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Author Topic: I AM SO LOST  (Read 3214 times)

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Offline bt1313

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  • Posts: 32
« on: March 07, 2007, 02:04:25 pm »
I just started to use this site...thought this would be a good place to post this: 
As a gay man struggling to survive life in Boston, Massachusetts, I was uncertain what life was going to be like when I learned I was positive. I was already struggling with paying the bills(I am divorced and have child support) how was I supposed to now survive on 150 dollars a week.
  I first learned I was positive on April 24th, 2006. My partner had been really sick and we did not know what was going on. At first it was a double ear infection and strep throat. When he did not get any better we consulted another doctor who said it could be HIV. Knowing our partying and risky sexual behavior we knew that it was only a matter of time before we did not dodge that bullet.
  Our partying with drugs had gotten out of hand and we decided to "escape" from the scene and started the move to a more rural are. Then the results came back on his bloodwork. It was positive. I then went to have a rapid test done and mine was positive. My world kinda came to a halt. I did not know what to do next. We went ahead with our plans to move...delaying them for a week so we could get things in order.
  If it had not been for the excellent care we received at our doctors office in Boston....who knows where we would be today. They went out of their way to make sure we were OK. Got us on meds and let us know they were there for us.
  Since then we had been up to our doctor for regular checkups and all is going well in the health aspect of our lives. Our mental health on the other hand is not as well. Struggling over how and when to tell family. No one knows except for my partners mom. Dodging glares when anyone mentions HIV/AIDS in a general conversation. How to avoid the family finding out about us having to go to the doctors all the time now that we are staying with them.
  Not to mention both being unemployed and in theory "homeless" though we are with family. A burden we are struggling with as well....how much we are imposing on them. Both divorced with child support that is going unpaid. Two hours away from our doctors. And so financially unstable we are down to wits end.
  We have always been behind the eight ball so to speak financially because of the cost of living and our extremely high child support payments...2000/month for us. I know there are programs out there...but accessing them is tough. I am getting more and more discouraged day in, day out. Not knowing where to turn. Not having the financial stability we need, nor a credit history to help us out. I just feeled so screwed.

Offline Lis

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« Reply #1 on: March 07, 2007, 02:13:01 pm »
Hang in there!!! your doing all you can do right now...

Give yourself a chance to let things settle down... Your health as well as your partners is no ones business..   when you are ready, you will disclose... until then.. do your best to take care of each other!!!


poz 1986....

Offline rick21007

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« Reply #2 on: March 07, 2007, 02:18:54 pm »
bt1313--Sorry that life is so stressful right now.  You have a lot on your plate for sure.  I hope that you and your partner are a strong emotional support for each other because when it is all said and done that is the most important thing and it will get you both through the really tough times like these.

You might make an appt. with consumer credit counseling if you haven't already done so.  Sometimes they can figure out some financial solutions.  State laws vary as far as child support but you may be able to go back to court and get the original order amended if yourincome has changed.

As far as telling family, take your time.  Be kindto each other first.  When you are ready tell who you want to know.  

Glad you found the forums.  You will get a lot of support and encouragement here!!!  Also glad your physical health is good.

Best, Rick

Offline bravebuddharich

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« Reply #3 on: March 07, 2007, 03:21:40 pm »
Hey, sorry to hear how tough things are for you and your partner right now. I live in Boston, and there are TONS of resources as far as free groups, support, etc. You probably all ready know of many resources, such as AIDS Action, Fenway Comm. Health Center, JRI Health, Boston Living Center, etc. Not sure where you are in Massachusetts, but there is help just about everywhere in our commonwealth. There are several resources for help with employment if that's a direction you wish to pursue. I wonder if maybe a support group might be a good place to start??


Offline Val

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  • Praxitèles -- Satyre au repos
« Reply #4 on: March 07, 2007, 04:09:36 pm »
It may seem to you that your situation is desperate and perhaps you're right.   However, even in such cases there is always a little light, a little hope that things slowly will get better.  There must be something for you to hang on to such as the love of your partner, for example.
Another technique that could help you out is to take (and try to solve) one thing/problem at a time. 

I cannot offer you more than kind words of encouragement  right now, for we are too far away from each other.  However, if you send me a PM (on the left upper hand side) with your e-mail, I promise I'lll send you something that we'll brighten up your day.

Peace to both of you,
Arthus Bertrand
Ali Mahdavi
Richard de Chazal
Daniel Nassoy
The word comes from the Greek words φως phos ("light"), and γραφίς graphis ("stylus", "paintbrush") or γραφή graphê, together meaning "drawing with light" or "representation by means of lines".

Offline bsboy

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« Reply #5 on: March 07, 2007, 06:20:22 pm »
your story sounds so firmiluar... My partner and I can relate very well.... maybe someday we can help each other cope and make it through the hard times together....Best of luck to you both.
We cant control the wind..... but we can direct our sails.........

Offline red_Dragon888

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  • Love and Be Love in Return
« Reply #6 on: March 07, 2007, 07:40:40 pm »
YOu are healthy wealthy and wise if you look for it.  Don't let the bad things in life get you down and focus on getting the help you both need.  To focus on the bad side is to not do anything at all to help yourself.  You have family, friends and love ones to look out for and they for you.  So get a grip and take control and do not fear the future for it is always there and you have the control to make of it what you want.

Off Crystal Meth since May 13, 2013.  In recovery with 20 months clean time.

Offline mjmel

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  • Posts: 2,069
« Reply #7 on: March 07, 2007, 07:48:39 pm »
Recoup. Regroup. Rebuild. It takes time. Don't be so hard on yourselves and try not to freak out and do not start partying like there's no tomorrow.
Do I sound like one of your parents? (ha ha)

Offline bt1313

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  • Posts: 32
« Reply #8 on: March 08, 2007, 12:42:07 pm »
Still so very lost in the dark forest I now call my life....yet I am starting to see light ahead. I need to find a machete so I can cut a way through the brush and thickets to reach a clearing just ahead. In that clearing I see help. I see paths leading in different directions. I just need to get there. I hope my companion will travel with me. I think that is why I cannot find a machete. I am struggling with having him on board....so I can not stop to find the tool. I want him to come along....though I know he has to want to come along on his own. Not because I want it.....I am uncertain as to what to do? or more so as to I am uncertain what to do if I have to go it alone?


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