POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Pre-HAART Long-Term Survivors => Topic started by: jm1953 on February 26, 2010, 10:21:53 pm
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Hey Members,
Don't get my family.....been divorced by my sister and all her kids, angry with my father at the moment, mom has unfortunately passed. Posted a topic about non supportive families of members with HIV/AIDS awhile back. Been positive since 1987 by the way. You all gave me so much support and made me feel so much better.
Well my evil "step sister", actually she is my real sister but I'm ashamed to say so, is at it again. It's all about my mom and dad's Will. She is continuing to manipulate my 94 year old father around, and I'm sure would love to see us both in our grave since we are the ones in the way of lots of money coming her way. And the worst part is she is the Executor, God Forbid!
I finally after years of asking my father got a copy of the Will, which his attorney by the way had to talk him into. At any rate my Dad agreed to have her send me a copy of the Will. After reading it I can really see how being Gay and having AIDS can put a damper on what you receive. It is totally unfair, and clearly my sister's manipulation due to all the amendments to the document.
I am seeing my attorney this month and just sent her a ton of documents. So this is turning into a mini and costly war stressing me to the max. Believe it or not I just gifted my sister my 30% share of an expensive beach front vacation home because she has made my life Hell the past three years since I inherited it with her.
It's really not all about the money, but just by the low down evil way I'm being treated, like I'm second class or have absolutely no feelings. And I'm struggling with AIDS and a bunch of other ailments. This isn't a break out the violins, feeling sorry for myself post, but I'm pissed. So I hope my attorney can square things away. If nothing else she will make them back off, especially my sister.
It's too bad when we are just trying to survive day to day some of us have to put up with this crap from our own families, in particular siblings, all over money. My attorney just wants to see me get my fair share, look into a special needs trust, and basically get some answers.
Sorry about the venting, but generally it takes going to an attorney and spending a lot of money to deal with family issues, in particular my sister.
Really kind of do feel like Cinderella.....but no glass shoe, shiny carriage, and handsome rich prince for this one at least for now.
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest, and as usual your valuable comments are always welcome.
JM
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Maybe you should send her one of those fantastic horse's head pillows (inspired by the Godfather) as a sign of your love ;)
http://weeklydrop.com/2008/09/horse-head-pillow-inspired-by-the-godfather
(damn, am unable to upload pic right now)
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Jm, I'm a firm believer that death brings out the best and worst in people. I've lost both my parents in the last 3 years, and my brother will have nothing more to do with my two sisters, all over a misunderstanding. I mean, it's nothing compared to what you're going through with your evil sister, but at least you have a lawyer who will hopefully provide some help. I really don't have a magical answer about your sister's actions/attitude, except to say that when this is all over with, just let her and her evilness go. And get on with your life, and things you enjoy doing. I know, easier said than done. I'm assuming that when your father has passed, and the will is settled, you'll be done with your sister? Because if you put yourself around her, and in situations that involve her, you know you're only inviting misery. Good luck, and keep fighting.
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Jim
Stay strong and continue to take care of yourself, I won't re-hash what happened to me and my twin-sister 22 yrs ago. but, it sounds almost the same as what your going thur in the end, nothing really matter much, and when it's all said and done, I hope that you & your sister will reach some common-ground
someday you'll both look back on this and just laugh about it, I know that isn't much of a consolation to you right now, but, it will all come -to-a-head soon enough, my twin-sister will always be the way she is, so, thur the years, I've accepted her evil-ways, I may not like some of them, but, she is still my twin-sister, and no matter what, I'll always be a part of her, just the other day, I ask her, if I can count on her, if I ever needed a kidney, and to my suprize, she said YES, so that just go's to show you, how time can heal all, Jim please keep the stress-level-down, it will not benefit your health in the long-run, and as always
keep the faith, and keep me up to date on how this mess plays out ;)
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Maybe you should send her one of those fantastic horse's head pillows (inspired by the Godfather) as a sign of your love ;)
http://weeklydrop.com/2008/09/horse-head-pillow-inspired-by-the-godfather
(damn, am unable to upload pic right now)
Loved this! Might be her birthday present! Cracked me up! Thanks.
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Jm, I'm a firm believer that death brings out the best and worst in people. I've lost both my parents in the last 3 years, and my brother will have nothing more to do with my two sisters, all over a misunderstanding. I mean, it's nothing compared to what you're going through with your evil sister, but at least you have a lawyer who will hopefully provide some help. I really don't have a magical answer about your sister's actions/attitude, except to say that when this is all over with, just let her and her evilness go. And get on with your life, and things you enjoy doing. I know, easier said than done. I'm assuming that when your father has passed, and the will is settled, you'll be done with your sister? Because if you put yourself around her, and in situations that involve her, you know you're only inviting misery. Good luck, and keep fighting.
BT65
Thanks for your response. I appreciate your understanding and support. Just about everything you said is what my therapist suggested. Putting myself around my sister, or in situations that involve her, I am inviting misery. My concern is my 94 year old dad and he does not want to recognize what is really going on, as he is being manipulated by her. As such, I find protecting him as well.
This is the third time I have had to hire an attorney to deal with matters concerning the family. We can never communicate without one it seems in cases like this which is unfortunate. If my mom was alive, I don't think any of this would be happening as prior to her passing she told me in a very loving way that my sister wants it all and to protect myself. She was so right.
I hate to add all this to my stress list, but I think having an attorney as a partner and voice will help a lot. I am an army of one right now.
Thanks again for kind response,
Jeff
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Jim
Stay strong and continue to take care of yourself, I won't re-hash what happened to me and my twin-sister 22 yrs ago. but, it sounds almost the same as what your going thur in the end, nothing really matter much, and when it's all said and done, I hope that you & your sister will reach some common-ground
someday you'll both look back on this and just laugh about it, I know that isn't much of a consolation to you right now, but, it will all come -to-a-head soon enough, my twin-sister will always be the way she is, so, thur the years, I've accepted her evil-ways, I may not like some of them, but, she is still my twin-sister, and no matter what, I'll always be a part of her, just the other day, I ask her, if I can count on her, if I ever needed a kidney, and to my suprize, she said YES, so that just go's to show you, how time can heal all, Jim please keep the stress-level-down, it will not benefit your health in the long-run, and as always
keep the faith, and keep me up to date on how this mess plays out ;)
Hey denB45,
I believe we have spoke before on this subject when I first posted about non-supportive families. It is encouraging to know you both in a sense have made peace. And you are right time does heal.
I've tried and tried through therapy and other avenues to handle this, and I am trying to keep my stress level down.....I know it has taken it's toll already. But as I said to the previous poster, having an attorney to partner with and be my voice will help immensely. It is just sad it has to come to that.
Unfortunately my sister is extremely homophobic and AIDSAPHOBIC if there is such a word. She has seen my illness as an advantage for her, and i believe her mission is to make my life as miserable as possible until I die. And it is not only me I fear for, but my father who is totally and completely manipulated by her. Fortunately I have had a good meeting with his attorney who I believe knows the whole picture now.
Again, this is not being selfish, or about money, but I miss the relationship I had with my nieces, and nephews, even with my sister and her husband. But all of this has been taken away. I feel like I have the plague or something.
At any rate, fingers crossed that things will come around in a peaceful matter, and like you say, time will tell. In the meantime I have to take care of myself and not let this consume me.
Thanks a bunch for your encouragement,
Jeff
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Hey denB45,
I believe we have spoke before on this subject when I first posted about non-supportive families. It is encouraging to know you both in a sense have made peace. And you are right time does heal.
I've tried and tried through therapy and other avenues to handle this, and I am trying to keep my stress level down.....I know it has taken it's toll already. But as I said to the previous poster, having an attorney to partner with and be my voice will help immensely. It is just sad it has to come to that.
Unfortunately my sister is extremely homophobic and AIDSAPHOBIC if there is such a word. She has seen my illness as an advantage for her, and i believe her mission is to make my life as miserable as possible until I die. And it is not only me I fear for, but my father who is totally and completely manipulated by her. Fortunately I have had a good meeting with his attorney who I believe knows the whole picture now.
Again, this is not being selfish, or about money, but I miss the relationship I had with my nieces, and nephews, even with my sister and her husband. But all of this has been taken away. I feel like I have the plague or something.
At any rate, fingers crossed that things will come around in a peaceful matter, and like you say, time will tell. In the meantime I have to take care of myself and not let this consume me.
Thanks a bunch for your encouragement,
Jeff
WOW, well yeah, I feel your pain, and know it all to well, but, unlike you, I was unable to get an attorney to help me 22 yrs. ago, so my Evil Twin-sister pretty much cleaned me out, back then, but, I was lucky, I had a Great Job and nice career, so I just moved on with my life the best I could, and YES
my sister is extremely homophobic and AIDSAPHOBIC, infact, my whole family was like that, so, I've lived this horrible Hell before, and it's very difficult to deal with, when you suddenly find out that your own family is NOT even there for you, and I think what really bugs her the most is I'm still alive and well, after all these years, so to me, that's enough vindication , she is the one that has to live with what the hell she put me thur I've already made my peace with it ;) Jim, I wish you well, and I hope things do turn out in your favor, as I'm sure they will, I have faith that it will, soon enough :)
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Hey JM , hoping things go your way !
My in-laws are straight from HELL !
The Married ( but cheats ) son-in-law with AIDS is looked at with PITY !
He is a drug addict that has KILLED 4 people in a car incident !
But because he is not GAY they feel he is worthy !
MY family WAS wonderful when MOM passed !
Some folk are just to hateful to live !
I hope you get what you should !
be well , Carl