Black, trans man, newly poz and trying to come to grips..

[Nvrgvup]

Idek where to begin. But I’m glad there’s a place to get support and resources.

I was diagnosed November 30, 2020. But I think now maybe that week of bad flu like symptoms over the summer was when I contacted it. I’m driving myself crazy trying to figure it all out. My last test before Nov was in Feb and that was negative. I’ve done community work in sexual health but it’s been surreal to be on the other side of the coin (esp with the knowledge). I think it’s just now hitting me since I started on Juluca 3 days ago. I was confused and angry at first. Now I’m just sad. I know I can live a normal life thanks to all the new studies, info and medicines. I just don’t know how to forgive so that I can live fully.

[Almost2late]

Hi Nvrgvup,

Love the forum name you've chosen.. it confirms that if there's any time in your life to be an optimist its NOW. I'm sorry you've gotten this, the anger is very understandable.. I've been there too. I was angry. Coming to terms with it differs from person to person. For me support from others helped. The sadness is something that comes and goes with me. I find things to take my mind off of it.. usually music and exercise.

I was diagnosed November 30, 2020. But I think now maybe that week of bad flu like symptoms over the summer was when I contacted it. I’m driving myself crazy trying to figure it all out. My last test before Nov was in Feb and that was negative.

It's a good thing you tested early and now you're on meds. When I got that "most horrible flu ever of my life" it was 2001, then fastfoward 13 years with pneumonia in the ER being told I got the aids. Not trivializing your diagnosis, it sucks I know, but you have prevented yourself much damage to your immune system that I wish I had tested early like you.

I do hope you get past the sadness.
Wishing you the best.
 

[Tonny2]

                ojo         hello nvrgvp, do not give up, there is life after an hiv dx, just it takes time to adjust to our new life....i never was angry wjem i found out about my aids dx, on the contrary, may be because the way i adquiered this virus, i was blessed that, there was that blood in the hospital were i got a blood transfusion after havong a bad traffic accident because in my country we do not have the culture of donateing blood, obviosly, in that moment when i got that bood transfusion, the hospital did not know it was infected (blood), when i was notified by the hospital about to get checked because i probably got that infected blood, obviously i could not believed, i was 25 years old, i did not feel sick so, i thought i was a lucky one who did not get it, eight years later i was dieying from PCP and i got the AIDS dx, 20 cd4, i recover from PCP, and starting treatment, that day, when i saw the ID doctor, i asked him how much longer would i live, he told me, maybe two more years, right there i felt something, no anger but, i guess i was affraid of dieying, i went home in stayed in bed for four days, feeling the victim, why me?, on the fifth day, i realized that the doctor told me that i had two more years to live (1994, when you got an aids dx, you made plans for your funeral), and said to myself, i already wated five days feeling sorry for myself. so, i got out of my bed and took a shower and called my boss letting him know i was going to be in the office the following day. eventhough, i got treatment failure for five years, still living with aids, zero cd4, i was working ten hours a day, six day a week, sometimes, i even worked on sunday, of course, living with aids for that long, i got several OIs, but, i would miss work for weeks, lucky me for being a federal employee, and as soon as i recovered from those OIs, i would go back to work, until i got the worse OI for mr, CMV RETINITIS, which left me legally blind having to quit when i realized that i was a risk for me and others doing my job, so i had to retired from work, my last day at work was, august 21, 2000, my birthday...my point, keep yourself busy now that you are dealing with your dx and you will feel better and forhet about your dx, and you will start lwarning how to live with hiv, the sooner you do this, the sooner you take back control of your life...i have been living with aids/hiv for twenty six years, ten of them, legally blind and it has not stopped me to keep sharing my experience with other, if i can do it, you will be able to do it, especially nowadays that it jist take one pill a day, as a treatment, to continue to have a normal life...take your time to get rid of your frustrations and them, come back to live life and keep making plans for the future, because, as i said, there is life after an hiv, even an aids dx...best of luck, you are not alone anymore, we are here for you...if you need a shoulder to lean on, i have two for you...hugs                                                                                     ojo


ps, sorry, english is my second language and i am legally blind, i hope you can understand my post, i am writing to you, from the bottom of my heart

[Nvrgvup]

Thank you for your truths and love (both of you!) you inspire me!