Pregnant girlfriend,3 year old son.

[Caliguy]

Just got the news yesterday I have tested positive.
I don't even know where to begin..well I'm 26 straight
Have a pregnant girlfriend and 3 year old son. I cheated on her with a couple different women started to feel "weird" last month and thought it would be a good idea to get tested before I have sex with gf. Last time we had sex was when we conceived our 2nd child. I don't know how to tell her or my family. I've been reading a lot about treatment and how expensive it is and I have no clue how I'm going to make it thru this it's absolutely devastating.

[NewPerspective]

I read your post and my heart sank for you. Sounds like you're in a really tough predicament right now. I'm sure everyone will have their own two cents, some more passionate than others.

So, here's mine.

I think the HIV and cheating on the girlfriend goes hand in hand. Whichever comes out first, the other will quickly follow. I urge you to disclose to your girlfriend as quickly as possible. Yes, it will be bad. You should expect it to be bad. BUT, it IS the right thing to do ... to disclose, to be honest with your girlfriend about cheating.

Be patient with yourself. Adjusting and ACCEPTING the fact that you have HIV is a challenge all its own. You also have to accept that by disclosing to your girlfriend, you will have to admit that you were unfaithful. It will all have to come out. But, as I said earlier. It is the right thing to do. You have to summon up the courage and strength to weather the storm. The storm will linger for a while so don't be so hard on yourself.

I'm 28, gay, and was diagnosed a couple months ago in July. I'm on medication now and have found many resources through my Aids Service Org. that helped me through this process. You should reach out to an Aids Service Org. in your area. They can help with your medical and financial questions. They may also be able to assist/give you advice regarding your current situation with your girlfriend and family. I urge you to use them for support. It will help.

Remember, summon the strength from within. You don't need to disclose to the WORLD. But, you should disclose to those who matter or who are affected. It's important and it's the right thing to do.

Stay strong.

[tinberlake]

my friend, I am so sorry for you. I think  you should now come clean to your gf coz she needs to get tested now too..
I experienced similar crumbling last month and now I am still waiting for my blood result. But WE all should look POSITIVE as we are now indeed positive!

You have family and kids, which are so sweet coz I dont have and I don't think anyone will want to have that with me since now;

Think of the treatment 10 yrs ago and then think what we have now,  So we have no idea what it's going to happen in 10 yrs, 15 yrs or 20! There must be a complete solution! We need to hang in there till then (and as a matter fact, no even as bad as "hang in there" after some friends told me)  It is bad but not as bad as diab or cancer. 

Living is tough, but either happily going through it or in pain. I chose the front one

[Caliguy]

Thank you very much.well I told my girlfriend..didn't end well she left and filed for sole custody of our son and will not let me see him.my biggest concern is trying to stop drinking and smoking.I know I have a long road ahead and I accepted that some mistakes can be life altering.i also contacted the woman that I believe infected me and it seems like she's delusional about it.i haven't met with my doctor as I was diagnosed at a clinic. I'm in the process of changing my insurance from HMO to PPO thru my employer and my other worry is my employer finding out because I work in a small company.any advice is greatly appreciated.

[NewPerspective]

I was wondering about you and am glad you responded to your original post. Yes, things are hard right now. But, you sound like you've accepted your circumstances and are moving forward with integrity. My latest motto - be better today than you were yesterday. The past is the past.

As far as your son and his mother ... you will have to face that one day by day. It will be hard and, most likely, drain you almost every day. One of my good friends has been engaged in an ongoing divorce and child custody battle for a while now. It takes its toll but you have to find the strength from within to persevere.

If you indeed, live in California, as your screen name suggests, you should absolutely look in to resources available there, of which there are MANY. Hopefully you can access your local Aids Service Organization that can help you sort out all of this and refer you appropriately.

As for your health care with a small employer, you should know that you cannot be discriminated against in the workplace for WHATEVER reason based on your health. Absolutely not. If you think that is happening, you should definitely seek some kind of recourse. Who you disclose to about your HIV or ANYTHING health related for that matter is completely up to you. Again, I would seek out the assistance of your local Aids Service Organization. I found one in my area (the only one actually) and they referred me to a great HIV Specialist/Primary Care physician and a psychologist ('cause I definitely had/have some issues to work out). And they have a good roster of contacts so if one doesn't work out for you there's always, always someone else on the list. At the very least, these people are just wonderful and patient.

What is done is done. Just keep on moving forward.

[Caliguy]

Thank you that was very informative and yes I live in Los Angeles. One of my mottos I've always live by is "Only the strong survive..no room for the weak" I will continue to take it day by day I drink a lot and smoke cigarettes so getting rid of those bad habits will be a top priority. All that matters to me at the moment is to be as healthy as I can so I can be there for my children. Not too offend anyone but I always thought this disease could only affect drug addicts and gay dudes but no it can affect anyone and everyone shows how ignorant a person can be. Thank you for replying.

[NewPerspective]

Yeah, drug addicts and gay dudes ... no, not really. An infectious disease is just that, a disease. No one can predict behavior so, then, we are all at risk.

[Caliguy]

didn't mean to offend you if I did just wanted to show where my mindset was at about this but I truly appreciate all the info you've provided 

[NewPerspective]

Nah. No offense taken at all. We're in the same boat you and I. I just tend to laugh off my situation. Poor decisions, at times, but, we're all human. Just gotta pick up and move on. Make life meaningful.

[Caliguy]

Yes we are same boat same ocean...are u in meds yet? If so what kind? And do u feel any side effects?

[NewPerspective]

Diagnosed on July 24. Started meds on Aug. 20. Will see doctor again on Nov. 12 to see how meds are doing. Doc's got me on Complera. He said his patients had side effects from Atripla and doesn't recommend it. His patients have never really taken Stribild and so he doesn't recommend it because he can't vouch for how it works based on his own experience. Although he wouldn't stop me if I wanted to take it, he just gave me an honest disclaimer that it would be a learning experience for him too since he has no patient feedback from that particular drug.

So far, I don't have any side effects or something strong enough for it to be noticeable. So, so far, so good, I guess. Aside from a stupid cold sore outbreak I had a couple months ago and am now taking Acyclovir in addition to the Complera, things are dandy.