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My bf is Positive

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Null:
My bf is HIV positive, he didn't disclose his status to me. I dated him knowing he's positive,but he doesn't know I know.. he's been a bit distant and cold, we cool on whatsApp but when we indoors he's not comfortable, but if we go out or there's other people around he's ok. He's been saying he wants to tell me something but he's not ready. So I started the HIV chat to put him at easy, that because I'm negative doesn't mean I won't be with a positive person. I'm well educated on the virus, there's PEP drug which I always have, there's prep if there's need for it and ofcourse there perso would be taking ARVs so chances of getting HIV are very low. I wanted him to know I don't stigmatize or discriminate positive people. So I went for my HIV screening, I told him my results(-). I told him even before, so ever since then he's been distant. How do I tell him I still want him with his virus? that I'm gonna support him? I get it, it might not be easy for him to disclose, maybe he fear rejection. Please help how do I tell him I know his status in a polite way and I still want to be with him.

leatherman:

--- Quote from: Null on February 20, 2020, 02:34:10 am ---ofcourse there perso would be taking ARVs so chances of getting HIV are very low.

--- End quote ---
actually the chances aren't "very low" .... the chances are null. For someone living with HIV taking antiretrovirals and Undetectable for 6 months the chance of transmitting HIV is ZERO.
U=U or undetectable = untransmittable


--- Quote from: Null on February 20, 2020, 02:34:10 am ---How do I tell him I still want him with his virus? that I'm gonna support him? I get it, it might not be easy for him to disclose, maybe he fear rejection. Please help how do I tell him I know his status in a polite way and I still want to be with him.

--- End quote ---
well don't tell him you want him "with his virus". It's nobody's virus, it's just another disease and no one owns it... or wants it.

Just tell him you know he's living with HIV and still want to be with him. Quit beating around the bush. Since you know his status, quit talking around the subject. If you're going to really be in a good relationship with someone, you need to be honest and forthright.

Oh! and if he gets upset that somehow you found out his status, don't take offense. He's obviously been trying to hold that information until an appropriate time and somehow you know his personal medical information...and have been hiding that you know that information. If he takes offense, own up to your part in the deception.

Null:
Thank you so much Leatherman, I will talk to him, maybe things are gonna be better. He also doesn't like sex, I think he feels bad cause he hasn't disclosed his status, we doing great on chats and dates but indoors he gets abit uncomfortable.

leatherman:

--- Quote from: Null on February 20, 2020, 09:30:31 am ---He also doesn't like sex

--- End quote ---
Since HIV is mostly a sexually transmitted disease a lot of people have issues about having sex for a while after diagnosis....and sometimes beyond. People realize this isn't just the usual STI where there's some discomfort, discharge, and a shot will clear it up; so they get worried about transmitting it to others. Of course the easiest way to not transmit HIV is simply to not have sex - and that's the route a lot of people take. It takes time, a boost of self-esteem, support, and knowledge to get past this barrier.

wonder if he knows about U=U?  Not everyone does yet. If your partner is on treatment, reaches an undetectable viral load, and remains adherent to the meds (so the viral load stays undetectable) for 6 months then there's no chance of transmission. :) that's the good news; the bad news is that knowledge doesn't always fix emotional/mental issues that come with the diagnosis. That takes time, support, and time. (yes, I meant to put time in there twice ;) )

Null:
Thank you so much.. right now, I don't even think he takes ARVs.. and I always say to him lack of knowledge is dangerous...I will try talk to him and tell him that he has my support.

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