Thanks

[wolfter]

now want to apologize from a different level.  As I watch people enter this forum asking questions and questioning their lives and what is going to happen, my heart aches for them.  I didn’t have the luxury of the internet and the needed resources that are now so readily available. 

I initially was looking for specific information and a place to communicate.  I will never know what’s it like to have tats, smoke crack or be in that segment.  It’s not a judgment call but not what I experienced. 

I have been blessed to meet so many great people here and  am trying to be a part of this community, and yet I don’t feel a part of it at times.  I

[phildinftlaudy]

You are a part Wolf - thanks for the post.

Oh, and if you ever come to Miami, I'll take you out and we'll smoke some crack and get a couple of tattoos.  Cool?   

I think many wonder if they will fit in here - the biggest thing that makes everyone a part of is that common, but major denominator that we all share ---- teh HIV/AIDS.

-Phil

[anniebc]

 
I have been blessed to meet so many great people here and  am trying to be a part of this community, and yet I don’t feel a part of it at times.  I

You are a part of this community Wolf...and if you take Phil up on his offer I want to see photo's of those Tattoos...

Aroha
Jan

[Jeff G]

now want to apologize from a different level.  As I watch people enter this forum asking questions and questioning their lives and what is going to happen, my heart aches for them.  I didn’t have the luxury of the internet and the needed resources that are now so readily available.  

I initially was looking for specific information and a place to communicate.  I will never know what’s it like to have tats, smoke crack or be in that segment.  It’s not a judgment call but not what I experienced.  

I have been blessed to meet so many great people here and  am trying to be a part of this community, and yet I don’t feel a part of it at times.  I

I have always considered you a part of the community and a crack head also   . Just kidding about the crack head part but there is always tomorrow , maybe they will come out with the crack patch and you can start slowly and work your way up to giving head in an ally for spare change .  

[thunter34]

You are a part of this community Wolf...and if you take Phil up on his offer I want to see photo's of those Tattoos...

Just save me the push.

[leatherman]

hey wolfie! we all come from different places with different lives and different experiences forming an important resource of knowledge and experiences about life - and life with HIV. The moment you joined and began posting, your life and your experiences became an integral component of this amalgamation. While at times, different parts of this community may have "issues" with other parts (be they personal disagreements or disagreements about heresay and peer-reviewed science), we're all still part of the same community - and that includes YOU too!

While you may not know about tats or crack, YOU are our white Zin expert!

[Assurbanipal]

Text on the internet is a very cold medium.  Yet still some people, like you and others who have posted here, manage to come across as warm and human and build a community.

But few are sure they belong -- when the forums were down the other day many of us secretly thought we had been banned (course some people can't keep a secret http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=38177.msg477054#msg477054    )

I keep wondering, though, about the thought you left unexpressed, after that last "I"?
 

I have been blessed to meet so many great people here and  am trying to be a part of this community, and yet I don’t feel a part of it at times.  I

[WillyWump]

am trying to be a part of this community, and yet I don’t feel a part of it at times.  I

Oh please, I'm a Bush Lovin', quasi-republican, conservative, church goin' christian,  small-balled redneck Texan.... If I can be a part of this community anyone can 

-Wills

[Hellraiser]

Oh please, I'm a Bush Lovin', quasi-republican, conservative, church goin' christian,  small-balled redneck Texan.... If I can be a part of this community anyone can 

-Wills

You forgot Drag Queen womanizin' in your list.

[wolfter]

I wrote a full page in Word and was attempting to copy a portion of it.  Nobody enjoys reading chapters of gibberish.  

I'm just in a weird place lately and am unsure the direction that life is taking me.  I used to be so secure in my ability to lead the direction of my life that to allow the reverse is almost too overwhelming.  I never accepted the obvious direction of this disease but lately feel like I'm under the giant thumb of AIDS pressing against all that I am. 

Next month marks the 20th anniversary of my AIDS.  I was told I wasn't leaving the hospital and had a Priest performing some sort of ritual even though I'm not Catholic.  I fought and won that battle.  Then with this latest illness, I've surrendered somewhat.  I'm not looking forward to death but also am no longer afraid of it.  I'm not sure how much fight is left in me. 

July 2nd is Bill's birthday and also the anniversary of his death so maybe I'm just dreading July.  Maybe in time, his presence won't fill every moment and I can let him rest. 

[WillyWump]

Drag Queen womanizin' .

Geez, I have sex accidentally with a scary Drag Queen ONE TIME and it follows me forever. 

-W

[Solo_LTSurvivor]

Geez, I have sex accidentally with a scary Drag Queen ONE TIME and it follows me forever. 

-W

I had images of this after reading your comment   

[Joe K]

I'm just in a weird place lately and am unsure the direction that life is taking me.  I used to be so secure in my ability to lead the direction of my life that to allow the reverse is almost too overwhelming.  I never accepted the obvious direction of this disease but lately feel like I'm under the giant thumb of AIDS pressing against all that I am. 

Next month marks the 20th anniversary of my AIDS.  I was told I wasn't leaving the hospital and had a Priest performing some sort of ritual even though I'm not Catholic.  I fought and won that battle.  Then with this latest illness, I've surrendered somewhat.  I'm not looking forward to death but also am no longer afraid of it.  I'm not sure how much fight is left in me. 

July 2nd is Bill's birthday and also the anniversary of his death so maybe I'm just dreading July.  Maybe in time, his presence won't fill every moment and I can let him rest. 

I can empathize with how you feel, as I feel many of the same emotions.  I am so tired of being sick and every year my quality of life diminishes and there is nothing I can do to stop it.  I can tell you though, that you do belong here and you are family.  Just because we all have very different life experiences, does not diminish the shared being that we experience in these forums.  I think that sometimes it's hard to feel accepted by others, when we are somehow not accepting of ourselves.  Emotions are non-negotiable, you feel what you feel and when you share those honest feelings, people are naturally drawn to you, just like we are.

[jp2011ny]

Next month marks the 20th anniversary of my AIDS.  I was told I wasn't leaving the hospital and had a Priest performing some sort of ritual even though I'm not Catholic.  I fought and won that battle.  Then with this latest illness, I've surrendered somewhat.  I'm not looking forward to death but also am no longer afraid of it.  I'm not sure how much fight is left in me. 

July 2nd is Bill's birthday and also the anniversary of his death so maybe I'm just dreading July.  Maybe in time, his presence won't fill every moment and I can let him rest. 

hi there wolfer,
I can't say that I understand what you are going through or how you feel. But I do know what it's like when it hurts. I'm really sorry for your loss. I don't think anyone could actually let someone go and move on. I think you just get used to the fact and keep it inside you forever. We have emotions because we are human. And I think it's wonderful that we have feelings and know how to express it sometimes. I don't know you at all but when I read your post it was very touching and made me want to write to you. I really hope you feel better soon both emotionally and physically. I am going through rough time too. And it takes a lot out of me. So f###ing exhausting.

Oh, and forget surrendering. You need to keep fighting. People like you, a LTS, give someone like me, a newly diagnosed, some kind of hope.
Well then, have a good night.
JP

[WillyWump]

I had images of this after reading your comment  

Anyone notice the 3 guys taking a shower together @ :21 , Sweet! But isn't that a bit racy for 1980 network TV? Although it does play into the "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you dont" theme.

Wolfie, back to the "belonging to the community here"...We all bring different life experiences to these Forums and with these different experiences we make this the awesome venue that it is. You are an integral part of this place, just as everyone is.

-W