Author Topic: Of catheters and unprotected sex. (Read 8596 times)

aupointillimite · « **on:** April 03, 2007, 04:32:37 pm »

I am never having unprotected sex with anyone ever again.

Poz or not.

I just got back from the ER... and a lovely five hours it was... because I couldn't piss.

At all.

It started getting harder and harder to take a piss over the past few days until it culminated in a display of awesomeness this morning where I really had to go... and couldn't.

So, Liz took me to the hospital.

Where I discovered the joy that is having a catheter put in.

Apparently, what happened is that the gonorrhea migrated to my prostate, which inflamed and cut off my urethra. No pee pee making for Benj. Burny or otherwise.

I have to have a catheter in for three whole days. I got a shot of some stronger antibiotics and have to take Cipro for two weeks.

Icky.

Strangely enough, they don't think it migrated more easily because I'm poz... I'm just an unlucky bastard... with a tube coming out of my dick.

On the bright side, I got to see my med student friend Alicia in action in the ER.

Lesson learned. Loud and fuckin' clear.

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #1 on:** April 03, 2007, 04:36:43 pm »

Lesson learned. Loud and fuckin' clear.

Oh Benji, I wish I could believe this. Really I do. But my own experience tells me that this painful lesson will be forgotten as soon as the next handsome devil minces into the dance-club of your life.

Matty the Damned has a sexual health medical record which reads like a resume. Each excruciating visit to the pox shop is accompanied by earnest promises to walk the way of latex forever more. But the attraction of pink on pink is too strong.

MtD
(Who is faithless)

ACinKC · « **Reply #2 on:** April 03, 2007, 04:38:17 pm »

thunter34 · « **Reply #3 on:** April 03, 2007, 04:41:11 pm »

Yep. Kinda what Matty said. At least I know it applies to me. If I ain't larned a thang or two by now...I ain't larnin'.

aupointillimite · « **Reply #4 on:** April 03, 2007, 04:44:43 pm »

Matty and Tim...

I can dream, can't I?

I will say that it's really cool to be able to just make pee pee without going to the toilet.

It's the ultimate in lazy.

thunter34 · « **Reply #5 on:** April 03, 2007, 04:46:45 pm »

Quote from: aupointillimite on April 03, 2007, 04:44:43 pm

Matty and Tim...

I can dream, can't I?

I will say that it's really cool to be able to just make pee pee without going to the toilet.

It's the ultimate in lazy.

And I thought I had it good with my little bedside pee-pee jug.

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #6 on:** April 03, 2007, 04:49:15 pm »

I will say that it's really cool to be able to just make pee pee without going to the toilet.

It is rather. I had to be catherised some years back when a medication I was one rendered me unable shed a tear, so to speak. Of course the fucking thing was put in by some just out of university intern and I ended up with cystitis.

But it's all good.

To be honest, I get a small rush of pride when Frau Eva's Medical Record Midget hauls my client file in on that little wagon thing, given that it's too thick to carry these days.

MtD

Dachshund · « **Reply #7 on:** April 03, 2007, 04:51:39 pm »

Quote from: aupointillimite on April 03, 2007, 04:44:43 pm

Matty and Tim...

I can dream, can't I?

I will say that it's really cool to be able to just make pee pee without going to the toilet.

It's the ultimate in lazy.

How do you sit down? I am so sorry but I am laughing so hard. At least this wasn't the first time there was migration towards your prostate.

milker · « **Reply #8 on:** April 03, 2007, 04:53:42 pm »

What's next? Nuclear prostate implosion?

Milker.

aupointillimite · « **Reply #9 on:** April 03, 2007, 04:55:30 pm »

What a unique pain it is having one fitted though.

It was all I could do to keep from screaming. Instead, I settled for "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!"

In the middle of it, I apologized to the nurse for being such a little bitch. Those were my exact words.

She smiled and told me I was doing better than most people.

There was about 600 mL of piss in me. They said my bladder was distended.

Benj
(Who is thinking of selling his bagged, drug-free pee pee to potheads in need of jobs to score some extra cash.)

aupointillimite · « **Reply #10 on:** April 03, 2007, 04:56:16 pm »

Quote from: Dachshund on April 03, 2007, 04:51:39 pm

How do you sit down? I am so sorry but I am laughing so hard. At least this wasn't the first time there was migration towards your prostate.

Oh no... it's hilarious.

No really. I've been laughing since I got home.

And I sit down with great difficulty.

thunter34 · « **Reply #11 on:** April 03, 2007, 05:17:53 pm »

Benj's pee pee is drug free? Now that IS a revelation.

SASA39 · « **Reply #12 on:** April 03, 2007, 05:23:43 pm »

During my Achille`s tendone injury as a result of anesthesia I`ve got a bladder block.They have to put me a cathether too.
But they did not have a male ones. (size 15 I think) Only woman ( 23 )
It was a triple expirience. First , last and hoping never again !

Moffie65 · « **Reply #13 on:** April 03, 2007, 05:25:11 pm »

I LOVEcatheters, amongst other kinds of toys. They are sooooooo fun, under the right circumstances. Unfortunately, when one is infected with other stuff, the fun doesn't really happen. Oh well, make sure you ask for a few spares, just in case you might "need" them on a really intense play night.......

Love,

budndallastx · « **Reply #14 on:** April 03, 2007, 05:35:01 pm »

Benj -

Hope you have a speedy recovery !!

Tom

(Who's laughing his ass off at the office and people are wondering why!)

GSOgymrat · « **Reply #15 on:** April 03, 2007, 05:42:40 pm »

I hope you feel better soon. I've had a catheter before and it wasn't as fun as one might think.

aupointillimite · « **Reply #16 on:** April 03, 2007, 07:30:04 pm »

Huzzah for amusement!

Seriously... I am really happy that a good number of you know me well enough to laugh at this.

My pee bag and I appreciate it.

I feel several hundred times better now. I think I was going a wee smidge toxic or something... I wasn't hungry and was starting to feel slightly... off. Now that I've lost a couple pounds in infected urine, I'm eating everything in sight and feel awesome. As awesome as one can feel with a tube in his cock.

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #17 on:** April 03, 2007, 07:35:02 pm »

Imagine the celebration we'll have when they fit your first colostomy bag darling.

MtD

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #18 on:** April 03, 2007, 07:54:35 pm »

This is why I took up decoupage

Ihavehope · « **Reply #19 on:** April 03, 2007, 08:40:31 pm »

Benji

i am sorry to hear the agony and scare you had to go through. For your own benefit, try to be as careful as you can next time with whom u bed with. You now know AIDS is not gonna kill, at least not in the near future, therefore you guard should not be let down but instead go up. You probably don't wanna hear us lecture u or remind you of this but I have begun to get fond of you, even though I have not met ya in person yet and wouldn't want to see ya suffa more than you already do with HIV. You do not want to get add anal warts or Hep C to your resume. So chin up girl and let this be a lesson learned and be wise.

Al

(who cares for the young people)

DingoBoi · « **Reply #20 on:** April 03, 2007, 08:45:58 pm »

ahhh benj... stick to the big dick almost bug free bois like me

ImADope · « **Reply #21 on:** April 03, 2007, 09:18:10 pm »

This is so sorry news!

I am ignorant peasant but think having sex with a catheter is unsafe, as well as hurtful. Best use a condo instead.

Klaatu

milker · « **Reply #22 on:** April 03, 2007, 09:35:43 pm »

Benj, you're a porn director's nightmare.

Milker.

budndallastx · « **Reply #23 on:** April 03, 2007, 10:04:53 pm »

Benj -

Part of the reason I was laughing is because of something that happened to me abou 15 years ago. My BF dumped me for the guy who lived below him in his apartment building. It was an emotional ordeal but knowing that God sometimes has a sense of humor, they went to San Antonio for a romantic weekend right after I was dumped. On the first night, he couldn't pee and guess why? He had the clap and of course he gave to my ex.

My ex was not the most sensitive guy and he called me the next day to let me know that he was being punished because his new BF gave him the clap as well. Oh well, couldn't happen to a nice guy.

I still laugh about it.

Glad you're feeling better!
Tom

fearless · « **Reply #24 on:** April 03, 2007, 11:38:01 pm »

Being sweet and innocent, I'm a little naive of these things Benj.

As well as letting pee pee out, can you also use it the catheter to fill your bladder with fun stuff. Just asking?

aupointillimite · « **Reply #25 on:** April 03, 2007, 11:39:19 pm »

Quote from: fearless on April 03, 2007, 11:38:01 pm

Being sweet and innocent, I'm a little naive of these things Benj.

As well as letting pee pee out, can you also use it the catheter to fill your bladder with fun stuff. Just asking?

I could pour vodka in my pee bag (whom I have named Poindexter) and then hold it up so I could get drunk through my bladder.

This is quite possibly the best idea ev-ar.

fearless · « **Reply #26 on:** April 04, 2007, 12:16:07 am »

just make sure it's 42 Below

[attachment deleted by admin]

budndallastx · « **Reply #27 on:** April 04, 2007, 06:24:37 am »

Do you think recommending alcohol to Benj is wise? Isn't that probably that lead to him coming down with this affliction?

Dachshund · « **Reply #28 on:** April 04, 2007, 07:11:35 am »

Quote from: budndallastx on April 04, 2007, 06:24:37 am

Do you think recommending alcohol to Benj is wise? Isn't that probably that lead to him coming down with this affliction?

Just remember, the more Benj drinks, the better we look.

Cheers!

jack · « **Reply #29 on:** April 04, 2007, 08:31:06 am »

the fear building up to the insertion of the catheter is often as bad as the experience. After a surgery several years back and of course not being able to piss, the nurse gave me one more hour to piss or accept the consequences. The old black guy sharing the room with me said "man,they are sticking shit up my ass and if you dont get in there and piss they are gonna be sticking stuff up your dick". This was after I projectile vomitted my dinner all over the room while his family was visiting. Nice.
The insertion of the catheter was eased by the frantic pumping of my handy morphine pump.
During my last liposuction procedure,which lasted almost 5 hours,a catheter was yanked out of my dick as I awoke. Man,that hurt.
I cant imagine having one in for a few days.

Dachshund · « **Reply #30 on:** April 04, 2007, 08:54:33 am »

Quote from: aupointillimite on April 03, 2007, 11:39:19 pm

I could pour vodka in my pee bag (whom I have named Poindexter) and then hold it up so I could get drunk through my bladder.

This is quite possibly the best idea ev-ar.

Might I suggest that you change the name of your new implanted friend to Willa Catheter...a bit more literary elegance. To quote Willa...

"Even the wicked get worse than they deserve."

budndallastx · « **Reply #31 on:** April 04, 2007, 09:40:09 am »

Quote

Just remember, the more Benj drinks, the better we look.

Is there that much alcohol in the world?

Lwood · « **Reply #32 on:** April 04, 2007, 09:59:33 am »

Perhaps this is what you get for laughing at the 'Thermometer Punishment ' thread.

call it Catheter Karma.
On a lighter note, consider putting it up for sale on Ebay Im sure that there are at least two or three pervs around here that would put in a bid. In the meantime, drink plenty of Cranberry juice and try to avoid naughty thoughts.. I mean seriously I cant imagine getting a boner with a freaking slurpee straw jammed all the way into my bladder, that would be right up there with the electroshock that they do 'Cure Homosexuality' and we wouldnt want that.
On an artistic note, this could make for a stunning Vlog; I mean considering the pissing and Moaning that goes on with YouTube vloggers, the genuine article might be refreshing.

Remember, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger and youll be fucking Rambo after this one.

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Author Topic: Of catheters and unprotected sex. (Read 8596 times)

ImADope