009, 07:47:50 am
I thank you.I was estranged with my older brother because a remark about not wanting me to infect his family.That was eighteen years ago an then I found out later it was gossip heard from his coworkers an then he finds out his younger brother was also positive from drugs.See I was taken from my mom when I was one year old an did not get to know my two brothers till I was sixteen.I think my older brother is more informed now.Now I wait by the phone to see if my Mom will contact me.What was done in the past was not my fault. :'(

Dwayne
I am so sorry to hear about your brother. I have been estranged from my brother before and he has had some rough times. I think the hurt from losing a sibling is like no other hurt, especially when the sibling was having troubles. I offer my condolences and will think of you.
Matt
:'(
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on March 28, 2009, 01:32:12 am

I know in previous post I said that I was all cried out I was wrong I guest it will take a little longer to get over this than I thought.It,s Friday night an I am feeling very lonesome for a lot of reasons.Being a long time survivor is sometimes hard.Yes I am seeing someone for my issues but there is no one near by to talk to that knows what this is like.Don,t get me wrong their are people like the ones that live next door.They all know my situation but it,s not the same.
Dwayn20(Scooter)





Quote from: Dwayn20 link=topic=26240.msg328287#msg 328287 date=1238068070
I thank you.I was estranged with my older brother because a remark about not wanting me to infect his family.That was eighteen years ago an then I found out later it was gossip heard from his coworkers an then he finds out his younger brother was also positive from drugs.See I was taken from my mom when I was one year old an did not get to know my two brothers till I was sixteen.I think my older brother is more informed now.Now I wait by the phone to see if my Mom will contact me.What was done in the past was not my fault. :'(
 :'(
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: positivmat on March 28, 2009, 08:14:12 am
Oh dwayne, I think this kind of grief will come in waves. At times you will feel it more intensely. And it will subside but probably never fully go away. The loneliness is awful. You might want to take that energy on certain nights or days and plan ahead to be out some where with any activity. My friend who just lost her lover of 14 years is taking all kinds of classes to get through the loneliness. Its hard to beat that one. I know it hurts so bad.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Ann on March 28, 2009, 08:35:46 am
positivmat,

While I appreciate that you're only trying to be helpful, The Long Term Survivors who populate this particular section of the forums would prefer if newly-diagnosed people such as yourself refrained from posting in threads here.

Please see these two threads for a fuller explanation of how they feel about this subject...

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=20519.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=25182.0

Thanks.

Ann
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on March 28, 2009, 06:28:04 pm
I feel that things are not going the way I had hoped.I am going to pray that get better soon.I feel like I am in Quick Sand an sinking fast.
It make me think of the old saying The Best Laid Plans Of Mice An Men Often Go Ayrie?
Dwayn20(Scooter)




Quote from: Dwayn20 link=topic=26240.msg328557#msg 328557 date=1238218332
I know in previous post I said that I was all cried out I was wrong I guest it will take a little longer to get over this than I thought.It,s Friday night an I am feeling very lonesome for a lot of reasons.Being a long time survivor is sometimes hard.Yes I am seeing someone for my issues but there is no one near by to talk to that knows what this is like.Don,t get me wrong their are people like the ones that live next door.They all know my situation but it,s not the same.
Dwayne 20(Scooter)





Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: BT65 on March 28, 2009, 09:25:14 pm
Dwayn,

Is the grief what's causing you to go on this downward spiral?  I know how you feel; both my parents died within the last year and 1/2.  I guess though, I don't know what you're going through.  They didn't die from Aids, and we all go through grief differently.  I know the death of a family member can be extremely difficult.  Just cry when you need to.  And keep talking.  We're here, ya know.
 Luv,
Betty
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on March 28, 2009, 09:58:42 pm
I think it,s a lot of things yes finding out about my brothers death was bad.It seems like it,s a never ending bad movie.I with my health problems had to take care of my aunt which was more like my mother if it was not for her I would not be alive.She was one of the first people that I told about my Hiv test twenty years ago.She an my Grandmother did not have a problem they were there.My aunts stay lasted six months then she was put into nursing home.For the last ten years I would talk with on the phone for hours at a time.She died about a month ago which I have no problem with.Died Thursday family calls on sunday afternoon at 5 pm to tell me she had died an was burying her Monday morning at 10 am. I am still numb from that.Then I thought I might have figured out how to go to Boston now I am not sure?
Dwayn20(Scooter) P.S.Thanks Betty
I  believe that at 9 pm I am still waiting for the phone to ring from my aunt.Call me a addict because that is what it sounds like.
Dwayn20(Scooter)
Dwayn,

Is the grief what's causing you to go on this downward spiral?  I know how you feel; both my parents died within the last year and 1/2.  I guess though, I don't know what you're going through.  They didn't die from Aids, and we all go through grief differently.  I know the death of a family member can be extremely difficult.  Just cry when you need to.  And keep talking.  We're here, ya know.
 Luv,
Betty
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: rpm1437gcw on March 29, 2009, 05:41:13 pm
 :'(

Sorry to hear about you little brother.  My prayers go out to you and yours may God shine upon you and give you all the strength you all need to keep going in a time like this.

roger
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on March 29, 2009, 08:23:41 pm
Today was one of my better days.I decided this morning I would sow the seeds of Hope.So now time will tell what becomes of it.If they bloom into what I hope it be good if nothing happens at least I tried my best.No I won,t be disappointed.I am hoping that all the tear drops shed will water the seeds that were sowed today.Every journey starts with a single step.
Dwayn20(Scooter)



I think it,s a lot of things yes finding out about my brothers death was bad.It seems like it,s a never ending bad movie.I with my health problems had to take care of my aunt which was more like my mother if it was not for her I would not be alive.She was one of the first people that I told about my Hiv test twenty years ago.She an my Grandmother did not have a problem they were there.My aunts stay lasted six months then she was put into nursing home.For the last ten years I would talk with on the phone for hours at a time.She died about a month ago which I have no problem with.Died Thursday family calls on sunday afternoon at 5 pm to tell me she had died an was burying her Monday morning at 10 am. I am still numb from that.Then I thought I might have figured out how to go to Boston now I am not sure?
Dwayn20(Scooter) P.S.Thanks Betty
I  believe that at 9 pm I am still waiting for the phone to ring from my aunt.Call me a addict because that is what it sounds like.
Dwayn20(Scooter)
:'(

Sorry to hear about you little brother.  My prayers go out to you and yours may God shine upon you and give you all the strength you all need to keep going in a time like this.

roger
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on March 30, 2009, 12:07:11 pm
My Life Is Like The Ocean It Reaches Far And Wide.But Also Like The Ocean It Ebbs And Flows.I Thank God I Have Friends That Keep Me A Float Just Like A Life Preserver.You Know Who You Are.I Filled The Poz.Com Mentor Application But I Am Scared That I May Not Be Ready Even Though I Have Been Dealing With This For Twenty Years.Would Love To Here Your Opinion.I,m Not Sure I Can Make A Difference.
Dwayn20(Scooter)



Quote from: Dwayn20 link=topic=26240.msg328759#msg 328759 date=1238372621
Today was one of my better days.I decided this morning I would sow the seeds of Hope.So now time will tell what becomes of it.If they bloom into what I hope it be good if nothing happens at least I tried my best.No I won,t be disappointed.I am hoping that all the tear drops shed will water the seeds that were sowed today.Every journey starts with a single step.
Dwayne 20(Scooter)



Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on March 31, 2009, 05:50:38 pm
Is any of the long time survivors mentors.I would really like to know so I can find out if this is the right thing for me.I sometimes feel lost so how can I help someone else.Even though I have been dealing with this for all most twenty one years.I really want to help an I know I also said that every journey begins with a single step.I am at a crossroad.Please send some positive input.Would really appreciate it.
Dwayn20 AKA(Scooter)



My Life Is Like The Ocean It Reaches Far And Wide.But Also Like The Ocean It Ebbs And Flows.I Thank God I Have Friends That Keep Me A Float Just Like A Life Preserver.You Know Who You Are.I Filled The Poz.Com Mentor Application But I Am Scared That I May Not Be Ready Even Though I Have Been Dealing With This For Twenty Years.Would Love To Here Your Opinion.I,m Not Sure I Can Make A Difference.
Dwayn20(Scooter)



Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on March 31, 2009, 10:03:13 pm
I ask questions an its there is no one answering.Did I do something wrong that I am not aware of if so I am sorry.Longevity is sometime a curse.I talk to my older brother other day and ask him if he had told my mom that he finally talk to me he said he had.They thought I was dead so I told him to give my mom my phone number when she was ready to talk I am always there.The waiting is agonizing.I not sure what to do. :'(
Dwayn20 AKA (Scooter)


[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: mewithu on March 31, 2009, 10:21:18 pm
 So, Sorry to hear of your troubles in life at this time. All of us have our problems and ordeals we go through.
I just  want to give you a little support and I hope this helps you in your time of needing friends, even if we are through the internet.

Sincerely,
Jerry
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on March 31, 2009, 10:55:01 pm
I thank you for your support it is greatly appreciate.I said in previous post that I was done crying I was wrong.Thank god I go to see the nurse at the psychiatric office tommorrow.

Thank Again
Dwayn20(Scooter)
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 01, 2009, 11:54:39 pm

Went the doctor today to see psychologist at what I thought was a 1.15 pm appointment an was told the appointment was for 11.15am boy was I mad.When I had call to make the new appointment the girl told me the only opening they had was 1.15pm it must have been my fault because of every thing that has been going on.Now the new one is for Monday an I have the paper to prove it.So it has been a long day.
Scooter




Quote from: Dwayn20 link=topic=26240.msg 329003#msg 329003 date=1238554501
I thank you for your support it is greatly appreciate.I said in previous post that I was done crying I was wrong.Thank god I go to see the nurse at the psychiatric office tomorrow.

Thank Again
Dwayne 20(Scooter)
Quote from: Dwayn20 link=topic=26240.msg 329003#msg 329003 date=1238554501
I thank you for your support it is greatly appreciate.I said in previous post that I was done crying I was wrong.Thank god I go to see the nurse at the psychiatric office tomorrow.

Thank Again
Dwayne 20(Scooter)
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 02, 2009, 12:40:45 pm

I am tired.  I keep waiting by the phone.  Nothing's happening!  It's raining outside an ongoing nuts.  I'm trying to figure out how to get money for the BOSTON trip.  It's not going easily.  If I'd made some mistakes I am using voice recognition.  So for so good.  My medicines or making me nauseous.  You would think by now my body would be used to them.
Scooter




Went the doctor today to see psychologist at what I thought was a 1.15 pm appointment an was told the appointment was for 11.15am boy was I mad.When I had call to make the new appointment the girl told me the only opening they had was 1.15pm it must have been my fault because of every thing that has been going on.Now the new one is for Monday an I have the paper to prove it.So it has been a long day.
Scooter




Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 03, 2009, 09:57:36 am
I am feeling better today because I know that I now have friends all over the world.I do have a question for those that have taken medicines for a long time.My hands and feet suffer from neuropathy an take 9 400mg capsules a day which helps.My problem is now when I type or do other things my hands shake bad.So it make it hard to type sometimes.Anyone else have this kind of shaking problem.I set up voice an video calling on the computer.Which allows me to type a note without touching key board still working on it.
Scooter





I am tired.  I keep waiting by the phone.  Nothing's happening!  It's raining outside an ongoing nuts.  I'm trying to figure out how to get money for the BOSTON trip.  It's not going easily.  If I'd made some mistakes I am using voice recognition.  So for so good.  My medicines or making me nauseous.  You would think by now my body would be used to them.
Scooter




Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 04, 2009, 12:06:58 am
I am trying every avenue to find a way to make the most of every day an doing whatever I must to go to Boston in August.I try to keep  positive in mind an body.It is hard when you live with a negative friend. You would think after twenty plus years he would get it by now. I think some times he wishes he was also positive which would really push me over the edge.He get angry over stupid stuff.Doctors an friends have asked me if he would go to see a doctor.Then it turns into to a fight so I learned to leave it alone.With what has happened in the last few weeks he should have been a shoulder to cry on.But he was not.So I live in my sorrow alone until I found this Web Sites.
Scooter





I am feeling better today because I know that I now have friends all over the world.I do have a question for those that have taken medicines for a long time.My hands and feet suffer from neuropathy an take 9 400mg capsules a day which helps.My problem is now when I type or do other things my hands shake bad.So it make it hard to type sometimes.Anyone else have this kind of shaking problem.I set up voice an video calling on the computer.Which allows me to type a note without touching key board still working on it.
Scooter





Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 05, 2009, 01:42:21 am
I am trying every avenue to find a way to make the most of every day an doing whatever I must to go to Boston in August.I try to keep  positive in mind an body.It is hard when you live with a negative friend. You would think after twenty plus years he would get it by now. I think some times he wishes he was also positive which would really push me over the edge.He get angry over stupid stuff.Doctors an friends have asked me if he would go to see a doctor.Then it turns into to a fight so I learned to leave it alone.With what has happened in the last few weeks he should have been a shoulder to cry on.But he was not.So I live in my sorrow alone until I found this Web Sites.
Scooter





Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 06, 2009, 08:29:13 am
I am going to see the nurse today about my up and down state of mind.Who knows maybe she will put me on different medicines.I also talked with a friend this weekend who said a organization has money for rent and utilities.Which is sad that the local AIDS office you end up jumping though hoops to get help.They spend more on administrative cost than on clients.That is why a lot of the old timer that used to volunteer don,t any more.I used to do work their.I am not trying to berate Katrina people but most of them ended up here and I know quite a few of them and their rent and utilities are paid monthly and the moneys that was to go to New Orleans did not help their people.That is why their was no help for the local people.I am not trying to be mean.But it,s the truth.I do crafts an have donated the profits from the sell of the different Gay type jewelry to them.When I needed help they were no where to be found.I sorry if some people mite get upset but this is my point of view plus a few other.Some have refused to deal with this Organization
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 06, 2009, 08:30:33 pm
Quote from: Dwayn20 link=topic=26240.msg329814#msg329814 date=12390
[/quote

I went to the doctors office she said we are going to stay on the medicine for the time being.
Scooter





Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 06, 2009, 11:48:44 pm
Quote from: Dwayn20 link=topic=26240.msg 329925#msg 329925 date=1239064233

I,m starting  believe I will not be going to Boston.Mark keeps saying don,t worry that's not till August.But I am prone to worrying.Doctors visit did not go as I had hoped but she said what every one has been saying all along that my grief will take time to heal then I asked what I thought was a stupid question.Why is it worst at night an she said that at night there are no distractions an the minds tends to go into overdrive.Time will heal and in Time we will see what happens.
Scooter

Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 07, 2009, 09:44:31 am

I read something this morning I thought was all the people that read these threads.

       The best and most beautiful
             things in the world cannot be seen nor
                       touched but felt in the heart.

                      Scooter              Happy Easter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 07, 2009, 10:52:41 pm
       The best and most beautiful
             things in the world cannot be seen nor
                       touched but felt in the heart.

                      Scooter              Happy Easter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 08, 2009, 08:40:13 pm
If anyone wants to see my family Pictures.
http://www.myspace.com/dab6801
Scooter



Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: AndyArrow on April 09, 2009, 06:04:37 am
Scooter,

Nice pictures.

I think it is true for most people that grief become worse at night when we have fewer distractions.  I'm sorry you having such a rough time with it.  Losses like that aren't something you ever get over ... just something that you eventually learn to except.

My heart goes out to you. 
AA
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 09, 2009, 06:58:59 am
Thanks AndyArrow your right about night time.When your own boyfriend is not that supportive.I asked him if his sister with MS were to die he would go totally nuts.His reply was whump.By the way AndyArrow the bracelet is crochet string not leather wish i could use leather I love leather.I went from being a loving husband to being his house slave.He come home from work early an all day long he is on the computer watching what ever takes his fancy an when he see,s something that intrusted him Dwayne come look.But when I find something about HIV-AIDS he,s to busy watching TV are reading.It sounds one sided to me.I asked politely to wash the dishes one afternoon it start a big fight never fiscal.But some words can hurt you.One thing that afternoon was your home all day long.I thought this was suppose to be 50/50 when your couples.It,s not like I don,t help with the bills the majority of it does.It,s stuff like this that I stew over at night.We have had many roommates over the years an Mark would tell that I was no ones slave.He say,s I work so I do odd jobs when able an have SSI which is gone on the first of every month on our bills.I used to play cards to get out of the house once in a while an with his bitching about it I swear I would never ask him again an some friends do call now an then for me to play an I tell them I am broke so I don,t have to ask him.My psychiatrist ask me if he needed counseling I said it once it caused a big fight.So the things that used to perk me up are gone.An by the way the reason I have to asked him is I don,t drive.So this it is so important that I get to go in August.I used to have a Scooter and would go where I wanted an when.
http://www.myspace.com/dab6801     
Scooter
P.S. Thanks about the Pictures!


Scooter,

Nice pictures.

I think it is true for most people that grief become worse at night when we have fewer distractions.  I'm sorry you having such a rough time with it.  Losses like that aren't something you ever get over ... just something that you eventually learn to except.

My heart goes out to you. 
AA
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 09, 2009, 11:05:13 pm
I wanted to let every one know I must have gotten to the doctors early enough the medicine for the shingles has worked well.No longer on any pain medicines lets just hope I do not have them any time soon.I appreciate all the support I have gotton during these trying time.I know now that I am no longer alone in this venture.
Scooter
http://www.myspace.com/dab6801

P.S. If any one needs anything don,t hesitate to contact me!



Thank god I am taking medicine for the shingles.Because this morning I was able to findly reach an touch my older brother VIA computer I thought I was dreaming so I answered an ten minutes later I get a call an it,s my brother we talked then he drop the bomb shell my younger brother which I knew was HIV+ had died of AIDS.Now I wish was just a awful dream!Don,t get me wrong their were other deaths but my younger brother was my link to my mom,s side of the family.I was diagnosed an infected ten years before him that go,s to prove the point that if it,s not your time it,s not your time.Don,t get me wrong I not ready to go any where!This Go,s Out To My Younger Brother!!!
P.S. Some of you will Know this Song I,m Only writing the first two Verses!!!

If you need a friend,
don,t look to a stanger,
You know in the end,
I,ll always be there

And when you,re in doubt,
and when you,re in danger
Take a look all around,
and I,ll be there.          I will try to not let this to make me worst.Dwayn20 (Scooter)
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: koderkev on April 10, 2009, 01:23:19 am
Hang in there Dwayn20!  I had a cousin that I found out also had AIDS and he died before I ever got a chance to visit with him.  I regretted for a long time that I didn't know him better.  But his folks (who were very religious and conservative) took good care of him and I understand it mellowed my uncle quite a bit.

Just know that we're here when you need to cry/vent/laugh!

kk
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 10, 2009, 02:00:30 am
That's why I was happy to find this sight to cry vent an laugh but its mosty the first two.An having a negative partner even makes it worst.In his way of thinking out of sight out of mind.I have tried to talk to him about this an that.You would think after twenty plus years he would get it by now.
I have a Question that I need Answered.Should I stop waiting for the phone to ring.I told my older brother to give my number to my Mom .She thought she had lost two sons to AIDS.Have not talked to her since I was seventeen and in September I will be 47 years old.
Scooter


Hang in there Dwayn20!  I had a cousin that I found out also had AIDS and he died before I ever got a chance to visit with him.  I regretted for a long time that I didn't know him better.  But his folks (who were very religious and conservative) took good care of him and I understand it mellowed my uncle quite a bit.

Just know that we're here when you need to cry/vent/laugh!

kk
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 10, 2009, 02:33:45 am
I would Love to complete my life.But I guest what comes around goes around.

http://www.myspace.com/dab6801

Scooter

That's why I was happy to find this sight to cry vent an laugh but its mosty the first two.An having a negative partner even makes it worst.In his way of thinking out of sight out of mind.I have tried to talk to him about this an that.You would think after twenty plus years he would get it by now.
I have a Question that I need Answered.Should I stop waiting for the phone to ring.I told my older brother to give my number to my Mom .She thought she had lost two sons to AIDS.Have not talked to her since I was seventeen and in September I will be 47 years old.
Scooter


Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 10, 2009, 07:09:21 am
Today,s Quote Of The Day?

Life is like a Rose Bush
Needs lots of Love
Needs lots of Care
Needs lots of Manure
Needs lots of Water=Tears
Needs to be trimmed of the Dead Parts=But Not Forgotten
It may get a Little Sticky at Times=Stress and Adversity
But Look at the Beautiful Roses=Friends
You trim and Move On=But Never Forget
But you Remember the Smell Of Each Rose=Fallen Friends and Family
For Each Rose Is Diverse=For People Are Every Color Of The Rainbow

Scooter
http://www.myspace.com/dab6801


I would Love to complete my life.But I guest what comes around goes around.

http://www.myspace.com/dab6801

Scooter

Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 11, 2009, 05:46:54 am
This Goes Out To The People Who Live With This Daily An To All The Fallen Ones!!!


Today,s Quote Of The Day?

Life is like a Rose Bush
Needs lots of Love
Needs lots of Care
Needs lots of Manure
Needs lots of Water=Tears
Needs to be trimmed of the Dead Parts=But Not Forgotten
It may get a Little Sticky at Times=Stress and Adversity
But Look at the Beautiful Roses=Friends
You trim and Move On=But Never Forget
But you Remember the Smell Of Each Rose=Fallen Friends and Family
For Each Rose Is Diverse=For People Are Every Color Of The Rainbow

Scooter
http://www.myspace.com/dab6801


Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 11, 2009, 05:07:41 pm
Happy Easter

Quote Of The Day?

Life is like a Rose Bush
Needs lots of Love
Needs lots of Care
Needs lots of Manure
Needs lots of Water=Tears
Needs to be trimmed of the Dead Parts=But Not Forgotten
It may get a Little Sticky at Times=Stress and Adversity
But Look at the Beautiful Roses=Friends
You trim and Move On=But Never Forget
But you Remember the Smell Of Each Rose=Fallen Friends and Family
For Each Rose Is Diverse=For People Are Every Color Of The Rainbow

Scooter
http://www.myspace.com/dab6801


Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 12, 2009, 10:07:04 am
Today is another holiday.I am proud to say I at least have friends around the world even if I have no family to share it with.I know some are wondering wheres Mark he went to Baton Rouge to his Brothers house to celebrate Easter an yes I was invited but feel uncomfortable.So I stayed home did not sleep well even on medicine.So I think I am going to lay down an try to get some sleep.Happy Easter to All
Scooter


That's why I was happy to find this sight to cry vent an laugh but its mostly the first two.An having a negative partner even makes it worst.In his way of thinking out of sight out of mind.I have tried to talk to him about this an that.You would think after twenty plus years he would get it by now.
I have a Question that I need Answered.Should I stop waiting for the phone to ring.I told my older brother to give my number to my Mom .She thought she had lost two sons to AIDS.Have not talked to her since I was seventeen and in September I will be 47 years old.
Scooter


Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: AndyArrow on April 12, 2009, 02:01:14 pm
May Peter Cottontail soon be hopping down your bunny trail!   ;)  :o
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 12, 2009, 02:40:35 pm
Peter Cottontail Jumped to high an Just Blow Away?
Happy Easter AndyArrow
Scooter


May Peter Cottontail soon be hopping down your bunny trail!   ;)  :o
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 12, 2009, 08:48:59 pm
Peter Cottontail Got lucky today there was bad weather in South Louisana.You do know that us Crazy Cajuns will catch him an cook in rice an gravy?
Scooter


Peter Cottontail Jumped to high an Just Blow Away?
Happy Easter AndyArrow
Scooter


Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: AndyArrow on April 13, 2009, 02:15:46 am
Peter Cottontail Got lucky today there was bad weather in South Louisana.You do know that us Crazy Cajuns will catch him an cook in rice an gravy?
Scooter



 :o
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 13, 2009, 06:23:00 pm
You would know friday I ran a fever an then it broke sometimes between saturday an sunday morning.Woke up this morning an thought I was having a allergic reaction to something but that was not the case.Have a big fever blister on my lower lip.I hate them second to shingles.
Scooter


:o
:-[
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 13, 2009, 10:01:53 pm


Life is like a Rose Bush
Needs lots of Love
Needs lots of Care
Needs lots of Manure
Needs lots of Water=Tears
Needs to be trimmed of the Dead Parts=But Not Forgotten
It may get a Little Sticky at Times=Stress and Adversity
But Look at the Beautiful Roses=Friends
You trim and Move On=But Never Forget
But you Remember the Smell Of Each Rose=Fallen Friends and Family
For Each Rose Is Diverse=For People Are Every Color Of The Rainbow

Scooter
http://www.myspace.com/dab6801


Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 14, 2009, 06:44:00 am
I would like to know is the fever blisters the same viris as the shingle viris?The reason I ask is that on the right side is were I normaly get the shingles and fever blisters.They also look just like them in both cases?
Scooter


You would know friday I ran a fever an then it broke sometimes between saturday an sunday morning.Woke up this morning an thought I was having a allergic reaction to something but that was not the case.Have a big fever blister on my lower lip.I hate them second to shingles.
Scooter

 :-[
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: J.R.E. on April 14, 2009, 07:37:29 am
I would like to know is the fever blisters the same viris as the shingle viris?Scooter


It's different. Cold sores fever blisters/ canker, can be caused by Herpes simplex 1.  Shingles is caused by the Herpes Zoster virus.


http://dermatology.about.com/cs/oralherpes/a/oralherptreat.htm
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 15, 2009, 06:18:31 am
Thank You J.R.E.
I checked out the web site very educating.But yesterday the fever blister was the size of a pea and as of late last night the size of a grape.Whats weird seven days ago me and my pardner had sex I did oral on him then now I have this.Before we got together twenty years ago Mark was contacted by a Doctor saying he had some STD because he had sex with a guy and I asked Mark what it was he did not know.He has preformed oral on me an I get a irritation.So it make me wonder.Marks memory is bad to begin with.I have talked with the Doctor about this situation she said he needs to have a STD panel but you would get more done by hitting your head against the wall.It,s hard enough to get his HIV test .
Scooter



Quote from: J.R.E. link=topic=26240.msg331172#msg 331172 date=1239709049
It's different. Cold sores fever blisters/ canker, can be caused by Herpes simplex 1.  Shingles is caused by the Herpes Zoster virus.


http://dermatology.about.com/cs/oralherpes/a/oralherptreat.htm
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 15, 2009, 02:52:42 pm
I talked with the ID nurse on the phone an she suggested Abriva.Because the other cold sore meds looks to be making things worst.Have to wait till tommorrow to buy some that stuff is not cheap.I am going to try the home remedy I read on the web site.
Scooter



Thank You J.R.E.
I checked out the web site very educating.But yesterday the fever blister was the size of a pea and as of late last night the size of a grape.Whats weird seven days ago me and my pardner had sex I did oral on him then now I have this.Before we got together twenty years ago Mark was contacted by a Doctor saying he had some STD because he had sex with a guy and I asked Mark what it was he did not know.He has preformed oral on me an I get a irritation.So it make me wonder.Marks memory is bad to begin with.I have talked with the Doctor about this situation she said he needs to have a STD panel but you would get more done by hitting your head against the wall.It,s hard enough to get his HIV test .
Scooter



Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 16, 2009, 08:32:55 am
I sleep the entire night got up long enough to get something to drink.I found a picture of my younger brother and posted In Memoriam.I finally decide to stop waiting by the phone that will never ring.I,m find with now don,t get me wrong it hurts but you can only make the first move.Now it is in there hands.The way I found my older brother was through myspace.Would you believe he has it set to provide you would think he would at least me to his myspace.He is getting Married in September I wonder if I will be invited.I got the medicine for the fever blister it is helping well.I guest people are problem tired of hearing from me.But the Doctor thinks it,s good and healthy.

Scooter

http://.myspace.com/dab6801
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 16, 2009, 10:13:41 pm
I never realized how it is to make new friends after losing so many.But sometimes fate provides you with the means to make a friend of someone that was right in front of you all the time.My new friend is part of my group an is a longer term survivor an was asking me about the trip to Boston so I give him the web sites to find out what he needed to know.So we might have another person on the trip.He asked me if he went would I take a plane with him I said no for two reasons one don,t like planes and two already requested Amtrak.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 16, 2009, 10:53:02 pm
I am not in the best frame of mind.I said in previous post I was done with the tears I guest I was wrong I am having trouble writing this.I said it before the medicines I am on for panic attacks an anxiety and depression I really feel worst than before I started taking them.I know they will pass it,s just the waiting.
Scooter


I never realized how it is to make new friends after losing so many.But sometimes fate provides you with the means to make a friend of someone that was right in front of you all the time.My new friend is part of my group an is a longer term survivor an was asking me about the trip to Boston so I give him the web sites to find out what he needed to know.So we might have another person on the trip.He asked me if he went would I take a plane with him I said no for two reasons one don,t like planes and two already requested Amtrak.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Ann on April 17, 2009, 07:42:09 am
Scooter, hun, sometimes it's good and healthy to cry. The more you fight it, the more it will try to surface. Stop feeling guilty or bad about crying, just let it flow and maybe you'll be able to get it out of your system faster than when you're fighting it all the time.

It's normal to feel lost and alone when faced with the death of a loved one. Let yourself feel the emotions surrounding this, because the more you bottle them up, the more likely they are to make you explode.

Keep talking/writing about your feelings. It may help to start a personal, private diary on your computer where you can say whatever it is that you're feeling, without the stress of wondering what others will think of you if they read it or worrying about typos or whether or not you're making sense. This type of private writing - for your eyes only - can be very liberating and healing. If you happen to be worried about someone else reading it, you can password-protect Word documents. I do that myself with my own personal, private journal. Try it! It really does help.

Hugs,
Ann
 
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 17, 2009, 08:47:15 am
Thanks Ann I am muddling though a lot more issues than just my brothers death.It some times just does not stop.
Scooter



Scooter, hun, sometimes it's good and healthy to cry. The more you fight it, the more it will try to surface. Stop feeling guilty or bad about crying, just let it flow and maybe you'll be able to get it out of your system faster than when you're fighting it all the time.

It's normal to feel lost and alone when faced with the death of a loved one. Let yourself feel the emotions surrounding this, because the more you bottle them up, the more likely they are to make you explode.

Keep talking/writing about your feelings. It may help to start a personal, private diary on your computer where you can say whatever it is that you're feeling, without the stress of wondering what others will think of you if they read it or worrying about typos or whether or not you're making sense. This type of private writing - for your eyes only - can be very liberating and healing. If you happen to be worried about someone else reading it, you can password-protect Word documents. I do that myself with my own personal, private journal. Try it! It really does help.

Hugs,
Ann
 
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Ann on April 17, 2009, 09:10:02 am

Thanks Ann I am muddling though a lot more issues than just my brothers death.It some times just does not stop.
Scooter


Scooter, it doesn't matter what the cause of your sadness is, the journal idea will still work. I hope you try it, I know keeping a journal really helps me a lot - it keeps me sane.

It's never a good idea to bottle up feelings, no matter what is causing those feelings.

Ann
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 17, 2009, 09:23:34 am
Hey Ann I went out side to have a cigarette and was thinking I believe the problem is lifers remorse more than anything else.I do have some good news I am finally in touch with a friend here in town that has been dealing with all this a few years longer than me.Come to find out we have lost most of the same friends.Yesterday we spent hour on the phone remembering different people.so it makes it a little easier to cope.I go to the psychologist Monday I am starting to believe I am by polar not shore it was spelled right but I am sure you understand.Because I can go from one extrime to another in seconds.I try not to get mad but sometimes it is beyond my control.Does what I wrote at the top of this post make any sense are am I just losing it.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Ann on April 17, 2009, 09:34:10 am
Scooter, no, you're not losing it; what you wrote makes sense.

I'm happy for you that you found a friend you have things in common with. That's always a big help.

Ann
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 18, 2009, 03:19:54 am
 :-\With all the medicines plus the one to help me sleep.I sleep a grand total of three hours and hope the medicine kicks back in.I think that is why I am fatigued all the time not enough rest.I told a doctor once that my thoughts were racing a mile a second the look I got from him was this guy needs to be in a loony bin.Who needs to be put in a loony bin when all the loony people are out and about in the World.And what ever you do don,t tell a strange doctor unless it,s your own that you can hear a clock that is ticking slower an slower.They try to put me on more medicine an I said no I am seeing a psychologist an his nurse an I think they a little bit more informed on my sitution.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: AndyArrow on April 18, 2009, 04:04:49 am
Hey Scooter,

I just wanted to wish you luck seeing your new doctor!

AA
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 18, 2009, 07:04:36 am
That,s the problem have medicaid and most provide doctors won,t see you unless you have medicaid an medicare.I can start going back to New Orleans but riding Grey hound if once a month not to bad which all the Clinic,s for HIV an related things are all in same building.They try there best to schedule all appointments on the same day are one day apart then I spend the night.Been doing that off an on since 1991.Go for say three years get exhausted an tranfure back to Lafayette.Had all my dental work done in New Orleans it was becoming a health hazard to me had all dental work and Dentures because lafayettes LSU medical doesn,t do EYE are Dental back then now they do the test for CMV the only problem with that is they set up 150 appointments at 10.00 am an if your not there early enough we have to reschedule you appointment for a other day because they have to clear out the waiting room for the after noon appointment.The sad part of this is some of these people come from long distances then being told we have to send you a new appointment.And they wonder why people are all ways getting upset an angry. >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(
Scooter



Quote from: AndyArrow link=topic=26240.msg331931#msg 331931 date=1240041889
Hey Scooter,

I just wanted to wish you luck seeing your new doctor!

AA
>:(
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Ann on April 18, 2009, 07:36:22 am

I can start going back to New Orleans but riding Grey hound if once a month not to bad which all the Clinic,s for HIV an related things are all in same building.


Scooter, I urge you to go back to NO where you seemed to be happier with the care you received. I too have to travel a distance to my hiv doctor - and I actually have to fly to get there. It makes for one very long day, but it's worth it in order to get the best care available. I put some photos in my blog of the journey I take to get to my clinic. click here for photos (http://blogs.poz.com/ann/archives/2008/06/a_day_in_the_li.html)

Ann
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 18, 2009, 01:04:24 pm
Thank you Ann for the Info
My brother finnaly sent me  email saying he had been to busy. I tired of waiting but there is nothing I can do on the verge of tears again. I don,t want to sound like a broken record. I am not a broken record I am just Broken up over stupid shit that don,t amount to a hill of beans.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: AndyArrow on April 19, 2009, 06:29:01 am
I'm with Ann ... quality healthcare is worth traveling to receive. 

I'm lucky in that my ID doc is close by but my GI people are a 2.5hr drive away at a University hospital and it has made all the difference in my care.

A broken CD ... records are so passe  :D

Hugs!
AA (who still plays his 45s & LPs on the console stereo in the basement)
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Ann on April 19, 2009, 08:17:13 am
Hi Andy, I'm lucky in that my GP's office is literally across the street from me - it takes me all of two minutes to walk to an appointment. When I was first going to the hiv clinic in Liverpool, they took care of all my health care needs, so I rarely went to my GP. Then budgets started getting tight (they removed the hiv-funding ring-fence in the UK, long story) and for example, the only meds I can get from Liverpool are those related directly to hiv or an OI. Now I see my GP much more often, so I'm really glad he's so close.

Scooter, I don't get why you cried over your brother. He got in touch - I thought that would have put a smile on your face! Be happy that he made the effort to find time in his busy schedule to email. People will always work to their own time-frame and there's nothing we can do about that. We can, however, change how we react to what others do - or don't do.

Sometimes happiness is simply about changing your perspective. Look for the good before you look for the bad. It will take time to change your way of thinking, but you can do it and it's worth the effort.

Ann
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 19, 2009, 08:42:28 am
What I learned this morning is Anger will replace sadness.I can,t wait to hear what the ignorant on posts next.If you have a problem with my life.PITTY? you don,t and will never understand love. The only thing he problem knows is hate.

Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: mjmel on April 19, 2009, 08:45:16 am
Healthcare sucks in Lafayette for folks with HIV. Always has from what I can recall. The exception is if you have primo insurance.

I sympathize with Dwyan20. I have had the waiting room (crowded hallway) experience of charity hospital in New Orleans. It can be a bit overwhelming.

Still, one has to keep the health up before all esle. It's worth the time and money of staying the extra night..........if you have it.

Mike
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 19, 2009, 08:58:15 am
Hey Mike call me Scooter all my friends do. And your right about the healthcare system now that LSU has taken over. Before that it was ok now it,s a nightmare. The sad part about going back to New Orleans it is also run by LSU but that clinic is strictly for Hiv-Aids.
Scooter

Scooters New Blog

http:scooter6801.blogs.experiencepproject.com {share}

Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Ann on April 19, 2009, 09:01:15 am
What I learned this morning is Anger will replace sadness.I can,t wait to hear what the ignorant on posts next.If you have a problem with my life.PITTY? you don,t and will never understand love. The only thing he problem knows is hate.

Scooter

Are you talking about your brother? It's unclear. Nobody pities you here.

Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 19, 2009, 09:32:53 am
No I started a blog of my life from the beginning when I started getting sick an this morning I got a reply from someone asking when I knew I was a homosexual an that Hiv was God,s punishment. I am sorry but God made me to be who I am . I am sorry you got the wrong impression.
Scooter

http://scooter6801.blogs.experienceproject.com {share}
This is were I started my Journey
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Ann on April 19, 2009, 09:51:43 am
Scooter, hun, don't waste your time on small-minded individuals who claim that hiv is ANYONE's punishment - or "cure for homosexuality", as that jerk put it. You know and I know and most of us here know it isn't. I feel sorry for people with that mindset, because those type of people are the people who suffer emotionally the most when they get THEIR hiv diagnosis.

I mean, that Dragon guy asked you if you consciously CHOSE to be gay. As if! Tell him no, you didn't have a choice, but you did choose your eye-colour. Sheesh. ::) Better yet, delete his comment. You can on most blogs. Opinions like his don't deserve to see the light of day.  All they do is perpetuate hate.

Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 19, 2009, 10:10:14 am
Hey Ann
I agree with your 100% but I think it has given me something to fight for I think I will keep at it and his life hopefully be a little richer. He can,t help being stupid so maybe I will open his eyes.
Scooter

http:scooter6801.blogs.experienceproject.com {share}
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Ann on April 19, 2009, 10:17:47 am

He can,t help being stupid so maybe I will open his eyes.


hehehehe... Some people are unlucky and are born stupid, some people are lucky and are born gay! :D
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 20, 2009, 10:30:58 pm
I am at a cross road in my life made a new friend online that wants to be more so I gave him this site to find out more about me.Met him on poz.com personal he is so sweet and 14 years my Jr after he reads everything on this site he may not talk to me again.Yes Mark know what is happening so I set him a personal account for Negative people he is the one that wanted one but could not type well.I told him you don,t need to type well are spell well that's what spell check is far.So now I am more confused than ever.Hows that saying go Such is Life.I still can not get rid of this gloom an doom feeling.I know time will heal my heart because I have battle bigger demons in my life and came out on top.I started my own Blog hoping that would help me to see my life does have meaning.I try to write a little each day but today learned a valuable thing if you get destrated save what you have wrote before anything because I had wrote a whole page answered the phone turned around an pressed the wrong button and it was erased.I was not to happy.

http://scooter6801.blogs.experienceproject.com {share}
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 21, 2009, 09:30:24 am
Last night I decided to respond to Nathan,s letter. This is what I wrote how long I had be positive and the problems I was dealing with. Then I decided to give him the info for my posting I thought I would not here from him for a while. But to my surprise he send me a email this morning an I take it he had read my postings because he referred to a couple of things. He is sweet but lives in Long Beach Ca which I know I would love. He is every thing I want and need but will take it a little slow. Scared,Worried an Happy. I even set a singles web site for Mark he sat there an told me what to write. Who knows what will happen next can not wait to find out.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 21, 2009, 04:10:48 pm
Quote from: Dwayn20 link=topic=26240.msg332380#msg 332380 date=1240320624
Last night I decided to respond to Nathan,s letter. This is what I wrote how long I had be positive and the problems I was dealing with. Then I decided to give him the info for my posting I thought I would not here from him for a while. But to my surprise he send me a email this morning an I take it he had read my postings because he referred to a couple of things. He is sweet but lives in Long Beach Ca which I know I would love. He is every thing I want and need but will take it a little slow. Scared,Worried an Happy. I even set a singles web site for Mark he sat there an told me what to write. Who knows what will happen next can not wait to find out.I told Mark when he got home he was not in the surprised.
Scooter

Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 22, 2009, 05:41:42 am
I want to go and I want to stay I am split down the middle. I not sure if life is playing a cosmic joke. I although do feel better than I had filled in a month. I thought Mark was going to help by talking to his boss about the trip. Then yesterday he said they paying for your hotel for four nights and your Amtrak ticket. What I can not get him to understand is that have money to do this and that. So he has set on the papers I have printed out. Some one asked if I would make it to the Memorial. No what I was trying for his company to help pay maybe the four nights that the Grant could not. If nothing else I want to Thank The Grant Committee and all those that is making this possible.
Scooter





Quote from: Dwayn20 link=topic=26240.msg332449#msg 332449 date=1240344648

Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 22, 2009, 08:19:43 pm
Am the only one that sometimes have trouble making appointment.I don,t know maybe I am just tired of all the drugs.Like one of the guys talk about being the last medicines available I have went though all most all the drugs and had to restart all the regiments.Have become drug resisted to most drugs that is why I had such low T-Cell and high viral load.But so for things are getting better I just must remember that stress could undue all the good.
Scooter



Quote from: Dwayn20 link=topic=26240.msg332542#msg 332542 date=1240393302
I want to go and I want to stay I am split down the middle. I not sure if life is playing a cosmic joke. I although do feel better than I had filled in a month. I thought Mark was going to help by talking to his boss about the trip. Then yesterday he said they paying for your hotel for four nights and your Amtrak ticket. What I can not get him to understand is that have money to do this and that. So he has set on the papers I have printed out. Some one asked if I would make it to the Memorial. No what I was trying for his company to help pay maybe the four nights that the Grant could not. If nothing else I want to Thank The Grant Committee and all those that is making this possible.
Scooter





Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 23, 2009, 11:38:20 am
I am starting to hate this computer you hit the wrong button there goes everything you wrote. I am getting side tracked. I know some of you have seen that I have been talking with a younger man online. This is been going on three weeks an the advice I received is greatly appreciated I think that in my case I am flattered that a younger man finds me interesting. When he was born I was overseas with my dad I was fourteen. Don,t get me wrong I really could fall for this guy because he is everything that Mark is not. Yes I know whats on screen and paper are not all ways fact. That is why I will be taking it very slow. Lets face it I have shed enough tears over the last month an a half to last a life time.
Scooter
http://www.myspace.com/dab6801

To View My Picture and Hopefully Add Some of Your Own

P.S. I know one thing he is not after my money.  Ha Ha


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Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 24, 2009, 03:52:55 pm
I still not sure about the trip to Boston yes the hotel is paid for four nights and the Amtrak is also paid for. I am trying to get money to do things at the way things are going I told Mark if I go will be going to Boston to eat at Burger King and places like that. Gave Mark the papers to give to his boss and the only thing Mark keeps saying August is so for off. What he does not understand is if his company pays for the rest of the stay I would have to call to make reservation for the room.
Scooter


[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 24, 2009, 09:30:30 pm
Dreams come and dreams go then some turn into nightmares.But come light of day things looks different.My dream will come true and I will make the best of it and hopefully make friends along the way.Here to Boston.
Scooter


[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 25, 2009, 11:28:01 pm
Today has been a pretty good day went to spend the day downtown for the Festival International De Louisiane . Nice arts and crafts . Found myself a tree sit down and let every one else walk all over down town. I was very happy were I was why move when the world is moving around you.Thought I was going to be burnt but the tree must have been perfect I normally not good in crowds which they really had a lot of people.Very Nice Sites!!!
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 27, 2009, 03:11:43 am
This is the third night that I have woken up with night sweats.It had been a while since I have had them that means they will be changing medicine again.Not Happy???
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 27, 2009, 07:01:26 pm
Time is driving me nuts. I have nights sweats and hand tremors. The medicine to help me sleep is no longer working so I am up most nights and then your mind starts to go in to overdrive. I agree with many people that at night there is less things to keep your mind focus. I have try to make new friends for when I start to feel the need to talk to no such luck. Update on the guy from Long Beach CA he must have done what I told he to do was to go to POZ.COM an read any thing by Dwayn20 aint heard from him since that was five days ago. Maybe I have to many issues that he did not want to deal with.I am about to put my foot down or put it up with regards about Mark I am no longer going to hold my words because I am mentally and fiscally tired of his crap. I am not the only one that lives in this house.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 28, 2009, 11:44:42 pm
I am trying to keep a positive attitude for I have been told feel it do it live it . Maybe I have been doing this to myself for so long it will take time to correct my problems . I sometimes feel my life has been for not . When I am gone there will be no foot print to say that I have been here . I did some paintings for which I was proud of ( Gay Baby's First Steps ) made the bracelets that is my avatar . But I don,t know if I have made a difference with the people that I have touched . I deep down know god put me here for a reason maybe I am blind to the things I should be doing . Lost soul trying to find his way ?
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: AndyArrow on April 29, 2009, 08:52:42 am
Time to watch It's a Wonderful Life again!  We all touch people's lives in ways we don't even realize.  Don't under estimate yourself!

AA
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 29, 2009, 09:51:23 am
Your right it just seems that every choice I ever make is the wrong one.That is one of my favorite movies .I pray to thank for every thing I have and guidance . I am just frustrated as I am sure a lot of people are . Change the things you can an have the wisdom to know the difference.
Scooter
P.S. I do believe I have some one watching over me.My Brother?
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 29, 2009, 11:23:53 am
 ;My older brother just called we had a heart to heart talk.He said he would send picture of the family.I also told him how I was feeling alone he said you are not alone.But what everyone has to understand is when I start feeling like this when I can,t talk with any one.On nights like this I want to go outside scream at the top of my lungs but to what end.Only one that will answer is a cop or men in white coats.
 :Scooter :D
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 30, 2009, 09:57:52 am
Here we go again another month of bills and not enough money to cover them. With SSI an the little I make mowing the couple of yards. Even with Marks good paying job we are like everyone else late on this one are like what happened last week Mark made a mistake an wrote the check for the Electric Bill then found out that he didn,t have enough to cover it.The local Aids organization won,t help unless I have a eviction notice or a disconnect notice but if you were one of the one,s from New Orleans after Katrina they had everything payed for Rent,Electric,and the hole nine yards.There used to be a lot of people volunteering almost every one that did has since quit because of the way things are run.In the last three years I have had about ten different case managers half the time I do not know who my case manager is. Then when you find out who he are she is try to get in touch with them and if you do they don,,t know one thing from a another.Frustrating?
Scooter

P.S. Yes I Am Mad As Hell !!!
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Ann on April 30, 2009, 10:08:42 am
Shoot, Dwane, at least you HAVE a case manager. We don't have them where I live - and we don't even have an ASO. The closest ASO to me is in Liverpool, which is a airplane ride away and they can't help me with things here on the Rock anyway.

Count your blessings once in a while instead of always focusing on the down-side.

Ann
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on April 30, 2009, 10:20:20 am
Sorry I just mad they spend more money on administrative than the clients.Then have the Gaul to ask me to make my bracelets for a fundraiser. If I had the money to make the bracelets I would not need there help.Its a Catch 22 . Damn if you do Damn if you don,t? Lets just say I am on a 24-7-365 Bitch Fit.I am sorry if I offend anyone.
Scooter



Quote from: Ann link=topic=26240.msg333975#msg 333975 date=1241100522
Shoot, Dwyane, at least you HAVE a case manager. We don't have them where I live - and we don't even have an ASO. The closest ASO to me is in Liverpool, which is a airplane ride away and they can't help me with things here on the Rock anyway.

Count your blessings once in a while instead of always focusing on the down-side.

Ann

Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 01, 2009, 03:53:37 am
I wonder some times if the person who said patience is a virtue had any.I have the faith to carry me though but am lacking patience.Now to make matters worst having night sweats sneezing off and on and no I don,t have the swine flu I have seasonal allergies just like clockwork.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 01, 2009, 09:19:57 am
Today I will contact my case worker to see if I am allowed any Rental assistance.I will be nice about it I try not to be ugly towards any one that has a job working with the public.I figure they are just following protocol or the rules if you will.We will see in a little while if anything is available if there is I will be very surprised. I am keeping my fingers crossed.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 01, 2009, 08:18:20 pm
Tonight I decided to take my Cymbalta before we eat supper. I started thinking that I had been taking my meds after we eat so maybe that mixed with the handful of meds that might be the reason it works during the day but not so well at night. So I get to play mix master again. The case worker I talk to said they would pay $ 150.00 on my rent but I would have to pay the rest an get a receipt an bring it in Monday I don,t drive so I would have to make a money order then go across town pay the Land Lord an get the receipt then go back across town to give the receipt to the case worker and hope the rest is payed by the 05-05-09 or there will be a fifty dollar added to the rent.The taken of the Cymbalta before eating seems to be working.Then I went to take the rest of my medicines then realized I was out of the med that I take to help me sleep.Have a feeling its going to be a long night.But I got to say my mind is not racing like it normally would.I am just a little agitated Mark get up sayes I am going to the restroom an two minutes later the bedroom door is closed he has a fit if I don,t tell him goodnight that's what he does.The slamming of the bedroom door is as bad as if you were to come up to me and slap me in the face.Its insulting and he know it I think he does it to push my buttons.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 02, 2009, 07:48:14 pm
The taking Cybalta before eating seemed to help time will tell. I am still getting a little agated but like I said in previous post Mark take pleasure in push my buttons. I told him about what some of the people posted about standing back and maybe move on.The first thing out of his mouth was I can pack and I will bring you to the local Aids Organisation then he laughs about it.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 02, 2009, 11:16:50 pm
Another Saturday night an as usual bored and Mark is driving me bat shit . The computer was acting up an the first words out of his mouth is what did you do now. He knows how to dish it out and I was just joking but if you tell him something are joke with him he blows it out of context. He wonders why I stay mad and have to take so much medications. You know what I am getting tired of taking medication for supposed to be my problem when the one that needs help won,t seek it because he claims to have no problems.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: BT65 on May 03, 2009, 08:32:10 pm
Well, you either have to get him out of your life, or put up with it.  Sorry, but that's reality.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 03, 2009, 08:39:26 pm
I am trying to deal today has been one of his better days.Truth be known I am trying to get him some one else then maybe he will realize what he has.Yes I know it can backfire in my face.But a long time ago we agreed that if we broke up we would be human about it.Time will tell.
Scooter


Well, you either have to get him out of your life, or put up with it.  Sorry, but that's reality.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 04, 2009, 09:56:55 pm
You know how hard it is to make friends . I may have made a new one . The making of friend is like finding tricks the ones you want don,t want have nothing to do with you and the ones that you don,t want are hounding you . Maybe I am becoming bitter or maybe I was always like this and never realized it . When you have to much time on your hands and not enough to keep you occupied and the medicines are quiet working as well as you like . Maybe there is some thing lacking in my life a Void if you will . You know your in trouble when your dog can not lift your spirit . I dislike talking any pain medication . I am this shy of taking of taking one because the nerountin is not helping you would think taking 9 pills a day would help . Are maybe this is another drug failure one of many in twenty one years .  It some times feels like your world revolves around drugs . Am I the only one that feels this way . And found out the hard way some medication you don,t quit cold . They will make you sicker than when you were on the medicines.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 05, 2009, 06:54:02 pm
I am like the post I read in a previous post . I broke today I don,t take stress well . Found out today the Electric Bill check bounced and have no way to pay it . So now I have to wait for the check to return or for the Electric company to put a disconnect notice before I can contacted my case worker . I don,t understand why we are always behind on every thing . Between the to of us we have more money and still can,t make ends meet . I am tired mentally and physical and Mark is no help he does not stress over any thing.
Scooter is Wrecked Today :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: AndyArrow on May 05, 2009, 07:38:31 pm
I'm sorry to hear you are down in the dumps.  It truly sucks being broke all the time. 

Gabapentin wasn't doing the trick for me and I tried Lyrica per the doctor's suggestion. (I think it was probably more like the pharma rep was pushing this drug)  Anyway Lyrica didn't do much good either.  Several people on here suggested I try taking a higher dose of the gabapentin and it's really helped.

Good luck & I hope tomorrow is a better day.
AA
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 05, 2009, 08:00:42 pm
I am at the max dose of Gabapentin so I am not sure any more and it seems that the Cymbalta is at max dose also.I hate when the meds start to fail an then have to play lets try this it should help.
Scooter


I'm sorry to hear you are down in the dumps.  It truly sucks being broke all the time. 

Gabapentin wasn't doing the trick for me and I tried Lyrica per the doctor's suggestion. (I think it was probably more like the pharma rep was pushing this drug)  Anyway Lyrica didn't do much good either.  Several people on here suggested I try taking a higher dose of the gabapentin and it's really helped.

Good luck & I hope tomorrow is a better day.
AA
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: BT65 on May 05, 2009, 08:25:17 pm
Dwayn20, what do you consider the "max dose" of Gabapentin?  I take 800 mgs 3 x a day.  Do you take more than this?
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 05, 2009, 08:46:14 pm
Hey Betty I take nine 400mg capsules a day?
Scooter

Dwayn20, what do you consider the "max dose" of Gabapentin?  I take 800 mgs 3 x a day.  Do you take more than this?
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dachshund on May 06, 2009, 06:10:51 am
I am like the post I read in a previous post . I broke today I don,t take stress well . Found out today the Electric Bill check bounced and have no way to pay it . So now I have to wait for the check to return or for the Electric company to put a disconnect notice before I can contacted my case worker . I don,t understand why we are always behind on every thing . Between the to of us we have more money and still can,t make ends meet . I am tired mentally and physical and Mark is no help he does not stress over any thing.
Scooter is Wrecked Today :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

I hesitate to post in threads like this because I think responding exacerbates, rather than helps. That said, I think you need a bit a tough love concerning your finances. I can't help but remember the thread you posted in Off Topic about your trip to a casino last month where you gambled away you and your lover's money in rather short order. An amount that would have easily covered the electric bill. You play you pay.

If by your own admission between the two of you, you have more than enough money to make ends meet, set a budget and stick to it.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 06, 2009, 09:46:46 am
I know the story you are talking about. It toke place about six years ago.Have not been to a casino in a long time.That what I am talking about.I don,t do Drugs,Drink or Gamble any more.But there seems to be a black hole sucking what money we have.The next step is to see a Financial Consular.A Lot of our Problems stem from taking in my Aunt for six Months.No hard feeling.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: AndyArrow on May 06, 2009, 08:03:05 pm
I am at the max dose of Gabapentin so I am not sure any more and it seems that the Cymbalta is at max dose also.I hate when the meds start to fail an then have to play lets try this it should help.
Scooter



I don't know if you've tried it and I haven't so I can't offer any personal experience but some therapist here offer a type of massage therapy for neuropathy and it's often covered by Medicaid or Medicare.

Good luck to you,
AA
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 06, 2009, 10:13:06 pm
I have had a day like most I am going to try what Andy suggested.I mowed three yards today we are talking trailer lots.What would have taking less than a hour took a little longer than it used to.I did it to make a little extra money.Now have to pay the piper my hands are shaking and my feet hurt really bad had to talk my first time in all most two months hate taking them.Mow those yards when it was about to rain so I would not get burnt an guess what you would swear I stayed out in the sun.By the way we manage to pay the Electric Bill.I have the microphone I  might have to start use it to dictate any thing on the computer.I must admit I am bad at typing.It hard enough to type before.Marks sister has MS and my typing reminds me when she was able to type.I am really thinking about calling my N P tomorrow to ask her about the hand tremors even though I am going to see her in about three weeks.Some one sent me a message this morning about my past Gambling Addiction that he read I ask Mark when this happened he said that was Seven Years ago an the only gambling I do is Texas Hold-em on the computer.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 07, 2009, 12:19:16 pm
Last night was one of the longest nights.That is the reason I do not like to take Pain Medications.I toke one 6.30pm and was like on speed and that is not a good thing when your mind is running a mile a second.When you have mental problems Depression Anxiety or Panic Disorder.The things your mind can come up with.I was happy when I had read about the one time stimulus checks were deposited until I call the bank nope and my checks are deposited at midnight.I just need to patience a little longer it will will get there when it gets there.But like everyone else I can really use it.
Scooter
http://www.myspace.com/dab6801 (ftp://http://www.myspace.com/dab6801)
Looking to make new Friends
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 07, 2009, 07:26:38 pm
I don,t get it I have check my bank ten times today and nothing and I really could use it now.I was going to try to save it for the trip to Boston but that is not going to happen.I have one more option left if that doesn,t pan out I am screwed with no good night kiss.I am trying to keep my mood up.Checked mail this afternoon and had a bill from the Psychiatrist because I miss a appointment without a 24 hour canceling.How are you supposed to give a 24 hour notice when your appointment is Monday morning at 8 am and have no ride and they don,t start answering the phone until 8:30 am.So now that's another 95.00 dollars I can,t afford.My grandmother had a old saying six of one an half a dozen of the other.For those who don,t know what that means dam if you do dam if you don,t.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dachshund on May 07, 2009, 08:50:55 pm
I don,t get it I have check my bank ten times today and nothing and I really could use it now.I was going to try to save it for the trip to Boston but that is not going to happen.I have one more option left if that doesn,t pan out I am screwed with no good night kiss.I am trying to keep my mood up.Checked mail this afternoon and had a bill from the Psychiatrist because I miss a appointment without a 24 hour canceling.How are you supposed to give a 24 hour notice when your appointment is Monday morning at 8 am and have no ride and they don,t start answering the phone until 8:30 am.So now that's another 95.00 dollars I can,t afford.My grandmother had a old saying six of one an half a dozen of the other.For those who don,t know what that means dam if you do dam if you don,t.
Scooter

Dwayn, have you applied for help financing your trip to Boston through the AMG grants committee? I know they take donations to help finance people in need. I would check with them. Sounds like you could use a vacation. :D
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 07, 2009, 09:09:25 pm
Yes I have they are paying for the round trip Amtrak ticket from New Orleans to Boston and they are paying for the hotel for four nights.I just need to pay for the round trip ticket by Greyhound from Lafayette to New Orleans and the night because the Amtrak leaves early in the morning. The last plan I have in the works is Hopeing Marks company will help with some of the costs while there.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 08, 2009, 07:32:41 am
Checked the bank again this morning nothing. Someone suggested that I need a vacation. Right at this moment I don,t know the meaning of that eight letter word. I may no longer have access to a psychologist that would really suck. Because of things beyond my control if my case worker happens to be reading this my advice is don.t call me. I seems the only time I here from them if something wrong. You know for most of my life I could not understand why a lot of people in our situation turn to drug use some were doing drugs before and after but some that never did drugs turn to them after to try to deal and makes it worst. No I don,t do drugs I have enough with all I have to take on a daily basis. As much as I do love Mark, Whats was the saying if you Love something let it Go ,If you think I was joking about doing a profile on two different web sites. If nothing else it keeps him busy.
Scooter

http://www.myspace.com/dab6801
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 08, 2009, 04:28:11 pm
I must be a dumb-ass I got a email that should have been in spam.You can have a brand knew Computer and I started to fill out the form it went to are you out of your mind.So I got to a part you have to apply for two different offers. Which most offers I can not qualify for.So I deleted every thing and thought that would be the end of it.Wrong now I am getting calls from a college and a number that is not in service but I have got three calls so for. I am usually a nice person but at the rate things are going I am libel to start cursing some one out. I need all this agravation like I need another disease. I was right about keeping Mark amused with the web site that I set up for him. He said today that he was not going any where my response is as long as we keep to our first agreed to.
Scooter

http://www.myspace.com/dab6801
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 09, 2009, 05:45:39 am
Whats going on some people got there stimulus checks and some didn,t.I starting to believe that it is a cruel joke. Lets see how we can screw with Dwayne this week.I started on my life blog last night you really don,t know how screwed up your life is till you start to write about it.I am up to year 17 no wonder I have so many issues before the age of ten almost died three times.And the next ten years was up and down no wonder I don,t like roller coasters who need to get on one when you life is one.
Scooter

http://www.myspace.com/dab6801
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 09, 2009, 06:05:17 pm
 :)Today has been good .But talk about hot in the shade it,s 90 degrees . I don,t know if any other LTS have this problem with heat and sun light . I go out in the sun for five minutes and I burn was never like that before . It make,s it hard to make extra money mowing grass year before last I had twenty yards last years after the hospital stay it went down to eight now I have two . That is the reason for the
money problems . I hate to say this I even had to default on a couple credit cards . I  still have people coming by my house and ask if I could mow their lawn I tell them that I can,t due to health issue . You can,t look back you must keep going forward . As for one of the credit cards I always payed them ahead of time then got really sick and since my T-Cells were down to 8 I am glad to say that I just broke a record for me 359 and V-Load 0 . I got a call from one of the credit card company and the woman said we could work something out that is when I informed her I had AIDS an had only my SSI check next thing I know she said thank you and hung up.That's the last I heard from them.
Scooter

http://www.myspace.com/dab6801
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: J.R.E. on May 09, 2009, 08:33:41 pm
:)Today has been good .But talk about hot in the shade it,s 90 degrees . I don,t know if any other LTS have this problem with heat and sun light . I go out in the sun for five minutes and I burn was never like that before .
Scooter

http://www.myspace.com/dab6801

Scooter,

You need to be careful out there in the sun. Believe me !! I've lived in Florida 29 years. My first few years down here were worshipping the sun. Being from Buffalo, New york originally ( where there are only two seasons, rain and snow  :) I couldn't wait for the move down here to spend time in the sun. I found out how bad that was.
 I am light skin, Reddish,blond hair, and I can get burned up in no time at all. I have paid the price with skin cancers issues through the years. I've been scraped, cut, frozen, stitched, biopsied, so many times I can't keep count.

You need to get some sunscreen . At least a Number 45, and keep yourself covered while outdoors.

Even though I've been here 29 years, 24 of those years have been with myself being HIV positive. I will never get used to the heat, but it's the price we pay down here, for when we get to those winter months !

I think I am lucky that I work the graveyard shift and can sleep during the day, cause I am not really an outdoorsy type of person. I have to limit myself each time I am outside, to put it bluntly,  it wipes me out, and it seems to get worse each year. I don't know if others agree, but I feel the intensity of the sun has increased dramatically over these past 29 years !!


Take care----Ray
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 10, 2009, 06:57:34 am
Why is it so few have gotten this economic stimulus checks and others have not . I get direct deposit and not seen Hyde nor hare of it . It show would come in handy right about now . On the thirteenth I will have to call one of my bill and hope I can get a little more time . But worst than that the food stores at my house are getting very bare . I have friends that tell me to put it all in gods hands I have I don,t think God is taking calls right now . Now don,t get me wrong this is stuff in the pantry but nothing to go with it . My lady next door just about every day ask the same question did you go apply for food stamps yet . I used to get them then the State of Louisiana decide that Mark and me are a couple so had to include his income . But ask for any other couples rights in this state and you get shut down quick . Yes we live in the same household but he has his bedroom and i have mine .
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 10, 2009, 01:17:01 pm
I find holidays very dreary but this is the first Mothers day that has ever hit me hard. Mark is going to see his family and even though my mother is alive I can,t call to wish her a happy mothers day. I,m sure my older brother is probably visiting our mother. If you are wondering why I can,t call her is because I don,t have her number I told my older brother to give my phone number to her. It,s like someone has thrown salt into a cut that won,t heal. I guest that's what is called the affairs of the Heart.  :'(
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 11, 2009, 09:50:30 am
I was doing some reading around 4 am and came across something that blow me away. I Just Tested Poz-Positively Johnathans - Vidio Blog. I was stunned and amazed for he is doing something very positive with his Life after testing poz. I hope to hear a lot more from this young man.

Scooter :D :D :D :D
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 11, 2009, 08:54:02 pm
I have told a few people about this blog.You know how they always ask question who is your hero. I know how to answer that question. This is half my age he has done some thing in my view that I hope reaches far and wide. He has taken the bull by the horn and I have a feeling ain,t going to let go.
Scooter


I was doing some reading around 4 am and came across something that blow me away. I Just Tested Poz-Positively Jonathan's - Video Blog. I was stunned and amazed for he is doing something very positive with his Life after testing pozI hope to hear a lot more from this young man.

Scooter :D :D :D :D
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 12, 2009, 11:40:57 am
I think I may have found a new friend that I will be able to help and in turn be helped.I can,t wait to see what happens next.Yes I am in a very good mood even Mark with all his button pushing yes I admit he got to me yesterday but was able to shake it off for a change.I said a while back that I was running on empty rrrrrrr   rrrrrr thats me running all most full.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 12, 2009, 11:21:37 pm
All though I am in better spirits I had to call the phone company today which I was dreading. They were very nice saying that since I have always payed my cell phone bill early that I was in good standing with them.I explained that I was waiting on a check to pay them which was due tomorrow. She informed me that she could push the payment to June first which will work for me.I never learned to Juggle any thing in my life but unless we are talking bills.Some times it feels like playing Hop Scotch two steps forward five steps back. But that would have me down right now but with all my new friends I am on top of the World. I hope it,s not a far fall ?
Scooter  ;D
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 13, 2009, 06:19:18 am
I have been in a good mood until I was reading a certain thread and I like to blow a gasket then I let it go because I said my thoughts on it . Still waiting patiently for this ghostly check I keep hearing about I wish I could agree with Andy the later the better even if it came in later I would most likely able to save it for Boston. I am in the back of my mind and what I feel about in my Heart are waring with each other. We have a old saying when I was growing. It go,some thing like this I have a four burner stove with six pot going at once.
Scooter

http://www.myspace.com/dab6801
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 13, 2009, 05:40:21 pm
I knew it was to good to last some time if he suffers from PMS . But in my case it Pack My Shit. He goes from being so sweet you can get cavities from. To being bitter and slamming doors and i don,t know what his problem is. I can,t win for losing and I am sure this mental anguish is not good for my well being. I have had friends when I had some that I should leave. I all ready have to many issues to deal with I know all ready what the reply will be. Bring them on I am trying to keep a positive attitude. Darn it,s hard anything that goes wrong I feel it,s my fault. This computer was purchased so I wound have some sort of outlet. But since it came home we have had more arguments about how to do this or that. But when he needs something typed or wants to show me something Dwayne come see this. I allways come to see what he want to show me but let me try to show him something forget it. He,s to busy watching TV and we do have a DVR which can be paused. Lost and Comfused.
Scooter





I have been in a good mood until I was reading a certain thread and I like to blow a gasket then I let it go because I said my thoughts on it . Still waiting patiently for this ghostly check I keep hearing about I wish I could agree with Andy the later the better even if it came in later I would most likely able to save it for Boston. I am in the back of my mind and what I feel about in my Heart are waring with each other. We have a old saying when I was growing. It go,some thing like this I have a four burner stove with six pot going at once.
Scooter

http://www.myspace.com/dab6801

Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: BT65 on May 13, 2009, 06:50:26 pm
Dwayn20, I've said this before and I'll say it again-either kick him out, or put up with him.  There's only two choices.  Good luck.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 13, 2009, 07:33:20 pm
Choice number one won,t happen when every thing is in his name.He owns every thing in name only which even though he says you know everything is half your. Choices two can,t afford to move so I have to put up with it. I have talked to a few doctors and nurses and my life was screwed up before. Every time I go though to much stress it comes out medicaly one way or another.Shingles,Hives,Soars,Crying,Hand Tremers and some things I can,t remember off hand.
Scooter


Dwayne 20, I've said this before and I'll say it again-either kick him out, or put up with him.  There's only two choices.  Good luck.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 14, 2009, 12:58:52 pm
Today is quiet for which I am grateful . I am trying to think of ways of making money . By this time I am washing trailers and mowing grass . I washed one trailer two weeks ago and was sick for the next week so the trade off is not worth it . I made the mistake of going to the wrong web site now my spam has to be cleared out three times a day . Would appreciate any idea,s . Would help I brain is not coming up with any idea,s and Mark keep telling me he has not heard any thing from the company he works for . Then the next thing out of his mouth is it,s not till August he may not think ahead but I do.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 15, 2009, 07:15:45 am
 ;D ;D I go to a lot of different websites and a lot of them ask one question that I never could answer till now.Yes I know this person is young but he has raised my eye brows and spirit.When I was a lot younger some one said that I was young with a old head.At that time in my life did not understand what it was that they were talking about until I was a little older.I know this person was just tested but turned a negative into a positive.I hope he goes far in his endeavors which I think he will.Good Luck Positively Johnathan.Just to let you know everyone that I know I have told about his posting.My hope is that a lot of the stigma with Hiv will Open Peoples Eyes.
Scooter


[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 15, 2009, 06:26:01 pm
I got to see PositivelyJohnathan,s New two vidio blogs they are as awsome like his first one.They on his myspace I hope his uploads them some.I think you will be please with them.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 16, 2009, 08:37:44 am
At the way are taking a turn for the worst I may be taking the advice that a few have giving me.I have to start takeing care my self.If I don.t I will be back in the Hospital which I don,t want .I am starting to wonder if indeed it was medicine failing or my body simple tired of all the mental crap.In fifteen years the highest T-cell is  been 323 thats not good up and down I get sick thinking about it.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: sammolloy on May 16, 2009, 09:56:47 am
Course I just got here but some of what you're going through could be me if,if,if... One thing that helps me is I work. I'm not making as good money as the last few years but it occupies my mind a lot  and I do pay most things. The rest, well, they'll get it when I get it. My last job was NOT fun, they make sure nobody can do their job right so I was having a hard time feeling good about myself til I figured out everybody was in the same boat. Thank you Jesus I'm out of there.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 16, 2009, 10:05:03 pm
There is no one who would like to work I no longer can do what I was doing the last ten summer.I am trying but with school being out it,s damn near impossible to find any thing.I know were there is a job at the place were Mark works but I could not work with him.
Scooter

P.S. You are all here by invited to join myspace and write your opinions.

http://www.myspace.com/dab6801
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 17, 2009, 08:07:30 am
At this moment I am not sure if my Aids Organization will be helping me with the round trip to New Orleans in August much less The hotel.I might have to take a bus late the night before the Amtrak.After the problems that many of us are having getting any help.I think I might contact all the clients I know and they will contact others and find out whats going on with the Paper Pusher.I promise this much there would be a riot if there paychecks did not show up.I mean it takes a act of congress to get in touch are get any help.But when its time to fill out papers they will contact you and come to your home and some are nice enough to bring your pantry.They spend money on this and that and get grants.Then have the audacity to make my bracelets for a fund raiser which I have done many time before but you need help with one bill ah you need to fill out this.I understand that not all Aids organizations offer assist and they wonder why people quit volunteer I have talked with a quite a few that used to devote there time and got tired of the Horse Pukke.They is no original people that works there.I bet none of the people that work there could live on $674.00. I have learned life is not fair.But will we ever get break.
Scooter

He who reads this is here by invited to join myspace!!!

http://www.myspace.com/dab6801
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 17, 2009, 05:54:45 pm
I think I may have picked up virus . I am under the weather and no I don,t think its the swine flu . I think it,s allergys . And the neuropathy is acting up really bad and I hate taking pain medication .
Scooter
http://www.myspace.com/dab6801

inviting any and all friend and any one who wants to be friends
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 18, 2009, 07:08:24 pm
Life can change on a dime.I have been centering on the negative.I now have friends even though I have not meet them but I now know there are all there for me when I need.For that I count myself as blessed that is the one thing that you can,t buy or sell.I may not have biological family members but now I have a family from one end of the globe to the other.It just feels lonely to have a brother and mother less sixty miles away and can,t help that I am the outcast from the age of two after they were divorced.I,m sorry a child should not be blamed for the sins of the parents.
Scooter

http://www.myspace.com/dab6801

The Name Of The Painting Is Gay Baby,s First Steps I painted myself.

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 19, 2009, 04:47:02 am
I am sure things will get better.You know that stimulus check last about 12 hour but I was able to catch up on bills unlike Andy it didn,t matter when it was going to show it was gone faster than they took to print that darn thing.Happy Thoughts- Happy Thought- Happy Thoughts who am I kiding I would not know if a Happy Thought if it came up from behind me and bite me in the ass. I had a light bulb go off above my head when it dawn on me why so many positive and even negative people do drugs. They do it to deal.
Scooter




Life can change on a dime.I have been centering on the negative.I now have friends even though I have not meet them but I now know there are all there for me when I need.For that I count myself as blessed that is the one thing that you can,t buy or sell.I may not have biological family members but now I have a family from one end of the globe to the other.It just feels lonely to have a brother and mother less sixty miles away and can,t help that I am the outcast from the age of two after they were divorced.I,m sorry a child should not be blamed for the sins of the parents.
Scooter

http://www.myspace.com/dab6801

The Name Of The Painting Is Gay Baby,s First Steps I painted myself.

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 19, 2009, 06:24:27 pm
I wanted to say that I am happy that it seems we are going to have a few more people than originally thought if I had a way too contact the people here in Lafayette LA . We will see because I am trying to contact one and maybe they can contact others. As for me I am not sure any more which way is up . To put it mildly I keep being told that ah thats not till August what am I talking about is the company that Mark works for.
Scooter

http://www.myspace.com/dab6801
My painting (Gay Baby,s First Steps)

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: AndyArrow on May 20, 2009, 03:53:07 am
And try keeping up those positive thoughts!
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 20, 2009, 07:40:17 pm

This made my day hope you enjoy it as much as I did.






http://www.youtube.com/v/Rooyt3ptNco&hl=en&fs=1%22%3E%3C/param%3E%3Cparam
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 21, 2009, 12:09:53 pm
I came to a realization this morning that I was so worried about being sick it was  far way too long live for today for there might not be a tomorrow . A lot of us Long Term Survivors did not think with are friends and family dropping one by one . Well I can,t speak for anyone else but who would have thought we would still be here.I guest you would call what I feel Survivors guilt . Was living in the moment not  realizing the moment would last this long . So like most of us don,t have a pot to piss in much less the window to throw out of . In my mind it,s a catch 22 Damned if you do Damned if you don,t . I am started seeing a change a few years back that all the benefits we heald the money was going to the people that needed . Now most AIDS Organisations or nothing more than a Corporate Business . I and a lot of people I know stop working for these places . For instance I have a Trailer in the same park were one of the employees lived with his boyfriend now I was told that lot rent was not consider rent but I be damned if they didn,t pay the boyfriend of the employees lot rent . At $215.00 a month plus the notes that Rent . The reason I know this is the Manager of the park had to fill out the paper to get rental assistance and I happen to be there when the check was dropped off . It no longer what you have it,s who you know.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: AndyArrow on May 21, 2009, 09:06:30 pm
If you are really that frustrated with your case worker and this one in particular then I think it's time to contact the manager at your ASO.  Either you were given wrong information about lot rent not being covered or he's going around the system.  I would make sure you have all your facts checked before you make any accusations though.  Make sure the park manager is willing to confirm everything.  Most ASO are supported in part by our tax dollars so they are working for you not doing you a favor. 

Having said that, a smile and a kind word can go along way.  I always try to be extra friendly when dealing with an NGO or government employee.  ;)

Good Luck,
AA
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 21, 2009, 09:43:45 pm
Hey Andy as much as I would like to check with the park manager is impossible due to the fact she is no longer with the company.As for my present Case Manager he is help full but not up on the things in the cases . He means well but I think his hands are tied by papers . What I am about to do is contact the CAC and find out whats going on . No where in the State of Louisiana is Gay couples excepted but try to get food stamps and they count Marks income against me . I think that stinks I have my own room and thats why we are not a couple any more. It also may have a lot to do with no sex drive . So I have let him go to do anything he wanted but with all that has happened in the few months he still said we are a couple.
Scooter
P.S. What is the ASO?





Quote from: AndyArrow link=topic=26240.msg337120#msg 337120 date=1242954390
If you are really that frustrated with your case worker and this one in particular then I think it's time to contact the manager at your ASO.  Either you were given wrong information about lot rent not being covered or he's going around the system.  I would make sure you have all your facts checked before you make any accusations though.  Make sure the park manager is willing to confirm everything.  Most ASO are supported in part by our tax dollars so they are working for you not doing you a favor.  

Having said that, a smile and a kind word can go along way.  I always try to be extra friendly when dealing with an NGO or government employee.  ;)

Good Luck,
AA
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: AndyArrow on May 21, 2009, 11:49:08 pm
ASO = Aids Service Organization.

As far as getting further assistance from the state (food stamps or whatever) states tend to look at the incomes of people in the same residence assuming if you are living with someone then you are sharing the costs.  If you and Mark are no longer a couple or are at least going to tell that to the state, I would suggest printing up a generic lease agreement (you can find them for free online) between you and Mark.  Have the lease show how much you "pay" him for the room and your share of the utilities.  Then both of you can sign it, date it and then bring it in to the states welfare office.  This will show you aren't sharing expenses.

I hope it helps!
AA
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 22, 2009, 12:00:06 am
This is me. Thanks Andy



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrS5FfD75HQ
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 22, 2009, 07:24:07 pm
Hey guys how every one doing . I hate holiday weekends there so long and normally I would stay in doors . I think the pool opens tomorrow and I would stay away from it this year I am try swimming I have a problem where there are kids . it,s not that don,t like kids it,s I have body  piercing I don,t care about the adults . But about ten or so years i went to the pool where we were living and a dad and child showed up at the pool . The first thing out the child's mouth was daddy why is that man have rings in his nipple since then I have been self conscious when there are kids but went to a water park and got over it fast.
Scooter

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrS5FfD75HQ
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 25, 2009, 08:30:24 pm
I sorry that I am human and my memory is not as great as it once was.I personally have a list when I go to the Doctors.Just once I forget my list is the one time I needed it.I wish I could go back to the last appointment but that will not happen.That's like wishing for a million dollars it not going to happen.I don,t need a guardian yet I still am able to cook,clean, and do what I need done.Why would I need a Guardian now I am 46 years old and had to care for my self since I was fourteen years old.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: AndyArrow on May 26, 2009, 03:48:03 am
Scooter,

I think you meant this to go in your other thread as a response to BT who suggested you consider it because you were bringing Mark along to help you remember.  Don't be insulted, from what I read she was just showing concern because if someone CANT remember then they should have one.   We are all forgetful from time to time thats why I suggested you take notes next time.  If thats a problem with your hands then ask the DR (or better yet an MA or NP since DRs have bad handwriting) to write down his answers.

AA
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: sammolloy on May 26, 2009, 08:05:59 pm
You got that right, there's not much out there. I think I'm fairly employable but I barely found something, for not much money, and it's based on what I did several years ago not what I was doing last year. I wish I could suggest something concrete (hmm.. I haven't worked with concrete yet..) but everybody's different. I know someone who cleans up apartments and weekly motel rooms for cash, but of course we need to be careful around some types of dirt. Truck shops usually need someone to grease trucks, etc. It's not rocket science and that kind of dirt won't hurt us. Truck washes too, and truck stops in general. They have some money to spend when they have to. Maybe some sort of informal commission deal. Hell, people work in India and Brazil and shit. Mainly keep your attitude healthy and don't give up.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 26, 2009, 10:30:20 pm
Tomorrow I go to the doctor to find out my blood test results . We will see if they have improved . Today was Marks birthday I sent him a ecard and cooked him his favorite meal and as always he make me cry before he went to bed I am outside smoking a cigarette when I hear the bed room door slam for no reason I try and he makes me feel small and useless he came out the bed room and tells me I am getting up at five am dick.I did not do anything wrong.Now I am starting to realize why my depression medicines don,t work.He just gave me a ultimatum if you don,t care for me tell me now.Then we had words then slammed that damn door again.I have a group meeting tomorrow if I can get out the doctors in time.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 27, 2009, 07:52:48 pm
Went to the Doctor appointment and she said would set a Neurologist Doctor to see whats causing the hand tremors and added one more medicine for cholesterol which is doing better.My Blood Pressure is very good but if they would have to taken it last night  it would have been high. My t-cells drop a little to 273 v-load is 112. Went to group we had a lot to talk about some said the same thing as some online have suggest to move into the Local Aids Houseing I would have to spend the night in a homeless shelter before I would be able to move there.Time will tell ?
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 28, 2009, 01:18:39 pm
Another doctor which usually means more medicine,s.The problem of being a Long Term Survivor is as time go,s by the newbie,s are taking just a few pills daily but in mine and I am shore others is more pills.On any given day I take between thirty to fifty pill I guest I am luckier than some swallowing pills is easy.But it dose get to be tiresome.Now they want to poke and prod me which when I was younger sounded like a date.I also informed Mark that the stress he causes me is bad for my health and well being.It will be nice for a few weeks and I know what going to happening.Although I did set him up with a guy and had his first video chat last night he was like a child.The only problem is the guy has no mic so everything had to be typed that's where I come in.Even though I have the hand tremors I am better at typing then Mark.I am such a nice person to do this for my roommate.
Scooter
P.S. The guy live about fifty miles from here I don,t mind typing for him but I draw the line at being a chaperon.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 30, 2009, 12:53:55 am
Yesterday I saw the doctor and she said she would send me to a neurologist and I thought that would be the end until I saw that doctor.Then last night got a reply to the tremor problem and me seeing the neurologist she told me about making shore that they do aT4 T3 TSH after years on meds,She developed Graves Disease,if it,s that they would send me to a endocrinologist.So being a inquiring as I tend to be looked up Graves Disease and found out what that 99% of my problems might be this.I am not going to jump to conclusion but every thing from my problem with sex to the hand tremors amoung a few other things.So just have to wait a see.Thank You Liz you have been a great help.
Scooter

http://www.myspace.com/dab6801

Looking for new Friend so please feel free to enjoy myspace and become a friend
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on May 30, 2009, 09:57:21 pm
What happened to us taking less medicine. Filled my pill box had to pull out the large box,s because the one that I was using was to small.If it turns out to be Graves Diseases that means more medicines because that would Hormone Replacement.I always knew that taking so much medicines was not good for a human body.What,s a person supposed to do.Now I have a computer I try to get as much information as possible.I know this may come off as sounding stupid.How many pills do you take on a daily regiment?
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: AndyArrow on June 01, 2009, 03:37:15 am
16
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on June 01, 2009, 07:04:53 am
I counted mine yesterday 32 not including when I take any pain meds?
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on June 02, 2009, 10:37:39 pm
Today started very good and then went down the drain in a matter of hour.Tomorrow I am have to get in touch with my psychologist because I know the Cymbalta has stop working because I am don,t know which way is up some thing is not right. I give far warning that the things that I wanted most is falling apart.No its not Mark this time.I did meets some interesting men on line and spoke face to face via video and audio not just emails.I should be very happy which I was then I think God decide to pour Drain on my life.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on June 04, 2009, 09:30:20 am
I think the medicines are working like they are supposed to on the HIV but why do you end up with a whole host of other issues.I am tired of fighting at every turn some thing new is wrong.Two months ago every thing was pretty much as it is today.I am don,t the path to do any thing right any more because it seems that ever thing that I do is screwed me up to the point that I am lost.I honestly just want to quit the fight and the meds are winning.I am not trying  to scare any one but there comes a time in ever one life they get overwhelmed and lets just give some more medicine that should work.Right at this present time I am taking close to forty different medicines for this and for that and they wonder why we are all ways not all ways be a lot of the time not in the bet of spirits.I am to the point of being giving in and giving out.I could use some positive energy sent my way.Another words Help the body is getting better but the Spirit is Broken am I the only LTS that feels this way?
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: J.R.E. on June 04, 2009, 10:18:58 am
Right at this present time I am taking close to forty different medicines for this and for that and they wonder why we are all ways not all ways be a lot of the time not in the bet of spirits.I am to the point of being giving in and giving out.I could use some positive energy sent my way.Scooter

Scooter,

Sorry to hear your having a rough time. I'm wondering, if maybe it's time for your Doctor to review and go over all the medications that you are taking. Just a suggestion.

Would you mind telling us what medications you are on.

Take care of yourself----Ray
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on June 04, 2009, 12:25:26 pm
Sorry Ray will try to post the medicine list later this afternoon.Having a breakdown right now had 80 % of the list put into the computer and puff it was gone have to walk away.Can,t  handle this right now.
Scooter
P.S. Little hard to type when your crrying. :'(
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on June 04, 2009, 05:34:04 pm
Pravastatin 40mg 1 daily
Benazepril 10mg 1daily
Cymbalta Duloxetine HCL Delayed Release Capsules 60mg 2 daily
Emtriva 200mg 1 daily
Kaletra 200mg 50mg 4 daily
Reyataz 300 mg 1daily
Gabapentin 400mg 9 daily
Ventolin Inhalar 2 puffs 4X daily as needed
Albuterol Soln Nebulize 5X daily as needed for COPD
Alprazolam 0.05mg 3X daily as needed for Anxiety an Panic Disorder
Zolpidem 10mg 1 nightly to sleep
Loratadine 10mg 1 daily for Allergies
4000mg Fish oil a day
Diphenhydramine 50mg capsules for break out from Allergies 4X daily Plus
Tricor 145mg tablets 1 daily
Hydrocodone 7.5mg an 10mg as needed for pain which I rarely use
Aspirin low dose 1daily
 
This Is My Medicine List I Don,t Think I Forgot Anything
Scooter 06/04/2009
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on June 06, 2009, 04:42:20 pm
Hey guys have not written in a few days.It,s up and down and to matters worst out of Ambien so the what little sleep I call the sleep of the zombie my mind won,t rest gone a mile a second i think when I try to sleep the anxiety is worst than when I am Awake.A little bit of news I think Bostons on.I can,t wait for the new doctor because I told a friend that it reminded me of the onset of MS or Parkinson's disease just have to wait for the Neuro appointment.Hope it soon because I am starting to get Scared and I feel that I am alone.Started my life,s blog of entire life leading to the infection and my disfuntional family that help create how I am.
Scooter

http://www.positivesingles.com/blog?6801dab
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Miss Philicia on June 06, 2009, 08:36:18 pm
16

31
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on June 07, 2009, 08:02:07 pm
Not sure of what Ms P posted .No big thing .Today has been one of the better day I not sure which of the meds are causing the problem.But last night got a email from this guy that was also hiv + .He said that he read my blog was interested till he got to the part about my money issues and me living in Singapore what he did not get to was the part that my dad took me to Singapore when I was 14 years old and my dads company paid everything.Then he said that I sounded like a spammer I was in tears but I gathered myself together and wrote three emails and let him have it.Later last night he wrote a email to say he was sorry.Then he exspained that he thought my profile was great untill he got to the part that I smoked I exspained that I guess I have not had a good reason to quit.So after he all most made me want to cry he is now trying to get a date.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Miss Philicia on June 07, 2009, 09:53:44 pm
It was the numbers of pills I take each day -- seemed obvious since it's what you mentioned, and Andy replied to, and then I replied to Andy.  That's how a message board works, as opposed to a blog which is a conversation with yourself, a bit like masturbation.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on June 07, 2009, 10:28:17 pm
Thank You Miss Philicia I can be a little dense some times.As for the end of your message I do that by myself anyway.No big deal.
Scooter

s
It was the numbers of pills I take each day -- seemed obvious since it's what you mentioned, and Andy replied to, and then I replied to Andy.  That's how a message board works, as opposed to a blog which is a conversation with yourself, a bit like masturbation.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on June 09, 2009, 10:55:02 am
Another day in paradise oh I,m sorry if this is paradise Hell most be a vacation.I am tired I hurt in places that I never new were there.I have not hurt this much in a while.It.s the cholesterol medicine the new one that is making me feel like this.I am happy to say it,,s been at least 30 hours since my last crying episode.Now I just have to wait it out I am having a little difficulty writing this.It will get better with time.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: BT65 on June 09, 2009, 10:58:26 am
Considering that state of your mental health, and all the meds you take, I think you should consider going to a mental health facility and getting an assessment and maybe some inpatient treatment.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on June 10, 2009, 11:01:29 pm
This is for BT65 Before I stared seeing my psychologist I tried to get help from the mental health hospital here in Lafayette La for three months call went by left messages nothing the charity hospital that is with it tried to get me in baring doing some thing criminally insane forget it.I may be mentally weak and fragile I think there is nothing that can be done other than what we are doing and other than moving on which at the rate things are progressing might not be a bad thing.I took a piece of paper the other day before it woke up and draw a simple circle on it and I am shore you remember where Waldo I wrote these simple words on it.Can you find Dwayne and he woke up and replied what,s this I told him it,s the hole I am in that is so deep that light no longer reaches me.His reply was humph you worry to much.Today started wonderfully start my new facebook page have a few friends around the world I was so very happy then it came home was fine for a while then things turned sour.We could be looking at something that is let say white I say it white and i will be dammed he will despite me say it,s Black and till some one else tell him different it will continue to egg it on then ah I was just joking.My Grandmother raise me to believe if you don,t have any thing nice to say bite your toung but when you taste blood let them have it.I was pushed to far and just could not walk away I let him have it four time,s this afternoon.I have giving my all to this I just could notstay silent any more.He got mad at the grocery store he said were in public I said so I could care less what any body near us thought trust me I say I have heard worst.But I let him get the better of me tonight.I am the one who all ways ends up in tears.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: BT65 on June 12, 2009, 09:20:35 pm
Maybe you should check out another mental health facility in another area.  In almost all of your postings, you seem very unstable.  And when one's not at all stable, one never knows when one's going to crash and burn.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on June 12, 2009, 10:02:41 pm
If it were that easy it would have been done along time ago if you think I am unstable wait till you get to read the whole blog.As for crash and burn been there done that.When I was in the Army at Seventeen the first 5 months were great the last 19 days of active duty was the I think the second time I crashed and burned that one was one of my worst episode have had others but what I could remember of this one all most lost my life and don,t remember much of the 19 days but that could also cause the life of other me was one thing but putting other at risk was not acceptable.I am trying to put those 19 days to rest by finding out what happened.As for the Army discharged honorable but had no help avalable because was short 11 days so now you know some of my demons.Please don,t judge me harshly it will all be written down for the world to see.
Scooter



Quote from: BT65 link=topic=26240.msg340089#msg 340089 date=1244856035
Maybe you should check out another mental health facility in another area.  In almost all of your postings, you seem very unstable.  And when one's not at all stable, one never knows when one's going to crash and burn.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: AndyArrow on June 13, 2009, 03:59:49 am
Scooter,

I don't think anyone is trying to judge you ... I think people (at least myself) are a little worried for you. 

You mention in a lot of your posts that you were crying, and while some crying is good as it's a natural release too much of it isn't healthy.  I'm not judging because you know your body better than I do, I just know for me if I was crying that often then there were some serious problems.

As for seeking long-term help in a mental health facility ... well, I have no idea how you'd go about it.  I do know however that if you feel you need some emergency short-term help.  (I'm not saying you do ... just making a suggestion if you do).  Then you can either go to a local hospital emergency room or tell you therapist when you see them next that you are going to harm yourself.  Yes, this isn't the best route but they can't just "let you leave" if they think this will happen.  It would be considered an ethics violation.

Now, having said all that maybe that getting worked up and crying a lot is completely normal for you.  In which case, please disreguard the following.  It's just there are times when people come to these forums who are in such a horrible state and we all just want to make sure they get the emotional help and support they need.

Hugs & Stuff,
AA
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on June 15, 2009, 05:49:19 am
Hey Guys this is for BT65 and Andy Arrow you were right about crash and burn lost it Saturday was hard and finally started to go outside and things that morning every thing was going wrong and the night before I had restarted My Blog and maybe that was not as good as my  doctor suggested had to relive all that past events and then you add the meds just like BT65 said.I lost it broke down and cryed until I cound not any more.You would think that after that the afternoon every thing that I touched went bad.But was fine till brother called Friday I think that may have been the catalyst for the breakdown.Have a few places to address the issues.
Scooter

P.S.I am talking about the HIV doctor,Will contacted Psychogist also.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on June 18, 2009, 01:55:54 am
I went to group today just two of us showed up.Told my Psychologist what has been going on and he said that I should be seeing the RN soon.I thought that it was in not shore now that I think about it.He said next month I don,t think he realized how bad things had got until we had today's meeting and I tryed to contact him but he of course he did not return my call.I had really needed to talk he could have called and told me to make a appointment ASAP but the call fell on deaf ears.I know should seek help elsewhere but when you have limited options.Can,t afford to go to New Orleans any more.And at the rate things been going with no money it seems available to me and a few other long term survivors it seems that we have outlived our Experation Date.Maybe if I look under my foot to see if I have a bar code and date.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: WillyWump on June 18, 2009, 09:54:51 pm
Hello Scooter,

Im concerned because in most of your posts you mention having a breakdown, and the general tone each and every of your posts is really not good, you mention crying all the time, you mention being past your expiration date, etc... Im not a doctor but these are things you should not be doing or feeling each and every day. Pretty much all of your posts concern me...

I think maybe it's time to do something about it. I know you say you tried to get an assesment from the mental health hospital in Lafayette and they never called you back. If I'm not mistaken a person can commit theirselves for a 72 hour observation (at least in Texas), maybe its the same in La.  Either way I think the next time you have a breakdown, etc.. you need to just call EMS and let them transport you under a "mental health evaluation" to the nearest facility. This is something that they are required to do by law. Stop waiting by the phone waiting for a doctor to call you back, you need to tke action on this asap. There is no need to be feeling like you do on a constant basis.

It also sounds like you need to get away from this mark guy ( I cannot tell from your posts whether he lives with you or not, its confusing to me)

have you checked out all of the services offered at www.acadianacares.org

They offer emergency rental assistance, food assistance, etc.. i know you mentioned having to stay in a homeless shelter for a night before you can get services with Hope House, but you know what maybe that is something you might consider, surely it cant be as bad as your current living arrangements.

But bottom line is if you cannot currently get adequate mental health assistance I really think you need to call EMS and force the issue with them, they cannot and will not just leave you, they will have to transport you to a facility that is able to assess you.

Good luck
Will


Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on June 18, 2009, 11:08:14 pm
Hey Willy i am sorry for the things are disturbing.Mark i live with him the reason i put it that way is it,s his house even though we have been living together almost 21 years I have nothing.I am trying to move on with my life i still say were a couple but not so much anymore.
As for Acadiana Cares that's a sore subject i ask for financial help it one excuse after another i told the Grant Committee that i had the trip to New Orleans for the AM Gathering then found out they did not feel comfortable about paying round trip greyhound ticket and the hotel room since the train was living at 7am have to be there at 6 am so now I will be paying the round trip ticket out of my pocket and leaving at 11pm the night before and stay at New Orleans bus station for about 3 hour.My case worker made this suggestion wait till my electric bill had a disconnect notice my neighbor across the street work,s for FEMA and toll me that was not legal.So I am checking it out.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on June 21, 2009, 05:47:24 am
I know I know I should have been on the phone calling the ambulance to transport me to have me evaluated but in my low moment I decided to get a bottle although it was one in a four pack and drank it down not a good thing.1. I don,t drink that often  2.HIV meds and drinking don,t mix  3.My fragile state  4.Going to pay for that drink  5. All the drink did is make me feel worst 6.  Thank God that I have enough since and Brains to know the hard alcohol in the bottom of the ice box would have really made me sick. Woke just now with slight headache so I guest that means there are at least so  brains in this noggin.Ha Ha Ha
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: BT65 on June 21, 2009, 01:25:52 pm
OK, so you chose booze instead of mental health help.  It sounds like you learned your lesson.  Hopefully next time you'll make the choice that is going to help you with your life.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on June 24, 2009, 10:38:24 pm
 ;D ;D ;D  I guess I can say a ray of sunshine came out today in my life.I have my best friend and confidant back in my life for which I am very very happy have not been able to talk with him in 5 years we had a fight over stupid stuff he was allways there when me and mark had a dispute I could tell him anything and him like wise he was there for me before mark was in the picture he knew the both of us and gave us a month that's funny now that I think back on ancient history.He was the one that would help me through some trying times.I know you can never recover time lost but no matter we move forward never back.
Dwayn20 ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on July 02, 2009, 06:08:43 pm
hello guys have had a disturbing couple of weeks not going to bore you with details lets just say this Monday they may be changing meds are adding to what I already take.we will see bought my round trip bus ticket to New Orleans will be there at station for about 12 hour. To put things in perspective if meds don,t work well enough I feel sorry for the one that fools with me?
Dwayne
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: AndyArrow on July 02, 2009, 06:13:09 pm
Scooter,

I hope they find the right med combination for you this time.

Good luck,
AA
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on July 02, 2009, 08:30:39 pm
Thank You Andy there is a ? that I need answered. Call me dense if you will to gain the a friend is to have the whole world and to loss one is devastating.As per my previous post my friend is that my friend again and I have made many new friends in the UK and some have grow very attached and I think one can,t deal with my situation has distance himself from me it might be that I went to far on my facebook page used my scanner to show how many pills I consume a day. I must have been out of my mind! One voice his concern about the state of my health the two have never met anyone that was HIV+ OR HAD AIDS.I found that stunning and maybe sometimes I tend to be over the top in my life have always been that way and won,t change.Is it wrong are should I have worn kid gloves even though it broke my heart to be no longer hearing from both???
Dwayne
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: AndyArrow on July 03, 2009, 01:46:32 am
Scooter,

There is nothing wrong with being over the top ... but then you have to understand that some people can't deal with anything that strays to far from the norm.  That is from their norm.

Also things that might come across as silly or zany in person can take on a whole different meaning in the written word.  Body language conveys a lot.

The choice is stay the way you are and except the fact that they maybe lost to you or try a different tact to get them back.  You have to decide which is more important.

Hugs,
AA
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on July 03, 2009, 03:23:07 am
Hey Andy this going to be short damage is done niether one will contact me I can do no more than what I have already done. :'(
Dwayne
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on July 04, 2009, 07:43:22 am
 ;D ;D ;DHey Andy i may have been over reacting over the friends situation one was not mad at me was at his mom,s for two days and other posted personal message on facebook but that one is not communicating with me like before.Talk with a LTS yesterday even longer than me and said that my crying may not have to do anything with depression and a lot to do with low male hormones brought it up to doctor don,t know if it was order in the last blood test.Will have to call her Monday to find out he said that all the sometimes that I describe sound a lot like a reduction in the male hormone.Have to wait till Monday and find out.
Dwayne
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: AndyArrow on July 06, 2009, 02:20:31 am
I'm shocked YOU over-reacted!  :D

Have them check your hormones -- have them check everything.  Just be open to talking to someone if depression is the cause.  I know for some people they talk to a therapist almost everyday or every week.  For me, since I'm not really an open up and talk kinda guy, my therapist just leaves my file open with no appointment scheduled.  If I feel I need to talk I can call in a set something up.  Sometimes it helps just knowing there is someone you can go to if you really need it ... even if you don't actually use it.

Hugs,
AA
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on July 06, 2009, 07:16:38 pm
Hey all went to doctor today have to wait to find out what the other doctor going to do.So excuse me for what I will say.While waiting sitting with my Thumb up my butt which should be a good but my symptom's persist.This is the fourth doctor am just tired of all the bullshit we will schedule this do that and nothing happens.
Hey Guys
Need info on who do I contact to find out what needs to be done concerning The Local AIDS organization and to report things?

Dwayne
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on July 11, 2009, 02:44:27 am
I think I have gotten to the point that I moved permanently in my room could not take the crap that has been dealing with need time alone to sort out my life. I know I need additional help trying to find with no luck.Best described beaten and down trodden and the meds are just helping it along and yes requested med change by doc says your labs are coming back good.It may be good labs but the body aches and the constant mood swing not good and the psychologist will not change meds till blood test come back from other Doctor.So I wait and pray for the trip to Boston to get here I think a vacation is just what I need.
Dwayne
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on July 11, 2009, 08:45:58 pm
I am tired of gloom and doom so am going to turn things bad into good.We are the only one that can do this.It is one of the hardest lessons one must learn I know the journey will be a battle every day.I finally realised that to survive this long I must have been able to fight the daily and win.I have always been good at given advice but found it hard to follow my own advice.I recently gave a friend the advice that he should not give a person the power over yourself to some one else.If you play the blame game that is what you are doing giving up the power to some one else.It,s not worth the hurt that it causes and take control of you life.
Dwayne A Bourque
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: irishkimmie on July 12, 2009, 05:05:09 pm
hi i am so sorry for ur loss i know how it feels i have burried 6 off my sibblings but they have just left the door ajarred for me sorry try and stay strong babe pls xxxxxx
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on July 18, 2009, 07:47:49 pm
 :'(Yes I am very said to inform every one will not be attending AM Gathering.Just broke my heart payed for non refundable Grey hound bus ticket to new orleans to use for any time will cost more.So dam if I do dam if I don,t.I don,t think you will be hearing from me for a while because am at the edge.Can,t take much more.
Dwayne :'(
P.S Not that it really mattered anyway?
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on July 30, 2009, 11:49:57 am
Hello all I am writing this to apologize to any one I may have offended it all happen due to my incompetence of not getting things things that were beyond my control.I am now single but still have his support.I am no longer going to put my self out there because every time have done so I get hurt but at those bad times you find out who your true friends are.I am more tired than usual talking about the meds and stress are waring me out was happy even if it was a short time.Now have to figure out what to do next don,t know any more.This being sad all the time is really starting to suck worst than usual.So I figure like the Mormons say Be In The World Not Part Of It I probably got that wrong but I understand the concept.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on July 31, 2009, 12:52:26 am
Don,t have the Hormone blood test done till 08-17-09 am going though hell.I am crying for some and no reason.These are the few things I feel -I am tired -I want to give up- I Quit -standing at the edge - don,t know which way to turn -in short words give in and gave out.thought sleeping alone would help was wrong can,t keep this up for much longer?Won,t get test results till 08-24-09 this is Louisana,s medical sitution slow and have not seen improvement in all these years.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on August 10, 2009, 09:11:33 pm
I think this will be my last post because I think I am became a social outcast to that is fine with me.It has always been the way of my life.I hope that everyone fines what they are searching for.I will be content with my life because it is what it is and always was and always will be.I have searched in vain for the happiness for just a moment and so must except the way thing are there is no change.
Dwayne A Bourque-AKA scooter-AKA cajunscooter-AKA Hoteyes 87
Good Bye
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Grasshopper on August 11, 2009, 02:47:04 am
Dwayne,
Any change has to come from within. You and only you can change YOURSELF, provided you really want to change the way things were and are.
Old habits die hard, and no pain no gain...but one has to start somewhere....don't they ?...!

Good luck, live long, live healthy and prosper

Grass
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on September 19, 2009, 11:13:06 am
 :)Hello everyone had the hormone test done and the test results were normal.Since the last post have moved into my own room that way when not feeling 100% can go to my room and lock the door.Have been dating getting to old for all this to stressful . :)
Dwayne
P.S. I will be making another milestone Monday It will be my 47 th Birthday. Yah
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: AndyArrow on September 21, 2009, 09:20:47 am
Happy Birthday!
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on September 21, 2009, 09:24:58 am
Thank You Andy you have made my day no one responds to anything anymore ?
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: leatherman on September 21, 2009, 09:32:12 am
Happy Birthday Scooter!
(I just made mention of your bday to Alan in his monthly birthday announcement ;) )

i'm turned 47 in march and it ain't so bad. LOL Glad to hear you're still around here and hanging in there.  ;)
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: AlanBama on September 21, 2009, 01:34:21 pm
Happy Birthday Scooter!  You're now added to the AIDSmeds "official" birthday list!

Hope you have a very happy one, and many many more.

Hugs,

Alan   :-*
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on September 21, 2009, 05:49:29 pm
Thanks Guys I needed the pick me up.I can,t figure why I have to log in ever time now it,s like somethings is wrong.
Scooter
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: J.R.E. on September 21, 2009, 08:42:16 pm



Happy Birthday Scooter !!


Ray
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: shreveman on September 21, 2009, 10:46:45 pm
It's Monday night. Happy Birthday guy. Make the whole week your "birthday"! Take care. Roy
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on November 09, 2009, 05:31:57 am
Knock me down to me 2009 has been a very Sad Year. :'( But I keep on fighting even when I have no one in my corner.Still crying over things I can,t change and by the way the test for testerone came back normal .
Dwayne
P.S. This is one of my Paintings of Dan the AIDS Bear

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: leatherman on November 09, 2009, 11:11:15 am
Knock me down to me 2009 has been a very Sad Year. :'( But I keep on fighting even when I have no one in my corner.Still crying over things I can,t change

P.S. This is one of my Paintings of Dan the AIDS Bear
I was just thinking that we hadn't heard much from you in a while, glad to see you back. ;D I like the painting very much. ;)

as far as the sadness, I think all any of us can do is rely on ourself and keep fighting.  ;) I know and you know that it's terribly hard to do that; but I don't think there's really any other choice. I'll tell you the two things that I always try to think about that helps me make each of my hard days a little easier. It's my secret for making it through the days, and maybe it can help you too.

First I realize that I'm NOT in the hospital today. ;D I've been there before myself, and had friends, family and lovers "trapped" there, and I don't think there's hardly anything worse than being deadly sick in a hospital. So any day I'm not there is a pretty damn GOOD day!

The second thing I tell myself when I'm having those tough days, and trying to give myself a reason to think life is worth living, or to give myself hope to get through until tomorrow, is that thank god no one died today! I'm 47 now and I've had a lot of friends die over the years. I've lost all my grandparents but one; and my father keeled over dead one hot August day in NC after moving the front lawn and laid there for 4 hours until the neighbors found him.

However, the worst part of death is that I've had to bury two long-term partners. I got to share nearly 10 years with each man before this damned AIDS ripped them away from me. Why it was just a year and a half ago I put my Jim in the hospital for only 60 days before I brought him back home and he died. He just missed by a month making it to his 52nd birthday because we didn't know in time that he had AIDS and cancer. I tell you, I hate it when anyone I love dies, but having your soul-mate, your love, the person that cares for you and brings you the most happiness die, well, those are the WORST days in life. So any day when no one dies is a REALLY GOOD day.

Oh and now that I've moved out of the North, away from the blizzards and back down South, if it's a sunny day and a warm day, then that only adds to it being a GREAT day for me.  ;) :D

I don't know how much my stories there will help you. You might have to find your own reasons to fight off the sadness, and your own reasons to think about why today isn't so bad; but not being in the hospital and no one dying today, those two thoughts are the only thoughts that have kept me going through the roughest parts of my life and hopefully thinking about those will help you too, buddy.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on November 09, 2009, 12:46:53 pm
That Just the thing I have a friend in Florida that I have been chatting with for six months and talking on the phone for to months.It toke me two days to figure out that he was not on my facebook page any more an not listed at all on facebook.He was doing poorly the last few times we talked and I am afraid he may have died and there is no way to find out unless I can find his home phone number.It,s that not knowing that bothers me and 4 am this morning woke up with a fimilar burning on my leg.Shingles part 8 I have to wait to see doctor friday by then I should know for sure.I am tired of this happening but it happens when I am stressed out.Other wise health has been good.Thanks for the compliment.
Dwayne


I was just thinking that we hadn't heard much from you in a while, glad to see you back. ;D I like the painting very much. ;)

as far as the sadness, I think all any of us can do is rely on ourself and keep fighting.  ;) I know and you know that it's terribly hard to do that; but I don't think there's really any other choice. I'll tell you the two things that I always try to think about that helps me make each of my hard days a little easier. It's my secret for making it through the days, and maybe it can help you too.

First I realize that I'm NOT in the hospital today. ;D I've been there before myself, and had friends, family and lovers "trapped" there, and I don't think there's hardly anything worse than being deadly sick in a hospital. So any day I'm not there is a pretty damn GOOD day!

The second thing I tell myself when I'm having those tough days, and trying to give myself a reason to think life is worth living, or to give myself hope to get through until tomorrow, is that thank god no one died today! I'm 47 now and I've had a lot of friends die over the years. I've lost all my grandparents but one; and my father keeled over dead one hot August day in NC after moving the front lawn and laid there for 4 hours until the neighbors found him.

However, the worst part of death is that I've had to bury two long-term partners. I got to share nearly 10 years with each man before this damned AIDS ripped them away from me. Why it was just a year and a half ago I put my Jim in the hospital for only 60 days before I brought him back home and he died. He just missed by a month making it to his 52nd birthday because we didn't know in time that he had AIDS and cancer. I tell you, I hate it when anyone I love dies, but having your soul-mate, your love, the person that cares for you and brings you the most happiness die, well, those are the WORST days in life. So any day when no one dies is a REALLY GOOD day.

Oh and now that I've moved out of the North, away from the blizzards and back down South, if it's a sunny day and a warm day, then that only adds to it being a GREAT day for me.  ;) :D

I don't know how much my stories there will help you. You might have to find your own reasons to fight off the sadness, and your own reasons to think about why today isn't so bad; but not being in the hospital and no one dying today, those two thoughts are the only thoughts that have kept me going through the roughest parts of my life and hopefully thinking about those will help you too, buddy.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: iking2009 on November 09, 2009, 05:50:44 pm
Sooo sorry for the loss.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: leatherman on November 09, 2009, 07:52:07 pm
I am afraid he may have died and there is no way to find out unless I can find his home phone number.It,s that not knowing that bothers me and 4 am this morning woke up with a fimilar burning on my leg.Shingles part 8
Wow. lets just hope your friend has been busy and hasn't passed away. Unless someone had access to his FB account, usually people stay on there a while after they pass away, because no one thinks to cancel things like that. ;) I have three friends with myspace pages still online who passed away several yrs ago because no one has canceled their accounts. (usually because other people don't know where all you are signed up and because they don't know your passwords to verify canceling an account.)

Can you find his number through your phone bill, or caller ID log on your phone maybe? Can you email your friend?

Ouch!! Shingles! Is that 8 times that you've had them? How often does this happen?

I have a case of re-occurring herpes zoster (shingles) that breaks out on my left hand. The doctor has put me on acyclovir daily and I haven't had an outbreak in 3 years now - except for during the two months, I skipped alot of meds while my partner was in the hospital dying. Needless to day, not taking the med and being stressed out cause a whopper of an outbreak during a very trying time of my life.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on November 09, 2009, 08:10:30 pm
Hey unfortunately don,t have caller ID but I hope I wrote it down somewhere.As for the shingles it happens when I get stressed out.I went to the Psychologist today and he said I need to stop stressing out over things you can,t control.But he also agreed that it is easier said than done.Well let me go I am going the find my pain meds.
Dwayne
P.S. Thanks for chatting with me it helps. ;D

Wow. lets just hope your friend has been busy and hasn't passed away. Unless someone had access to his FB account, usually people stay on there a while after they pass away, because no one thinks to cancel things like that. ;) I have three friends with myspace pages still online who passed away several yrs ago because no one has canceled their accounts. (usually because other people don't know where all you are signed up and because they don't know your passwords to verify canceling an account.)

Can you find his number through your phone bill, or caller ID log on your phone maybe? Can you email your friend?

Ouch!! Shingles! Is that 8 times that you've had them? How often does this happen?

I have a case of re-occurring herpes zoster (shingles) that breaks out on my left hand. The doctor has put me on acyclovir daily and I haven't had an outbreak in 3 years now - except for during the two months, I skipped alot of meds while my partner was in the hospital dying. Needless to day, not taking the med and being stressed out cause a whopper of an outbreak during a very trying time of my life.
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: leatherman on November 09, 2009, 09:41:50 pm
I don't blame you on using some pain meds. ;) I've had actual full-blown shingles twice (on my right hip both times) and boy can it hurt. Even after the sores, healed up, I still felt pain in my skin there for a long time. The outbreak in my hand seems to only really hurt during the outbreak (thank goodness). If you're really prone to stress then, and these 8 outbreaks have happened in a very short amount of time, you might want to take to your doc about whether or not prophylaxis acyclovir might help.

No old cell phone bill that might have that phone number? ??? Try not to worry too much about your friend - especially if it's going to make you that sick.  ;)

feel better soon!
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on November 09, 2009, 10:01:07 pm
My site of shingles is my left side back now on my left leg and it is like some one poured a pot of boiling water on my leg.Most only get shingles on right are left side of the body.I come from a family that had a saying shingles was called the Belt and if you were unfortunate to have on both sides and they met each other you would die.Old wives tale with a bit of truth you won.t die you will wish you were dead because of the pain.We have I guess you would call a faith healer not sure how to spell it.Treater but French.Have been treated that way a few times and yes I have had shingles on both sides thank God not at the same time.There is no one that I hate in this world to wish this on.Horrorable
Dwayne


I don't blame you on using some pain meds. ;) I've had actual full-blown shingles twice (on my right hip both times) and boy can it hurt. Even after the sores, healed up, I still felt pain in my skin there for a long time. The outbreak in my hand seems to only really hurt during the outbreak (thank goodness). If you're really prone to stress then, and these 8 outbreaks have happened in a very short amount of time, you might want to take to your doc about whether or not prophylaxis acyclovir might help.

No old cell phone bill that might have that phone number? ??? Try not to worry too much about your friend - especially if it's going to make you that sick.  ;)

feel better soon!
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: leatherman on November 09, 2009, 10:18:10 pm
you won.t die you will wish you were dead because of the pain
ain't that the truth? LOL I know you're in pain but I got a laugh outta that one, Dwayne
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on November 10, 2009, 03:15:26 am
So what did you think of the new profile picture of me.Found a Harley Davidson cap in the trash never worn.Now if I could afford a leather vest or find a use one I would be a happy camper.Got Cap Black 501,s Nice Leather Boots almost ready to raise hell.LMAO
Dwayne

ain't that the truth? LOL I know you're in pain but I got a laugh outta that one, Dwayne

Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on November 10, 2009, 04:52:15 am
Hey Leatherman hear is a picture of the scars from the worse shingle outbreak and that was 10 Christmas eve,s ago.Not sure you will be able to see it.And to this day it still agitates me!

[attachment deleted by admin]
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: leatherman on November 10, 2009, 11:29:37 am
i don't have any scars from my shingles, which is kinda sad. Since they were on my hip, I'd have to drop my pants to show them off.  :o ;D speaking of pants, I need some new 501s. I have a black pair; but they're about 10 yrs old with holes in the knees, ass, crotch and they're missing a button or two. ROFL Needless to say they've seen their share of fun over the years.  ;D

The new avatar looks nice! I thought you looked kinda "sickly" in the previous one. ;) But you look like you were feeling better when this one was taken.

I used to try to change my pix out every month or so (and I use the same pix on my yahoo msgr); but I haven't been doing that so much for the last 1/2 yr. Thowing away, giving away, and packing up the rest of my life to move from OH to SC kept me too busy to worry about changing pix.  :D The one I'm using now is about a month old. but at that point, I was unpacked, settled in, and finally felt like I was "at home".

So how goes it with the shingles? How long have you had this outbreak now. Are they still getting worse, or better yet?
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on November 10, 2009, 12:01:40 pm
I think the shingles are going to be bad.My local ASO was supposed to pay $200.00 towards my lot rent and they sent it to the wrong address an if not payed by the 5th of the month $50.00 more.So my case worker talked with someone in the rental office and exspained an was told they would wave the $50.00 Late fee.One hour ago I get a notice of eviction on my door for the whole $250.00 immediately.I am about to snap called my case worker and he freaked and told me to calm down but been crying for the last hour can,t help it.I am about to go around the bend so to speak.The money that would have been used for the rent was to pay other bills and food because was told it was a done deal.Now I feel like there is no escape.If we get evicted we would have to find $2000.00 to 3000.00 dollars can,t afford that as it is barely can afford to pay the lot rent here.I am so SCREWED an SCARED.Me calm down.Right this year has been one disappointment after another.Found out younger brother died of AIDS six years ago just found out this year.Could not go to the AM Gathering have a round trip bus ticket to New Orleans can,t use.September my older brother got Married and was supposed to go never got a invite because it would have hurt my Mom to much because when they could not contact me about my younger brothers death they thought I had Died also.Then I find out another reason was not invited was they did not approve of my lifestyle choices.So I wrote a Email to my brother asking him if he treated my younger brother differently than he did me ten years before it started a Big Email War the day before my last birthday.It broke my Heart but I was the better man I apologized for what was said not for who I am now I will never see my Mom , Brother again.And they wonder why I get shingles so often.Sorry about dumping this on you.You have your own problems.Thanks Anyway
Dwayne  :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: leatherman on November 10, 2009, 01:40:58 pm
dang! what a mess! I have a couple friends who swear that odd-numbered years are the worst!
(but my worst years have alway been even-numbered or so knows? LOL)

an eviction notice is pretty troubling, but they can't throw you out immediately. The law gives you at least 30 days and usually up to 90 days before they can physically move you out. You'll know the real eviction is coming because you'll have to go to court first.  ;) but legally, yes, just being one day late with a payment allows them to warn scare you with an impeding eviction by giving you a notice. (usually it's that scarey "three day notice" too!) It covers their butt legally by informing you that you need to pay and haven't paid. (that's how you know that can't immediately throw you out. That notice is just a warning. It's not even a "legal" court-sanctioned warning yet.) Thankfully since it costs money to pay the court proceedings for an eviction, most landlords won't go all the way to court, especially if the money gets paid. If your ASO just sent the money to the wrong address, I'm sure you can get it all worked out long before anything really happens.

Can you tell I've had to deal with this before because of my povery? LOL Actually, I just recently avoided an eviction that my ex-roomie caused. I left when he screwed things up and moved back down south to live with my mom. He stayed there for another 2 months and moved out just as the first court hearing was scheduled. He didn't attend that, so they scheduled the sheriff to actually evict him but he moved the week before. But now there's another court date for him and they'll rule that he owes for the 2 months he stayed and court costs. That'll teach him to not be such a dumbass, hateful jerk next time (hopefully). I don't care though! Though I had to give away almost all of my belongings that I had for nearly 25 yrs in Ohio living with my two partners (who have both passed away from aids), now I'm living where it's warm (Yea! no more blizzards! ;D) and people love me.  ;)

Hang in there; but stay on top of that ASO so they get that rent money straightened out as soon as possible!
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on December 23, 2009, 07:20:20 pm
Everything was sorted out with the rent.Was worried for a while.Merry Christmas to All and a Joyous New Year.
Dwayne

http://www.andycouch.com/whitetrashxmas/  Hope you enjoy
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: leatherman on December 23, 2009, 09:26:00 pm
We didn't hear from you for a while, so I'm glad to hear things worked out with your housing! ;D
Merry Christmas and Best Wishes for a Better Year in 2010!
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on December 23, 2009, 10:00:28 pm
Thank You leatherman Merry Christmas and a Joyous New Year.I hope 2010 is better than 2009.I have been Painting Dab the Aids bear and the new one Dab Jr


We didn't hear from you for a while, so I'm glad to hear things worked out with your housing! ;D
Merry Christmas and Best Wishes for a Better Year in 2010!
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on February 18, 2010, 11:07:34 am
I found something to fill the void in my life painting.The only problem is that my hands go so numb from the neoropathy it makes it hard to do it and the tremors in my hands does not help.I am still mental at times but who is not,Four times last year I had the Rug pulled out from under me.1 finding out about my younger brothers death 2 buying a non refundable bus ticket to New Orleans 3 not going to the AM Gathering and 4 the worse by far was my older brother wedding did not get a invite because he thought it best not to hurt our mother she had already grieved thinking she had lost 2 sons to AIDS and she did not approve of my lifestyle choose.This happened the day before my B-Day


Thank You leatherman Merry Christmas and a Joyous New Year.I hope 2010 is better than 2009.I have been Painting Dab the Aids bear and the new one Dab Jr


Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: leatherman on February 18, 2010, 12:11:18 pm
I found something to fill the void in my life painting.The only problem is that my hands go so numb from the neoropathy it makes it hard to do it and the tremors in my hands does not help.
Hey there! ;D Just the other day I was wondering what all had happened to you. Glad to hear that things are sorta okay right now. ;) Glad to hear you have something to do too! ;D You know, keeping busy is not only a great way to keep your mind off how sick you might feel at times, keeping busy is one of the BEST ways to fight off depression. Even if you have meds, depression doesn't go away easily, and it takes a lot of work (projects, hobbies, exercise) to make the sadness take a break.

Don't push yourself too hard painting since it hurts, but keep at it. Don't let the pain make you stop, just take it easy and slow when it hurts. Hobbies, crafts, projects are supposed to be fun. ;) :D

2 buying a non refundable bus ticket to New Orleans 3 not going to the AM Gathering
I'm sorry about that not working out for you, since it was a financial loss; but try not to be to down about not getting to go. You know there are over 11250 members here now, and it's usually less than 50 that ever get to attend the AM gathering. That only .4% of us that ever get to meet like that, so you're in the same boat as almost all the rest of us. ::)

I know ever since I had to quit working and go on disability way back in the late 90s, something like the AM gathering will always be out of my price range until they hold it somewhere within driving distance of me. I used to ask them to hold it in Cleveland since I was only living 50 miles away; but now that I moved, I'll have to suggest Charlotte next year. (although I could probably drive down for a day if it ever ends up in Atlanta).

So just remember and next time they start debating on the location, to suggest somewhere close to you. Of course, your city (just like mine) probably won't get picked; but you never know. If nothing is ever ventured, then you can be sure that nothing will ever be gained.

4 the worse by far was my older brother wedding
I would have thought the worst thing last year was almost losing your housing! :o (I know that was the worst thing that almost happened to me!) I didn't get to attend either of my brother's weddings because I was in OH, they were in NC, and I was either too deadly sick or too poor to get home for those weddings. So I wouldn't sweat not getting to your brother's wedding too much.

Matter of fact, I've actually only been to one wedding in all my life. I just don't see much reason to go, seeing how so many people get divorced, plus there's that whole thing where gays can't get married here in (most of) the states. ::) And that one wedding I went to, and was even the videographer/photographer for? well they were divorced in 9 months! :o Go figure! ::) I sure won't be going to anymore - ever! ;)

Like I said, glad to hear from you. ;D Keep up the painting!
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on February 18, 2010, 12:31:25 pm
Hey leatherman thanks you are the only one that responds when I do post any thing.As for the AM Gathering they said they might be able to refund the ticket I sent the copy to them don,t know if they didn,t get it did not here from them again.Then there was theres always next year and we are talking about having it in New Orleans yeah right.I am done with it.


Hey there! ;D Just the other day I was wondering what all had happened to you. Glad to hear that things are sorta okay right now. ;) Glad to hear you have something to do too! ;D You know, keeping busy is not only a great way to keep your mind off how sick you might feel at times, keeping busy is one of the BEST ways to fight off depression. Even if you have meds, depression doesn't go away easily, and it takes a lot of work (projects, hobbies, exercise) to make the sadness take a break.

Don't push yourself too hard painting since it hurts, but keep at it. Don't let the pain make you stop, just take it easy and slow when it hurts. Hobbies, crafts, projects are supposed to be fun. ;) :D
I'm sorry about that not working out for you, since it was a financial loss; but try not to be to down about not getting to go. You know there are over 11250 members here now, and it's usually less than 50 that ever get to attend the AM gathering. That only .4% of us that ever get to meet like that, so you're in the same boat as almost all the rest of us. ::)

I know ever since I had to quit working and go on disability way back in the late 90s, something like the AM gathering will always be out of my price range until they hold it somewhere within driving distance of me. I used to ask them to hold it in Cleveland since I was only living 50 miles away; but now that I moved, I'll have to suggest Charlotte next year. (although I could probably drive down for a day if it ever ends up in Atlanta).

So just remember and next time they start debating on the location, to suggest somewhere close to you. Of course, your city (just like mine) probably won't get picked; but you never know. If nothing is ever ventured, then you can be sure that nothing will ever be gained.
I would have thought the worst thing last year was almost losing your housing! :o (I know that was the worst thing that almost happened to me!) I didn't get to attend either of my brother's weddings because I was in OH, they were in NC, and I was either too deadly sick or too poor to get home for those weddings. So I wouldn't sweat not getting to your brother's wedding too much.

Matter of fact, I've actually only been to one wedding in all my life. I just don't see much reason to go, seeing how so many people get divorced, plus there's that whole thing where gays can't get married here in (most of) the states. ::) And that one wedding I went to, and was even the videographer/photographer for? well they were divorced in 9 months! :o Go figure! ::) I sure won't be going to anymore - ever! ;)

Like I said, glad to hear from you. ;D Keep up the painting!
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: Dwayn20 on February 24, 2010, 10:29:36 pm
How does other people deal with neuropathy other tha pain medicines.I take 9 Gabapentin a day and it offers little help.Sometimes the the numbness is so bad I want to Scream.
It makes it hard to paint or type on a computer???
Dwayne AKA Scooter ??? ???
Title: Re: When it Rains it Pours
Post by: BT65 on February 25, 2010, 04:38:29 am
Dwayne, I can tell you that though the Gabapentin helps with the shooting pains and dull aches, it doesn't help (at least me) with the numbness.  That's just something I've learned is here to stay.