just a dream

[em]

I may have already posted this ? but I was thinking about it and thought it might something worth thinking about and sharing with others ,  At least this dream gives me comfort and in the end all these hardship we live through and life has to offer we do not take with us. at least this my belief. all the good things in life we cherish are worth living another day for.       


When I was younger man about forty years ago .I had break from reality and could not function. I found myself in a psych hospital. I was so overwhelmed with desperation frustration anguish self loathing hate anger seemed like ultimate suffering  . I thought how did I get in this  mess . I could not take another breath   My emotions felt like a heavy weight crushing my spirit and I had lost my will to carry on it had left me. While I slept trying to over come these intense feelings. they suddenly subsided  and the weight of these feelings left me . I was in the room where I slept .I could see through  the ceiling and walls,  looking up and out into eternity,  I was looking outward enjoying this overwhelming peace contentment joy and love, A feeling like everything was better and  that everything that was going on and had happend in my life did not matter. It was over I was there,  were I always wanted to be.  Some one else was in this place with me I did not know who they were but felt they new me. As was looking at them and around enjoying the utter bliss I was feeling  I got the urge to look back and saw this young man lying in this bed a dark empty shell of what used to be me . to me I saw someone just starting there life with so many sunrises and sunsets yet to see so much life left to live , So much living loving and caring left to enjoy that this moment should not be his last . then I had taken a deep gasping breath and all the heavy emotions came flooding back. I guess I had stopped breathing, the thought hit me that I wanted to continue on living . when I woke the next morning I told a nurse what had happened and she said it was just a dream ?   

this was a rock bottom low time in my life all the AIDS illness I lived through have not had the same emotional weight this experience had

sorry this does not have much to do with my HIV diagnosis that happend a while later . but while sick from AIDS this dream let me think there is something not to fear. that peace is there you just have to let it in . everything will be all right in the end but it is not over yet so do not worry

sorry this is meant to comfort and console any other inferences that happen from this post were not intended  the intention is to inspire to carry on.

 

Is this a good story ? does it give hope ?  Or over the top emotional tall tale
should I have kept it to myself ?

all the best  to everyone