POZ Community Forums
Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits => Mental Health & HIV => Topic started by: Peter6836 on July 21, 2008, 03:05:56 pm
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i wrote this once but I have lost it. I guess I am pushing buttons too fast.
I had a revalation today. My problem is not that I have HIV but that I am bipolar. I realize now that my mental health is what is causing me problems in my life. I am bipolar and it is getting worse. my ups and downs are more pronounced yet unrecognizable to me. It is because of my manic episodes that I have HIV it is those nights where I drink for days and get very sexual pay for sex and dance in the streets at 4 am. It is the days I spend crying and unable to concentrate, or even get out of bed or the house.
I guess I say this becuase my life gets in such down spells and I find myself having to clean up the mess.
Well I am in one of those situations where I have all kinds of messes to clean up. They seem to get worse all the time. I have been able to keep my job in the past well that has changed this time, I may need to get a disability retirement to keep my benifits. But now I realize it is not because of HIV my biggest problem with that right now is neuropathy, my problem is this mental disease, and my drug combinations I have been instructed to take xanax and respridul as needed. Why kind of bi polar person knows when needed, any way I have added it to my daily regime of buspbrene and prozac daily for the last week I feel a little more in sinc the problem is I am not sure maybe I am just manic and moving quickly. I talk to the doctor tomorrow maybe he can get me a psyc to help out. i so hope so......
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hey Peter , I can relate !
is is hard being bipolar !
Everyone I know in my home town of bagatelle , Missouri hates me , cause I go on drinking binges and then pick up the phone and tell
them how NIZE they are to hate faggots and people with drug or booze problems .
Try really hard NOT to drink or do any party drugs !
they do not help !
I have so many problems with my ups and downs , I bought a rental house with my savings !
how fucking dumb is that !
It needs work , it was a good price , but IF I had been thinking clearly ,like a sane person I would NOT have bought
a house I do not need or have the time to fix !
I am a person that lives to drink ALONE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME GET DRUNK AND MOW THE YARD
ALL 25 ACRES TILL I RUN OUT OFF GAS AND GO TO BED .
Please try to get good cancelling !, my councillor is a doll ! she listens , she laughs , even thou she does scold me .
she treats me like a real person , being gay or a problem drunk is discused .AND IT HELPS !
PM me anytime you want !
I love to converse and give and take really does help !
good luck , Karl
edited to remove email address