Author Topic: Dating (Read 4861 times)

klassykitty · « **on:** March 06, 2011, 04:24:29 am »

I have a question for the guys.
I was just starting to think about dating again when HIV threw a wrench into it.
So some guy asked me out and I said yes, (hey he's got a nice bike, and a cat).
I'm just not sure when I should tell him. Do I tell him right away and that way if he walks then I don't have to worry if we get along? Or do I wait for a few dates and see how things go? I know I have to figure it out for myself, but was just wondering what other people did in this situation.
Also what is the percentage that people have after their CD4 numbers?

ad2san · « **Reply #1 on:** March 06, 2011, 04:52:02 am »

Hi there,

depending on ... if its a one night stand I don't tell at all. If I'd like to have more I tell right away .... I once was dating a guy during 3 weeks before I told him and he threw me out it was very painful. Therefore I don't wait I am totally crushed before doing it ...
What do you mean "Also what is the percentage that people have after their CD4 numbers?" ??

Cheers

Hellraiser · « **Reply #2 on:** March 06, 2011, 04:56:32 am »

When and how to disclose is a purely personal choice. I do it very early, because I feel like it will end things before I develop any attachment if it comes to that or get it out of the way without stressing out about it. Some people prefer to wait until intimacy is on the horizon to discuss or at least until they know the person better.

As for the percentage that is their CD4 percentage.

This link will explain what a CD4 percentage is.
http://aids.about.com/od/aidsfactsheets/a/cd4percent.htm

hope_for_a_cure · « **Reply #3 on:** March 06, 2011, 06:08:39 am »

Greetings Ms Kitty,

Go with your instinct on this one. Any man with a nice bike AND a cat cant be all bad in my opinion. Three basic questions I would ask myself would be: Is this a date that will only bring intellectual exchange and a nice evening out? (disclosure is not necessary). Is this a date with a guy that I see as a romantic interest? (disclosure should be eminent but use that instinct as to when). Is this a hot and heavy sex date? (tell him up front).

I know this whole disclosure thing has been discussed at length on here. If you search the forums using the word 'disclosure' the system will return 17 pages of threads that you can peruse. You may want to check out a few posts from the group in some of those older threads.

ThatsAll · « **Reply #4 on:** March 06, 2011, 06:13:38 am »

I'd feel like a hypocrite if I didn't disclose before intimacy.

skeebo1969 · « **Reply #5 on:** March 06, 2011, 11:04:43 am »

You can disclose right away if you're one of those people that doesn't like to beat around the bush, or waste time. But, personally I would see if the guy is worth disclosing to first. You might go on a first date with him and decide he's simply not good enough for you.

denb45 · « **Reply #6 on:** March 06, 2011, 12:45:03 pm »

Quote from: skeebo1969 on March 06, 2011, 11:04:43 am

You can disclose right away if you're one of those people that doesn't like to beat around the bush, or waste time. But, personally I would see if the guy is worth disclosing to first. You might go on a first date with him and decide he's simply not good enough for you.

For me, I always disclosed up front, hey if they didn't like it, no skin off my noise or egg on my face that way.

emeraldize · « **Reply #7 on:** March 06, 2011, 12:56:09 pm »

Quote from: skeebo1969 on March 06, 2011, 11:04:43 am

You can disclose right away if you're one of those people that doesn't like to beat around the bush, or waste time. But, personally I would see if the guy is worth disclosing to first. You might go on a first date with him and decide he's simply not good enough for you.

Hey KK,
I'm with Skeebo and also think your question is as good posed to the women on forum as the men. So, I'm replying. Deciding if the person is someone you find attractive enough after date One can sometimes give you fewer disclosures to have to navigate. Declining a date Two is a helluva lot easier.
Em

woodshere · « **Reply #8 on:** March 06, 2011, 01:32:42 pm »

Quote from: skeebo1969 on March 06, 2011, 11:04:43 am

You can disclose right away if you're one of those people that doesn't like to beat around the bush, or waste time. But, personally I would see if the guy is worth disclosing to first. You might go on a first date with him and decide he's simply not good enough for you.

Best advice thus far. But i think the answer is here:

Quote from: klassykitty on March 06, 2011, 04:24:29 am

......I know I have to figure it out for myself.......

MarcoPoz · « **Reply #9 on:** March 06, 2011, 02:09:09 pm »

To paraphrase Skeebo a bit, aren't you interested in seeing if this guy is someone you WANT to be with? Start there. Sometimes we let HIV convince us that ANY relationship is a good relationship and that we don't deserve better. Please don't fall for that. You deserve better. You deserve the best relationship you want. See if the guy is made up of the stuff that can lead to what you want. If he has it, then telling him you have HIV will be in context.

If this is a simply a sexual thing--I'd disclose before having sex.

WillyWump · « **Reply #10 on:** March 07, 2011, 09:36:58 am »

I would wait to tell him till the second date (if there is one). So many times first dates don't go anywhere but if you both want to have a second or third date then obviously there is some mutual attraction and you need to start thinking about disclosure.

Just my lil 'ol opinion.

-Will

denb45 · « **Reply #11 on:** March 07, 2011, 09:54:49 am »

Quote from: WillyWump on March 07, 2011, 09:36:58 am

I would wait to tell him till the second date (if there is one). So many times first dates don't go anywhere but if you both want to have a second or third date then obviously there is some mutual attraction and you need to start thinking about disclosure.

Just my lil 'ol opinion.

-Will

Agreed, sometimes the chemistry just isn't there no matter how many dates you have with someone, some folks are stone cold, and some are as warm as a dutch oven

Ann · « **Reply #12 on:** March 07, 2011, 11:39:44 am »

I always tell people up front - but that's just me I guess - I'm very open about my status. If the person can't handle me being poz, it's their problem, not mine. You have to decide for yourself, but if sex is on the cards, you really should tell.

Jeff G · « **Reply #13 on:** March 07, 2011, 12:00:59 pm »

I'm up front about my status . When I tell someone I'm poz the grace in which they handle the information can help me decide if they are dating material , or friend material for that matter .

Ann · « **Reply #14 on:** March 07, 2011, 12:07:28 pm »

Quote from: jg1962 on March 07, 2011, 12:00:59 pm

I'm up front about my status . When I tell someone I'm poz the grace in which they handle the information can help me decide if they are dating material , or friend material for that matter .

Absolutely. It's a great way to weed out the assholes.

Hellraiser · « **Reply #15 on:** March 07, 2011, 10:57:28 pm »

Quote from: Ann on March 07, 2011, 12:07:28 pm

Absolutely. It's a great way to weed out the assholes.

100% agree

LiveWithIt · « **Reply #16 on:** March 09, 2011, 10:37:38 am »

If you want to hint at it and see how he reacts tell him that your last boyfriend was positive.

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Author Topic: Dating (Read 4861 times)