DID I INFECT HIM?

[anonyme2022]

Hello, so I am a 22 year old female living with hiv for a year now. I met someone a few weeks ago and we started spending the night together (we just slept, cuddle nothing more) but I was sweating a lot during the night and I think I drooled on his arm. Is he in danger of contracting HIV?

Also, last night we rubbed against each other. We were both naked but there was no penetration...I am scared and I am anxious that I contaminated him since I was really wet.

Also, since we started "seeing each other", I can't bring myself to kiss him because of my fear of transmitting the virus. I read that there is a chance of transmitting through kissing... I had depression for months so I didn't take my meds regularly, now I'm doing my best to be undetectable.

[Jim]

Hiya,

Considering the question type, I've moved this new thread to "How can I prevent HIV"  Here, only a few authorized members will reply and answer questions.

I was sweating a lot during the night, and I think I drooled on his arm. Is he in danger of contracting HIV?

Saliva is hostile towards HIV breaking down the receptors needed to pass on HIV, and HIV is also fragile and degrades once exposed outside the body to the environment, in addition, this concern lacks a route for HIV to be passed on, and sweat doesn't contain viable HIV either.

Also, last night we rubbed against each other. We were both naked but there was no penetration...I am scared and I am anxious that I contaminated him since I was really wet.

This isn't an HIV concern either, again it's exposed outside the confines of the human body and presuming you are a cis woman the fluids produced when excited are a lubricating fluid that doesn't even contain viable HIV.

Sexually HIV is acquired inside the confines of the human body, for example, during condomless intercourse.

I can't bring myself to kiss him because of my fear of transmitting the virus.

Kissing isn't an HIV risk either, so you are not going to pass on HIV by kissing him.

I had depression for months so I didn't take my meds regularly, now I'm doing my best to be undetectable.

It's great that you have started to take your medication regularly again, ideally you should see your HIV healthcare provider as soon as possible and inform them of the skipped doses.

There is a risk depending on how much you have been skipping, that the virus could have become resistant to the medication, and knowing your viral load and when it becomes UD could also be important.

Once you have become UD and then maintain that suppressed viral load through treatment for 6+ months and then continue to take your meds, you will be unable to pass on HIV.  See details here: https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=71848.0

I wish you well and do keep us posted with your lab results once you have them and also just on how you are doing in your original thread: https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=76788

Best, Jim

[anonyme2022]

Hiya,

Once you have become UD and then maintain that suppressed viral load through treatment for 6+ months and then continue to take your meds, you will be unable to pass on HIV.  See details here: https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=71848.0

I wish you well and do keep us posted with your lab results once you have them and also just on how you are doing in your original thread: https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=76788

Best, Jim

THANK YOU SO MUCH Jim, I feel less anxious...and yes, I am a cis woman...One last question please, if I am undetectable, am I still obligated to tell my partner/sexual partner that I have HIV? I did not engage in any sexual activity after my diagnosis
I just start learning to live with this virus (like taking my meds regularly, deal with the depression etc) and I just met this great guy. But I can't bring myself to do anything with him even kissing after the "frottage" accident...and I don't see myself telling him about my hiv status either

[anonyme2022]

Hiya,

Once you have become UD and then maintain that suppressed viral load through treatment for 6+ months and then continue to take your meds, you will be unable to pass on HIV.  See details here: https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=71848.0

I wish you well and do keep us posted with your lab results once you have them and also just on how you are doing in your original thread: https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=76788

Best, Jim

THANK YOU SO MUCH Jim, I feel less anxious...and yes, I am a cis woman...One last question please, if I am undetectable, am I still obligated to tell my partner/sexual partner that I have HIV? I did not engage in any sexual activity after my diagnosis
I just start learning to live with this virus (like taking my meds regularly, deal with the depression etc) and I just met this great guy. But I can't bring myself to do anything with him even kissing after the "frottage" accident...and I don't see myself telling him about my hiv status either

[Jim]

if I am undetectable, am I still obligated to tell my partner/sexual partner that I have HIV?

As in legally? It depends on where you live. I posted some information the other day: https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=76868.0

Also, the CDC has some information that also outlines that in 10 states, you have to disclose. https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/policies/law/states/exposure

Morally. Well, that's up to you, but I find it's better to share my HIV status upfront; it avoids any issues down the line, if the sex evolves into a relationship sharing my HIV status afterwards could be problematic and sharing my status upfront also filters out people who are a waste of my time.

[anonyme2022]

Hello, I’m a woman living with hiv. I’m undetectable and had protected sex with a guy. We started having sex in March (always protected). I did missed 4 doses of biktarvy due to a delay on my refill. But as soon as I received my meds I started it. But one time( in April) , the condom slipped off ( I’m not sure if that was during withdrawal )but he immediately stopped and the condom was still inside me (sticking out ,not totally inside). A few days after ( like 1 week and few days), he started feeling really ill, vomiting, severe sore throat and fever. Also he said couldn’t breathe at night . And it’s the first time he feel sick like this. I told him everything last night and disclosed my hiv status to him…is there a possible that I transmitted it to him?

[Jim]

Hiya,

A few days after ( like 1 week and few days), he started feeling really ill, vomiting, severe sore throat and fever. Also he said couldn’t breathe at night .

Nothing to do with HIV from the condom concern a few days earlier.

I told him everything last night and disclosed my hiv status to him…is there a possible that I transmitted it to him?

Not from you or the activities posted here.

[anonyme2022]

Hiya,

Nothing to do with HIV from the condom concern a few days earlier.

Not from you or the activities posted here.

Thank you for the fast reply. I was so anxious. He will do his test Monday. It is possible that me missing 4 doses of Biktarvy make me detectable again? For my last lab results my viral load is below 20. So I was sure that I couldn’t transmit it to him please we had protected sex all the tome except from the time when the condom slipped off. And him getting sick ( early symptoms of hiv that I read ). Sorry to bother you with all my questions but I really like this guy. And I thought I did my best to protect him.

[Jim]

I'll say it again, he didn't aquire HIV from the concerned activities posted here, regardless of your viral load.

As for missing four dosages and your viral load, it's best avoided, so if possible, refill any prescriptions a few days early each time so you build up a little bit of stock over time. Its highly unlikely though to have caused any blip the viral load in your bloods let alone above 200 copies or in the genital fluids.

Keep taking your meds and relax.

[anonyme2022]

First thank you very much for taking your time to reply. I’m sorry for all the questions I’m asking.

I'll say it again, he didn't aquire HIV from the concerned activities posted here, regardless of your viral load.

(Sorry to bother you again, but by employing “he didn’t acquire “ means that you think that he has hiv?

As for missing four dosages and your viral load, it's best avoided, so if possible, refill any prescriptions a few days early each time so you build up a little bit of stock over time. Its highly unlikely though to have caused any blip the viral load in your bloods let alone above 200 copies or in the genital fluids.

Keep taking your meds and relax.

So missing 4 doses didn’t make me detectable again? I learned the lesson and I started doing what you said to build up a stock. We also did an OraQuick test (even though they ask for 3month, the condom slipping off was 1 month ago). The test came back negative and he’s supposed to do the blood test tomorrow ( Monday)

[Jim]

Like I said, these four dosages are highly unlikely to have caused any blip the viral load in your bloods let alone above 200 copies or in the genital fluids.

[leatherman]

(Sorry to bother you again, but by employing “he didn’t acquire “ means that you think that he has hiv?

While I understand you may be worried, "he did not acquire" means he did NOT get infected with HIV by the activities you described. His symptoms are related to something else, so make sure he contacts his doctor to determine what he is sick with if he doesn't get better. Those symptoms are more likely related to COVID or the flu that is being spread around.

Make sure your boyfriend understands about U=U (undetectable equals untransmittable) (https://www.niaid.nih.gov/diseases-conditions/treatment-prevention). That should help you both have a better peace of mind if the situation would happen again. And make the suggestion to your boyfriend that next time he should hold onto the condom when pulling out to avoid this kind of situation completely and needlessly worrying the both of you.

[anonyme2022]

Hello, I hope you guys are doing well. I am a woman. I recently got engaged, and my fiancé knows about my HIV status. He has been incredibly supportive, which means so much to me. However, since our engagement, I’ve been struggling with severe anxiety. I’m terrified at the thought that I might have transmitted HIV to him, and I can’t stop worrying that this could cause him to leave me.

Recently, he developed several large rashes on his back and stomach , and even he isn’t sure what caused them. He thinks it might be from some clothes he thrifted, but I can’t help but feel anxious. I’ve been undetectable for over two years, but I missed a few doses (4 or 5days) due to issues with my pharmacy and insurance. I haven’t had a check-up yet—my next appointment is in January.

We always use condoms, but there were a few instances where they broke (about three times) but we stopped immediately and used new ones. Additionally, I have cavities (sometimes with blood in it), and i have a really sensitive mouth so i might have a cut from time through time…and gave him oral sex (sorry for the details), and now I’m scared that something might have happened—maybe from the blood in my mouth or if I became detectable again during the time I missed my medication. He does shave frequently too.

I did some research and the rashes look like hiv rashes. They were big, a little red and kind of round.

I also feel like I can’t share my fears with him because I don’t want to scare him or make him question our relationship.

[leatherman]

if you didn't share injection needles and did use condoms for anal/vaginal sex, you did not transmit HIV to him. Cuts, scrapes, etc are not a risk. Since your viral load has been undetectable for at least 6 months, you cannot transmit HIV either. Missing a few doses would not change that.

You did not transmit HIV and your boyfriend should see his doctor to find the real cause of his rash.

Hope that helps ease your fears.

Have a good day,
Michael

Reducing Your HIV risks:
With no exceptions, use condoms correctly and consistently for anal or vaginal intercourse
Talk to a healthcare provider about PrEP as another layer of protection

Get tested yearly for HIV and other STIs.
If you don’t use condoms and/or PrEP, test more frequently

Some sexual practices described as safe in terms of acquiring HIV still pose a risk for other more easily acquired STIs. It is possible to show no signs or symptoms from an STI so testing is the only way to know.

Get tested at least yearly for STIs, including but not limited to HIV, and more frequently if condomless intercourse occurs.

What’s the ONLY way to know if you’ve been infected by HIV or an STI?
Get tested.


Please Note.
As a member of the "Do I have HIV" Forum, you are required to only post in this one thread no matter how long between visits or the subject matter. You can find this thread by going to your profile and selecting show own post, which will take you here. It helps us to help you when you keep all your thoughts or questions in one thread, and it helps other readers to follow the discussion. Any additional threads will be removed.

[Jim]

I 100% agree with Micheal, I have nothing to add to his assessment.

However, the reason for my reply is I have merged your related posts here and have taken a moment to read them and all of your other posts on this forum.

1) Talk to a therapist and seek out peer support.

You are new to living with HIV and it takes time to get your head around that. To me it seems obvious reading all your posts back that you are still digesting the diagnosis and have some pretty common fears newbies experince. I think peer support can't hurt and talking to a qualified psychiatrist will help you digest the diagnosis so you can manage these fears, thoughts and feelings before they manage you and mess up your life. 

Regarding the peer support aspect, well next to local support groups, we are always here for you, 24/7 you can post here and we have a monthly peer call, you are not alone. https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=78124.0 As for the psychiatrist, consider asking your regular GP for a referral.

2) You need to start filling your prescriptions early. Even if it's one or two days early each time, start doing this so that you build up a buffer, this way have a little stock to manage any gaps in treatment in the future.

3) You don't require a subscription to post here. You are living with HIV and therefore are free to post in any section of this forum except the "Do I have HIV" section, and you don't need to post there as you already are living with HIV and therefore can post your HIV transmission doubts in the "How do I prevent" section for free.

4) Condom breakage. It's happening far too often, I'm sorry to be blunt but one of you is doing something wrong.

Use approved condoms and check for a certification mark (e.g. FDA, C.E., ISO or Kitemark) because the condom complies with safety standards. Check the expiry date and make sure the condom is still within date.

Use lubricant condom-safe water-based lubricants to make condoms more comfortable and reduce breakage risk. – but avoid oil-based lubricants as they can weaken or break condoms.

As for putting the condom on correctly:

Incorrectly done, the risk of breakage can increase. Place the condom on top of the erect penis and pinch the teat at the end of the condom before you start to roll it down the penis. By doing this, you'll squeeze out any air bubbles and ensure there is room for the semen (cum). Roll the condom down to the base of the penis.

If it's on correctly, it will roll downwards easily. If you've started putting it on the wrong way, take it off, and even if you or your partner has not ejaculated (cum), there can still be semen or (pre-cum), so it's important to try again with a new condom. (More to do with risks from other STI's/pregnancy than anything else)

Hold the base of the condom when pulling out after intercourse to prevent leaving it behind and exposing your partner.

Finally, never "test" the condom before or after intercourse. It's not needed at all and could damage the condom, as it's not designed as a reusable (re-stressed) product, and "testing" the condom could lead you to mistakenly think that the condom was damaged during sex when in fact, you caused the damage after the intercourse by trying to "test" it.

Instead, use condoms correctly and consistently. If they don't break during intercourse, there is no reason to stress or test for HIV outside of standard yearly screening.

[Jim]

Regarding the peer support aspect, well next to local support groups, we are always here for you, 24/7 you can post here and we have a monthly peer call, you are not alone. https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=78124.0 As for the psychiatrist, consider asking your regular GP for a referral.

P.S. if you ever need to talk one-on-one, my door is always open and I am happy to jump on a call with you, as I know many of the other forum members would be happy to do.

[leatherman]

Since your viral load has been undetectable for at least 6 months, you cannot transmit HIV either.

I'd thought I'd pop back in to make a point to keep in mind:

this form of not transmitting HIV (undetectable viral load for at least 6 months) is usually advertised as "Undetectable = Untransmittable". I think you should really keep that in mind. As long as you stay adherent to your daily meds (a miss or two isn't going to mess you up; but make a habit of missing doses will mess you up...and you don't want to do that.) and keep your viral load <200, there isn't enough active HIV in your system and you can't transmit HIV. Decades of scientific research has proved this to be the truth. And that's a powerful thing for people living with HIV.

Back in the early days of this epidemic, there just wasn't enough data collected to know this. Then the medical community was really reluctant to state this. Health officials always take the toughest view on transmission risks because their goal is to stop transmission, so if they're certain enough to say U=U, then we people living with HIV can trust the science. 

I just wanted to let you know, so you wouldn't have to worry about things that aren't a problem.

Go worry about real things like money, keeping your house clean, and what to make for dinner.....you know, the real problems in life.

[anonyme2022]

P.S. if you ever need to talk one-on-one, my door is always open and I am happy to jump on a call with you, as I know many of the other forum members would be happy to do.

Thank you so much for your kind words and support. You're absolutely right. I think a lot of this anxiety is in my head, and I really need to start seeing my counselor again. Even today, right after we had sex (protected), I couldn't shake off the anxiety. Despite feeling happy now, after all the trauma I've been through, I can't help but worry that HIV will somehow come into my life and destroy the happiness I’ve worked so hard to rebuild.

I know I've been undetectable for a long time, and I know we do our best to have protected sex, but those rashes really triggered something in me. And me missing few doses doesn't help. I started obsessing over the idea that I might unconsciously pass something on to him, even though I know the risks are low. I just can't seem to quiet those fears in my mind.

Thank you again for responding to my post and for offering your understanding. It really means a lot to me. I'll do my best to focus on my mental health and get back into counseling. Your words are helping me more than you know.

[anonyme2022]

Thank you so much for your kind words and support. You're absolutely right. I think a lot of this anxiety is in my head, and I really need to start seeing my counselor again. Even today, right after we had sex (protected), I couldn't shake off the anxiety. Despite feeling happy now, after all the trauma I've been through, I can't help but worry that HIV will somehow come into my life and destroy the happiness I’ve worked so hard to rebuild.

I know I've been undetectable for a long time, and I know we do our best to have protected sex, but those rashes really triggered something in me. And me missing few doses doesn't help. I started obsessing over the idea that I might unconsciously pass something on to him, even though I know the risks are low. I just can't seem to quiet those fears in my mind.

Thank you again for responding to my post and for offering your understanding. It really means a lot to me. I'll do my best to focus on my mental health and get back into counseling. Your words are helping me more than you know.

[Tonny2]

             ojo.           Hello there!… I think most of us went through what you are going through right now, it’s normal. Talk to your partner about the way you feel so he can help you and support you, as you are undetectable, you cannot pass on HIV and you are mentioning that you two are using condoms so try to relax and as I said before, talk to your partner about the way you feel and then if this keeps bothering you seek professional help. Wishing you the best and remember that we are here for you… Hugs.