Scared to test

[finished]

I've had mild thrush for some time now (4 months) which I've mostly kept under some control through eating vast amounts of yoghurt.

I need to get myself tested but I'm really scared. If it comes back positive then my partner who I live with could be affected as well.

Please can someone give me some wise words that will help me find the courage to do this.

[Andy Velez]

What you are diagnosing as thrush may not be thrush at all. You need to have it checked out by your doctor to determine whether you have it or not and get it properly treated. Even IF you have it, thrush is NOT an HIV-specific occurence.

What is the risky activity you've experienced which causes you to think you may have been exposed to HIV?

[finished]

Thanks for the reply Andy.

Unfortunately I have had a number of silly things in my time

Aside of my mouth issues I've also been sweating at night and had a swollen gland under my left arm - its come up and gone down twice for ~3 days in the last month and its really quite painful when its swollen.

I really need to get myself tested and I'm just so scared.

[Andy Velez]

Well, nothing you are reporting symptomatically is in anyway HIV specific. In general neither the presence nor the absence of symptoms should ever be the way in which you determine or judge your HIV status. Only an HIV test can give you that information reliably.

If you have had unprotected intercourse then you need to get tested at 13 weeks past the most recent unprotected incident.

Cheers.

[finished]

You are right Andy. I may just be having an awful anxiety attack or there maybe is some substance to it.

Only a test will tell me the truth.

How do I find the courage to do this? I'm really scared, almost irrationally so

[finished]

Any ideas anyone?

It feels like I've turned into a 5 year old who can't sleep without the lights on 

[Andy Velez]

You don't have to feel courageous to get tested. In my experience, taking an HIV test is a surefire anxiety raiser. For everyeone.

So you don't have to wait until you feel "up to it." You and I both know that you're going to get tested. The only question really is how long you're going to go from one foot to the other torturing yourself about it. Be worried, be scared, and just get it done. The sooner the better. 

And for what it's worth, through the years and thousands of tests and stories about risks, so-called risks and non-risks later, I can tell you there have been hardly more than a handful of worrieds here who have ever ended up testing positive.
 
Fingers crossed here for you and we'll be waiting to hear back from you.

[finished]

You're so right Andy, I will do it and the sooner the better, all this is procrastination.

I keep thinking that if I bury my head in the sand this will all go away, and I'm waiting for a good time to go... as if there is a good time... there isn't.

I guess I'm also finding this hard because in addition to what I think is thrush I've been sweating a fair bit at night, got a (painful) lump in my armpit and some dry skin issues so I'm pretty sure it will come back positive.

I'd feel so much less uncomfortable if there was someone to go with me.

[Andy Velez]

The only thing you get by burying your head in the sand is sand in your hair and other places you don't need it.

We'll be waiting to hear from you. Great good luck!

[finished]

Well I should be going to the GUM Clinic (thats what we call them in the UK) next Monday.

They do rapid tests.

I'm still petrified.

[Ann]

"finshed,",

I'm going to be blunt with you. If you don't like it, tough.

If you're a bottom and you've been taking it up the ass unprotected, then yes, you've been at high risk.

If you're a top, less so.

You've never disclosed what you think is a risk. Tell us.

Ann

[finished]

Ann,
I'm actually straight. I had a number of unprotected encounters between 2 & 3 years ago, thought nothing of it at the time and now I seem to be falling apart (lumps under my armpit, night sweats, mild thrush, itchy skin).

[Ann]

Finished,

If you're straight, then you're a top. "Top" is another way of saying insertive partner.

Hiv is a fragile, difficult to transmit virus and more so from a woman to a man. While you have had a risk, chances are good you'll come out of this ok. The ONLY way of knowing your hiv status is by testing. As for having "mild thrush", I doubt it. Oral thrush is painful. Only a doctor or dentist can diagnose oral thrush.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Get a FULL sexual health check up when you visit the GUM. Some STIs can be present without noticeable symptoms.

Ann

[finished]

Thought I'd update everyone - I went to the local GUM clinic and had a rapid test today. All clear (98.5% certain anyways), and I'll get confirmation (and the remaining 1.5%) by (Western blot?) next week.

I'm very surprised as I was showing a lot of the symptoms. It just goes to show that the only definitive way to know is through testing.

Staff at the NHS Clinic were absolutely excellent and really helped to keep me at ease despite the fact that I was absolutely crapping myself.

Thanks to everyone, particularly Andy on the forum for the support.

All the best for 2009.

[RapidRod]

They don't give a a Western Blot test for a negative result. Western Blot tests are used to confirm a positive test result.

[Andy Velez]

Congrats on that happy result. Celebrate it by always without exception using condoms for intercourse, (vaginal and anal), so that you don't have to go through this worrisome experience again.

Cheers. 

[finished]

They don't give a a Western Blot test for a negative result. Western Blot tests are used to confirm a positive test result.

Ah ok - well I get lab results as confirmation of the rapid results next Monday I think. I'm not sure what test that is.

[Ann]

fin,

If you had a COMPLETE sexual health check up like I recommended, you are likely waiting on test results for some of the other STIs. A negative rapid hiv test does not need to be confirmed - and they call it a "rapid" test because you get your result the same day.

Ann