Author Topic: Hugs & confusion (Read 7642 times)

Theyer · « **on:** November 27, 2015, 05:30:06 am »

Hello everyone .
I,ve been away for awhile in struggling land living under a ton off feathers. David's death bought me back.

What contributes to bowing out is often the only stuff I have to Post is medical it's repetitive and often in Living with HIV forum does not gather much response outside my friends here .When I am down this hurts and I feel excluded due to having problems different from my bottom looks different now I take tablets.

When the feather,s blow away so does 99% of the above , I wish I did not get hurt by the above but when ones on medical shut down posting & receiving replies is great unfortunately posting & not receiving replies is the pits , ensuring isolated child in the playground feelings .

Have hesitated in posting this and am pushing Post in a rush, Tis just another reaction.
All the best dear ones
M

BT65 · « **Reply #1 on:** November 27, 2015, 07:01:02 am »

Michael, I know what you mean. There are few people I converse with on a regular basis, and it is for those reasons, newer diagnosed people not being able to relate to what it's like to live with HIV for so many years (prior to HAART).

Our dear moderator Jeff has been such a great friend through all my goings-on, and I'm also grateful for everyone else on these forums I've interacted with. I feel like there's a small group of us, and I hang on sometimes with everything I've got. Thanks for posting this Michael. Love you.

Betty

Theyer · « **Reply #2 on:** November 27, 2015, 07:52:32 am »

Betty you know I luves you , & its grand to here from you . Reading off your ice related car incident I steeled myself for the list off bone fractures , oh joy for the ending was a cop who new no law and a car that will need $ that are not there.
IDEA put it around that for Christmas all you want is contributions to repair bill.

Back to the post. Us long timers to great & lesser degrees give off our experience To adult newbies and adult worried but well .I ask for some adult empathy attempted in return.

And I think I will continue to insist that we are all in this together what ever healthy HIV person may believe. Seeing under 30's on the hospital ward only strengthens this

Until the drugs have been taken for whole normal life spans & the info collected will we know for sure.they are wonderful .
To my mind they are still not fully tested. Plus the virus mutates. Though they are a mighty miracle as they are .

Oh dear my soap box is well and truly out , and I am enjoying the view.

Total agreement Jeff is so giving it sometimes hurts , until that man gets a BF or wins the Lotto I suspend all spiritual feelings

Love & strength to you my dear Betty
M

Wade · « **Reply #3 on:** November 27, 2015, 08:20:39 am »

Hey Michael,
Please don't be offended or hurt , some just don't know how to relate to
us LTs . I will say that most are anxious to learn from us and our experiences.
I think the Forums remain a source of learning and support for all of us.
All are in agreement the forums could never be the same without Jeff.
Wade

Theyer · « **Reply #4 on:** November 27, 2015, 08:48:01 am »

Hello Wade ,

All you say is true , the problem is what I wrote is also my truth. Yes I have experienced empathy from the well , and I am sad to say hostility from what I want to feel is my tribe. Real hostility , fortunately for the most part I can hold my own & said humans are in the small minority..

I have felt like this for a long time but felt there was a Taboo in expressing it. I think self censorship can be dangerous , so I broke my own Taboo.
If I am to contribute more than I do I have to thrash this out.
Love
M
I

Jeff G · « **Reply #5 on:** November 27, 2015, 08:59:56 am »

You guys are all very sweet. The truth is you guys give me support and I could not go on without it .... as LTS we can relate to each other the most awful news and not have to sugar coat it because we know that being a LTS means that no matter what this virus or life deals us we get back up and dust ourselves off. We also know with heavy hearts and solemn resolve that some time even the best and bravest soldier has to lay down and seek eternal peace.

Its hard to describe what being a LTS means unless you are one and then when you are one of us there is no need to describe it. Losing David has taken its toll on us that loved him ... Its the fallen ones who keep me standing. I miss them everyday but I am mindful that the best way to honor them is live, and live the best life you can and remember them along the way.

Im so happy you are back among us Micheal. I have not been very good at keeping in touch lately but you have been on my mind. Things will settle down for us both shortly and we can have our chats again. I am sending Hugles your way .

Joe K · « **Reply #6 on:** November 27, 2015, 10:06:48 am »

Dearest Michael,

I know the feeling well. I haven't been posting very often myself, because my life is centered on doctor appointments, hospital stays and invasive medical procedures. During these times, I have little energy to support our newer members, not from a lack of desire, rather from a point of self preservation. I hesitate to post about my own plights, because I live them and right now, I am hanging on by a thread.

I so want to share my world at times, but when that world consists of nothing but bad news, I tend to isolate myself as that is the only energy I possess. I think you know that we all care for each other, but sometimes we simply do not have the ability to support the plights of others.

I'm glad to see you back and I promise to try and respond when I see your posts. Jeff, Andy and Wade have been my white nights, when I share updates on my health, updates that I hesitate to share with the general forum, simply because it takes a LTS to fully understand what is happening.

The loss of David has hit me hard, as my history of mental illness makes it very clear to me that he suffered greatly and few of us knew. Now, with the holidays approaching, I am reminded of those who have gone before us and it still hurts like hell.

Welcome back!

Joe

Theyer · « **Reply #7 on:** November 27, 2015, 10:54:01 am »

OH Joe I know your hurting and you have graced me by joining in and saying so.
I have read your post in David,s thread , he wanted to stop not to make us angry , well as Miss P maybe a bit did want to makes us angry. What saddens me is I feel David had no idea how much people loved him.
But then again what do I know.

So Joe keep with it brighter days came before and will again .
Love
M

When you can Joe tell us here what's going on ,it might make that thread stronger.

wolfter · « **Reply #8 on:** November 27, 2015, 11:56:48 pm »

I love you all, a site where we don't have to respond about being fucked with new condoms. lmao

mitch777 · « **Reply #9 on:** November 30, 2015, 05:36:57 pm »

Dearest Michael,

I echo Betty and Jeff on their comments. Every word.

I'm not here much lately either for some of the same reasons you mentioned but so much of it is because my energy is usually so low and I would rather be laughing than repeating my ongoing problems. Some day soon I will barf up my update.

David's death was a big loss to these forums whether you (not you Michael) liked him or not. I had a recent scare that I might have had the signs of early stage anal cancer. It is probably nothing, went to the doc today and my somewhat hypochondriac side kicked in a bit. Thought of David the entire time with his obsession of anal exams. Had to laugh. If he were here now I would be getting a big spanking. Probably deserved. lol.

One thing that I would like to add is that I not only miss your posts of physical complaints and delightful humor, I miss them from everyone in this part of the forum. I'm no better at keeping up myself but I do miss the days here when we were not so fractured due to our own circumstances.

Jeff is the energizer bunny. Don't know how he does it.

We are a very unique group.

Love and hugs,
Mark

wolfter · « **Reply #10 on:** December 01, 2015, 12:23:57 am »

I so wish I could be in a different place. I so love you all.

Theyer · « **Reply #11 on:** December 01, 2015, 03:25:12 pm »

Thanks Greg , Mark .

My emotions have calmed down , you have all helped. , and fun & enjoyment visited yesterday &I today . I am glad I am checking in again but I do miss checking if missP has posted .

Battle on
M

OneTampa · « **Reply #12 on:** December 06, 2015, 12:16:11 am »

Theyer,

I understand you completely.

And other Board Members echo thoughts similar to mine.

You know, sometimes the fingers don't type the tales of caring immediately.

That does not mean the good wishes and encouragement are absent.

It can simply mean each person is dealing with his/her personal and pressing needs at the time.

We are not here to generate false advertising. HIV/AIDS represent daunting daily life challenges.

Please know that we care for each other and want to help as best we can.

Together we march forward.

Very best to you.

OT.

Theyer · « **Reply #13 on:** December 08, 2015, 05:24:42 pm »

I thank you all .

I wrote the original message while in a dark place with very very thin skin.

Feel a bit embarrassed now I am out off that place.

It was an honest blog , that was how I felt at the time and I had felt it before .

Have had a week off marked improvements and this has helped lift my mood. It enabled me to weigh myself , not good news lost 3/4 stone . It appears to be from the knees to feet where I had large fluid retention . It's. Muscle loss as I no fat in that area.

Again thanks for the kindness and gentle reminders to remember others complicated life's.

Michael

Jeff G · « **Reply #14 on:** December 08, 2015, 07:22:22 pm »

Im glad your back so we can pull your pigs tails and call you names again .

BT65 · « **Reply #15 on:** December 09, 2015, 04:09:31 am »

Micheal, you don't have to apologize or be embarrassed by how you were feeling. I believe we all have those moments. I'm glad you're doing better. Luv you.

Betty

wolfter · « **Reply #16 on:** December 11, 2015, 10:35:10 pm »

we all have been there. Hugs buddy

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Author Topic: Hugs & confusion (Read 7642 times)