POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => I Just Tested Poz => Topic started by: newbieguy on August 16, 2010, 05:02:54 pm
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Im sure many can relate to this, it is so frustrating and painful each time you seem to hit it off with a sexy guy and you tell them you are poz and they immediately are like "cool, OOPs, I just remembered, I need to be somewhere", or something....And of course then you see them online again in a few minutes later. I wish if they arent cool with it, they could at least be a man and say so, and at least take the chance to maybe get educated about it some more, and not just immediately reject you. And not just trying to sugarcoat their discomfort with a lame excuse. I mean, Im fine if someone has an issue with my status, I can respect that. I just dont like all these guys who try and say "thats cool" but then immediately stop talking to me. Oh well, I guess thats life. It just really sucks, and it is making me very depressed and lonely. I try to be a happy person, but I miss not being able to be with men and date. I just wish not all guys would run FAR away in the opposite direction when I tell them my status :(
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So why don't you just put "poz" in your profile?
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So why don't you just put "poz" in your profile?
^^This. Filter the douchebags out beforehand.
MtD
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It all depends on what you (and they) are looking for --as well as the setting/website where you are looking for this. If it is manhunt or adam4adam then you may not be looking for love in the best of places. If you're just looking for a trick then rejection is part of the equation (some people play games, ain't that a concept). Posting your status would be helpful and eliminates the fools before you go through the ordeal.
To be honest I've only been "HIV-dissed" once on of them websites. At the time I had kept my status blank (which should indicate "not neg"). Still, the guy was polite (he expressed fear more than anything). Everyone else whom I have met (most of the ones who chat me up are neggies) are cool with it --they usually just say "thanks for being honest, it doesn't change my interest." Then again I am not looking for love at the moment (or in the near future); someone to take care of a need does it for me (and many a times the hand does fine enough). In time you'll find that your skin will grow thicker.
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Many guys are just jerks on gay sex and dating sites, and for many reasons besides someone's HIV status. It a world of deluded, delusions, fears, inhibitions, fetishes, dysfunctions, liars etc etc etc. Nobody is going to change the nature of these sites, the behavior the communication medium encourages, nor the guys on the sites, so you just gotta roll with the punches. At least there are a few gems, if you are on them and you act honorably like a few others. So there's always the chance to fall upon a pearl.
I agree it sucks, however. But as I said, there is crappy behavior all around so put the crappiness about HIV in perspective.
On the other hand, we kinda did lose the crap shoot. 10 years ago when I was younger and more studly and HIV negative, I met a lot of hot fuck buddies on web sites and thought such sites were thoroughly efficient and useful.
I also think that if someone bolts virtually, it's actually saving you a lot of time and trouble and heartache. But it still sucks guys are such cowards.
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I like to think my skin will grow thicker but its not getting any easier. If you post your status for all to see, its like a total scarlet letter, because all the guys are saying "Be DD free and clean" etc etc so youjust want to be invisible and hope you find mr. right who wont judge you for the status. I dont really want a relationship rightg now, but just finding some cool guys to date who arent ignorant would be cool. But yea, it kinda hurts when all the guys are constantly saying "be clean or d/d free" when some of them probly dont know their status period (just a guess). I guess I'll just have to try and stick it out, and hope that I eventually meet people who wont judge me for just being poz. But it doesnt make the lonliness or feelings of self-hatred go away. Im just lonely, and scared how to approach guys. I almost feel since Im poz why even bother dating to begin with. Of course, Itd be great to meet another poz guy or two, but there just arent any around here who are interested it seems.
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I don't have my status listed, but I disclose very early in any conversation that seems to be going anywhere. Sometimes you'll have to educate, some guys will already be cool with it, some guys won't, and some guys will say they are but they really aren't. The only thing I hold against anyone is the "I'm cool with it" and that not being the truth. Of course, I hate people who don't have the balls to say what they mean in any scenario though.
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Of course, I hate people who don't have the balls to say what they mean in any scenario though.
They'd just counter that you don't have the balls to list poz in your profile, so I guess that score is even no?
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They'd just counter that you don't have the balls to list poz in your profile, so I guess that score is even no?
Nope, if I had cancer I wouldn't list that on a profile either. If you get to know me I'll tell you I'm poz. Can you see the fundamental difference here?
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(To be honest I like to fuck with them. I will post my poz status, then have a blank status, then have a poz status, then a blank one just as a "social experiment". To show men that its just a "status" people can lye, and not tell you about there status and that "we" are everywhere! That in all "reality" they have slept with one(and if I know gay men a shit ton more then one.) and didn't know it! They should find it respectful of us for disclosing are status).
I have also only been "dissed" by one person as well. I actually just tell people that i have HIV to "scare" them away(it don't work!). They say "oh i don't care", and "that's what condoms are for."
The one that "ran" was a "promiscuous" bottom that wanted to "hook up", and this was when my status was blank. I was playing along I told him I would like to "meet" him, then I asked if he used condoms?...he replied "no" that's when I told him I had HIV, and was like "should i tell people that?" He freaked out! lol
That's when I told him that all I had to do is lye to him, and I could have given him HIV (i would never do that)that night. That's what i mean by "social experiment"
I have come to find that the ones that state D/D free and clean etc... are the "nastiest" ones!! lol
so don't let someone else's stupidity get you down! (it is hard i get very sad most of the times)
(And just know that the ones that"run" from you are the ones that you DO NOT want in your life!)
You say that the poz people in your area are not interested?
Don't say that. I have come to find that all gay men are "damaged" (i am to) and that the positive ones are even more "damaged" (I'm not "yet") I like to think of (poz) gay men like the abused dog that you just brought home from the dog pound. Scared and shaken at first, but give it time and let it know that you are there and it will come around.(there is one gay poz guy that lives close to me he is very cool, and so sexy. The same age as me. We talk every now and again, and at first he was very distant with me (i didn't think he liked me like that). Then over time of are random convos I found that he is into me just "scared" if you know what i mean?(and i am to so i understand). I talked to him today and he was telling me how he was "down" and "lonely" and how he wished I lived closer! ( I wish I did to I would love to meet him in person)
Just be yourself, and know that you "technical" only have to tell someone before you have sex (but it is wrong not to tell someone you are talking to if it will lead to sex) I like to just make random conversation until i feel the person is "feeling" me, then i tell them..lol then say they don't mind because they already like me as a person! ;D
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They'd just counter that you don't have the balls to list poz in your profile, so I guess that score is even no?
Funny as hell!!
That is true! You don't have the balls to list it!
The last I checked if someone with cancer busts a nut in someone's ass they can't get cancer!!!
so HIV and cancer are not the same in that sense!!
;D
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and the last i checked if someone with cancer bust a nut in someone ass they cant get cancer!!!
so HIV and cancer are not the same in that sence!!
;D
You do realize that you never, every make one iota of sense, don't you?
one that "ran" was a "promiscuous" bottom that wanted to "hook up"
No way, you're a top? Whuddathunkit... ME TOO!
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You do realize that you never, every make one iota of sense, don't you?
No way, you're a top? Whuddathunkit... ME TOO!
There is that better? I corrected it so you could "hopefully" understand it better.
Yea I'm a top if the other person is a good bitch..lol
If not then I will be the bitch.
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There is that better? I corrected it so you could "hopefully" understand it better.
Yea I'm a top if the other person is a good bitch..lol
If not then I will be the bitch.
...Jesus H
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...Jesus H
where!??!??
...I have question's lots and lots of question's!!
All I'm saying is don't compare HIV to cancer in that way.
Because that is so not the truth!
;D
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where!??!??
...I have question's lots and lots of question's!!
All I'm saying is don't compare HIV to cancer in that way.
Because that is so not the truth!
;D
You're right HIV isn't a personal medical condition. I did say I wouldn't disclose my HIV status if I intended to screw someone...oh hey wait a minute. Also by placing your hiv status in a public place you are now broadcasting indiscriminately rather than selectively.
This is the way in which I am comparing them.
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Back to the OP.
Tell us, is the internet the only hope where you live of finding a lover?
Your little pic looks like a cute guy. Words show some charm.
Maybe you'll have more value on the meat market if you take that pootie out and turn on the charm in real life.
The internet is just another venue. Guys your age should also get out there and enjoy real life cruising - if you never do that you'll miss something lovely in life. Its also a way to make friends to cut the loneliness.
The nature of gay chats is that they reduce people to a list of characteristics - like the snack aisle in the supermarket. This is true in face to face, but a little bit less.
This old fart (me) meets guys in real life and gets a good response, even gets laid, but in the last two years also found that some of these guys will cut me dead on the Internet when I am just a list of characteristics.
I guess you know all this. Just wondering what you think of this.
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I thought you meet tricks in public parks at night, meech? What's the big difference?
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I do that.
And I look for love and sex and communication in many places besides.
Geez if we only had the Internet to create our intimate life, it would be curtains, wouldn't it?
I think the internet - regarding gay life, sex, intimacy - has some advantages and disadvantages. Hey my sis wasn't finding what she wanted in the big city and found her husband of 10+ years now, a great match, on the Internet.
Its great for rural folks. And young people to establish an identity, find confidence. Its great for a lot of reasons.
But its also vile and discouraging sometimes. Anti social and indulgent of lots of the worst of human character.
I came out in my 20's in the 80's and we all had to go out and stand up and be social and charming. There were no sex clubs. No internet. And in NY, there were no outdoor cruising places - maybe a little bit in the day in the parks. All that public sex and commercial sex had disappeared cause of AIDS.
I am NOT looking at it through rose tinted nostalgia - people knew how to talk and be civil and polite. Didn't hurt that this was still the suit and tie era and we looked like grown ups, so we acted like grown ups too.
Pity you reduce me to only a park troll, Miss P. You're rather often NOT a generous person. And here, I am trying to offer some alternatives and perspectives to the OP.
If someone can go out today and find nice people willing to chit chat and flirt and be grown up about the mating dance, I'm all for it.
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But its also vile and discouraging sometimes. Anti social and indulgent of lots of the worst of human character.
Like meeting people in a park to have sex!?
The person who gave the person who gave me HIV
was a slut who would meet people to fuck in a park... :-[
(Now I will forever be known as a slut. When in all reality I
slept with someone who slept with a slut!)
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Like meeting people in a park to have sex!?
The person who gave the person who gave me HIV
was a slut who would meet people to fuck in a park... :-[
(Now I will forever be known as a slut. When in all reality I
slept with someone who slept with a slut!)
Save your judgments for a place where people give a damn about the absolutely vile things you say.
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Let me try to put this in other words.
A few people discontent with the negative aspects of the Internet dating or hook up experience can't change the behemoth machine that it is. You just gotta use the medium for the good and avoid the bad.
Its the same with any way to look for love.
If the rewards of the venue are not worth the headache or the heartache, you can't bang your head against the wall. You gotta try a new venue, somehow. A new technique.
Mr. Right might be at the coffee shop or the sex dungeon, might be the waiter or the guy at the gym, or the guy you see at the bus stop every day, etc etc.
You know, if you pursue a guy on the Internet, chances are there a few others chasing that same tail at the same time. If you pursue a guy in real life, you have a better chance that you'll get complete attention. Or a clear direct snub, of course. :)
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I am NOT looking at it through rose tinted nostalgia - people knew how to talk and be civil and polite. Didn't hurt that this was still the suit and tie era and we looked like grown ups, so we acted like grown ups too.
Fuck me, talk about a chronic dose of the Myth of the Golden Age.
You sound like my cantankerous protestant grandmother when she prattles on about how tomatoes tasted better back in the 1740s and no self respecting young man would be seen out unless his collar was starched and his hair was macassared to a mirror finish.
The Scene has always been filled with vituperative queens putting each other down and generally behaving like douchebags. Today is no different to yesteryear when you were strutting around the bars and Andrew Sullivan was still giving sloppy blowjobs to truckdrivers at rest stops.
Like meeting people in a park to have sex!?
The person who gave the person who gave me HIV
was a slut who would meet people to fuck in a park... :-[
(Now I will forever be known as a slut. When in all reality I
slept with someone who slept with a slut!)
Seriously Bryan, grow up. ::)
MtD
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Save your judgments for a place where people give a damn about the absolutely vile things you say.
Did I say something to offend you?
;D
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Seriously Bryan, grow up. ::)
MtD
I'm "only" twenty-one... :-\
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I'm "only" twenty-one... :-\
. . . who posts like he's just turned 15.
MtD
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Like meeting people in a park to have sex!?
The person who gave the person who gave me HIV
was a slut who would meet people to fuck in a park... :-[
Bryan, the lesson you have to learn is that you create the quality of your experience, along with your sex partner. I've had vile and disgusting encounters and beautiful encounters no matter where the venue - could be a five star hotel, could be a park, could be a sex club, could be an internet hook up, etc.
If the person who infected you got it from a park sex pig, that means the person who "infected you" let that kind of person in his life AND had unsafe sex. Its you and your actions with your HIV+ partner who are responsible for your seroconversion. It has nothing to do with this supposed "park slut". You have to grow up and accept some responsibility for what happens to your mind, body, and spirit.
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. . . who posts like he's just turned 15.
MtD
You've never liked me! lol
;D
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You've never liked me! lol
;D
True, but I don't dislike you either. Thus far I'm supremely indifferent towards you.
MtD
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True, but I don't dislike you either. Thus far I'm supremely indifferent towards you.
MtD
:'(
I'm sorry I find it very burdensome to keep my views to myself when I think someone is wrong
about something that I don't have the same views on.
I am very headstrong and stubborn!
I can't help it.
;D
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The Scene has always been filled with vituperative queens putting each other down and generally behaving like douchebags. Today is no different to yesteryear when you were strutting around the bars and Andrew Sullivan was still giving sloppy blowjobs to truckdrivers at rest stops.
Sorry, it was different. Maybe you only know this scene you describe. You act like a graduate.
However, in the US, in the 80's in big cities, it was as I described. It was a bubble of more "old fashioned" behavior, and it had a lot of things to teach us. I went out all the time - afterwork happy hours, bars, clubs, straight and gay, and culture and parties, gay resort towns, and all that shit, and I dunno where you were, but NY was not filled with vituperative queens. Nor was Boston or San Francisco. There were drag queens being bitchy onstage, but offstage most were sweethearts too. Where the hell were you?
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Newbieguy -
Another thing to think about - guys online who say they want "drug and disease free" clean etc etc HIV- UB2. You aren't going to meet any of them. You are the wrong product in the supermarket, to them.
Also, just remember that some of those guys are just looking for sex - that's why they put up this criteria - they want it with the belief of less risk and complications.
I am curious what site you are referring to. Some like Adam4Adam kind of force the HIV issue by giving you the choice of checking +, -, or nothing. So everyone knows if nothing is checked, thats a question that needs to be asked. Or not, if the person doesn't want to know.
You could experiment with a new profile in which you put in your profile that you are +, and see if that works out better for your needs.
If you are volunteering to complete strangers on a chat that you are HIV+, that could put some HIV- people off.
Also, are you in the US? In some states, you are not obliged to tell someone you are HIV+ even if you have sex. If you just want to get your rocks off, whats your feeling or situation about not disclosing?
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Sorry, it was different. Maybe you only know this scene you describe. You act like a graduate.
However, in the US, in the 80's in big cities, it was as I described. It was a bubble of more "old fashioned" behavior, and it had a lot of things to teach us. I went out all the time - afterwork happy hours, bars, clubs, straight and gay, and culture and parties, gay resort towns, and all that shit, and I dunno where you were, but NY was not filled with vituperative queens. Nor was Boston or San Francisco. There were drag queens being bitchy onstage, but offstage most were sweethearts too. Where the hell were you?
Naw honey, you just remember it that way because you think it should have been that way. Like I said, Myth of the Golden Age - it's one of the consolations of decrepitude.
MtD
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I came out in my 20's in the 80's and we all had to go out and stand up and be social and charming. There were no sex clubs. No internet. And in NY, there were no outdoor cruising places - maybe a little bit in the day in the parks. All that public sex and commercial sex had disappeared cause of AIDS.
Hey Quenton Crisp, I lived in NYC in the 80's and after high tea the social and charming were getting fucked at the baths, the bars and the brambles. Pinkie extended of course.
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Sorry, it was different. Maybe you only know this scene you describe. You act like a graduate.
However, in the US, in the 80's in big cities, it was as I described. It was a bubble of more "old fashioned" behavior, and it had a lot of things to teach us. I went out all the time - afterwork happy hours, bars, clubs, straight and gay, and culture and parties, gay resort towns, and all that shit, and I dunno where you were, but NY was not filled with vituperative queens. Nor was Boston or San Francisco. There were drag queens being bitchy onstage, but offstage most were sweethearts too. Where the hell were you?
You have to be kidding. Some of us are *almost* the same age and grew up gay in the 80's here.
There have ALWAYS been nasty, vile queens on the scene. That is unless I single handedly invented it, but I know that's not true because I can name my two early gay friends that taught me "The Art of Reading" and I must say it's come in very useful in life.
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You have to be kidding. Some of us are *almost* the same age and grew up gay in the 80's here.
There have ALWAYS been nasty, vile queens on the scene. That is unless I single handedly invented it.
I was thinking you invented it. Some would call you an innovater.
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There have ALWAYS been nasty, vile queens on the scene. That is unless I single handedly invented it
You need to patent that shit quickly so that we can retire in Brazil.
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You need to patent that shit quickly so that we can retire in Brazil.
I'm visualizing something like this, except wearing Westwood and up in a sling -- with a poppers aroma and called "Fierce Reading" on the bottle:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjVfu8-Wp6s
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I'm visualizing something like this, except wearing Westwood and up in a sling -- with a poppers aroma and called "Fierce Reading" on the bottle:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjVfu8-Wp6s
You know it will be a bestseller based on the scent alone. We'd replace the male models with Josh Kloss and a few others.
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Hey Quenton Crisp, I lived in NYC in the 80's and after high tea the social and charming were getting fucked at the baths, the bars and the brambles. Pinkie extended of course.
Crisp lived around the corner, we saw him all the time.
I dunno what 80's you are talking about I'm talking 85-89.
There were no sex clubs (to my knowledge), no baths, no sex in the bars, no dark rooms, and Central Park was off limits at night and the brambles were policed in the day. (you mean the Ramble? or the meat rack on FI?)
Public sex was dead. (cept maybe the meatrack! ;D)
You people my age should be ashamed - you reap what you sow. Take a little pride in your community. I'm talking the OP - a young man.
And I garantee you, OP, wherever you are, among the gays available to you as a possible lover, maybe there are a few bitches but its hardly the norm. Best to get out there in the real world and expect to meet great guys.
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The one that "ran" was a "promiscuous" bottom that wanted to "hook up", and this was when my status was blank. I was playing along I told him I would like to "meet" him, then I asked if he used condoms?...he replied "no" that's when I told him I had HIV, and was like "should i tell people that?" He freaked out! lol
That's when I told him that all I had to do is lye to him, and I could have given him HIV (i would never do that)that night.
This is actually a really good thing that you did! Who knows--maybe he'll think more carefully in future? Ideally he'll use condoms, but my cynical side suspects he'll simply be one more who adds "Neg ub2" or "be clean d/d free" or whatever in his profile and think that that will protect him.
.(there is one gay poz guy that lives close to me he is very cool, and so sexy. The same age as me. We talk every now and again, and at first he was very distant with me (i didn't think he liked me like that). Then over time of are random convos I found that he is into me just "scared" if you know what i mean?(and i am to so i understand). I talked to him today and he was telling me how he was "down" and "lonely" and how he wished I lived closer! ( I wish I did to I would love to meet him in person)
There are several things about this story that I do not understand. You begin by saying that he lives close to you; then you end by saying you wished he lived closer, and suggesting that he does not even live close enough to make meeting in person a possibility?
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Tell us, is the internet the only hope where you live of finding a lover?
Your little pic looks like a cute guy. Words show some charm.
Maybe you'll have more value on the meat market if you take that pootie out and turn on the charm in real life.
The internet is just another venue. Guys your age should also get out there and enjoy real life cruising - if you never do that you'll miss something lovely in life. Its also a way to make friends to cut the loneliness.
The nature of gay chats is that they reduce people to a list of characteristics - like the snack aisle in the supermarket. This is true in face to face, but a little bit less.
I totally agree with this. I like internet chatrooms and have met some great guys through them, but I prefer meeting guys in real life. There is something wonderful about making eye contact with someone across a room and then approaching each other; this is missing online.
Besides, it's really more practical for sex anyway. Two people who see each other face to face can immediately feel whether there's an attraction or not. The best picture just does not make that possible. It's awful to go all the way to someone's home, or have him come all the way to your home, just to find out that you aren't "into" each other after all. Ironically, although the internet is reputed to be "all about sex", I find it better for conversation. I could have a serious two-hour chat with someone online, something I would never do in a bar with deafening music.
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Like meeting people in a park to have sex!?
The person who gave the person who gave me HIV
was a slut who would meet people to fuck in a park... :-[
(Now I will forever be known as a slut. When in all reality I
slept with someone who slept with a slut!)
Good to see Bryan has managed to separate the concepts of HIV and being a slut since the last outburst that got him kicked off the boards......
I think you'll be known as something else to be honest.
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Good to see Bryan has managed to separate the concepts of HIV and being a slut since the last outburst that got him kicked off the boards......
I think you'll be known as something else to be honest.
::)
Oh stop!..lol
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Good to see Bryan has managed to separate the concepts of HIV and being a slut since the last outburst that got him kicked off the boards......
I think you'll be known as something else to be honest.
Sounds to me as though his "logic" remains untouched. He still thinks quite respectfully of whomever it was that infected him. Nah, he's not a slut (he's a misguided angel), but it makes sense to him that those whom he tricked with are whorish. Ah... Whatevz.
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There were no sex clubs (to my knowledge), no baths, no sex in the bars, no dark rooms, and Central Park was off limits at night and the brambles were policed in the day. (you mean the Ramble? or the meat rack on FI?)
Even a dainty little flower like you knows better. A gazillion infections later proves it.
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Sounds to me as though his "logic" remains untouched. He still thinks quite respectfully of whomever it was that infected him. Nah, he's not a slut (he's a misguided angel), but it makes sense to him that those whom he tricked with are whorish. Ah... Whatevz.
"Tricked"...
No the person who "infected" me was my boyfriend he didn't know he had HIV. I still talk to him (though it has it's limits it's like somthing is between us..hummm wonder what that is?) I was with him for a year..
.. He just made a "bad" chose and slept with the wrong person (just like I did)
The person who gave my x boyfriend was a "slut". If you don't want to be called something then don't do it!
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Even a dainty little flower like you knows better. A gazillion infections later proves it.
muahahahaha!
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Crisp lived around the corner, we saw him all the time.
I dunno what 80's you are talking about I'm talking 85-89.
There were no sex clubs (to my knowledge), no baths, no sex in the bars, no dark rooms, and Central Park was off limits at night and the brambles were policed in the day. (you mean the Ramble? or the meat rack on FI?)
Public sex was dead. (cept maybe the meatrack! ;D)
You have got to be kidding. I came out, in Detroit, in the 80s and we had Club Baths, an Eagle and a few other nasty hot bars. For real fun, we would head for Chicago, as that was the ultimate in debauchery, with the baths, back rooms, pig pits, you name it. Everyone would stand around Joe's Bar at closing and tricks were ripe for the picking. Plus those Chicago boys are hot, honest and open and sex was everywhere.
As for bitchy queens, let's just say that most are older than dirt. I got as much attitude in 85, in Detroit, as I did in 2005, at a S&M bar in Florida. That's S&M, as in Stand and Model.
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You have got to be kidding. I came out, in Detroit, in the 80s and we had Club Baths, an Eagle and a few other nasty hot bars. For real fun, we would head for Chicago, as that was the ultimate in debauchery, with the baths, back rooms, pig pits, you name it. Everyone would stand around Joe's Bar at closing and tricks were ripe for the picking. Plus those Chicago boys are hot, honest and open and sex was everywhere.
As for bitchy queens, let's just say that most are older than dirt. I got as much attitude in 85, in Detroit, as I did in 2005, at a S&M bar in Florida. That's S&M, as in Stand and Model.
My first apartment in Chicago was at Clark and Argyle , right behind Mans Country bath house . I would stand on my back deck and wonder where the smell of chlorine was coming from . It was that nasty grotto pool surrounded by astro turf carpet I was smelling .
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"Tricked"...
No the person who "infected" me was my boyfriend he didn't know he had HIV. I still talk to him (though it has it's limits it's like somthing is between us..hummm wonder what that is?) I was with him for a year..
.. He just made a "bad" chose and slept with the wrong person (just like I did)
The person who gave my x boyfriend was a "slut". If you don't want to be called something then don't do it!
You may want to take your own advice. We all have our own definitions of what a slut is and a slut to you, may be a lucky man to me. My point being, if you insist on always judging others, then don't complain when you are judged. Being bitter and mean can only drain your being and none of us, is in any position to be judging others.
I also find your "social experiment" to be both distasteful and repugnant. Since you enjoy mind games, please do not come here and complain, when others do the same to you. Having HIV is hard enough, without thinking that there are people like you, who actually enjoy pulling other peoples emotional chains. You have an awful lot of growing up to do, as you lack both empathy and maturity.
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I dunno what 80's you are talking about I'm talking 85-89.
What 80s are you folks talking about? 1780s? 1680s? Hell, I grew up in bum fuck Michigan and we had two queer bars to choose from. I'm sure there had to be better to choose from in the big cities. :-\
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They'd just counter that you don't have the balls to list poz in your profile, so I guess that score is even no?
What about those who don't read the profile, then respond as he indicated after you mention it?
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What about those who don't read the profile, then respond as he indicated after you mention it?
The mere fact that they don't take a few seconds to read shows you how clever (or interested in what you have to say) they are. Not the best dating material.
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This is comical (not the situation the replies) Look, This is what I do after coming to slight terms and setting standards/boundaries for me and my actions.
If I meet someone more power to me! I walk in, grab a drink, and talk instantly.... grab they're number and go back home safely..
I meet the person for a second time and I say hey this is me and you have two choices you can bounce-there's the door, or stay... I've never been rejected for it.. I know the fear is there and I cannot wait for the ignorance to hit me though because I LOVE educating uneducated people...
Hope this helps some? Stay strong!
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My lovel life has been dead for 2 years now (since my diagnosis), but it's life...
Maybe in some other life it will be better. :-\
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Yea this is a hard one. I hate that blow off u get but io remember when i was neg.. back in the early 90;s i would sleep with a few poz guys cuase I wasnt stupid. I knew how to be save back then. but i was sure scared. so i understnad how they are scared and igniorant. but we know the thuth is they are just a like away from a bb encounter with a suposid neggie
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I have had several relationships since testing positive in 1993. A year or two with a positive person, five with a negative person, now three with a negative person despite having dated both pos and neg.
Thing is, you wind up where you wind up. Is it difficult? Sure. Are there negotiations? Yes. Do you have to educate people? Absolutely. But you will meet that cool person, positive or negative, who understands AND ACCEPTS the risks involved. I have found it numerous times.
And if I were to be single again, I would, no doubt, find it again.
Give up because it isn't easy? Please
Give up because most people are ignorant or scared? I am not looking for most people. I am looking for one of the few cool people who walk the earth. Thanks to the Goddess that I have a built-in BS detector, a virus that eliminates Most (not all) of the flakes, the idiots, and the Borg Drones that would suffocate my life, steal my rent, or give me crabs.
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Do you have to educate people? Absolutely. But you will meet that cool person, positive or negative, who understands AND ACCEPTS the risks involved. I have found it numerous times.
So very true. I've spent a lot of time educating directly after disclosure.
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So very true. I've spent a lot of time educating directly after disclosure.
Yeah, and it is exhausting sometimes. And there have been weeks, months, years when I have not wanted to bother. But when someone is worth it, it's worth the conversations. Especially if you know your shit regarding HIV. And like it or not, us Pozzies are ambassadors. It is so important to know your transmission science, your own health status, and stuff like that.
None of us wanted to be smart. We all wanted to be pretty :)
But we can be both!
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It essentially all comes down to 2 questions.
Will I catch HIV from you?
and
How is your health?
The rest kind of crops up in relation to those two questions, but people usually want those answers pretty quickly. Trust that telling someone I have AIDS and am a long long way from having what medical science would deem a functioning immune system is hard to do.
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It essentially all comes down to 2 questions.
Will I catch HIV from you?
and
How is your health?
The rest kind of crops up in relation to those two questions, but people usually want those answers pretty quickly. Trust that telling someone I have AIDS and am a long long way from having what medical science would deem a functioning immune system is hard to do.
Agreed. It is so much easier for the newly diagnosed on THAT issue. Those of us with AIDS, or Long Term Survivors, well, it's exhausting. Important, maybe. But Dayum.