POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: heartforyou on February 06, 2010, 03:38:15 pm
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Dearest friends.
I have been informed that our dear dear friend Ric Wilke has suddenly passed away just now and his husband Thom has had a seizure while visiting him in the hospital.
It is not to me to go into detail.
But please, please keepThom in your prayers. And Ric
I am absolutely devastated by this news.
In sadness
Hermie
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Oh my goodness, I am sorry beyond words, this is terrible news, just awful.
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Though this is the kind of news one would rather NOT hear, thank you for passing on this sad and distressing news. I will keep Thom in my thoughts and prayers for the strength to not only overcome his own health issues but to deal with the devastating blow of losing his partner.
Please pass along my condolences to Thom :'( and my wishes for a speedy recovery for him.
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My deepest condolences to Thom on this obviously distressing news, and best thoughts for his own recovery.
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I hope Thom will be alright. Very sorry to hear of Ric Wilke's passing.. just very sad.
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What terrible news.
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Sad news. May he rest in peace.
Wishing Thom a quick recovery.
K.
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I don't know them but my condolences go out to Thom.
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For once, I'm at a loss for words :'(
Thom, as you rest and heal, know we are all here for you.
Dennis
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I don't know them but my condolences go out to Thom.
Like Hellraiser I don't know them, but i send my condolences as well
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Me too I don't know them. My condolences to the family. Best wishes for Thom.
God Bless
John
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Saw the update on facebook. This is terrible and a big shock. Rest easy Ric and the bestest of wishes on Thom making a recovery.
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I am very saddened!! You are both in my thoughts tonight.
Brian
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My heart is broken. AidsMeds has lost a true believer.
When I went to the 1st Gathering in Toronto, Ric was the first to greet me at the door. This balding, distinguished gentleman in chaps and bedecked in rings and chains comes rushing up to me as though we were long lost lovers. And I shall never forget the honor of being invited to Ric and Thom's wedding.
Ric and Thom....my thoughts and my love are with you both. I am truly grateful for sharing your life, your friendship and your kindness.
robert
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Very sad news indeed. My condolences to Thom and wishes for a speedy recovery.
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Sorry to hear the news, though I didn't know him, he was one of us. My prayers to the husband and may Ric rest in peace.
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I don't know what to say.
Ric was such a wonderful, giving, and caring man.
I spoke with him last evening, and while it was obvious his situation was very serious, there was no way to suspect that death was imminent.
Like Robert, I'm reminded of the man I first met in Toronto. . . . . . . .
(http://forums.poz.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=23989.0;attach=19261;image)
My heart is broken, my thoughts are with Thom and their families, and I know that however sad I may feel, I was given a gift. A gift of friendship for which I am a much better person. For that I am grateful.
RIP my dear friend.
RAB :'(
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I am deeply saddened to hear this news. My prayers are with Thom on this mournful day.
Paul
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I, too, am at a loss for words. Ric and Thom have been a fixture at our AMGs and their Montreal wedding is one of the most memorable events I have attended in my life. What a tragic loss for Thom and I can only hope that he will experience a full recovery. The memorial service at AMG is always a special and profound moment for us, and now it will be even more poignant. We have lost a friend, but gained a saint.
Gary
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My condolences to Thom on this sad day,
May Ric rest in peace. :'(
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My condolences to Thom and to Ric's family.
I send my regards to Thom's family and it is my hope Thom will recover.
Meeting Ric and Thom in Montreal was a treat for all of us.
What sad news.
Em
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My condolences to Thom and the rest of their family.
This is such sad news -- I've not had the privlege of meeting Ric & Thom, but have heard such wonderful stories, it feels as if I have.
Mike
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Very, very sad.
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such sad news that a wonderful person has passed on. he and Thom were such a great inspiration .. I can only wish Thom recovers quickly... a feeling of deep loss is hanging in my heart..
Nick
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This is sad, and it hits and hurts even deeper having had the chance to know Ric in person, in addition to the forums. I met Ric at AMG 2007 in San Francisco, and I remember his genuine hospitality and enthusiasm. My thoughts and prayers go out to their families and friends, and I hope Thom makes a full recovery.
Henry
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Rest in peace my dear Ric, I will remember you always..thank you for the love you have given me over the years...the tears are falling right now, but I know in time they will be replaced with smiles and the wonderful memories we shared.
Thom I wish you a speedy recovery and the strength to cope without your life long partner and soul mate...you know where we are if you need us.
In sadness
Jan :'(
(http://Ric and Thom)
(http://The Wedding)
[attachment deleted by admin]
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I dont know them either,but feel sad too.My condolences to Thom and rest in peace Ric.
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Ric was very helpful to me here in the forums, my condolences to Thom, I hope he pulls through.
He was forced to undergo a treatment interruption for several months last year because he had lost his insurance. He then was able to get a 3 month's supply of his meds (which would have ended recently) from one of the programs from the pharmaceutical company. I wonder if this contributed to his death?
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Sending my deepest condolences to Thom and family.
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I had never met Ric or Thom either. Ric had been a member of these forums for a very long time, and I am so very saddened to hear of Ric's passing. My deepest condolences to the families, and wishing a speedy recovery for Thom, and hoping that Thom finds that much needed inner strength to pull through.
Ray
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Ric was a wonderful man, well loved here and had been very kind to everyone.. he will be remembered. :-[
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Double bummer! I'm sorry to hear this. My condolences go out to Ric's loved ones, and I wish Thom the strength to overcome this tragedy.
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Ric and I had our disagreements over the past couple of years, but we made peace with each other a few months ago and I'm glad we did. He was one of my earliest friends on these forums, going back to 2002, and I'm very sorry to hear of his passing. My condolences and wishes for a speedy recovery for Thom.
Hugs,
Ann
xxx
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My deepest condolences to Thom and the families on their loss. My heart is very heavy... another one taken from us.
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I have been asked by Dan J, who was a member here for some time, to pass on his condolences to Thom and to Ric's family.
Dan met Ric and Thom several times at the AMG's and like the rest of us was devasted to hear the news, he will miss his friend but will remember the wonderful times they spent together.
Posted on behalf of Dan J... :'(
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New to the forums and had never met Ric or Thom. I want to express my condolences to Ric's family and friends and wish Thom a speedy recovery.
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I am so saddened by this...and I'm just now finding out because while I saw Jan's thread last night, I didn't see this one. I just called Santi to tell him the update and he was shocked and saddened as well. He met Ric and Thom in Mexico City. They sent me a very soft teddy bear when my cat died...oh this is just awful. I hope Thom recovers quickly but with with a loss like this on top of his ailments...he has the longest road to travel of any of us right now...
Sorrowful.
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Very sad,
Best wishes
J
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I believe I had the pleasure of meeting Ric and Thom at AMG Boston and am deeply saddened by the loss of such a wonderful man. May you rest in peace Ric, and to you Thom, may your recovery be quick and your heart be filled with the love of those that surround you in this, your time of sorrow. My heart aches for you.
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Condolences and love to all
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Hi everyone
it would appear that the Doctors are now doing tests on Thom for a stroke and not a seizure as we had first thought, he has what is called "expressive aphasia"... he understand's what is being said to him but he is responding in a way no-one can really understand..he can't speak properly, this is pretty normal in someone who has had a stroke, he hasn't lost his ability to speak he just can't put his words together properly.
I think his recovery will be a little longer than we first thought.
Ric is still at the hospital, I think the family are waiting to see if Thom will be well enough and able enough to cope with everything including the funeral, they both have very supportive families...this is too much for me to handle, everytime I think about it I end up in tears..it's all so sad.
Jan :'(
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I appreciate the update Jan. What a sad turn of events... I too have been thinking about them all day. I just hope that Thom is going to be able to recover. Of course, this kind of recovery, compounded by grief, is really difficult. Thank God they both have supportive families. This would be unbearable if the families were not being helpful.
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Oh I am so sorry to hear this. I hope Thom is feling better and I have them both in my thoughts
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I danced with our Jonathan at Ric and Thom's wedding in Montreal and remember them fondly from our various times together.
When I spoke with Ric a few weeks ago, he mentioned the difficulties he had been having.
I am truly saddened by the news of Ric's passing and of Thom's stroke. I hope Thom's recovery is swift.
I am at a loss for words.
Mark
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Thinking of you, Thom.
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I am so deeply saddened by this. Ric and Thom are the epitome of love and kindness. I will never forget you Ric, and have always cherished our friendship.
Be strong Thom...
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I am so sorry to hear this tragic news. My condolences go out to Thom and Ric's family. Thom, I wish you a speedy recovery.
Allan
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I haven't logged onto the forums in several days, and something was nagging at me to check in this morning; my little inner voice told me "something was bad" and that I needed to find out....
My dearest Ric, I will miss you so much, friend. You were a sweet, loving, funny, kind and generous person. AMGs will never be quite the same without you. It seems only a few brief moments ago (but was several years ago, actually) that we were dancing and having fun at your wedding. I will light a candle for you today....go in love and joy, and rest in peace, dear friend.
For Thom, I am so very sorry about your husband honey, and very concerned about you right now. I hope someone will be keeping us all updated on your condition. We're here for you
With love and sorrow,
Alan :'(
Rest eternal grant to Ric, O Lord;
And let light perpetual shine upon him.
May his soul, and the souls of all the departed,
through the mercy of God, rest in peace.
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Like Alan, I hadn't been on the forums in a few days and just saw this.
We first met Ric and Thom in Montreal. My husband and I and Thom and Ric share a wedding anniversary. Somehow, it seemed to be some sort of bond, something in common. I was looking forward to seeing Ric in Las Vegas; I never thought that we wouldn't. I just felt that he'd get well and things would be like the other times we've all been together. RIP Ric; will be truly missed. Thom, know we're thinking and praying for you.
David
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I thought I'd add this pic, as it's how I remember those two best.
[attachment deleted by admin]
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Good bye Ric, and now the pain stops, and the rest begins.
Thom, I keep you in my heart, and trust you will recover soon and be able to work through all this trauma.
I give you all the photos that take me back, with joy that I was priveleged to share these moments with Thom and Ric.
[attachment deleted by admin]
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I am in tears... Rest in peace Ric... Thom, prayers are coming your way....
Eric
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How terribly sad.
Ric's departure from the Forums back in December was terribly unfortunate. The fact that he will never be with us again is just plain tragic. He was a member of these Forums for seven years--many more instances of love, friendship, compassion and support than anything else.
Ric, what I know about you and your life will remain in my thoughts. And Thom, I wish you double strength as mend both physically and emotionally.
Tim
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I believe that Ric leaving the forums, was a result of his declining health and even if he never posted again, he would never cease to be a part of these forums. The Ric who left the forums, was not the Ric that we all knew and loved. He was a man of great compassion and he has helped untold thousands, over the years on this forum. When I take measure of a person, it is their life that I remember, not a particular unpleasant instance. For me, Ric never left these forums, nor my heart and I will always cherish the time we spent together.
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Oh my, I am so deeply saddened.
I never Met Ric in person but prior to Boston AMG he and I struck up a nice PM relationship. At the time I was still new to all this and we had many discussions about living with HIV, loving, coping etc...I was nervous about going to Boston and meeting new people. He told me I would have a blast and to not pass it up, he put me at ease. I looked forward to meeting him in Boston, but as it turned out he couldn't attend. He sent me a hug and a kiss through another AMG attendee when I arrived in Boston. He said he couldn't wait to meet me at this years AMG...I am now at a loss of words knowing that I will never get to meet him...
I could tell Ric had a good soul, he became somewhat of a mentor to me. In so many ways he played a major part in helping me learn how to live with HIV. Thank you Ric, you helped me immensely. You will always be in my thoughts. I'll see you on the other side.
My heart goes out to Thom, and I will be deep in prayer for him.
I must go have a good cry now
-Will
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Bless the spirit of love... that was Ric
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I know at a time like this all we can do is to remember the good times we shared, and those we did. Ric was a hearty mid-western fellow with a great, genuine laugh. I used to joke with him and Thom that I loved having them around to laugh at my corny jokes with that big laugh they both had.
And so it was being on the boat between the wondrous falls at Niagara Falls or even more so their wedding in Montreal which was so awesome. I bonded with the guys for the first time alone with them when I asked them to dinner on St. Catherines St. in Montreal, good food and great company. More good times and great laughs in San Francisco and Mexico City.
I really wasn't aware how ill Ric was. When the fellows didn't go to Boston I thought maybe there were other reasons, so I was somewhat suprised at the unfortunate turn of events. How awful that Thom is struggling terribly right now and I will have him very much in my thoughts.
Rest in peace dearest, kindly Ric.
Get well real soon Thom !!!
Jody
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I met Ric and Thom in Montreal. I danced at their wedding, shared several toasts with them at the reception, and generally came to enjoy their company when we wandered St. Catherine Street and during more somber moments, such as when we had the memorial in that beautiful Catholic Church in Montreal that actually has a chapel dedicated to those who have died as a result of AIDS.
In San Francisco, Ric, Thom and I shared a wonderful afternoon on Fisherman's Wharf, where we had a wonderful meal together and finally had some time for a bit of one-on-one with each other.
And here, of course, he was a bastion of support for me when I first joined and was going through some traumatic times of my own.
I thought I would share this, now that the initial shock has subsided somewhat.
The last thing he said to me was, "See you in Las Vegas." I will miss him, and it will sadden me that he won't be there.
I hope Thom is getting through all this. I hope he knows I will be there if he needs me.
With sad HUGS,
Mark
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My condolences to Thom and the rest of their family. :-[
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What a very sad thing Ric's passing is. The "family" here is special and the loss of one is deeply felt. I never stopped considering him to be a member of this special group.
Condolences to Thom and prayers for your recovery even as you cope with this great loss.
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I am so sad right now, I am so sorry Thom, I didn't get to meet either of them face to face but, on here they were like brothers to me. I will miss Rics postings. Rest now Ric and be at peace. Thom please get well as soon as you can, the family here are behind you.
Wendy
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Thanks David for that pic. I remember Ric gave me the biggest hug in SF. I will never forget that. He was a sweet man.
I'm so sad. May he rest in peace and Thom get well soon.
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My sincere condolences to Thom and Rics family. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.
Teresa
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I'm not dealing with this very well at all.
Ric is on my mind almost every moment I'm awake. I find my mind wandering to various memories and then running smack into the reality that he's no longer with us. Not with us physically, but he's with us in terms of our/my memories.
It hurts. I don't know if I should scream, cry, or just allow myself to feel this broad spectrum of emotions I'm experiencing.
One moment I'm sad and full of sorrow. Then suddenly I'll recall something funny and I find myself giggling.
Like during their wedding ceremony. The woman officiating had a very heavy accent. Ric was having trouble understanding her when she was stating the vows he was to repeat. At one point, as he and Thom are standing there holding hands, looking into each others faces, and exchanging those vows, Ric mistakenly said:
"I order you to. . . ."
The immediate look at Thom's face was priceless. His head cocked back, his nostrils flared, and he got this "you what bitch?" look on his face, and the entire room burst out into uncontrolled laughter.
God that was funny.
As I mentioned I spoke with him last Friday.
While he was pretty heavily medicated, his was still very lucid and cognizant.
He talked about how he'd given the vet the wrong keys to get into the house to pick up Tucker and take her to the dog surgeon (he was meaning to say dog sitter).
He talked about his diagnosis, and although the prognosis was pretty grim, he said strongly and without hesitation that he was "ready to fight", if only they'd tell him how to do that. It made him angry they weren't doing that.
Unfortunately he never got the chance. He died a few hours later.
I find myself wondering how in the heck this could have been going on for as long as it must have been and was never picked up.
Ric had been having these medical problems for at least two or three years. GI bleeds, blood in the urine, intestinal/digestive issues, elevated liver enzymes, stomach pain, the list goes on and on.
They did all kinds of tests. Colonoscopy, broncoscopy, cat scan, MRI, ultra sound. At one point he even had to swallow a camera like thing that transmitted images back to a computer, as it travelled throughout his entire system till it came out the other end.
With all of that, how is it that the cancer wasn't detected? I don't understand that. Maybe I'm just looking for something/someone to blame for something I really haven't grasped yet.
I'm just struggling to come to grips with this.
I thought maybe sitting here and posting my random thoughts would somehow be beneficial.
Thanks for taking the time to read.
This hurts and I don't like it.
RIP Ric.
RAB :'(
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RAB: I wasn't aware what the cause of death was. Your anecdote about the wedding vows is hilarious, thanks for sharing that.
Where did they find the cancer?
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RAB,
Thanks for sharing the memories of the wedding vows, I laughed out loud, albeit through my tears.
-Will
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Rab.
thanks for the memories. I feel the same way. I've been in a deep blue funk since I heard the news.
I can understand the Drs not finding the friggin' cancer. The science of medicine has evolved a lot but it's still an art practiced, mostly, by dedicated men and women who want nothing better than to improve the world for all of us. But god and the body and mind and the soul just seem to go their own ways, one of the beauties, I think, of life. (I know this is about Ric but I just want to add that I've been going through those same tests the last few months (the catheter thingamajig is coming up next month) and still nothing. I'm still feeling lousy. And the Drs are stimied.)
Anyway, the wedding was really special. I was so touched that he and Thom would do that for us, most of us a bunch of people he had only met once before (in Toronto) and some for the first time. He and Thom went to no expense. I have pictures of the two of them on the balconey of the bar where we had the reception. We were down in the street on our way over and I looked up and there they were, waving and waving, happy as a couple of gay love birds. I think without a doubt that was the best party/reception I have ever been to. Everybody there was on a high, just happy to be with the first couple and the most fantastic people ever gathered in one place.
thanks for sharing rab.
robert
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My memories of RIC and Thom will always be of us all standing out front of the Powell Hotel in SF and we had a run in with a drunk female drug addict. First she came by and grabbed my cigarette out of my mouth and took a few drags and offered it back. Thom goes, "he don’t want that back he doesn’t know where your mouth has been." Then she came back again and tried to steal Nadine's cell phone and Ric grabbed her by the wrist, but the funniest thing is she grabbed for Thom's flower and did the words ever start flying and Ric threatened to beat her to death with his cane. Those are memories I'll never forget.
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I am sorry to hear of Ric's passing. I did not know him but I can tell he was very well loved by everyone here. I hope Thom will have a speedy recovery and be able to go on....My condolences to both of their families...
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Ric's passing has made me sad and also made me realise how painfull it is to let go, even after loosing so many colleagues and friends to HIV.
I hope Thom will find the strength to go on.
I am at loos of words. but I can say that Ric has been a gentleman , always. And a very supportive member of the AM family.
Ric, may your last journey be a peaceful one.
In sadness
Hermie
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A message from Thom:
Richard WE. Wilke
Wilke, Richard WE. Age 59, of Milwaukee passed on February 6, 2010. Survived by loving partner of 30 years Thomas A. Martin, father William E. Wilke and step-mother June of Tucson, AZ, and brothers Thomas (Jenine) and Scott. Also survived by other family and friends. Private services to be held at a later date.
Published in Milwaukee Journal Sentinel on February 20, 2010
Thom would like to thank you all for your love and support, he is slowly coming to terms with things but, as you can imagine he is still grieving for Ric.
You are still in out hearts Ric.
In sadness
Jan :'(
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Ehough I didn't know Ric and Thom my heart goes to you because I can relate with unexpected loss. Be strong Thom an know we send strengh with e-mail hugs.