Please pray for me

[greg_700]

I think I've really fucked up this time. I had unprotected receptive anal sex with a guy about two weeks ago. I started to feel I had a sore throat almost straight afterwards, and I've been sick since with nasal congestion and a dry cough. I found out a few days ago he's positive (though undetectable apparently). I'm not religious or anything but I'm in complete despair so I've been praying to the universe or something. I'm asking here if anyone would pray for me that I don't contract HIV.

I don't know how it let myself do it. I just wasn't assertive. I had a episode earlier in the year where a condom broke and I had PEP and I remembered how horrible and scared I felt and I told myself to never forget that feeling so I never engage in risky sex. But I just forgot. I just let him do it to me. That's partly the reason why I didn't go and get PEP straight after, I remembered how crappy it made me feel. Also because I asked him both before we had sex and after we finished if he had any STIs and he assured me he didn't (I know this isn't a very smart way to avoid STIs). So I just tried to forget about it and not worry.

I know it's my fault for not being assertive, but I'm so angry at this man. He knew he was poz. I have photo evidence of him telling me 'No' when I asked him about STIs (from a phone app Scruff), and photo evidence of him saying he is actually positive, but undetectable (when I started to get suspicious about my sickness I created a fake account on Scruff and managed to get it out of him). I don't understand how he could knowingly put someone at risk like that.

I'm only 21. I already struggle with depression and anxiety and it's only within the last year or so that I've started to overcome my symptoms and succeed at University and in my social life. But now I don't know how I'd be able to cope if I had HIV. I get myself so worried that I feel like I'm going to faint. I found out that this guy was poz the day before my 21st birthday party. I remember the whole night I was so sad and I felt like I didn't belong. And I couldn't stop imagining what everyone would think of me if I had HIV and they knew. I keep thinking I'd rather have cancer or have my legs amputated or anything else besides this.

Please pray for me. I have nowhere else to turn.

[Jeff G]

You can test 6 weeks post exposure and again at 3 months to confirm the results .

Be sure and get tested for all std's , you can contract an std much easier than HIV and they may be present without symptoms for some time .

I hope you will insist on condoms each and every time you have anal or vaginal sex , its the best way to avoid HIV . If the guy in question is is truly undetectable then its in your favor but you still need to test at the appropriate time .

Im wishing you the best of luck .

[greg_700]

Thanks for your reply Jeff.

I had a test 4 weeks after the incident and I'm waiting on the results now. I know I won't be able to get a conclusive negative but I think it might reassure me a bit.

I noticed my lymph nodes were a bit hard and tender recently, but the doctor said they're not enlarged at all so there's nothing to worry about there (I hope?). I suspect they might be like that because I've been checking them too much. I don't know if I should talk to my parents or wait until I know for sure. Going from "I might be HIV positive" to "I'm HIV postitive" is a lot less of a shock for them than just "I have HIV".

I didn't contract any other STIs, and the doctor said that's in my favour as well.

Hopefully I'm not infected and this incident will just be a big wake up call for me. But if I'm unlucky, I'm glad I found this place. From having a look around it seems like people are very well informed and supportive.

[jkinatl2]

Four weeks IS too early to test. A test at the six week mark will be all but definitive. a test at three months remains the Gold Standard. Please don't forget to get a FULL STD panel as well, as syphilis shares a three month window with HIV.

A couple of other points;

Poking at your lymph nodes will make them swell. And they will hurt. Cut it out.

Also, the fact that the guy is on meds and undetectable means he is extremely unlikely to pass along the virus. It is not impossible, as semen CAN experience spikes in viral load if other STDs are present. Of course, we do not know if those spikes are enough to pose a threat or not, as that research is relatively new. And, of course, we are assuming he was honest about that.

But I see a troubling commonality between your two risks and your reactions. These words might seem tough but they are really meant to help:

If you are not confident enough to maintain your sexual boundaries then you should not be having sex. Period. It is YOUR body, and you are ultimately responsible for what (and who) you put into it.

Going by someone's stated status is a terrible idea, and why we are experiencing many new infections within the gay community. Sero-sorting ONLY works if both partners are positive. Negative sero-sorting is a fool's game.

This guy knew he was HIV positive, fair enough. But what about the guy who honestly thinks he is negative, but is in the window period before producing antibodies? That's when the viral load can be in the millions, and is likely the most infectious a person can be. Yet drag out an Over The Counter OraQuick test and he will still test negative.

If you are going to remain HIV negative (and I certainly hope that you do) you absolutely HAVE to establish your boundaries and prepare to walk away rather than compromise. Assume EACH partner is HIV positive and behave properly by insisting on condoms for penetrative anal sex.

And yes, you CANhave sex - good sex - with HIV positive people if you wear a condom. Asking someone their status is absurd and pointless. PLEASE take control over your status. PLEASE remember this fear and this anxiety, and do the one, ridiculously simple thing that will prevent it: wear a condom for anal sex.

I sincerely hope that you come out of this OK.