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Author Topic: mad, sad, heartened  (Read 7651 times)

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Offline Atelier

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
mad, sad, heartened
« on: October 05, 2015, 12:11:37 am »
I am heartened to have this opportunity to reach out to women who I consider kindred spirits. I am saddened because of extremely vulnerable situation I am in. I opened up my heart and home to a graceless stranger (imposter?) I have been shaming myself now because I should have been wiser. Yes I met him on this site... at first he laid on the lovey dovey so thick I was blinded by it, oozing with trust. This story spans one year, so I will make it short. He came and stayed with me in my home, we had unprotected sex, I left him in my house alone, I went to work, ignored all the red flags. The situation has been obviously going south ever since! I am not a victim, nor was I innocent when it came to the fighting...The last time he was to come I called it off. More fighting. Next thing I know, he is threatening to out my HIV status at my job, and on my professional networks, and claims this is legal advice given to him from a woman who works for Canadian HIV/AIDS legal network, who also happens to be an ex-girlfriend. Fear of being outed in such manner caused my anxiety to spiral, and landed me in hospital. Since he has not made good on these threats, everyone keeps telling me to just "let it go". The problem is I am so angry about how unethical this all is! I feel like it is not just about me, but the risks we all face as HIV positive community. Should I report him? Should I contact Canadian HIV/AIDS legal Network? Should I let it go?
« Last Edit: October 05, 2015, 12:37:34 am by Atelier »
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Offline karry

  • Member
  • Posts: 344
Re: mad, sad, heartened
« Reply #1 on: October 05, 2015, 05:08:33 pm »
Hi Atelier,
Sad to know you are dealing with this.
Is this person positive too?

Its rather sad that once we disclose our status to anyone, we no longer have any control over who they can tell. I do not know if there is anything you can do legally to stop him/her from telling others about your status, unless he/she is a healthcare professional or some other professional  and they were  informed  of your status in the course of performing their duties. Then it'd be a breach of professional ethics.

I'd advise you to contact Canadian legal aid network..they surely are better placed to assist you.
Once more, I am sorry you are dealing with such a jerk.
take care.
K
« Last Edit: October 05, 2015, 05:10:45 pm by karry »
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Take it a day at a time....and be positive about it too!

Offline PittGurl

  • Member
  • Posts: 351
Re: mad, sad, heartened
« Reply #2 on: October 05, 2015, 05:19:02 pm »
Atelier - am so sorry you are going thru this - this is all too new to me for me to help - just found out and not even thinking of dating yet :(   Gut feeling says to just lay low for now??  Maybe it will pass?   Sorry i can't be of more help but my heart is with you :(
Logged
Infected ~5/16/15-7/19/15
8-2-15    CD4=286; VL=43800; 15% WB Pos Test Confirmed (waiting for genotype to start Triumeq)
9-4-15    Started Triumeq thanks to the people on board encouraging me :)
9-21-15    CD4=570; VL 26; 30% 16 days on Triumeq….
10-27-15   CD4=522; VL=UNDETECTABLE!!!; 29%    7 wks, 4 days on Triumeq
1-28-16    CD4=479; VL=UD; 31% almost 5 mo on Triumeq
4-27-16    CD4=580; VL=UD; 32%
7-28-16    CD4=991; VL=UD; 38% almost 1 year on Triumeq
8-3-16    ONE YEAR DX
10-27-16    CD4=765; VL=UD; 39%
3-8-17   CD4=709; VL=27; 39%
7-13-17   CD4=942; VL=UD; 41%
10/12/17   CD4=626; VL=UD; 39%
1/21/18    CD4=650; VL=UD; 40%
4/26/18   CD4=893; VL=UD; 39%
8/9/18   CD4=858; VL=UD; 41%
12/27/18   CD4=841; VL=UD; 41%
4/24/19   CD4=751; VL=UD; 39%
8/27/19   CD4=719; VL=UD; 36%
10/31/19   CD4=746; VL=UD; 37%

Offline Sweet_C

  • Member
  • Posts: 201
Re: mad, sad, heartened
« Reply #3 on: October 12, 2015, 03:03:08 pm »
I am so sorry and angry this happened to you.  :(  I agree with your friends.  This guy is a loser and is probably just bluffing.  Just cut him out of your life completely and don't worry about him outing you. 

But if he isn't bluffing, then it's still not the end of the world.  If you're not ready to disclose, all you have to do is tell everyone that he is lying and that he's just trying to retaliate against you for breaking up with him.  I think this would be where the public's ignorance about HIV could help you.  If you don't fit the stereotype of an HIV positive person, people are going to believe your denials.   

On the other hand, it may be a good time to disclose your status publicly if you are at all inclined to do so.  People would probably be very sympathetic to you under the circumstances.

Whatever you decide, do not let this loser take away your power.  You are in the driver's seat in this situation.  Don't let this guy hold you hostage just because you are afraid of people finding out your status. 
Logged
Tested positive on September 11, 2008

Offline Atelier

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: mad, sad, heartened
« Reply #4 on: October 15, 2015, 12:44:09 am »
Thank you for the opportunity to express myself. It is comforting to have a forum for women. Unfortunately he is still on this site misrepresenting himself. His profile even states that he has never been with HIV+ woman before, after one year of being with me. Reinforcing stigma is a control tactic, or ego trip - but alas...I shall only warn y'all and commence to lay low and let go. Blessings and gratitude!
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Offline PittGurl

  • Member
  • Posts: 351
Re: mad, sad, heartened
« Reply #5 on: October 15, 2015, 03:45:14 am »
Atelier that is horrible- i just realized you responded to my other thread. Is he leaving you alone though? 
Logged
Infected ~5/16/15-7/19/15
8-2-15    CD4=286; VL=43800; 15% WB Pos Test Confirmed (waiting for genotype to start Triumeq)
9-4-15    Started Triumeq thanks to the people on board encouraging me :)
9-21-15    CD4=570; VL 26; 30% 16 days on Triumeq….
10-27-15   CD4=522; VL=UNDETECTABLE!!!; 29%    7 wks, 4 days on Triumeq
1-28-16    CD4=479; VL=UD; 31% almost 5 mo on Triumeq
4-27-16    CD4=580; VL=UD; 32%
7-28-16    CD4=991; VL=UD; 38% almost 1 year on Triumeq
8-3-16    ONE YEAR DX
10-27-16    CD4=765; VL=UD; 39%
3-8-17   CD4=709; VL=27; 39%
7-13-17   CD4=942; VL=UD; 41%
10/12/17   CD4=626; VL=UD; 39%
1/21/18    CD4=650; VL=UD; 40%
4/26/18   CD4=893; VL=UD; 39%
8/9/18   CD4=858; VL=UD; 41%
12/27/18   CD4=841; VL=UD; 41%
4/24/19   CD4=751; VL=UD; 39%
8/27/19   CD4=719; VL=UD; 36%
10/31/19   CD4=746; VL=UD; 37%

Offline Atelier

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: mad, sad, heartened
« Reply #6 on: October 15, 2015, 06:47:53 pm »
Yes thank you. I think his threats were a strategy to keep me from feeling safe. He is still on this site. But like I said...a part of me feels as if being victimized twice. I became infected in a very similar way as you. Maybe some women here have trust issues. I say there is value in earning our trust! Emotional intelligence is a two way street. All in time :)
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Offline Atelier

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: mad, sad, heartened
« Reply #7 on: October 18, 2015, 11:36:24 pm »
Yikes - what I meant to say is that emotional intelligence is NOT always a two way street.
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Offline Jazabella

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: mad, sad, heartened
« Reply #8 on: November 04, 2015, 03:14:30 am »
Sad to hear you have to go through such circumstances.  Not for sure about the law where you live, but in the state of Michigan if any person disclose my statics I can press charges against that person, so long I have proof.  Hope all works out for the best for you
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