POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Someone I Care About Has HIV => Topic started by: jajones02 on April 27, 2012, 12:28:00 pm
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First off I would like to say hello to everyone and thanks for your input.
A little history about my brother, he's was diagnose back in the late 80's and was in denial and just started his meds about three years ago. Yes, he's married and his wife is negative. Three years ago Mom and I had to travel to his location in Tenn and force him to the hospital as he was not looking great at all, had already lost plenty of weight.
More concerns to current date is the doctor's had told him around late Nov 2011 to start taken his meds twice a day and he refuse to do that even to this day. I introduce this forum to him a couple days ago thinking he might not want to talk with me because afraid I wouldn't understand. My brother also have cirrhosis of the liver, Hep C and with his weight lost now starting to have fevers. Plus, his last doctor appointment he decover he has glycoma in his eye's. I talks to my brother daily, but he constantly keeps everything short with me, even if I just talk about the whether. One last thing my Mom said he's not taking his meds on time even miss sometimes and that can't be good. I do know he's not eating well maybe small portion a day. I love my brother and it make me SICK knowing he might not be fighting hard enough to live. Somebody please talk to me. Thanks
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Hi JaJones,
You're post is very sad. It's unfortunate that your brother is not taking better care of himself and taking his medication consistently. I'm not knowledgeable enough in the area to provide a lot of information on what could happen by him not taking his meds timely and as prescribed. There are lots of people on here who can tell you those things. Hiv, hep C and cirrhosis is a bad.
I just wanted to let you that I read your post, and feel for your fear and pain. My husband just recently tested poz and liver issues is a big concern of mine for him. However, he plans on fighting this SOB of a virus.
Sounds to me like he definitely is not fighting very hard at all. I'm hoping he knows the seriousness of his condition, hoping he starts acting on it.
Take care,
Blue
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Maybe its time to express your thinking to him. "I worry so much. It seems to me that you are quite sick. It seems to me that you are not following treatment to get better." And see what response you get. Those aren't exactly questions, they are invitations. I guess he avoids all chances to talk about such serious things with you. Does your sister in law say he discusses these basic questions of life and death with her? Or does he do so with your mom? He might be readying himself to die. This may or may not be related to a hopelessness about his several health challenges. If he doesn't want to talk about his relationship to each of these deadly diseases (hep c, hiv, cirrhosis) you might never understand what has happened these years. He might not really understand why he has made the choices he has made. Or maybe he does and doesn't want to share his reasons with anyone.
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you are wonderful to care and reach out for support.
like mecch said, understanding it from his point of view could hold the insight to moving forward. fear is a big and common one, and you did mention denial. finding ways to safely bring him to a place where he can address the various fears, get education n see there's options n still chance n hope for the future. like these forms, the stories here give strength n have helped me addressing my fears, denial n info needs. good luck.
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you are wonderful to care and reach out for support.
like mecch said, understanding it from his point of view could hold the insight to moving forward. fear is a big and common one, and you did mention denial. finding ways to safely bring him to a place where he can address the various fears, get education n see there's options n still chance n hope for the future. like these forms, the stories here give strength n have helped me addressing my fears, denial n info needs. good luck.
I never thought of it like that and maybe I should look at his point view, I gave him this website address and I know if he take the time to visit here it would make a big difference. On a brighter note after all these very short conversation over the phone with my brother he called me back and told me how much he appreciate me and he loved me and that he is fine. I felt good at one moment than sad the next. Please pray for him and hope one soon day he would say hello to everybody here and things get better for him. Thanks Lad_Liam
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Maybe its time to express your thinking to him. "I worry so much. It seems to me that you are quite sick. It seems to me that you are not following treatment to get better." And see what response you get. Those aren't exactly questions, they are invitations. I guess he avoids all chances to talk about such serious things with you. Does your sister in law say he discusses these basic questions of life and death with her? Or does he do so with your mom? He might be readying himself to die. This may or may not be related to a hopelessness about his several health challenges. If he doesn't want to talk about his relationship to each of these deadly diseases (hep c, hiv, cirrhosis) you might never understand what has happened these years. He might not really understand why he has made the choices he has made. Or maybe he does and doesn't want to share his reasons with anyone.
Your first sentence sounds like my mom, she alway say tell him how you feel. Sad part about him taken his med's is he would to me he's taken it, but his wife tell us he's not. He keeps his wife at bay only tell her what he wants her to know. Both of them would go to his doctor appointments and he makes her stay out in the lobby. I know he sounds like a bad person, but he's not. Maybe I don't understand and not respecting him for not wanting to open up to me. I will never stop loving him. Thanks mecch...
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Hi JaJones,
You're post is very sad. It's unfortunate that your brother is not taking better care of himself and taking his medication consistently. I'm not knowledgeable enough in the area to provide a lot of information on what could happen by him not taking his meds timely and as prescribed. There are lots of people on here who can tell you those things. Hiv, hep C and cirrhosis is a bad.
I just wanted to let you that I read your post, and feel for your fear and pain. My husband just recently tested poz and liver issues is a big concern of mine for him. However, he plans on fighting this SOB of a virus.
Sounds to me like he definitely is not fighting very hard at all. I'm hoping he knows the seriousness of his condition, hoping he starts acting on it.
Take care,
Blue
I'm sad to here about your husband and that's all I want my brother to do is fight. Thanks Blue
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... I love my brother and it make me SICK knowing he might not be fighting hard enough to live.
Hey JaJones,
I think it's wonderful that you care so much about your brother and all you can do is to tell him how you feel. However, I do caution you about judging him and the choices he makes, because you are not him. I've been poz for a long time and I suffer from various medical issues. There have been times when I thought it would be easier to just stop treating myself and let nature takes its course. There would be no way for me to explain this choice to others, simply because they are not me.
One of the most difficult aspects of loving someone, is having the compassion and courage to support them in whatever choices they make. You do not know if his meds are causing severe side-effects or how his multiple illness compound his treatment. My point here, is love him to death, tell him you love him and that you are there for him and then sit back and see what he does. For some people, burdening others with their problems is really difficult and asking for help may be seen as a sign of weakness. There are so many issues involved, so just take it slow.
Believe me, if he knows that he has the support of those closest to him, it is more likely that he will respond. The hard part is he is the one who determines when and if that happens. Nobody has the right to dictate how he treats his illness.
Joe
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DO or DON'T with the meds, please, if he takes them when he wants he WILL become resisent to them and then what???? when i was told this well, it shook me up and kicked my ass, and i stopped for 8mths, and then BANG i was ill as a result for not taking them, so i back on the meds now and i doing ok'ish, i wish him luck, and remember do or don't x steve