Time to pony up info about myself to quell any suspicions, weird vibes, etc.
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Alex's Mini-synopsis, Highs and Lows
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Early 1990's: Drinkin', smokin', partying. Chose a wealthy boyfriend (“Stuart”) over a loving suitor who wasn't wealthy (“Jim”). Wealthy cold boyfriend = mistake[/color]
Mid 1990's: Reform, cleaning up my act, landed a career via a training program
Late 1990's: Career/salary, materialism, abuse of office power, bitchiness, hateful destruction of my office enemies, climbing the corporate ladder, self-loathing, sordid sex life, illicit drugs, self-destruction
2000's: Tested poz but was an HIV "denialist", more materialism, reckless sex, more self-destruction, almost DIED twice in 2005 from wasting/weakness
2006: Anti-retrovirals, bloodwork, Ryan White, Medicaid, welfare, food stamps, finding out who I am in my mid 30s, holistic healing (nutrition), wanting a career change and hoping the state can help. In other words I can't go back to toxic Wall Street - It was the people that made me sick, not the work. Everyone was so scared of getting fired that all scruples and decency went flying out the window. I adopted that "fear-driven survival" mindset and I became a Jekyll & Hyde of the worst kind. Trying now to be a better person. If you're the prayerful type, please pray for me. I would appreciate that. I want to be a better person.
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Highs: Reversed AIDS wasting (134 pounds to 160 pounds), no opportunistic infections at CD4 low of 42 (summer 2005), CD4 high of 419 (18%) (spring 2006), currently 338 (19%), energy/fatigue issues are improving and starting to resemble my pre-HIV years more and more each week. Thank God for meds, right? Current meds are Lexiva, Norvir, Epzicom
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Lows: See above
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I post lots because I read quickly (I can read a book in 2 days, sometimes a day) and I type 75 wpm (sometimes more). I'm very loquacious, I love the English language, I love laughter and my mind operates quickly, like quicksilver. I agree with Robert Kincaid (Clint Eastwood's character) when he said in "The Bridges of Madison County" - "I think people are fascinating. I'd love to meet every single person if I could." I apologize if I said aromatherapy can help cure clinical depression. I now see that can be highly offensive to the members here with depression and it's totally not my place to say stuff like that. Everyone here I think knows my old life is shot to h*ll, so I currently have no life (whatta shocker) – but PLEASE try to have genuine compassion for me as I try to build a new one and turn over a new leaf. Please. If I'm too needy for you, press ignore, but do consider that you might (yeah, might) be missing out just a little if you choose to do that (see my Highs, above) ... I'm learning new helpful things every week it seems
I pretty much renounced my friends from my "nightlife" era so loneliness is certainly no stranger to me. I have an ex-boyfriend (“Rick”) that I still have sex with (wrong I know!) and I have these forums (where I can cry & release) and I share many of your fears as a person living with HIV. I also have much to be thankful for as stated in the Thanksgiving thread from last week. Tim/Moffie, Joe/killfoile, I need you both and I’m sorry for past insensitivities on my part. I take to heart the recent words you both have written. I truly need you both. Heck, I need everyone here I think.
In love & vitality,Alex[/color]