POZ Community Forums
Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits => Mental Health & HIV => Topic started by: PeteNYNJ on March 12, 2008, 11:30:18 pm
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Hi
If therapy is supposed to help me, why do I feel so bad after a session? Today was very heavy in terms of discussion. My therapist is all like "you did great today, good progress" and all I want to do is run out of the room and die.
I guess it will be a lot harder then I thought to get "fixed". ugh.
I am so tired.
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It happens. Just bring it up to your therapist. I had a problem with that for a while but realized that I just have to accept myself flaws and all....and be easier on myself at the same time.
For me personally, noting the negative self-talk made me be able to acknowledge it right when it arrives in my brain...I guess therapy made me more insightful which is good and bad in many ways...but I think it sort of builds resiliency.
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It always feels worse at first to get out a lot of emotional garbage. That's a lot of work, believe me. It'll get better.
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Sometimes I feel good after a therapy session; other times I feel down (and usually exhausted).
I think that Shadow's comments are right on: talk about this with your therapist, and don't be
so hard on yourself. For me, that last one is so much more easily said than done. I can recognize
the negative self-talk, I just can't seem to stop it.
Hugs,
Henry
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Pete, it's just a part of the deal. The good thing is that from time to time you will likely feel good and excited after a session. Remember, you're dealing in some instances with thoughts, feelings and issues which have accumulated and been covered over, and which need to be talked about in order to get to a better place in your life. I don't like the term "getting fixed." It's a special kind of work and the reward is how it can help to open your life up in new ways as well as the journey of learning that therapy is or ought to be.
Hang in there and make sure to tell your therapist about these afterthoughts you're having.
Cheers,
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Hi Pete,
I think it may be of value for you to ask yourself "What can I acknowledge myself for in today's session?" Maybe you acknowledge yourself for feeling your feelings. Maybe your acknowledge yourself for sheding light on some things you weren't really aware of before. And when your therapist says that "you did great today" and you don't feel good about the session, ask her, "Hey therapist! If I did so good today what is it you would like to acknowledge me for? Because I'm at a loss here for appreciating how it is I did good today and I'd really like the opportunity to champion myself vs. go home and sit in the shit of feeling disempowered right now.
Give yourself permission to set some rules for your sessions. Maybe even tell your therapist that you would like her/him to set aside the last 10-minutes of each session for her to pose the question, "What are you going to take away from today?" Ask her for support in seeing the golden nuggets of that session if they don't feel in plain sight to you. You might even begin each session by setting an intention for the session. "What do I want to get out of this session today?" And share that information upfront. Steer the session towards that intention, and ask your therapist to support you in holding that intention.
Choosing to heal our negative emotions surrounding HIV is a brave path. Acknowledge yourself for that bravery. This is big stuff you are doing. Maybe after each session you could even take fifteen minutes out to journal some personal acknowlegments. Maybe they would sound something like this:
* I acknowledge myself for showing up to this session
* I acknowledge myself for making ME a priority
* I acknowledge myself for treading into scary and unknown emotional territories
* I acknowledge myself for having the courage to create peace in my life
* I acknowlege myself for making a personal commitment to my health and well-being
* I acknowlege myself for feeling my feelings
* I acknowledge myself for asking my therapist for what I want
* I acknowledge myself for sharing some things with my therapist that frightened me to share
* I acknowledge myself for risking being rejected by her/him
* I acknowledge myself for asking for help
etc....
I hope some of this might help. And I salute you in your commitment to risk diving into the unknown so that you might create inner peace.
BTL